42. Chapter 42

Chapter 42

Chat vaulted himself away from the hospital, away from Marinette. He had no idea where he was going. He just had to get away. Away from his monstrous father, away from the lie that was Marinette, away from the painting of his mom with her accusatory stare, away from the pain and confusion and...and the blood.

He landed hard, stumbling forward, his legs shaky and weak, his breath shallow and quick.

Marinette was injured and it was all his fault. He'd promised to protect her, had even taught her how to fight him in case he lost control again. He fell to his knees, fisting his hands into his hair. A growl from deep within him escaped his lips. He'd given her those bruises. He'd hurt her. It had been him all along. He might as well have stabbed her.

Falling onto his hands, he squeezed his eyes shut.

The blood. Her frightened eyes. His father's cold, steely ones.

The lies.

His father poisoned everything.

Chat snatched his baton off the ground, climbed to his feet, and stared at the derelict warehouse in front of him. It was used up and cast aside, a shell of its former self, just like him.

Chat ran to it. Raising his weapon over head, he swung at the pockmarked walls. Plaster and wood erupted in a thick cloud around him. He struck again and again, enjoying the impact reverberating up his arms.

He yelled out his rage, his despair. He hollered until his voice grew hoarse, until only a croak came out.

But he kept swinging, kept kicking, destroying. Because that's who he was now. That's what he'd chosen.

A loud groan, a deep yet screeching sound came from all around him.

He blinked, but could barely see anything through the debri-filled haze. His muscles quivered and his chest heaved as he tried to catch his breath.

The building is coming down, Kid, Plagg said quietly.

Chat wanted to let it bury him.

What are you doing?

He sniffled. Tears stung his eyes. He ran a gloved hand across his cheek that came away wet and dirty. He'd been crying and he hadn't even realized it.

You need to get out of here.

He stood frozen in his anguish and fatigue. Everything was wrong. And it was all his fault.

A large chunk of the ceiling crashed to the floor beside him, kicking up more dust. He coughed.

I can't keep up the transformation. When the building goes down, you're going down with it.

"I don't care."

Well, I care. Now move your butt.

"I'm not worth it, Plagg." He wiped away the tears still streaming down his cheeks.

Is Ladybug worth it? Marinette?

Chat's heart fluttered. A column cracked, sending half of the second floor tilting downward.

Then move!

He forced his legs to carry him out of the crumbling building and into the alley, then he leaned against his staff, taking deep breaths.

His knees gave out and he slid down to the grimy concrete. Eyelids drifting closed, he tried to will them to stay open, but he couldn't.

Fatigue dragged him toward unconsciousness, wrapped his brain in a thick blanket, enclosed him in a warm cocoon...

He woke with a start, jerking to a seated position. Light made him squint and he rubbed his eyes with the heels of his hands. His bare hands.

Plagg.

He looked around for his kwami and found him sitting on a discarded chip bag. Adrien sighed in relief and leaned back against a wall, working out the kinks of sleeping on the hard ground. "How long was I out?"

"I'm hungry," Plagg said.

Adrien glanced to the side, noticing the half demolished building and his eyes widened. He'd done that. "How long, Plagg?"

"All night and...I don't know. The sun has been up for awhile."

A subtle weight in his pocket drew his attention. He pulled out Ladybug's earrings. They were black studs instead of red with black polka dots. They were Marinette's.

"She needs you."

"No. She's stronger than me. And smarter." She wouldn't have fallen for the lies. She wouldn't have let her emotions cloud her judgement.

"She's also just a person. Who's injured and probably scared."

Blood flashed in his mind, then her frightened eyes.

Hawk Moth might have her! He jumped to his feet, his heart in his throat. "I need to make sure she's okay."

"I need food if you want to transform."

Adrien went in search of something to eat. Ladybug's—Marinette's Miraculous burned in his hand. His whole body ached. But he relished the pain.

"How are you going to help her?" Plagg asked him.

"I. I don't know if I will. I just want to make certain she's okay."

"Hold up." Plagg pulled Adrien's hair, trying to get him to stop walking. "So you're not going back to help Ladybug?"

"I don't know."

Plagg's green eyes narrowed. "After all that, you're just going to go back to him?" His little face somehow reddened through the black fur.

"No." Adrien rubbed his jaw. It felt dirty and prickly with stubble. "But if I can use the Miraculouses to bring my mom back, then I have to try."

"What about the consequence?"

"He said that wasn't true."

"Ladybug said—"

"What if she's wrong? Am I supposed to just give up on my mom?"

"I believe Ladybug and Fu."

Adrien rolled his eyes and started walking again. He couldn't quit now, not after he'd given up everything to get his mom back.

"Then do it."

Adrien stopped. "What?"

"Do it. Use the Miraculouses and bring your mom back."

"I…"

"You what?"

His gaze fell to his feet.

"Why can't you do it?"

"I don't know. What if they break and Marinette needs my help? I won't be able to do anything without powers."

Plagg flew to his nose and stared hard at him. "That's not the real reason, and you know it."

He tried to brush his kwami aside with a swipe of his hand, but Plagg wouldn't get out of his face. Throwing his arms up in frustration, he said, "Because I don't want anyone to die and...and I don't know what the truth is."

"Talk to Tikki," Plagg said. "She'll be able to tell you."

"How do I know if she's not simply repeating what the Guardian said?"

"Talk to her."

He just didn't know who to trust, to believe.

Plagg floated in front of his face. "Don't make me say it."

Adrien lifted a brow.

"Please." He sighed. "Please talk to Tikki."

"Okay," Adrien finally said.

"Oh, thank the heavens." His ears perked up. "Tell Tikki I said hi. No, tell her I miss her more than Camembert."

Adrien almost snorted at that. While hunger might not have registered above a blip on the radar for him, it certainly had for Plagg.

Putting his ring in his pocket, he clipped on the earrings. The red kwami flew out, got one look at him, and tried to flee.

"Wait." He took off after her. "I just want to talk."

"I won't do your bidding."

"I'm not my father!"

She stopped and faced him. "You took me from Marinette."

"I had to."

"She loved you. She trusted you."

Her words were an arrow to his heart. He clenched his hands to squash the pain. "I love her too. And I trusted her."

The kwami crossed her arms, making him think of Ladybug. "You have a weird way of showing it. Why didn't you side with her when you found out she was Ladybug?"

"I don't know."

"Why didn't you stop him?"

He rubbed a hand over his face. "I don't know."

"He hurt her. I felt it." She touched the side of her small abdomen, then she touched her chest. "But you hurt her worse."

He leaned against a wall. "I didn't know he was going to do that. I didn't know." Tears stung his eyes. Her blood soaked shirt and labored breaths were an indelible mark on his mind. "I tried to help her. I took her to the hospital. I took her earrings."

"Why?"

"So he couldn't. I needed time to think." He looked up at her. "I'm just so confused. I don't know who to believe about the Miraculouses."

She cautiously floated closer to him. "You said you trusted her?"

He nodded.

"Can you say the same about your father?"

"But my mom. We both want her back. And he did return my ring. He could've just kept it."

"Adrien." She flew to him. "Do you trust him?"

"I don't know." He squeezed his eyes shut. "I want to."

"But do you?"

He sighed and shook his head.

"Then you know what you have to do."

"But will she forgive me?"

"I don't know."

He would never forgive himself, so why would she? He'd hurt her on so many levels. Those bruises. Her shoulder after he'd knocked her off the building. Her fatigue. He'd been slowly turning into his father, relentless and hard. Marinette had kept him grounded. Sane.

And he'd betrayed her. Left her alone. "I need to find her."

"Good. And hurry."

"Thank you." He moved to take off the earrings, but paused and told her what Plagg had said.

Her smile left him wondering more about the kwamis' relationship.

Before he put on his Miraculous, though, he took a moment to calm the ache building in him. Going back to Ladybug meant giving up on his mom. She was supposed to be back in their lives. He'd dreamt it, saw it as if it had already happened.

Grief consumed him. His body shook as he sobbed.

It was as if he were at her funeral all over again, and he hated his father for making him believe they could have her back, for making him lose her once again.

He furiously wiped the tears away and said a silent goodbye to his mom.

His mother wouldn't want someone to die for her. And she'd hate to see what Adrien and Gabriel had turned into.

When he was certain he no longer looked like he'd been crying, he donned his ring,

Plagg watched him carefully for a moment before relief and joy overcame him "You're going to help her?"

Adrien nodded.

"I knew she could talk some sense into you. It's an annoying knack of hers." He chuckled then darted to Adrien's nose and hugged him. "Welcome back, Kid."

The sentiment was so uncommon, it made Adrien's mouth drop open. "You don't resent me?"

"You mean, would I kick your butt if I could?" He flew back so they could look at each other. "Hell, yeah I would. And you'd deserve it too. But, no, I can't hate you."

He hoped Marinette would feel the same. "I'm sorry, Plagg. I wanted to believe him."

"I know." After a long awkward moment, he said, "Well, what are you waiting for, lover boy? Get me some food and transform already."

He walked into a restaurant, grabbed some mints out of a bowl, and hightailed it out of there before anyone saw him. Plagg munched them down without a complaint at all. It was a Christmas miracle.

Adrien actually enjoyed the transformation. It'd been so long since turning into Chat Noir had made him happy, he almost got choked up.

The energy coming from Plagg felt like a contented sigh. Where are you going to look first?

"The hospital," he answered while jumping to the rooftops. Without her Miraculous she had to still be there recovering. That was if his dad hadn't taken her. Ignoring his fatigue and hunger, he pushed himself to run faster.

It turned out the hospital had lost Marinette. One moment she was there, then the next, she wasn't. No trace of her escape. His heart thumped harder at the thought of Hawk Moth sneaking in and taking her.

But maybe, knowing the danger she was in, she'd snuck out, despite her injury. She may not have her Miraculous, but she was still Ladybug, resourceful and determined.

Their apartment had turned up empty and so had Alya and Nino's. Even Marinette's parents' bakery was closed.

His heart raced with worry. Had his father taken them all? To pressure her or to torture her?

Chat made his way to the mansion, debating if he should storm the place or hide and observe.

Storm it, Plagg suggested with a touch of glee.

"He could have an akumatized bodyguard."

Fine. Do the smart thing.

And he did. He sat crouched outside in the shadows, listening, smelling, watching for anything that could be amiss. But the house seemed quiet. Maybe his father was being cautious.

The sun dipped below the horizon. The birds disappeared and the chittering insects came out.

Still nothing.

Maybe he didn't have her or her family. Maybe she ran. Adrien wouldn't blame her.

Just as he edged out of his hiding spot, Natalie walked out of the front doors, gaze straight forward, and strode through the gates to reach her car.

Ears still trained to listen for the smallest sounds, he heard her drop something light. After she left, he skirted the property's cameras and found a folded paper lying in the flowers near the sidewalk. He grabbed it, leapt away, and quickly read the hastily scrawled words: She's not here. He can't find her either. He's angry. Be careful.

The note could be a ploy to throw him off. But no, his father would want to end this quickly. No doubt he'd lure him here, not drive him away.

What are you gonna do? Plagg asked.

"I don't know."

He meandered around the rooftops, trying to come up with another plan. The note was crumbled in his fist, read and reread over and over again. Part of him couldn't believe Natalie had made contact with him. She'd always kept her distance, though occasionally true concern for him would slip through.

Maybe she was officially scared of Gabriel now. Maybe he…

A memory, specifically a threat, sprang to his mind.

No. Please, no.

Chat ran to one of the few newspaper stands left and grabbed one before vaulting himself away from the surprised attendant. He landed next to a street lamp and looked at the front page.

And his insides bottomed out.

An akuma attack had left two women dead last night. Ladybug never showed up. He clenched his jaw tight. This was his fault. He should have never taken her Miraculous.

He continued reading and stopped at the mention of another superhero, Carapace. This new person couldn't be Marinette. His dad had all of the other Miraculouses. Unless she'd kept one separate from the gramophone.

The new hero had failed. She'd run away, no match for the new villain. And he sounded truly evil. The people he'd come in contact with were in the hospital, not for any life-threatening injuries, but because they had changed. Like empty shells, the article had called them.

He dropped the newspaper and jumped to a rooftop, pacing its the length.

Are you going to fight him?

"Not without Ladybug. She's the only one who can stop him. Besides you know if I do it, the akuma will just multiply."

You haven't tried calling her cell.

"If she's in hiding, she won't have it." An idea came to him, and he said, "That's it."

What's it?

Chat sprinted from his spot and searched for a news van. "I need to contact her."

That's what I said.

"But not with a phone. Think about it. With this new akuma, everyone will be watching the news. Even Marinette."

And if you make an appearance, everyone will be reporting it. She's bound to see it.

"Exactly."

Finding a reporter was harder than he'd thought. With so many events having been canceled because of the new akuma and so many people staying indoors, there wasn't really anything to report on.

So he decided to smash through the window of a local news building recording a live show.

People flinched at his slightly dramatic entrance, then ran away in fear. Some of the ones manning the cameras stayed put, though. Same with the anchorwoman.

Points for professionalism.

He walked to the well-lit desk, slid over the top of it, and smiled at the camera. "Good evening, Paris. I've just learned of a catastrophe. And we're all in need of a certain beautiful bug to save the day." His humor faded, and he hoped she could see how much he needed her. "So if you're watching, meet me at our old spot tonight."

oOoOo

All of the news stations were covering Chat's little escapade. They'd replayed it nonstop, analyzing his words, his expressions, and mannerisms. Marinette, her parents and her friends were huddled around the tv, watching it all.

He wanted to meet her. Her brain couldn't quite grasp it, so she just blankly stared at the screen.

"It has to be a trap," Nathaniel said, pulling her out of her stupor. "He's still working with Hawk Moth."

Alya stared at the tv. "I don't know. He seems different."

"He punned," Marinette thought aloud. He hadn't done that in forever, let alone genuinely smiled as Chat. And it had her broken heart swelling with hope and clenching from anger.

"Well," her mom said, "you know him best."

Alya coughed.

"I'm going to meet him," Marinette declared and got to her feet. Wayzz's suit had helped her recover after ripping open her stitches, but it still hurt.

Her dad stood as well. "I'll go with you."

"Our old spot is a rooftop. I'll go as Carapace. And don't worry. If it's not safe, I'll run again." The akuma failure still stung, but she would do what needed to be done. Pride be damned.

"Mari," Alya's concerned voice stilled the room. "Are you certain you're ready for this? Maybe it's too soon. Maybe you should—"

She doubted she'd ever be ready. "I don't have a choice. I can't do this by myself. If he's willing to help, then I need him."

Alya stared hard at her, like she might demand to go too and kick his ass for her. Marinette smiled. She wouldn't put it past her either.

"Well, if he asks for forgiveness"—Nino popped a chip in his mouth—"hit him in the gut for me first."

Everyone turned to look at him.

"What? I refrained from saying nutsack."

"Language," her dad warned.

"He had me akumatized. That's not cool."

Alya's gaze dropped to the floor. He would not be happy when he found out Chat was his best friend...and that his wife had known that fact. Frankly, Marinette was surprised she hadn't told him already.

"Wayzz?" Marinette looked at him silently observing them all.

The green kwami floated to her, not giving a hint as to what he thought. "Ready when you are."

She transformed and jumped out the window, surfing on the shell to the familiar rooftop with her pulse racing. She was soft and sharp, fire and ice, heavy and light. And she had no idea what to say to him, let alone how to act. Nino had mentioned forgiveness, but she didn't know if she had it in her.

Chat stood next to a chimney, arms hanging at his sides. He watched her coming toward him, but she stopped on the rooftop across the street and instinctively held her turtle shield at the ready. She had no idea if it was to protect her injury or her heart.

He grabbed his baton off his lower back and shifted into a fighting stance. "Who are you?"

"It's me," she said from between gritted teeth, realizing he wouldn't recognize her as Carapace.

He relaxed and latched the baton to his belt. "So you did save one."

She opened her mouth to say yes, but snapped it shut.

He nodded, as if in understanding of her silence, straightened, then walked closer to the ledge. "I messed up." He took a deep breath. "Royally messed up."

A war raged within her. She needed answers and so much more, but at the same time wanted nothing to do with him. He'd betrayed her as Chat, then as Adrien. Yet here he was, staring at her like she held his heart and his fate, like she was his judge and his executioner.

She swallowed, fighting the urge to run away. Wayzz stayed quiet, letting her handle the situation on her own, for which she was grateful.

Still, she said nothing. She couldn't, so he continued without a response from her.

"I should've seen my father for who he really is. I should've seen the lies, not just the hope of bringing my mom back. I should've gone to you about the akuma threat, about him. And I shouldn't have expected you to give me your Miraculous. I shouldn't have ever fought you." His gaze dropped from hers, and he whispered, "I shouldn't have ever hurt you."

He shifted on his feet and peered at her with determined eyes. "This is all my fault. And I want to make it right again. You don't have to forgive me. And I understand if you hate me. But I just need you to know how sorry I am, and that I didn't come back to fight you. I'm here to fix my mistakes. Starting with giving back your Miraculous." He placed them on the rooftop next to his feet, then backed away.

Tikki!

She leapt across the street, snatched the familiar black studded earrings, and squeezed them to her chest. When she looked up again, he was several buildings away.

The flickering fire within her exploded.

Fury propelled her from her spot. After everything, he didn't get to run away from her, to turn his back on her. She chased after him, but he had too much of a lead.

Her fingers gripped her shield, and before she fully registered what she was doing, her weapon was hurtling toward him. It struck his back and sent him careening face first to the rooftop. In two seconds flat, she was on him, flipping him over and pinning him to the spot with a knee pressed hard against his chest.

He grimaced, but didn't try to fight her. He wouldn't even meet her gaze.

"Look at me," she demanded.

He did, and it broke her already-shattered heart. She was angry and his sad puppy-dog eyes threatened to smooth the jagged edges of her mood. Yes, he had the worst father ever. Yes, he just wanted his mom back. Yes, he'd been protecting the city. But he'd hurt her, worse than Hawk Moth had.

"I gave myself to you." She pushed back the bittersweet memories of that night. "And that same day, you left me." Him leaving her at the hospital stung worse than being stabbed. "You let me fight the akumas alone. You let me fight Hawk Moth alone. You just stood there. And then he..." The feel of the blade slicing through her made her wince. "I fell in love with you, as Adrien and even as Chat, while we were fighting no less, which is so messed up." She took a deep breath to figure out what she was really trying to say. "And after everything, I'm here, and you're leaving me again."

Her hand itched to slap him, to ball up into a fist and punch, to beat, anything, something. Especially as he just laid there, staring at her like he didn't understand a word she was saying.

Instead, she wiped her cheeks of the tears she'd been unable to hold back.

"Come on." She got off him and walked in the direction of Master Fu's place. But when she didn't hear him following, she turned to find him sitting upright, gaze fixed on her. "Get your butt over here and let's figure out how to do this." He looked ready to argue, so she added, "You're not going to stop Hawk Moth by yourself. It'll take both of us."

He got to his feet. "But how could you want to work with me? You hate me."

"I don't hate you." And it was the truth, she realized with surprise. She was livid and hurt, but she couldn't find any hate for him in her. She understood why he did what he did. Not that his choices had been right or that it excused what he'd done.

"But I was the one who gave you those bruises. I tried to turn Paris against you. I chose Hawk Moth over you." His voice cracked at the end and his hands curled into fists. "You have to hate me. I need you to hate me."

"Why?"

"Because it's what I deserve. And hating myself isn't enough."

"You feel guilty. I get it. But hate isn't going to save Paris. And neither is us working separately, possibly getting in each other's way."

He looked away from her. "I need to be the one to take care of my father and end the akuma threat. It's my mess."

She poked him hard enough in his chest to force him back a step. "What you need to do is get over yourself, and realize I'm right. Again."

He nodded, then faced her with glassy eyes. "I'm sorry...for everything. I can't… I don't..." A tear spilled over his mask, and she fought the urge to brush it away, to soothe his pain. They had to start over, to heal before she could trust her heart with him again.

She stepped back. "Let's go."

He walked with her to the edge of the building. "To where? If you don't mind me asking, that is."

"To my hideout." Who knew how everyone would react to him staying with them, let alone when they found out he was actually Adrien. It probably wouldn't be good, though. "You should prepare yourself."

AN - This was another hard chapter to write, partly because of my demanding sister, lol, but also because it wasn't easy being in his head with all those tangled emotions. I lost my mom when I was sixteen, so I kind of get him in this aspect. And I've done things I regret where i didn't even know how to apologize. Granted, it's small potatoes compared to his regret.

Having marinette be strong enough to accept him back as a superhero partner, yet smart enough to know she needs to keep her distance to heal was really important to me. Striking that balance of not becoming hard and bitter while not being too soft with no boundaries isnt easy, but it's important to find and, for me, to show in stories.

We're so close to the end, but there's still a lot that needs to happen: master fu, the gramophone, Shadow Heart, and Hawk Moth. And of course the mending of their relationship.

Thanks for reading and commenting and everything! You all make the time spent writing and editing worth it. For the both of us. She loves reading everyone's reactions too. :)

To the guest who left a comment about at first thinking Adrien might be Shadow Heart. My sister and I considered having him get akumatized but then we wondered if that was possible. If maybe the Miraculouses protect them. Granted, chat has been affected by akumas plenty of times, lol. So we erred on the side of caution. Another reason we didn't go that route, was that it would delay Adrien and Marinette's reuninion and we just want our babies to start the healing process. XD