55. Recollection

Nicole tried her best to ignore the irritating sound of Doll’s sighing coming from his desk behind her as she worked on her computer. She was trying to finish her task of transferring the reports into their online database, but the constant sounds of distress and overdramatic anguish were becoming just a little too distracting for her taste.

“Hey, Haught.” Dolls finally said.

“What.” Nicole replied dryly as she continued to clack away at the keyboard.

“You’re like a woman, right?” Dolls asked as he leaned against the edge of Nicole’s desk.

Nicole turned around, and with a quirked eyebrow replied, “Um, last time I checked, I was completely a woman…”

“Right. You know what I mean. I need your advice on something.” He strolled over towards her desk and pulled the nearby chair around next to hers.

“Okay. I guess I could use the small break anyways.” Nicole shrugged as she crossed a leg over the opposite knee as she leaned back in her chair to get comfortable. “What’s up?”

“So, I’ve got a date tonight with this girl I met on Tinder...”

“Nice!” She replied enthusiastically.

“Yeah! So I was wondering, should I straight up ask her if she wants to sex? Or like, maybe just invite her to my place afterwards? I don’t want her to get the wrong idea and think I’m inviting her to just hang out…do you think the whole condom-reveal thing is too outdated?”

Nicole winced as she slowly uncrossed her legs and uncomfortably shifted her eyes around the room. “Um, okay, maybe I’m just not the right woman to give you advice on this.”

“Come on, can’t you think like a straight girl for a second?” Dolls whined.

“No.” Nicole retorted.

He rolled his eyes. “Okay, fine. How about you just think like me for a second? What would you do if you were in my shoes?”

“If I were in your shoes, I wouldn’t even be trying to hook up with this woman on the first date…”

“Okay, but pretend you were. How would you go about it?”

Nicole huffed out a dramatic sigh as she leaned forward in her chair and rested her forearms on top of her knees. “Okay, well does this chick seem like she’d be down to bang on the first date?” She cringed at how much she sounded like Wynonna.

Dolls shrugged. “Based on her profile, she doesn’t seem very prudish. And she’s been hardcore flirting with me since we matched a few days ago.” He pulled out his phone and opened up her profile to show Nicole.

Nicole studied her picture and nodded in approval. “Dude, nice!” She held her fist out and gave Dolls a fist bump.

“I know, right? She’s pretty solid.” He grinned as he patiently watched for Nicole to read over the girl’s profile. “So, what do you think?”

“She seems cool.” Nicole shrugged.

“But does she seem like she’d be cool with after-dinner activities?”

“I don’t know, I haven’t met her…and neither have you.” She replied with a raised eyebrow. “How do you even know that you want to sleep with her when you haven’t even met her yet?”

“…Do you not see her picture?” Dolls deadpanned.

Nicole rolled her eyes. “And that’s all it takes for you to want to be intimate with someone?”

“At this point, yes.” He confessed with lowered eyelids. “I haven’t had sex since Wynonna…”

“Well if you’re that desperate for somebody, I hear Grindr is full of people looking for hookups.” She smirked.

Dolls sneered as he slightly shook his head. “Ha ha, very funny. I’m looking for someone preferably with breasts.”

Nicole narrowed her eyes. “You know breasts aren’t what make someone a woman, right?”

“You know what I mean.” He sighed. “Look, are you going to help me or not?”

“Why don’t you ask your new straight girl BFF Wynonna? I’m sure she can give you tips on what women want from guys better than I can.” Nicole said in a teasing voice, even though she was entirely serious. The older Earp was sure to be better equipped to give Dolls advice on the subject matter, considering she was way more experienced in that department than Nicole was.

“I already tried that...”

Nicole perked up at the unexpected admission. “Really? What did she say?”

“She ignored my question and just told me not to order food for any woman ever, and went off on a tangent about how Doc took her out last week and tried to order for her.”

Nicole’s shoulders bounced vigorously as she cackled.

“It’s not funny! Neither of you are any help.” He sighed as he snatched his phone from Nicole and walked back over to his desk, mumbling to himself in frustration.

While shaking her head, Nicole turned back around towards her computer as her laughter faded to a slight chuckle. She managed to type two words before Nedley’s office door swung open.

“Haught! Come here for a second, would ya?” He yelled from his office.

Nicole quickly hopped out of her chair and followed him into the room. She glanced over at the couch, remembering what she and Waverly had done there on the brunette’s birthday as she did every time she went into his office, before sitting down.

“You’re friends with my daughter, right?” He asked as he sat behind his desk and leaned back with his elbow on the armrest and his fingers on his mustache.

“Um, yes sir.” Nicole replied almost as if it were a question, unsure of where this conversation was going.

“How is she doing? She never comes to visit me since moving out a few months ago. And she rarely calls anymore.”

“Oh, um, I believe she’s doing fine…sir.” Nicole said awkwardly.

“Is she still seeing that boy?”

“Darren? Yeah, they’re good…I think.”

“Darren?” Nedley repeated with a furrowed brow. “Who’s Darren?”

Nicole’s eyes widened as she shifted uncomfortably in her chair. “Oh, um…” She had assumed Chrissy had told her dad about her relationship with him, but now she wasn’t so sure. She just hoped she hadn’t revealed some sort of secret.

Nedley’s face relaxed as he slowly nodded his head. “Oh, yes, now I remember. His name was Darren.”

Nicole visibly relaxed as she let out a small sigh of relief.

“So, they’re good? He’s treating her right?”

“Um, no offense sir, but I think you should be asking Chrissy these questions…”

He sighed as he slumped further into his chair. “You know how kids get when they become adults. They never tell their parents anything. I mean, do you keep up with your parents?”

“Well, no…” She debated whether or not to tell him why, but figured it was probably best not to open that can of worms.

“See? My point exactly. She rarely responds to my texts and I have to find out about her life through Facebox and Instant-grahams.”

Nicole pursed her lips and bit her tongue, trying to hold back her laughter, and her desire to correct her boss.

He leaned forward and snapped his fingers as an idea hit him. “Haught, I’m assigning you to go undercover.”

Nicole perked up, excited to finally be talking about something work-related, and even more excited to be going undercover for the first time ever. “Okay! What’s the situation here? Armed robbery? Drug bust? Someone not paying their traffic tickets?”

Nedley shook his head as he scrunched his eyebrows together in confusion. “What? No, I’m talking about my daughter. I want you to invite her out for coffee, see what she’s been up to.”

Nicole slouched back in her seat, feeling a little deflated from the unexpected letdown.

“Here, I’ll write out some questions for you to ask.” He opened his desk and pulled out a notepad and a pen.”

“Great. Can’t wait.” Nicole murmured as she sighed.

---

Nicole tapped her fingers on the side of her coffee mug in annoyance as she read over the questions Nedley had given her. She would honestly rather be at her desk doing paperwork than asking Chrissy personal questions about her life, but this was her job. …well, not this particularly, but it was the task Nedley had given her, which meant that at the moment it was her job…right?

“Hey!” Chrissy waved, slightly out of breath as she walked towards the table and sat down across from Nicole. “I left as soon as I got your text. What’s so urgent? Is Waverly okay?”

“Yeah, Waverly’s fine. I just wanted to catch up with you.” Nicole replied with a tense smile.

The blonde furrowed her brow. “You texted me at one o’ clock in the afternoon saying that you needed to meet me here ASAP because you wanted to catch up with me?”

“Yeah?” Nicole shrugged, even though she knew it sounded fishy. Especially since she and Chrissy weren’t super close.

“And you’re sure everything is okay?” Chrissy asked.

“Yep, all good. How about things with you and Darren? You guys doing okay?” Nicole questioned nonchalantly as she brought her coffee mug up to her lips.

Chrissy sat back in her chair, still slightly confused about the whole thing, but eventually just shrugged it off. “Yeah, we’re good. I mean, we tried having sex last night and he had some trouble getting it up, but I think that was just because he went out drinking with some buddies and got super drunk…”

Nicole began choking as she unexpectedly swallowed too much coffee.

“Are you okay?” Chrissy asked in concern.

The casual-clothed officer waved her hand in dismissal as she cleared her throat. “Yeah, I’m fine.” She croaked.

“Sorry, was that TMI? I’m used to having these conversations with Waverly or Rosita...”

“No, no, that’s…um…” Nicole shook her head as she cleared her throat some more. “So, you’re not pregnant or anything like that?”

Chrissy drew her eyebrows together. “No? I mean, I know that you and Waverly have the ultimate method of pregnancy prevention, but we’re pretty good at using contraception.” Chrissy chuckled teasingly.

“Cool, cool.” Nicole nodded as she awkwardly looked down at the table, avoiding eye contact. She really didn’t want to ask the next question, but knew that she had to. “You think you’ll marry him someday?”

The sound of Chrissy’s amused laugh filled the room. “Nicole, we’ve only been together for a few months. You may be used to the quick pace of a lesbian relationship, but when there’s a man involved, things move much slower than that.”

“Hey, we don’t move fast!” Nicole replied defensively.

“Yes, you do.” Chrissy rolled her eyes. “You guys have practically been playing house since you started dating.”

“Well, that’s because I love Waverly, not because we’re lesbians.” Nicole shrugged as she sipped her coffee.

“Either way, Darren and I are going much slower than that. Besides, I don’t know if I really see a future with him or not. All I know is that we’re having fun right now, and I’m happy with that.”

“So, you don’t think you’ll marry him?”

Chrissy lifted her eyebrow in suspicion as she slowly shook her head. “I don’t know?”

Nicole nodded. She could tell that Chrissy was catching on to all of the questioning. “Let’s change the subject.”

“Yeah, that would be good.” Chrissy nodded in agreement.

“How’s your health? Have you been to the doctor lately for a checkup?”

The blonde leaned back against the chair and folded her arms across her chest. “Okay, what is this?”

Nicole shifted uncomfortably as she played with a napkin in her hands. “What do you mean? I’m just checking on a friend…”

“No, you’re being weird. Inviting me to have coffee in the middle of the day, asking me questions about my relationship. I mean, shouldn’t you be at work?”

“I have the day off.” Nicole shrugged.

Chrissy drew her eyebrows together in confusion. “But, it’s Tuesday. Police officers in Purgatory never get a Tuesday off.” Her face changed as realization washed over her. She nodded with pursed lips, finally understanding what was going on. “My dad put you up to this, didn’t he…”

“What? No.” Nicole scoffed.

“Nicole…”

The redhead sighed. “Okay, fine. He’s just worried about you.”

“So he sent you to ask me awkward questions?!” Her eyes widened in fear. “Oh my god. Please don’t tell him about the failed erection thing…”

“Trust me, I won’t.” Nicole held a hand up and shuddered at the thought of telling Nedley.

“I just wish he would understand that I’m not a child anymore. I’m an adult, and I can take care of myself. I have my own life. He texts me literally every day, and it just gets so annoying.” She huffed.

“Well, he just wants to know that you’re okay. And I’m sure he misses you. I mean, it’s just you and him, right?”

Chrissy nodded.

“I think he’s just lonely.”

The blonde lowered her eyes in sympathy. “I hadn’t thought about it like that. I have all these friends, and he literally has no one.” She shook her head, and Nicole gave her a weak smile. She perked up as a grin spread across her face. “We should set him up on a date!”

Nicole winced. “Um, you can do that. I’m not playing matchmaker for my boss.”

Chrissy sighed. “Fine.”

The two sat in awkward silence before Nicole shook her head and sighed. “Screw this. Do you want to go grab lunch or something and catch up for real? I promise I won’t ask you awkward questions.”

The blonde smiled. “Sounds good to me.”

---

“Fudge nuggets!” Waverly yelled as she vigorously shook her hand.

She reattempted to light the candle on the table – this time without burning herself – before successfully flaming the wick. With a proud smile, she looked around at the table that she had set, making a few adjustments here and there, when she heard the sound of a key in the lock of the front door. She trotted around the corner just in time to catch Nicole walking through the front door.

“Surprise!” Waverly shouted with outstretched arms.

Nicole looked at Waverly with her brow furrowed in confusion, with a smile simultaneously growing on her face, as she slowly hung her coat up on the nearby rack. The pleasant aroma of Waverly’s cooking immediately hit her, and her smile evolved into a grin.

“You cooked?”

“Yep!” Waverly was practically vibrating with excitement as she took Nicole’s hand and led her towards the kitchen. “I made vegan risotto with salad and garlic bread.”

Nicole smiled when she noticed the candles and bouquet of flowers displayed in the middle of the table. “Baby, this is so romantic! And you got carnations.” The redhead leaned forward and inhaled the floral scent through her nose with closed eyes.

“I picked them from Gus’s garden when I went over to visit today,” Waverly confessed with a grin.

“Everything is perfect, Waves. I’m so lucky to have you.”

Nicole pulled Waverly into the front of her body as she held the girl with her arms wrapped around her waist while leaning in for a slow, tender kiss. They stayed like that for a bit, enjoying each other’s touches after spending the day apart, before finally parting ways and sitting down at the table to enjoy their meal together.

After sharing the details of their day with each other – and Nicole explaining to Waverly that she had to go “undercover” for Nedley, much to the brunette’s amusement – the pair sat in a comfortable silence, stealing glances at each other while enjoying their food. Waverly looked up at Nicole and opened her mouth to say something, but quickly shut it.

“Something on your mind?” Nicole asked with a smile and knowing eyes.

“Okay, so this is completely random, but I was just wondering…how did you come out to your friends?”

Nicole quirked an eyebrow. “That is random.”

“Yeah, sorry. While I was at Gus’s today I came across my old high school yearbooks and it got me thinking about what it would be like to come out in high school. And then I realized that you never actually shared that story with me.”

“You want to hear my coming out story?” Nicole raised her eyebrows in amusement.

Waverly nodded her head with hopeful eyes, and Nicole chuckled as she relaxed back against her chair.

“Okay, well the first person I ever told was my best friend, Sam. It was during the first semester of grade 12…”

2008

“Hey.” Nicole gave a weak smile as she sat down at her seat next to Sam before their 3rd period English class began.

Sam looked up at Nicole and immediately looked at her in concern. “Hey. Everything okay?”

“Yep. Why?” Nicole forced a smile.

“Because you look horrible, like you haven’t been getting much sleep. Or like you’re worried about something? I don’t know, you’ve just been a little off lately.”

Nicole had her group of friends that she’d been close with for a few years, but Sam was her best friend. So, it wasn’t all that surprising to her that the girl could see her inner struggles. She had spent the past two weeks holding onto the secret of having sex with a girl and discovering her sexuality. She wanted to tell her friends, she had been going back and forth in her head ever since that night, but the thought of actually doing so terrified her.

“Hey, Nicole, whatever it is that’s bothering you, I’m sure it’s not as bad as you think.” Sam gave a reassuring smile.

Nicole took a deep breath. “I know. Okay.” She nodded confidently to herself. She was just going to say it. It was Sam, she wouldn’t care. Nicole opened her mouth and paused for a moment before saying, “…I’m failing math.” That wasn’t what she had originally planned to say, but it’s just sort of what came out.

Sam grabbed the top of her hand for support. “Hey, that’s okay. I can help you study before exams. We’ll get you all caught up. Don’t worry.” She gave a reassuring smile.

“Thanks, Sam.” Nicole nodded with a faint smile, disappointed in herself for not saying what she wanted to say.

As class went on, Nicole attempted to worked up the courage to tell her friend her secret. It was all she could think about for the past half hour. She weighed the pros and cons, visualized all possible outcomes – including the one where Sam didn’t want to be her friend anymore – and came to the conclusion that she couldn’t bottle this up anymore. She had to tell somebody; she had to tell Sam. And she had to do it right now.

Nicole felt her heartrate begin to pick up. She looked around the room full of students silently working on their assignment before looking over at Sam, who was doing the same. Maybe passing a note would be better…

She flipped through her notebook to an empty page and scribbled her pen across it before quietly ripping it out and folding it up. She looked up at her English teacher – who was on his computer, working on his Romance novel that he always talked about, no doubt – before tossing the note onto Sam’s desk.

Sam immediately looked at Nicole with a quirked eyebrow, and Nicole gestured for her to open it. She unfolded the piece of paper to read it…

With her pen frozen on the paper, Nicole let out a deep sigh.

As Sam read the words, she gave Nicole a sympathetic look before writing out her reply.

As Sam unfolded the note, her eyes drifted over the fresh ink…

Nicole shook her head as she felt every muscle in her body relax. She couldn’t believe she actually thought that her best friend in the entire world would actually hate her for liking girls. It seemed a bit silly now that she really thought about it in a realistic sense.

Now that everything was out in the open, Nicole wanted to talk to her best friend and vent about sleeping with Kathy at the party. It was like this new thing between them, and all she wanted to do was open up to her best friend. She looked up at the clock and saw that they had about 20 minutes left of class. After quickly scribbling on the piece of paper, she shoved it into Sam’s hand, not even bothering to fold it up.

“What can I do for you ladies?” Mr. McCreary said without looking up from his computer screen.

“May we go to the bathroom?” Sam asked politely.

The middle-aged man looked up through the top of his glasses with a lifted eyebrow. “Both of you?”

Sam nodded.

“Girls, you know the rule. Only one at a time.”

“I know, but I just started my period.” Nicole said with a weak smile. Under normal circumstances she would never be comfortable saying that to a male teacher, but she was desperate to talk to her friend.

Mr. McCreary shifted uncomfortably in his seat as he flitted his eyes awkwardly between the girls. “Oh, um, I see…” He cleared his throat. “And, uh, you both need to go to the bathroom for that?”

Nicole opened her mouth, but quickly closed it. She hadn’t really thought that far ahead. She just assumed that, being a man, he would just throw the bathroom pass at them as soon as the word ‘period’ came out of her mouth. Thankfully, Sam quickly spoke up…

“She didn’t have any pads with her, so she asked me if I had any and I said I only have tampons, and she’s never used tampons before so I said I would help her figure it out. I know they have pads at the nurse’s office, but those ones are really big and super itchy on your vag—“

“Okay! Okay, here, take the bathroom pass.” The teacher quickly retrieved the laminated card from his desk drawer and handed it over to Sam while uncomfortably avoiding eye contact.

Nicole was so grateful that her friend was much bolder than she was, because she never would’ve been able to come up with an excuse like that on the spot.

“You’re a genius.” Nicole chuckled as the two walked quickly down the hallway.

Sam shrugged. “I figured I’d just keep rambling until something made him uncomfortable enough to let us go. And it worked!”

As soon as they got into the bathroom, the pair quickly checked to make sure the stalls were empty before Sam tossed her purse on the sink counter before hopping up onto it to sit.

“So…” Sam grinned at her best friend, completely thrilled that she had finally come out to her.

Nicole bit back her smile and shook her head as she inhaled through her nose. “How did you know?”

“Oh, please. You’re not exactly boy-crazy. I was actually a little surprised when you and Ethan started dating, and I was even more surprised when you told me you slept with him.”

“Yeah, that didn’t work out so well…”

“Obviously.” Sam chuckled light-heartedly.

“I think the thought that I might like girls has always been there somewhere, but I wasn’t completely sure until—” She paused as she glanced up at Sam with hesitant eyes.

“Until what?” Sam asked, completely intrigued.

“Until…IsleptwithKathyYarrow” The words tumbled out of Nicole’s mouth in one breath as she dropped her gaze to the floor.

Sam’s mouth fell open. “You slept with Kathy Yarrow?! As in, had sex with?!”

Nicole nodded as she stood across from Sam with her hands casually in her pockets and her lips pursed.

“Holy shit! When?!”

“At the party.”

“Damn, now I wish I hadn’t gotten the flu and had to skip it.” She shook her head in disappointment. “Well, how was it? The sex I mean, not the party.”

“It was okay…” Nicole shrugged nonchalantly before she couldn’t help the elated grin that grew on her face. “Okay, it was incredible! I mean, incredible enough to make me realize that I like girls.”

“And I definitely want all of the details on that later. But maybe not when someone could randomly walk in here.” Sam replied as she glanced over at the door before returning her eyes to Nicole’s. “But that’s awesome! So are you two like, together now?”

Nicole shook her head. “No. I’m not into her like that. She’s hot, but not my type. Still was a good night though.”

“So she’s good?”

“Oh yeah, totally good. And she seemed really experienced too, so I don’t think I was her first girl.” Nicole paused as she looked up in thought. “But then again, I was good too, based on the reaction I got, so who knows.” A smug smirk appeared on her face, and Sam playfully slapped her shoulder with a shake of her head.

“Cocky little asshole.”

Nicole just laughed in response. She was joking, but deep down she was actually quite proud at the three orgasms she had given the girl. “But in all seriousness, it was all good. After Ethan, I just thought that sex was never going to be enjoyable for me. But she changed that, and I’m so grateful for that. Even if it was just a one-time thing.”

Sam nodded her head in understanding. “Wow, that’s…I’m really happy for you, Nic.” She gave a genuine smile before continuing, “So, does anyone else know?”

“Nope. You’re the first.”

“Well I’m honored.”

“And I’d appreciate it if you didn’t tell anyone? Especially not the rest of the gang. Or Danny. I know he’s your boyfriend and you tell him pretty much everything, but I don’t want to risk him accidentally letting it slip to his friends. Since we both know he can be a bit of a spaz…”

“Of course not. I’ll let you tell the girls when you’re ready, and I won’t tell Danny unless you want me to. And you’re right, he is a total spaz, but he’s my spaz.” She looked longingly off into the distance with a smiling sigh.

Nicole shook her head and rolled her eyes. “You two are disgustingly cute.” She looked at her watch and saw that they only had a couple of minutes left. “We should get back to class and grab our stuff before the bell rings.”

“True.” Sam kicked her legs up and hopped of the counter before grabbing her purse. “Hey, thanks for telling me. You know I love you, right?”

Nicole smiled at her best friend. “Yeah, I know.”

Present day

“…and that was how I came out.” Nicole shrugged as she took the last bite of her risotto before dropping her fork onto her plate in satisfaction.

“A note? That’s so cute.” Waverly giggled.

“Hey, I was really nervous! And a teenager. What do you expect?” Nicole laughed as she stood up and took their plates to the sink to rinse off.

“So, how did you tell the rest of your friends?”

Nicole set the dishes in the dishwasher before drying her wet hands on the small towel that hung from the oven door handle. “We were all hanging out one night and I just blurted it out. This was a few weeks later, and of course having Sam there made me feel a little more comfortable and confident. She constantly assured me that they would be okay with it, and they were. And they pretty much had the same reaction as her.”

“So you weren’t really fooling anyone.” Waverly chuckled as she watched Nicole sit back down across from her.

“Apparently not.” Nicole smiled to herself as she looked down at the tablecloth. “But I’m thankful for them. I think if it wasn’t for my friends, I wouldn’t be so confident in my sexuality now. Their positivity and acceptance made me see that it wasn’t such a big deal, and that I wasn’t that different from them.”

“Do you still talk to any of them?”

“I lost touch with most of them after high school, but I kept up with Sam for a while until she and Danny got married three years ago and moved to the states. I haven’t talked to her in almost a year though.”

“We should visit them some time! Or have them come visit us!” Waverly said excitedly.

Nicole shrugged. “I haven’t really thought about it, but yeah, that would be pretty nice. Any time we go a long time without talking to each other, we always end up catching up as if we saw each other yesterday.” She chuckled.

“See, there you go. Call her up and tell her that your incredibly cute and sexy girlfriend wants to meet her.” Waverly smirked as she wiggled her eyebrows.

Nicole laughed as she shook her head. “Okay, I’ll call her some time.”

“Good.” Waverly grinned, but her smile quickly faltered. Nicole noticed the quick shift in energy from the brunette.

“What’s wrong?”

“I had another question, but I don’t know if I should ask…”

Nicole shrugged. “Ask me anything.”

“I was just wondering…what happened when you told your parents? I mean, I know they didn’t take it very well and you said they didn’t come to your graduation, but you’ve never actually told the story.”

Nicole’s eyes lowered and her face dropped as dejection spread over her. Waverly quickly reached out a hand and took Nicole’s as she lightly rubbed her thumb against the pale, smooth skin.

“Hey, it’s okay, you don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to.”

“No, I do.” Nicole replied with a shake of her head before looking up with sad eyes and a weak smile. “I just haven’t thought about that story in a long time, and it caught me a little off-guard. But I’ll tell you.” She let out a deep sigh as she took a moment to collect her thoughts before beginning the story. “It was only a few months after I had told my friends…”

“I have something I want to tell you.” Nicole said softly as she put her fork down. It was just like any other night where she sat at the dining room table, eating a home-cooked dinner with her parents. The only difference was, she was about to come out to them. Why tonight? Simply because it was something that had been looming over her for far too long, and she wanted to just get it over with.

“What is it honey?” Nicole’s mom replied as she looked at her daughter with concern.

“I, um…” She trailed off as she looked over at her father shoveling rice into his mouth. “Dad, could you stop eating for a moment please?”

He paused as he looked at Nicole through his glasses before setting his fork down and wiping his strawberry blonde mustache off with his napkin. “What’s up, kiddo?”

Nicole took a deep breath and audibly exhaled through her mouth. She opened her mouth, but just like with Sam, nothing came out. She had practiced saying the words out loud in front of her mirror several times, but the words just wouldn’t come out.

“Honey, you’re starting to scare me…” Her mom said as she leaned a little closer towards Nicole in anticipation. “Is it something about school?”

“You know, there’s no shame in needing a tutor.” Her dad said as he pointed his fork at her.

Her mom looked over at her dad with a furrowed brow. “How much do you think a tutor costs these days?”

“I don’t know, maybe around $50 a session or so?” He shrugged. “Can’t be more than $100.”

“Really? I thought it would be more than that.”

“Well, Nelson’s boy is going to that center down on Privett Road and he’s mentioned once or twice that the cost isn’t too bad…”

Nicole sat quietly as her parents continued to converse. She closed her eyes and took in a long, deep breath, cumulating as much air as her lungs would hold, before expelling all of the air from her body while simultaneously saying, “I’m gay.”

Her mom immediately looked at her, but her dad continued talking.

“Maybe I could ask him and see how much—” He paused when the words finally hit him. He looked over at Nicole with the same confused glare her mom was giving her. “What did you just say?”

Nicole swallowed thickly as she flitted her eyes between her parents and slightly shrunk down in her chair. “I said, I…I’m…gay.” Her words faltered as she increasingly became less confident. Her pulse began to race as her parents spent the next few minutes looking at each other, then at her, then back at each other, as if she had just said something that made absolutely no sense.

“Can someone please say something?” Nicole’s voice was barely above a whisper as she looked down at her plate full of food, and her dad just shook his head and began laughing.

“That’s a good one!” His laughter grew more and more as his shoulders began to shake. “You had me going there for a second!”

Nicole shook her head and scowled. “Dad, I’m not joking. I’m serious.” She looked over at her mom, who just sat there quietly, folding her napkin in her lap and avoiding eye contact.

“No, you’re not. You’re not…gay. No daughter of mine is a lesbian.” His tone became angrier with each word.

“Did someone hurt you, Nicole? Is this about Ethan?” Nicole’s mom finally said, her voice cracking slightly from the emotion.

“No, I haven’t even talked to Ethan since we broke up last year. This isn’t about anyone else. It’s about me liking girls.”

Her father roughly slammed his palm down on the table. “Stop saying that!” He yelled as he glared at her with strong eyes.

The room went silent, until the sound of hushed sobs came from her mother’s direction. She looked over and saw the woman with her hand over her mouth, eyes closed and tears rolling down her cheeks as her body occasionally bounced.

Nicole could feel the tears beginning to well up in her own eyes, and suddenly she didn’t want to be there anymore. She didn’t want her parents to see her crying. She stood up from her chair, and quickly said, “Forget it. I’m going to my room.”

As soon as she turned around, she heard the sound of a chair squealing on the wooden floor as her father abruptly stood up.

“No! We’re talking about this right now!” His voice was harsh and filled with something Nicole had never heard before.

She paused with her back facing her parents, and closed her eyes as the tears escaped and began to roll down her face. She focused on her breathing, desperately trying to calm herself down.

“Who put this ridiculous idea into your head?” Her dad demanded.

“Nobody.” Nicole quickly wiped her face with her sleeve as she sniffled with her back still turned to her parents.

“Well somebody did, because this didn’t just come out of nowhere.” He folded his arms sternly across his chest.

Nicole clenched her jaw and spun around. “No, it didn’t come out of nowhere! It’s been there my entire life! It’s the way I was born, and nobody can change that. Not me, not you, not mom…nobody. I’m stuck with this!”

He shook his head in disbelief. “You weren’t born like this. Nobody is. I remember the day you were born, very clearly. You were this healthy, normal little girl. Not a…a, homosexual!” He violently flung his hand up in the air in frustration.

Those words hit Nicole, hard. Did her dad really hate her that much?

“Maybe we should all start going to church more often.” Her mom suggested once she was finally able to control her voice again.

Nicole shook her head. “Mom, church isn’t going to make me straight.”

“You’re not gay!” Her dad yelled.

Nicole loudly groaned. “Both of you aren’t listening to me! I’m gay! This is who I am, and NOTHING is going to change that!”

“You’re just confused.” Her dad shook his head and placed his hands firmly on his hips as he began pacing around the kitchen.

“I’m not confused, dad!”

“You’re young. You don’t know what you want.”

“I know exactly what I want.”

“When you’re older, much older, you’ll find a man that you’ll want to marry, and all of this will just be some silly little phase that you’ll have forgotten all about.”

Nicole clenched both of her fists by her side as she felt the anger of the complete dismissal of what she was saying bubbling up inside her. “I won’t find a man.” She said slowly, but angrily.

“Well you sure as hell won’t find a woman! You can’t possibly be happy with a woman.”

“Yes I can!”

He stopped pacing and looked at Nicole as he shook his head. “And how can you know that?”

“Because I had sex with a girl! And you know what? I fucking loved it! And I am never going to feel that way about a boy! Ever!” As soon as the words left her mouth, she instantly regretted it. She clasped her hand over her mouth as her eyes widened and looked down at the floor, not wanting to see the look her dad was giving her. She couldn’t even describe it, but it was a look she never wanted to see ever again.

The silence was unnerving as everyone was still. Her mom sat in her chair in shock, and her dad looked at her as if she had just confessed to killing someone. He slowly walked over towards her with sad eyes. He held up his hand, and for a moment she thought that he was going to hug her and tell her that everything was going to be okay. But when he pointed at her with his index finger, she knew that wasn’t the case.

He slowly opened his mouth, and with a clear, low tone said, “You disgust me,” before walking out of the kitchen. He snatched his coat from the back of the couch and walked out of the house, slamming the door behind him.

Nicole stood there, frozen as she stared at the closed door. She began to feel completely sick to her stomach from her father’s words. She looked over at her mother, who was silently looking down at the table, before she finally stood up.

“I need to get the laundry done.” With red, watery eyes, Nicole’s mom walked slowly towards the stairs. She couldn’t even look at her daughter.

Nicole took a couple of steps backwards until she hit her back against the wall, and slid down to the floor as she felt her breathing come out in short, ragged breaths. She pulled her knees up into her chest and hugged them as she dropped her head and began to sob.

Waverly quickly wiped a tear from her eye, not wanting Nicole to see that she was crying about something that didn’t even happen to her. “Nicole, I’m so sorry.”

Nicole took a deep breath and nodded as she blinked a few times to get rid of the tears that were threatening to fall. She didn’t want to cry over this. She had cried enough in the past, and her parents didn’t deserve any more of her tears. “I slept over at Sam’s house that night to give my parents some time to cool down. I tried talking to them again the next evening, but my dad was still so angry, and my mom still pretended like it wasn’t happening while avoiding me. She couldn’t even look at me anymore.” Nicole shook her head. “I ended up just staying with Sam for a while. Two weeks later we had our graduation, and my parents didn’t come. That was when I knew they never truly cared about me. They didn’t care if I wasn’t around or not. So I continued to stay with Sam that Summer until I left for college.”

“That’s horrible.” Waverly couldn’t believe that anyone could treat their child like that for any reason.

Nicole shrugged as she huffed out, “Doesn’t matter anymore. Because now I’m here with you.” She smiled as she took Waverly’s hand and brought it up to her face. “And if everything that’s happened in my life led me to this exact moment, right here with a belly food of delicious food made by the woman of my dreams, then I wouldn’t change a damn thing about it.” She tenderly kissed the back of Waverly’s hand as she looked lovingly into soft, hazel eyes.

“I love you. You’re the strongest person I know, do you know that?” Waverly tucked Nicole’s hair behind her ear as she roamed her eyes over the woman’s face.

“Life’s too short to live it for other people. I just have to be me, you know? Because if I’m not, then what’s the point?”

“And I’m glad you are you. Amazing, beautiful, kind, courageous you.” Waverly smiled as she cupped Nicole’s cheek.

Nicole smiled back as she took Waverly’s hand that was on her face and kissed her palm. “Do you want to cuddle on the couch and watch TV with me?”

“Always.”

Nicole stood up from her chair, and Waverly stepped towards her and wrapped her arms around her in a tight hug. “I love you.”

Nicole smiled as she returned the hug and rested her cheek on the top of Nicole’s head. “I love you too.”

Waverly pulled back and with her arms still wrapped around Nicole’s waist, looked up into her eyes. “Thank you for sharing that with me.”

Nicole nodded before flitting her eyes over towards the couch. “Wanna know something?”

“What?”

The redhead leaned down to Waverly’s ear, and with a hushed voice said, “First one to the couch gets to be the little spoon tonight.” As soon as the words left her mouth, she lunged towards the living room, leaving Waverly standing there in confusion until the words finally registered

“Hey, no fair! You cheated! And you always get to be little spoon!” Waverly whined before sprinting after her girlfriend.