92. I Thought I was Doing the Right Thing

       Waverly pulled up to the Homestead, shutting her Jeep off and jumping out, looking up at the house as the sun was barely rising behind it. There were no lights on, so she figured everybody was still asleep. Considering that it was the ass crack of dawn, though, that wasn’t too surprising. She swallowed the emotions in her throat as she stormed over to Nicole’s cruiser and pulled open the passenger’s side door, reaching into her glove box and pulling out the spare Glock that she always left in there. 

       She cocked it and started for the door, quickly firing all 15 shots off into the air. By the time she got to the porch, she already heard movement from inside. She shoved the door open, slamming it behind her as she looked at the three and counting sets of eyes on her. Doc was at the bottom of the steps with his revolvers pointed at her, Mama was halfway up cocking her shotgun, and Nicole was partially in the bathroom’s entrance with her main Glock aimed at her head. Alice was screaming upstairs and Wynonna whipped around the corner at the top of the steps with Peacemaker as Gus did the same with a pistol. 

       Waverly flicked the light on and crossed her arms, and they all quickly lowered their weapons, cursing up a storm at her. 

       “What the fuck , Waverly?!” Wynonna was the first to shout, handing Peacemaker to Gus as she turned to go tend to the baby. 

       “You almost got your head blown to bits , Little Darlin’,” Doc growled, holstering his weapons and pushing a hand through his hair. 

       “Why the hell do you have my gun?!” Nicole demanded as she moved towards her. Waverly smacked it against her chest to hand it over, never once looking her in the eye as she pushed past her to get to the kitchen, but the Sheriff grabbed her arm. “Uh-unh. Why do you have my gun, Waverly?”

       The brunette ripped her arm out of her grip. “ Don’t fucking touch me.” She pushed past her again, continuing on to the kitchen as everyone slowly followed in that direction. 

       Wynonna came back down the stairs with the now-calm Alice, setting her down in her playpen in the living room to go back to sleep. “Care to, uh, explain what the fuck that was for, Waves?” She asked, her tone no way in a jokingly matter. 

       Waverly turned, slowly walking back towards the group, gritting her teeth as she flicked her eyes from each face, still continuing to ignore Nicole, though. She landed back on Wynonna, and she raised her brows, blinking at her in need of an explanation. The younger Earp let out a sigh, “I reorganized the BBD office for all of you.” It took a second, but all of their mouths slowly dropped open as they realized what that meant. They all started to look towards one another, primarily Wynonna and Nicole. 

       They were speechless for a minute, but it was Mama to first break the silence. “Angel, you know we had the best-”

       “ No .” Waverly sharply shook her head. “No, I want to know who’s idea it was to hide this from me.” She began flicking her eyes around again, noticing how, slowly but surely, they all looked to the person she hoped it wasn’t. 

       Nicole.  

       Waverly finally brought her eyes over to stare her wife down, watching as the fear and guilt worked on her face. She walked over to stand in front of her, biting heavily on the sides of her cheeks to keep her emotions in check as she stared up at her. 

       “Baby-”

       “Go.” The brunette pointed towards their bedroom. 

       “Wave, I-”

       “ Go , Nicole!” She snapped through her teeth. “Or I swear to God , I’ll point to the other fucking door in this room.” The redhead’s eyes dipped sadly and she clenched her jaw, letting out a sigh as she moved around her and sulked off to their bedroom. 

       “It wasn’t just her,” Wynonna mumbled. 

       Waverly threw her hands out. “Did you not just tell me it was her idea!?” 

       “I mean, it was, but-”

       “Then that’s all that matters.” 

       Wynonna tipped her head pleadingly, “Babygirl, that’s not fair.”

       Waverly raised her brows. “Oh, don’t think I’m not pissed at all of you, too, cause trust me, I am furious ! Just more so at her. And if I were you, I would be very glad that you’re not her right now!” She said it loud enough so she knew that Nicole had heard her. 

       “She was trying to protect you, Waverly. We all were,” Gus tried to reason, but it was clear she was not having it. 

       “I am 22 years old! I’m not a baby anymore! I don’t need things to be hidden or sugar-coated! Why don’t any of you understand that?!” 

       “We do, Waves,” Wynonna mumbled, taking a testing step towards her. “Well, now we do. I promise, it won’t happen again and we’re sorry. Right ?” She looked around at everyone, and they all nodded, handing out their own sorry’s. 

       Waverly locked her jaw, though she knew that they all meant it by the looks on their faces. She let out a heavy breath as she moved around her sister. “You better not fucking let it happen again,” she muttered. “Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have to go decide if I want a divorce or not.” 

       “ Waverly !” At least three of them gasped, but she ignored it, continuing down the hall and pushing the door open, slamming it behind her and crossing her arms. 

       Nicole had been slowly pacing the room with her hands covering her mouth, but she stopped when the brunette walked in, staring at her with wide eyes as she approached her. “Y- You don’t mean that, do you?” She questioned softly with a heavy shake to her voice. 

       “Oh, yes , I do,” she assured with an angered laugh, though she knew deep down it was that anger talking for her. 

       Nicole’s face paled as the pit in her stomach rose all the way to her chest, nausea taking over her body. “ Babe -” 

       “ Why , Nicole?! Why did you keep this from me?!” She demanded, throwing her arms out. 

       “I was protecting you,” the redhead answered, keeping her voice soft and gentle in hopes to get her to lower her’s. 

       “How was this protecting me?! I could have helped !” 

       “I was trying to keep you from a mental breakdown , Waverly, ok? You had so much shit going on, so I did what was best for you . I didn’t want to see what would happen if you knew because you had school and Champ and the court case already to think about. And . . . And I’m sorry it’s not what you wanted, but me and Nonna agreed it would be best for you.”

       Waverly’s eyes widened at her. “ Best for me? How the fuck do you know what’s best for me, huh?!” 

       “I’m your wife !” Nicole huffed, her voice slowly starting to rise. “Half the time, I know more about you than you know about yourself!” 

       “Well, I guess this was the other half of the time then, Nicole, because this is really not what I wanted.” She crossed her arms in front of her chest. “How do you think I feel? How do you think I feel after finding out that there’s a serial killer coming after my fucking people ?! And I haven’t been able to do anything to help because you thought I couldn’t handle it ! I put years of research into Revenants, but I haven’t even been able to lift a fucking finger because apparently you get to make all my decisions for me now!-” 

       “I’m not trying to do that and you know it, so don’t even fucking start,” Nicole growled as the heat started to rise to her face. “Believe it or not, my job is to protect people. And since you live in this town, that means it’s my job to protect you , too. Even if it’s not what you wanted. Th-”

       “That has absolutely nothing to do with it!” She shouted. “This isn’t a police case, it’s a Black Badge case. That means I have just as much power as you do!” 

       “Really? Cause I’m pretty sure that means Dolls would be calling you each time there was a problem then.” 

       “He calls you cause you’re the Sheriff , you fucking dumbass ! It looks a lot better for the Sheriff to be investigating something than a fucking Earp !” 

       Nicole’s face tightened as a sting of hurt zapped her heart. “ Wow , would ya look at that! It all comes back around to my job and protecting people by allowing them to believe that someone that should be is actually trying to do something to help this town!” She took a quick step towards her. “And I don’t know about you , but I’d much rather them believe it was a human doing the killings than a demon !” 

       “And I don't know about you , but I’m sure they’d want the girl who is the most informed  person on Earth about this case helping out! But no . You’re more concerned about my feelings !”

       The Sheriff spun around, throwing her arms up as she paced to the other side of the room as she spoke, “How dare I want the best for you! How dare I make a judgment call! How dare I care about your mental health ! How dare I assume that this would add far too much to your already full fucking plate of bullshit and trauma !” She turned back around, slowly making her way back towards her with the first set of burning tears rolling down her cheeks. “How fucking dare I , Waverly!”

       She stormed forward to meet her in the middle, shoving her finger into her chest. “You’re not my keeper !” 

       “I’m not trying to be !” 

       Waverly tipped her head at her. “Making all my decisions for me and assuming how I should and shouldn’t feel about things? That really sounds like you are, Nicole!”

       The redhead shook her head, looking away from her as she wiped her face with her hoodie sleeves. “I’m sorry,” she mumbled after a few seconds. “I thought I was doing the right thing.” 

       “Yea, well, you weren't .” 

       She looked back towards her with a grimace. “Yea, no fucking shit , Waves, thanks.” They stared at one another for a moment as the tears kept at it, burning down Nicole’s face.

       The brunette broke the silence, cocking her head to the side. “Were you ever gonna tell me?” 

       Nicole gave a half-hearted shrug. “Honestly, I don’t know.” 

       “You don’t know?” She repeated in question, widening her eyes. 

       “That’s what I said, isn’t it?” 

       The anger pushed right back onto Waverly’s face. “You were going to continue to let people I love get murdered and not tell me?!” 

       “I said I don’t know , Waverly, ok?!” 

       “What is wrong with you?!” 

       Nicole turned away from her again. “I think you know me well enough to know there’s a lot wrong with me.” 

       The brunette glared at the back of her head. “ Quit walking away from me!” 

       She pivoted back. “ What ?! What else do you want me to say?! I already told you I didn’t mean to hurt you and that I was sorry! I fucked up and I realize that, so tell me cause I don’t know what else you want besides to belittle me and make me feel like even more of an asshole !” Nicole walked towards her to stand right in front of her again as she waited for an answer. 

       But she just stared up at her with that ever-present fury in her eyes. 

       The Sheriff nodded with a sniffle, “Got it.” She moved around her and pulled the bedroom door open, making her way out of the room with her hands shoved deep in her shorts pockets. Everyone remained standing around in the living room, eyes falling to her when she emerged from the hallway. She gave their saddened faces an attempt at a smile despite the tear stains on her face, flicking her eyes towards the front door. “I’ll be in the barn if anyone needs me to make any decisions for them.” 

       Gus’ brow dipped as the redhead made her way outside, running her hands up and down her face. “Good lord .” She looked towards Wynonna. “Go check on her, would ya?” 

       She nodded, walking over and slipping some shoes on. “I’ll give her a minute.” She moved back over towards the rest of them, running her hand through Alice’s hair as Doc held her, for their yelling had startled her again. “Shh, it’s ok,” she mumbled, leaning forward and pushing a kiss to her head. She looked up at Doc. “D’you wanna give her a bottle? See if she’ll calm down a little?” 

       “Mise well give it a shot,” he sighed, moving towards the kitchen to do so. 

       Wynonna looked towards Gus and Michelle. “Do one of you wanna go deal with that one?” She pointed to the bedroom where Waverly was. 

       Gus looked towards her sister, tipping her head. “You made her.” 

       Mama let out a small huff, “You’re on breakfast then.” 

       “Always am anyway,” she grumbled, turning towards the kitchen as Michelle started down the hallway.

       Wynonna turned, heading towards the door and walking outside, slowly approaching the barn. Her heart sank in her chest, hearing the muffled cries coming from inside. She cracked the door open an inch. “Nic . . . Can I come in?” She waited for a second but after no negative response, she went in anyway, looking around the corner to find the redhead laying on her side on the bed, her body curled around the pillow she was clutching to her chest and crying into. Wynonna let out a sad sigh, walking the rest of the way over to the bed and laying down next to her. “C’mere, Dude.” She slid her hand down her arm.

       Nicole released the pillow from her grasp and flipped over, gripping her fingers into her t-shirt as she curled into her front, shoving her face into her chest with a choked sob. Wynonna wrapped her arm around her tightly, closing her eyes as she pushed her fingers through her hair. “Shh, it’s alright.” 

       “No,” Nicole said with a shake of her head. 

       “Yes, it is. Breathe,” she mumbled, hugging her a little tighter. She grabbed the pillow that she had been holding and pulled it behind her head, rolling to her back and dragging Nicole to lay on top of her before grabbing the blanket at the end of her bed with her foot and pulling it over them.

       “I really fucked up,” she choked out as she tried to calm down, but it really just wasn’t working. 

       “No, you didn’t ,” Wynonna assured. “You did what you thought was right . You did what we all thought was right.”

       “Well, it wasn’t.” A new wave of tears rolled out of her eyes, and the brunette couldn’t do anything but hug her tighter and assure that it was ok. 

       So that’s what she did until she tired herself out enough to fall asleep 20 minutes later. 

       Gus slowly walked into the barn about 30 minutes later, going to let them know breakfast was ready, but once she saw Nicole fast asleep, curled into Wynonna’s chest as she also was asleep, she figured she’d leave them be, letting them come grab some food when they needed it. 

.  .  . 

       Things around the Homestead were rather glum over the next four days. They all were quick to realize that if WayHaught wasn’t happy, no one was happy. Without the two’s bubbly personalities, things just didn’t feel right. Nicole had continued to sleep out in the barn and only came inside a few times a day. It didn’t help that she had started working far too much overtime either. Waverly kept to herself for the most part, mostly because everyone was too scared to bother her still. 

       Tensions were high if the couple was even in the same vicinity of one another. And there was nothing worse than having to be in the BBD office with the each of them, watching as they stayed on completely opposite sides of the room, not even making eye contact with one another. 

       Wynonna was damn near tired of it enough to grab them each by the hair and force them to talk to each other, but Mama told her she wasn’t allowed to do that. She just couldn’t wrap her head around the reason that her sister was so mad . She knew she got upset when she wasn’t told things, but it was crystal clear that Nicole had only done it to protect her. 

       Either way, it was up to them to figure it out. All she could do was hope it was soon because she was honestly sick and tired of Waverly’s annoyed tone and Nicole’s sad face. 

       Nicole lifted her head from her pillow after hearing a knock on the barn door. “What?” She grumbled. It was her day off and all she wanted was to be left alone. 

       The door opened and in walked Gus with a bowl of something. She flicked the light on and gave her a little smile as she sat on the end of the bed. “How are you, Dear?” 

       “Not hungry,” she mumbled, dropping her head back to her pillow. “I ate not that long ago.

       “Oh, did you now?” The older woman asked with a lift of her brow, flicking her eyes to the empty liquor bottles and beer cans on the floor. “Whiskey’s not eating, Nicole.” 

       “I ate real food, Gus.” 

       “What’d you eat?” 

       Nicole looked towards her with a tightened brow. “I had cereal.” 

       She nodded, but grabbed her arm and pulled her to sit up, getting a whine of complaint. “I know your lies work on Wynonna, but I know damn well you haven’t eaten anything since this started and I’m not gonna have you die on me.” She shoved the bowl of ramen into her hands.

       “Gus-”

       “Eat the damn noodles, alright? If not for yourself then for me? I know you ain’t got no appetite, but you can’t just not eat.” 

       The redhead let out a heavy sigh, leaning back against the wall and pulling her legs in criss-cross, shoving a forkful in her mouth. “Are you happy now?” 

       “I’ll be happy after I sit here and watch you eat that whole bowl,” she informed pointedly. 

       Nicole threw her a glare but knew there was no point in arguing anymore because it wouldn’t do anything. “Why d’you care so much?” 

       “Because I love you, that’s why.” 

       “You love the mentally unstable, stubborn and controlling, semi-alcoholic fuck-up?”

       Gus narrowed her eyes at her. “No, I don’t. Cause that’s not who you are.” She reached across her and grabbed her pill bottle off the nightstand. “First of all, these don’t speak for you. Everyone on this plot of land is as stubborn as a mule, not just you, it’s all of us. You’re not controlling, you’re protective . You want a semi-alcoholic, go look at your mother and sister in-law. And you’re not a fuck-up.” She gave her knee a squeeze. “ Far from it.” 

       Nicole looked down as she twisted her fork around in the bowl. “Not true,” she mumbled. 

       “ All of it’s true, Haught.”

       The redhead was quiet for a moment as she finished up what was in the bowl, setting it on her nightstand with a sigh, “I just . . . I don’t understand it.” She leaned her head back against the wall. “I don’t understand why she doesn’t get that I was trying to help. Like, yea, I regret it a lot . It was stupid, but . . . it’s not like I didn’t have my reasons .”

       The older woman pursed her lips a little. “Look. I can see . . . both of your perspectives. I can see why you thought it was the best idea. You didn’t want her to get hurt or scared or whatever with everything that was going on already, and I know you had the best intentions in your heart with it . . . But I also see why she thought it was basically stripping her of her rights. You’ve gotta understand how many times things have been hidden from her. Her mind automatically goes to thinking it is because people don’t think she is . . . adult enough, I guess. And I told you that when you told me what was going on. She wasn’t going to like it and I told you that.”

       “I know you did, but-”

       “But you didn’t think she would be this pissed off?” 

       Nicole looked towards her, slowly shaking her head. “No.” 

       Gus gave her knee another squeeze. “She’ll come back around I promise. Just give her some time to figure it out.” Her brows dipped at the way that the sadness and fear pushed onto the redhead’s face just as quickly as the tears in her eyes. 

       “But what if she doesn’t wanna be-”

       “She will,” the older one assured surely. 

       “You don’t know that!” Nicole huffed, wiping her right cheek as a quick tear rolled down it. “If- If she decides that she doesn’t want me anymore, I won’t be able to live with myself. Cause it’d be all m-my fault.” She covered her mouth and closed her eyes, pulling her knees up to her chest as the watergates opened. 

       “Oh, come on, Nicole,” she said softly as she pulled her towards her, wrapping her arms around her. “Quit doing that to yourself. That’s not gonna happen.”

       “I can’t lose her,” she got out between cries, pressing her face into her shoulder. 

       “You won’t . She’d never leave you, I promise.” 

--- 

       Waverly pulled her eyes away from watching the ceiling fan spin, looking towards the door at the knock. “Hmm?” 

       Michelle pushed the door open, giving her a little smile as she walked in and sat down on the foot of the bed. “Whatcha doin’?” 

       “Nothing,” she mumbled, sitting up and leaning back against the headboard. 

       “ Nothing ?” She questioned as she moved up the bed to sit right next to her. 

       The brunette let out a heavy sigh, “. . . Thinking.”

       “About what?”

       She looked down at her hands, picking at her fingers. “Nic.” 

       Mama’s brows raised at her. “D’you wanna talk about it?” 

       Waverly looked up at her. “I mean, I dunno. It’s not just, like, one thing, ya know?” 

       She nodded. “Well. Let’s start with . . . if you are still considering the divorce or not?” 

       Her eyes shot right open. “ What !? No! Why would I want that?!”

       Michelle blinked at her for a few seconds as she continued to stare at her in shock. “Angel . . . You told all of us you were considering it, remember?” 

       “I didn’t mean it!” She huffed. “Why would you think I meant that?!” 

       Her brows furrowed. “Cause you said a lot of nasty stuff, Waverly. I know for a fact Nicole still thinks you meant it.” 

       Her eyes slowly widened at her. She had realized that maybe she had gone a little overboard, though she knew she had a right to be mad. It was the heat of the moment, so of course she hadn’t meant every word that came out of her mouth. That’s why she was taking a few days to get her thoughts on the whole thing in order before she chose to talk about it with her again. 

       But the whole time she had been thinking about herself. She hadn’t been thinking about how Nicole was doing through all of this. It was just herself. She had barely put a second thought into thinking about what she had said to her wife.

       Waverly brought her hands up to cover her mouth. “Oh my God, she thinks I want a divorce?!” 

       “She thinks that you’re thinking about it,” Mama confirmed. 

       Waverly’s hands slid up to push through her hair. “W- Is she ok?” 

       Michelle let her jaw lock for a second. She wanted it to be over just as much as everyone else, so there was no other way but to tell her the truth. “Honestly, no. She’s not ok. She’s scared and is blaming herself for everything. So if you were even having thoughts that she didn’t regret what she did, you need to throw them away now . She’s not eating , she’s not sleeping, she’s barely being a human being because she is so upset with herself.”

       “And all of that’s happening because of me ?” Waverly asked softly, feeling the tears brimming her eyes.

       “All of that’s happening because she's upset with herself and partially because she thinks you’re gonna divorce her.” Mama grabbed her and pulled her closer when she started to cry. “It’s not because of you, Angel.”

       “Yes, it is ,” she mumbled.

       “No.” She pushed her hand through her hair. “You had every right to be upset with her. She’s just dealing with the consequences now.” 

       “I don’t want her to.” 

       Michelle looked down at her, tipping her head up so she looked at her. “Then how about you go talk to her.”

       Waverly wiped her face a little. “But-”

       “Waverly. Please . End this. Go talk to your wife and figure it out. I’m done watching you both suffer.” 

       She let out a heavy sigh, sniffling as she pushed herself off of her. “Ok.” 

       “ Thank you .” 

       Waverly let out another breath as she climbed off the bed and made her way to the front door, walking over to the barn. She was just about to knock on the door, but she stopped, hearing the talking coming from inside. 

       “ You love the mentally unstable, stubborn and controlling, semi-alcoholic fuck-up ?”

       The brunette’s brows furrowed tightly. She didn’t know why Nicole would say that about herself. She was definitely not about to walk in and ask her, though, so she did the next best thing. 

       She listened.