147. Crashed

"The coconut nut is a giant nut!" sang everybody in the boat. "If you eat too much you get very fat! Now, the coconut nut is a big, big nut! But this delicious nut is not a nut! It's the coco-fruit!"

"Oh my God... ASTEROID!!!" yelled Yang.

Zed and Star try to warp it away but it strikes them as they begin falling to the ground.

Lei is blasted out of the ship through the window as Lord screamed in fear. He then flies out of the ship and catches her."Great! The important character is gone," said Rick, sighing. "At least we still have-..."

Steven Universe pops out of the spaceship as well.

"Fucking nice," said Rick.

Everyone yells as they crash land on a deserted alien planet.

The planet is filled with luscious curved purple trees with blue leaves all over. The grass is yellow and it stretches out several kilometers away. It's just yellow grass all over.

Rick tries to turn his portal gun on over and over.

*pew... pew... pew...*

It doesn't work anymore.

Rick throws it away and facepalms. "Shit... JoJo is gonna beat the shit outta me after this..."

"So... we're stranded?" asked Zed.

"Star. Interdimensional Scissors! Stat!" yelled Rick.

"You told me to leave it back on your Earth," shrugged Star.

"Zed? Portal us," said Rick.

Zed shakes his head. "I need to have the rune carved on Earth as well to teleport us back."

"WHY DIDN'T YOU!?" asked Rick.

"You told me no magic so I didn't make one!" yelled Zed.

"Fuuuuck!" yelled Rick, pacing around angrily.

"I have an idea," said Zed, standing up. "We repopulate. Star? You're 18?"

"I'm 29," she said.

"I'm 37," said Zed. "Perfect. I'm taking you. The rest of you can have Celine."

"Fuck off," said Celine in the background.

"You're batshit crazy, I'm sorry," said Zed.

"Aerosmith."

*BANG*

"GAH!!! MY FUCKING LEG!!!" yelled Zed, screaming in pain.

"I'm sorry, Zed," said Star to Zed, who is still rolling around on the ground, screaming. "You're cute, but my heart belongs only to the man I love... and his name is Marco."

"-JESUS CHRIST!!! IT HURTS!!! OH, YOU SHOT MY FUCKING LEG!!! OH, GOD!!!"

"But you are kinda cute..." she said. "No... sorry, I can't."

"-OH MY GOD!!! IT'S GETTING INFECTED!!! OH DEAR GOD!!!"

Morty grabs Celine's shoulder.

"This whole time, Celine... You've been doing the right thing," said Morty. "Maybe it's time for you to do the wrong thing, hm?"

"Aerosmith."

Aerosmith blasts a bullet into Morty's foot.

"OW!!! OOOH!!!" Morty drops to the ground, squirming. "OH GEEZ!!! OH GEEZ!!!"

Van prepares his sniper. He prepares a video camera next to him.

"Hello... My name is Van Hol Horse... You may know me as the Animal Crosser 69. I'm on an alien planet, about to shoot this weird alien land dolphin, and it ain't gonna be pretty-..."

Yang played with his capsules and shot them into the grass. The grass slowly succumbed to its death and rotted.

"Huh... It affects alien plants, too. What do you know?" smiled Yang.

Ryle leans down and starts drawing a single strand of grass before him. "How beautiful... That'll be perfect for the alien arc of my manga..."

"Great... I'm with these fucking weirdos," sighed Rick. Zed and Morty are rolling on the ground, cursing and screaming. Van is hunting and talking to a low battery camera. Celine is just sitting on a log looking at her mirror and brushing her hair. Star is rejecting a screaming and cursing Zed. Yang is shooting his capsules at random living things. And finally, Ryle is drawing grass.

Meanwhile...

*GASP*

Lord slowly wakes up in a swamp.

Lei coughs out blood.

"Oh, my God! Are you okay?" asked Lord, standing up as he then healed her.

"I don't know, Lord... You, a person who can control gravity and is therefore automatically pretty fucking heavy, were crushing me while hugging me as if I was his teddy bear. So, yeah, I'm fine! Just another night with my boyfriend."

The two look around and see that they are in a forest of green wood with twisted trunks. The trunks are about 10 feet wide in diameter and rise to the skies the size of mountains. On their feet is a small flooded ground with a foot-tall heap of musky water. The swamp had an odd smell of steak. Vines from the trees hung to the floor acting like roots themselves to drink from the water below. They hear howling and chirping from above and croaking on the ground level.

"Let's look around for a way to regroup with the others," said Lei.

30 minutes later, the pair had been walking around in the swamp silently and carefully. Well... Lord was talking...

"And then Zed said, 'Joe Mama!' Then he laughed," said Lord. "He laughed, Lei... and I got weirded out by him. You know what that means?"

"You didn't get the joke?" she asked, feeling rather annoyed.

"No!" yelled Lord. "We can't trust him. He must be an imposter. Like that blonde kid from Dream's video."

"THEN!!!" yelled a voice in the corner of the swamp. "WE WILL ATTACK THEIR FLANKS AND CRUSH THEIR VILLAGE!!!"

"Get down!" whispered Lei, pushing Lord to the ground.

Lord and Lei peak from a bush to see Do'Bumsha Do'Kalak speaking with some rocks with smiley faces carved on them that he placed on the ground.

"WE WILL TURN EACH OF THEM TO RUBBLE AND MAKE THEIR CHILDREN INTO SLAVES!!!" he growled. "And their women... Hmhmhmwahahahahahaha!!! Oh, the women..." he cackled. "We will leave them alone and respectfully go home."

*ACHOO!!!*

"GODDAMN IT, LORD!!!" yelled Lei.

"Sorry," said Lord.

"GAH!!! WHO GOES THERE!?" asked the psychotic Kapitan Dirigma, preparing his heat vision as his eyes glowed red. "YOU WANNA GO, ASSHOLE!? I KNOW SPACE KARATE!!! IT'S CALLED SPIN-USING!!! SORARARA!!! SORA!!!"

"Hey, Bumi!" smiled Lord.

"You..." he hissed. "JoJo..."

"Hey-o!" smiled Lord.

"H-Hey..." sighed Lei, standing up.

"How did you two find me!?" asked Kapitan Dirigma. "How!?"

"Fate, I guess?" asked Lord. "Whatcha havin' for dinner? I'm starving!"

"BACK AWAY!!!" yelled Kapitan Dirigma, as he brought out his Steel Ball. "I'll kick your ass again if I have to!"

"Don't be such an edgy person, Bumi," said Lord, crossing his arms. "You should know some manners to your guests!"

"Lord, he isn't our guest. For all we know, he could try and kill us right now for food," said Lei.

"No... I won't..." said Kapitan Dirigma, sighing. "I've been stuck here for five years... I haven't talked to anyone and I might be hallucinating. You are real, right?"

"Rick says that nothing is real and everything is part of the imagination of the Old God Golb."

"Oh, no... Brutal confirmation!" sobbed Do'Bumsha.

"Why can't you leave?" asked Lei.

"Anyone who enters the swamp stays in the swamp," said Do'Bumsha. "That is the rule that I've learned."

"Have you tried believing that you can leave?" asked Lord.

"Thirty versions of that rock over there told me that already. Fifteen versions of that stick said that, too. That log over there always tells me that it's a dumb idea... But I never listen..." he sighed.

Lord turns to each of them and sees that each of them has creepily carved misshapen smiley faces.

"Gah!" yelled Lord out of fear.

"So, what!?" asked Lei. "We're just stuck here!?"

Lord looks around.

"Hey! It's Steven!" Lord pointed south and they see Steven blasting his shield upward. Each time he throws it away, it bounces back after a short moment.

Steven pants in exhaustion.

"RAUGH!!!" he yelled, blasting his shield again upward. It drops back on his hand. "RAUGH!!!"

*shing*

*tong*

*clang*

Steven pants in exhaustion.

"Hey!"

*pat*

"WHOA!!!"

*BANG*

Steven blasts a punch out of nowhere, but Lord's Crazy Diamond caught his hand.

"Whoa!" yelled Lord. "Careful there, buddy."

"Oh," said Steven, panting. "Hey, Lord."

Steven looks upward.

"I don't know how to get out of here..." said Steven. "Something is blocking our way out."

"You..." whispered Do'Bumsha. "You're a Diamond!" he yelled. "Hmhmhmhm..." he arrogantly snickered. "Here to challenge me, perhaps? Very well, Diamond..."

"Sorry. But, I don't even know who you are," he said, squinting his eyes.

"I am the King of all Fortisites," he sneered. "And with my ungodly powers, I will smite thee, Diamond!"

"Uh... I don't like getting into fights, a lot," said Steven, smiling awkwardly.

"RAUGH!!!" yelled Kapitan Dirigma, as Grateful-Dead's fist and his fist blasted punched toward Steven, which he blocked with his shield. "I SHALL HAVE YOUR SHARDS PLACED ON MY WALL!!!"

*BANG*

*craaaack*

Kapitan Dirigma's face was blasted with a powerful punch.

"DORA!!!"

"Hey!" yelled Lord. "I... don't know what to say next. Can you please not attack him? Please? Could you-... Not?"

Kapitan Dirigma growls at Lord as he slowly turned to Lord's face, pushing his Stand's fist away as Grateful Dead slowly forms from his body. "Grrrr....."

Steven stares silently at Kapitan Dirigma.

"Hmph..." said Lord.

Lei senses something in the waters with her Stand.

"Guys?" asked Lei. "Something's here with us."

*step step step*

*splash splash splash*

"Why... hello, dearie!" smiled an adorable and little old lady. "Could you point me in the direction of the nearest drugstore?"

The four are rather weirded out by this... old lady... appearing right before them. She is dressed in a typical old lady attire: round glasses, blue muffler, red sweater, and pink skirt with flowers on it. She also has a hair bun on her head.

"Good noon, I believe," she smiled. "Would you like some apple pie, dearies?"

"Uh... Aha! Who are you?" chuckled Kapitan Dirigma.

"I am Granny Goodness, dearie," she smiled sweetly.

"Oh, hello, Ms. Goodness!" smiled Steven. "Do you know a way for us to get out of here?" he asked rather politely.

"Steven... That's an old lady," said Lei. "If anything, she's just as confused if not more confused than we are."

"But... she's fun to look at!" explained Lord. "And if you ask me, we could get cookies from her."

"Cookies!?" said Lei. "How does that offer any significance in this situation!? And I don't think she has-!"

Granny Goodness offers them each a plate full of what looks like chocolate-chip cookies.

"Ooh!" smiled the three boys.

"Kapitan Dirigma approves of this old woman and shall not destroy her homeworld," said Kapitan Dirigma.

"This is so good," said Lord. "I mean, I have diabetes, but DANG!!!"

"They're like chocolate-chip cookies, but with cream filling inside them!" smiled Steven.

Lei prepares her Stand, Oceanman: Spin Doctor.

"Guys, she's a Stand-User!" yelled Lei.

"No, dearie!" she smiled sweetly. "I am not! I do not know what you speak of!"

"Lay off the old lady, Lei," said Lord. "Can I call you Grandma?"

"You can call me any way you'd like, dearie," she smiled.

"Can I call you Grandmother as well?" asked Kapitan Dirigma.

"Me, too!" smiled Steven.

"Any name you'd like... dearies..." she sneered.

Meanwhile...

"Lalalalalalala!" sang Star, waving her head left and right while sitting on a log.

"Log 34. This is Rick Sanchez again, and I'm still stuck with these assholes. I'm beginning to lose my touch from reality," said Rick, now sporting a full-blown beard. "All I have is Morty, but I sent him hunting somewhere with Van Shoe Horse or whatever. Yeah... He's probably dead by now... I need a new Morty..."

"Hey! Rick!" yelled Zed, waving at him from the distance. "We found something!"

"Is it society?" asked Rick.

"It's a cool little bug dancing!" yelled Zed.

"Oh, shit! I wanna see!" smiled Rick, running after them.

Rick sees the tiny alien bug with three eyes, two horns, and large wings. It dances to the music...

"I bet 20 Dollars that bug can do the worm," said Rick.

"This is a Filipino community, Rick," said Zed.

"Fine. 400 Pesos," Rick rolls his eyes in annoyance.

"Heheheh..." smiled Zed.

"HAVE ANY OF YOU DONE ANYTHING SINCE I'VE GONE FISHING!?" asked Celine, stomping her feet.

"Yo," said Yang. "Celine! Check this out! Dancing bug!"

"Ooh!" smiled Celine, dropping the fish and walking toward the group of boys.

Ryle is drawing the art of the beetle's dancing, having 35 drawings of that same beetle in 23 different dance moves.

Meanwhile...

Lord eats some of the cookies given by the almighty Granny Goodness.

Granny Goodness kicks a tree down to the ground.

"Gee, Granny! You sure are strong!" said Lord.

"IS NO ONE PAYING ATTENTION TO THIS RIGHT NOW!?" asked Lei, looking at Granny Goodness in horror. "SHE JUST KICKED A THOUSAND-FOOT-TALL TREE DOWN LIKE IT WAS NOTHING!!!"

"I've seen enough weird things to know that this is normal, Lei," said Steven.

"You know what I'm seeing? Jealousy," said Kapitan Dirigma. "Do realize that she is your grandmother, too."

"THAT THING IS NO ONE'S GRANDMOTHER!!!" Lei shrieked.

"Lei, have you ever thought of what if she's just an old Fortisite lady lost in the woods just like we are?" asked Lord, gently holding her hands.

"Well... if you put it that way," said Lei, with eyes quivering.

"Now..." she sneered. "For dinner..."

"Why, what large teeth you have, Granny!" smiled Lord.

"Better to eat you with, dearie!"

Her eyes glow red.

"Oh, dear God," said Lei in shock.

"What big eyes you have-!"

*BZZT*

*SPLAT*

Lord screams in pain, rolling around on the ground. His throat and chest were blasted open as his blood gushed over.

"Lord!!!" sobbed Lei.

"Welp. He's dead. Looks like the God finally struck evil with lightning-..." said Kapitan Dirigma.

*BZZT*

*SPLAT*

"RAUGH!!!" Do'Bumsha howled, rolling on the ground and screaming as well."

Lei roared as she pulled massive amounts of blood from the old woman's face out of rage. She growls and kicks Lei away, who blocks the attack with a Spin-Imbued Water Bubble.

"RAUGH!!! OCEANMAN: SPIN DOCTOR!!!"

*BZZT*

Unlike Lord's heat vision, Granny Goodness' zigzagged at amazing speeds as the blast approached her neck.

*pew*

Steven summons a bubble and blocks the blast.

She cackles psychotically.

"I am Granny Goodness! Grandmother of Darkseid and ruler of the Seventh Quadrant of 4th World!!!"