24. Hop Popular

Chapter 24: Hop Popular

It's been about two weeks since we lost the farmstand. At first, Hop Pop was keeping it positive, but lately he's fallen into a deep funk, and I'm not just talking about the cloud of stink that's formed around him. Our repeated failures to sell our vegetables somewhere else really weighed down upon his self-esteem to the point where he's become permanently fused to the couch.

It's become really painful to watch him sinking into despair like this. He desperately needs a win, any win at all. Most of all, he needs something to do. Especially since we need some froggin' money! Our savings have just about run out and the three of us haven't been able to pick up any work – Polly's a baby, Sprig's easily distracted, and well, I was able to pick up a part time job as a scarecrow but you'd be surprised how little that pays.

Fortunately, we spotted an ad for a greeter at the Grub n' Go. Probably doesn't pay a lot, but something is better than nothing, and it'll at least get him out of the house… and bathing regularly…

Well, bad news and weird news.

Bad news: HP didn't get the greeter job.

Weird news: He's running for mayor now.

So here's how it went down, apparently; HP's trudging back from botching the interview when he passes Mayor Toadstool doing a campaign event. His frustration boils over and he goes into a rant about how Toadstool sucks and doesn't actually do anything to improve the town, and suddenly everyone's demanding that he run for mayor, and he's like "sure, why not?"

So, this could go two ways. He could lose, crushing what little remains of his spirit and sending him into a downward spiral from which he may never recover. This would be a bad thing.

On the other hand… there's a really good chance he could win. People hate the mayor, and while Hop Pop's rep still hasn't recovered completely from the whole Plantar's Potions debacle, he's still way more popular than Toadstool. He might have a really good shot here. I mean, politics is just a popularity contest, right? At least it is in eighth grade…

So, it turns out things are done a bit differently here. Instead of stump speeches and debates, the candidates are put through a bunch of trials to determine how fit they are to be mayor. And since this is Wartwood, most of them revolve around monsters. Actually, it's way more interesting, and I think I'd actually care about politics if we did it this way back home.

Round one involved mounting a giant beetle. And believe me, this thing did not want to get mounted. HP managed to trick the sucker into charging a boulder, then jumped on board once it stunned itself. Round one goes to Hop Pop!

Round two: Figuring out what three baby birds want. Some nonsense about being sensitive to the needs of your constituents or whatevs. Toadstool tried to bribe them. Which is stupid; everyone knows that only works with ducks. HP… well, let's just say his solution made a lot more sense. It was gross. But it made more sense.

Round three: You know those reality shows where they drop a guy off in the middle of the woods with nothing but the clothes on their backs? Well, take away the clothes and that's what we're dealing with. Hop Pop was the first to make it back to Wartwood, thanks to having run into his adopted beetle tribe. Remember that? You didn't think it'd come back, but it did! It took a lot longer for Toadstool to show up. For a bit, people were suggesting that he'd been eaten by a mantis or a robin or a wandering grue, but he eventually staggered back into town. We couldn't be that lucky. That's mean. I know. I shouldn't say stuff like that.

So, Hop Pop is three challenges ahead. There's one more challenge tomorrow… which would make you think HP has this in the bag, but losing the final challenge could make him look like he doesn't have the endurance to be mayor, which could mean disaster. Still, he's come this far. If I was Toadstool, I'd be polishing up my resume right now. Hey, I think that Grub n' Go job is still open!

I should definitely have seen this coming

Toadie showed up at the house tonight making it pretty clear that Toadstool was looking to make a deal. I really, really should have seen this coming. There was no way he was going to just lose gracefully. If there was a way he could cheat his way to victory, he was going to take it, like some kind of… cartoon villain or something.

And while it was pretty obvious what was going down, HP confirmed it when he got back from his meeting; if he threw the election, Toadstool would return the stand, cancel our rent, and toss in a hefty bribe. We'd be set for life.

There was a time when I would have urged him to go for it, but… he really could go all the way here. And seeing firsthand how the toads have been treating frogs all this time, it could strike a real blow for fairness having a frog in charge for a change.

By the time we went to bed, HP still hadn't decided what he was going to do. Well, whatever his choice, I'm obligated to support it.

But I hope he makes the right choice.

And so, we came to the final round, where the town charter just says "screw it", throws all creativity out the window, and settles for the candidates just duking it out in the boxing ring. What if there are more than two candidates? What happens then? Then again, I suppose the opening rounds could serve as some kind of elimination process… gaahhh! Politics are confusing!

It was looking bad for HP. Toadstool's bigger, heavier, and younger. Still, Pop was actually holding his own for a while. Maybe he'd decided that he was actually going to stand up to the mayor, for all frogs everywhere.

Or maybe this was all a show and he was just trying to make Toadstool look good. I hoped to frog it was the former.

And for a moment, it looked bad. Toadstool had HP on the canvas. And for a moment there, it didn't look like he was going to get up again. That he was going to throw the race. He's just doing it for us, I told myself. Taking a loss so his family could live easier. What's self-respect worth if your family suffers for it?

But then a miracle happened. Hop Pop got up.

That wasn't the miracle. Toadstool's hit wasn't that bad. HP would've been fine getting up. The miracle was that he kayoed Toadstool with his very next hit.

And just like that, it was over.

…oh right. There was also voting. Forgot about that.

Well, the good news was, 100% of Wartwood voted for Hop Pop!

The bad news was he still lost by wide margin. Because, for some reason, the entire valley gets to vote in Wartwood's election, and nobody outside Wartwood even knew he was running, because HP never campaigned outside the valley. And really, how does that make any sense? Why should some yahoo in Lily Paddington or Bog Bottom get to vote for our mayor? It's like the whole thing was fixed from the beg-

Ohhhhhhh.

Well, that's demoralizing.

And if it was demoralizing for me, imagine how it was going to be for Hop Pop. He'd gotten his hopes up, way up, and they'd been dashed into the rocks by a rigged system. How was he going to take this?

Surprisingly well, actually. Sure, he hadn't won, but he now knew for a fact that he was loved and respected in the town. They'd made it very clear. They'd even pooled their money to reestablish Hop Pop's stand. Everything felt like it had been wrapped up neatly, with no lingering consequences.

Probably.

…

IT'S SO STUPID! WHAT'S EVEN THE POINT OF HAVING ELECTIONS IF YOU'RE JUST GOING TO RIG EVERYTHING SO THE TOAD WINS EVERYTHING? WHAT'S THE POINT OF THE CAMPAIGN? WHAT'S THE POINT OF THE TRIALS? WHY ANY OF IT? IT'S LIKE THAT STUPID SPORT THING IN THE "GOOD WITCH AZURA" BOOKS WHERE THERE'S ALL THESE COMPLICATED RULES BUT IN THE END ALL THAT MATTERS IS THAT ONE STUPID LITTLE FLYING BALL! UGHH! I AM SO MAD RIGHT NOW!

A.N.: I think this one's an underrated episode, because in the end it looks like it's just resetting the status quo, but it actually sets up the whole end of the season. Pretty sneaky, there, writers!

Jose: Thanks, as always!

Next: Croak and Punishment