187. Me, Myself, and Eye Part II

Everyone except Goku and Saitama prevents themselves from touching their food.

"Pretty normal if you ask me," said Goku. "Hey, Vegeta? Could you pass me the butter? I wanna eat another bar."

"Pass it yourself, Goku," Vegeta said depressedly.

"Did... you just call me... 'GOKU!?'" asked Goku.

"Yeah..." said Vegeta. "Someday... you'll go far... and I hope you stay there..."

"Saitama..." said Goku. "There must be something wrong here! And I can't tell what!"

"Saitama... I think something is making everyone in this house sad!" yelled Goku. "We should help them!"

"I'm Saitama and I'm a hero for fun, after all," smiled Saitama. "Of course I'll help!"

"The real heroes are the ones who tolerate your idiocy," said Vegeta, depressedly.

"Aw! Thanks, best buddy!" smiled Goku.

"That wasn't a compliment-... You know what? The hell with it. Cheers to that, Kakarot," said Vegeta.

"You can't trick me! 'Vegeta...' Or if that even is your real name!" said Goku, as he grabs Vegeta's hair. "What's your real name!? WHERE'S MR. KRABS!?"

"Huh? What?" asked Vegeta.

Saitama slaps him. "Where's Mr. Krabs!?"

"Who?" asked Vegeta.

Goku slaps him. "Where's Mr. Krabs!?"

"Come again?" asked Vegeta.

"GLADLY!!!" yelled Goku and Saitama.

Meanwhile... in JoJo's Bizarre Adventure: Grimm... my other book...

The Jazz Fusion are eating their meals at a cafe.

Spongebob sneezes.

"You alright there, buddy?" asked Patrick.

"What's wrong? You got a cold?" asked Josuke.

"No... I sensed... a disturbance..." said Spongebob.

Miguel JoJo shivers.

"What's wrong, Mr. Reaper?" asked Finn.

Miguel shakes his body. "I dunno. Chills in my spine."

Meanwhile... here...

Goku slaps Vegeta.

Saitama slaps Vegeta.

Goku slaps Vegeta.

Saitama slaps Vegeta.

"Goku. I don't think this is working," said Saitama.

Goku drops Vegeta's head on the table.

"Ow."

The pair thinks for a second.

"This must be an attack from an enemy Stand!" smiled Saitama.

"Stands? I simply don't under... stand!" smiled Goku.

The pair laugh at Goku's joke.

"Ignorance is a Goddamn bliss..." said Vegeta. "You two must be the happiest pair in the entire fucking world."

"Thanks, Getes!" smiled Saitama.

"Fuck."

Goku and Saitama fly out of the tortoise and look around for clues.

"Hmmmm!" said Goku. "How? Why? What? Who? Where?"

"What are you doing?"

"I'm trying to ask myself what questions to use."

The turtle lies on its back, motionless.

"Aha! That is the carrier, Saitama!" yelled Goku. "The turtle! It's acting sad!"

"Carrier of what?" asked Saitama.

Goku shrugs.

The pair brush their chins and say, "Hmmmm!"

"They're sick!" yelled Saitama. "The Stand must act like Monster Cells! But instead of turning them into monsters like in my world-..."

"It makes them depressed!" smiled Goku.

Goku and Saitama then brofist, handshake, elbow bump, high-five, and look into each other's eyes heterosexually. They then grab each other's hands and do a Riverdance. They then slap the back of each other hands. Then they grab each other's hands and spin around each other.

Meanwhile...

Mista pointed the gun at his head.

*click*

"Someone... took out the bullets..."

No. 1 sighs and shakes his head. "Mista! We're getting weaker by the second!"

"Yeah!" yelled No. 3. "We think that a Stand is making you guys ill!"

"Mista!" sobbed No. 5. "We took out the bullets because you were going to off yourself!"

The six Stands wander around in search of an enemy Stand.

"God... I'm unlucky..." whispered Mista, as he once more points the gun on his head.

*click... click... click...*

"Oh, please!" yelled Vegeta. "What makes you so pathetic, Gunman?"

"Scusami?" asked Mista.

"You're... You're nothing... You're made of irony... A gunman who has the least lucky shot... Hahahaha..."

"Why do you hate me?" asked Mista. "So... much?"

"You're a gangster... an... assassin... a murderer... I have no respect for anyone who fights with no honor," said Vegeta. "Why do you hate me? Because I have the number '4' in my name? Fucking stupid..."

Mista silently pulls the trigger again. He sighs and gives up and puts down the trigger. "You're annoyingly arrogant. You're selfish. You're serious and annoying. You do nothing to support anyone in this group... You don't respect the familia..."

"'Familia,' you kept on saying?" Vegeta snickered. "You are not my family."

"It's more... than that! It's more than just that, Vegeta! It's a bond! It's an attachment! And you never work with us! You never allow yourself to work with us!"

"My real family... is dead..." Vegeta whispered. "And I don't hate you for that... Why do you really hate me?"

"Goku said... you're a murderer... You talk about having no honor... But you've committed genocide on countless planets in the name of your boss..."

"Ah... my past, you say? Hmhmhmhm...Did he tell you that I was doing that to kill Freeza himself? The things I had to do to get to that... And Kakarot stole that act from me..."

"Huh..."

"What about you? Working for your Boss with no honor... assassinating who your leader wished, innocent or not."

"HEY!!! BRUNO WAS NOT JUST A MURDERER!!! He was a man of honor and decency... He made very sure on who he targets and who he kills or has me kill..."

"Huh..."

Vegeta and Mista silently stare at each other.

"I... had a daughter... you know?" said Vegeta.

"Oh... really? Is that why you're teaching Trish all of these weird magical energy powers?"

"What!?" asked Vegeta, as he growled. He sighed, knowing he can no longer deny it. "Sure."

"You know...For someone who has an unlucky place as the fourth Vegeta... you're pretty alright."

"And for an assassin... You're rather hilarious."

Mista's slight smile disappeared.

"In a good way," said Vegeta.

Meanwhile...

Trish and Giorno stare blankly.

"Hey... Boss..."

"Hm?"

"Do you think that since there are infinite possibilities throughout the Multiverse... there's a version of my father who wouldn't kill me?"

Giorno sighed. "Yes. And there's a version out there where my father isn't trying to make me evil like him."

"That's actually... less reassuring... knowing what I've been through..."

"Everyone in the world needs some form of closure. I promise, Trish... You'll get your own."

"And so will you, Boss..."

"You know, you can still call me Giorno," smiled Giorno.

"S-Si... Giorno Giovanna," she smiled softly.

"Oh! Just make out already!" yelled Vegeta, slamming his head on the table. "Use a condom..."

Meanwhile...

Jotaro stared silently at the old picture as his eyes quivered.

"MUDA MUDA MUDA MUDA!!! ROAD ROLLAH!!!! WRYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!!"

Jotaro slammed the table in horror. His breath went shaky.

Jotaro looked behind him and turned back to the image.

*pat*

Jotaro turns to someone who patted his shoulder.

"Oy," said Polnareff. "You're not the only one who lost people. I remember them all... Avdol... Kakyoin... Iggy... Sh-...Sherry...We made a pretty damned good team back in the day, huh, Jotaro?"

"Hai," sighed Jotaro.

"If only I could live those fifty days again," said Jotaro.

Jotaro's eyes quivered. "Hai..."

Meanwhile...

Gappy stared outside and sighed, sitting down alone.

Yasuho sat beside him and smiled softly.

"Hey, Josuke," she smiled, as she licked her elbow.

Gappy sighs and smiles.

"Heh..." he laughed softly.

"You already found who you are, remember?" asked Yasuho. "Your past doesn't define you."

"Neither does it define you..." smiled Gappy.

"Oh!" yelled Yasuho, as she brings out sesame honey dumplings.

Gappy turns red and smiles. "From the hospital."

"Hai! Hahahaha! I mean! I didn't specifically ask Giorno to make it or anything... I just-... Are you crying?"

"Ha?" asked Gappy. "I never cry."

Yasuho looks closely. "Oh my God! You're crying! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA-!!!"

"Okay... very funny... *COUGH SPLAT...*"

"Josuke!" yelled Yasuho.

Meanwhile...

Josuke, Okuyasu, and Koichi sigh, sitting depressingly in their room.

"Oy... Josuke... You think we'd be able to bring back my dad?" asked Okuyasu. "Lost my brother already... The idea of losing him, too, is just..." Okuyasu's face hardened and shook.

"I hope my mom will be okay..." whispered Josuke.

"Yukako-chan..." whispered Koichi. "Mama... Papa... Nee-chan..."

Koichi bowed his head and sighed.

"Haha... We're joking, right?" asked Josuke. "We're the Morioh Warriors! Why the heck are we acting so depressed!? We should be celebrating!"

"Why?" asked Koichi.

"Because we can win this!" smiled Josuke. "We've been chosen for a reason... Right?" His eyes quivered. "Whatever the hell is happening... It's affecting everyone in this group... The best thing we can do is try and stay positive... But it isn't working..."

Meanwhile...

Mob's 100% allows his vine to slowly choke himself and everyone inside the turtle.

Meanwhile...

Saitama sees Mob's vines wrap around everyone's neck from outside the key.

"Goku!?" asked Saitama. "Mob's trying to kill them!"

"I'm sorry..."

Goku and Saitama turned behind them and saw Boros in his first form, floating down before them. "Forgive me... Saitama... Kakarot... For I am doing this."

"Oh... my... Gosh... WE SOLVED IT!!! YAY!!!" smiled Goku.

"You didn't solve anything, you idiot. I just showed up before you," said Boros.

"Aw..."

"Boros? You're the one causing them sadness?" asked Saitama.

"I'm not making them depressed, you idiot. I'm lowering their serotonin levels using my Stand, Me, Myself, and Eye," said Boros. "It didn't work on Kakarot because of his brain damage, probably. Meanwhile, it didn't work on you, Saitama... tragically because you lack serotonin altogether."

Saitama's eyes quivered.

"Why are you doing this?" asked Saitama, squinting his eyes.

"It represents my utter pain and sadness of having lost my homeworld... I was forced by DIO to destroy it, after all. That's why I have utter hatred and sadness toward DIO... but mostly myself. He threatened to destroy the rest of the world if I hadn't... But in the end...He destroyed the Universe still... What a cruel and awful man... Charming, yes... But far from honorable.That's why... Saitama... I ask you to battle me."

Goku yells. "Me first! I wanna have a go!" Goku transforms into a Super D Duper Saiyan, gaining yellow but long spiky hair going down his legs and losing his eyebrows. "HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA-!!!"

Suddenly, Goku's arms melt as he falls to the ground, paralyzed.

"GOKU!!!" yelled Saitama. Saitama angrily turned to Boros.

"I melted his spinal cord with the acids my eye-men cry..." said Boros, as Saitama sees microscopic "Eye-Men" killing Goku. "I'm surprised it managed to dampen Kakarot's healing factor."

Saitama leaped toward him as Boros began melting Goku more.

Saitama stops flying and dropped to the ground, bowing his head.

"Please... Fight me..." said Boros. "Don't just kill me when your friends are endangered... Please... fight me properly..."

"Why?" asked Saitama.

(theme begins)

"Because I want to die... but with honor... and respect... that's all I have left... and that's what I will give you... So please... return a Samaritan's act and have your pleasure," said Boros.

Saitama sighed. "Okay."

"Make it quick..." said Boros.

Boros and Saitama charge toward each other.

"Sayonara... old friend..." said Saitama.

"Farewell..." smiled Boros.

Saitama and Boros punch each other's fists.

Boros closes his eyes.

"I survived..." said Boros. "You... made me stronger with your Stand? Why? This is... This is an insult!"

"Because I'm giving you the fight you deserve... even if it's just a little bit... A fight we can both enjoy."

Boros is speechless.

"Very well."

Boros and Saitama charge toward each other.

Boros and Saitama exchange punches over and over.

"It truly is a wonder... what you're doing..."

Boros leaps upward and dodged Saitama's fists, transforming to his final form almost immediately.

"You truly deserve your title... A hero..."

Boros is blasted open by one of Saitama's fists.

*SPLAT*

But he reforms and continues to blast his fists over and over at Saitama.

"This is exhilarating... I only wish that you can feel it as well..."

Boros' eyes widen as he sees Saitama smirking for the first time.

Boros smiles.

"Are you feeling this happiness because of my power... or feeling this happiness because of your ironic pride over your own humble acts?Maybe a mix of both, perhaps? No matter...You truly are the greatest hero...The One Punch Man..."

Saitama closes his eyes as he blasted Boros' central gem.

*CRACK*

Boros drops to the ground and is caught from falling by Saitama. He desperately clings as he trembled in Saitama's arms.

Saitama sighed.

"I'm just... too strong..." he whispered.

"You're not strong only physically... but mentally... your patience is truly... heroic...I admire you, One Punch Man...I respect you...I honor you...And... I am grateful for having shared another fight with you."

The whole continent-sized island was destroyed by their battle. Only a fraction of sand was saved.

Boros fell on the ground, as he dusted away.

(theme ends)

Goku heals right at the same moment and slowly stands up.

"Hey... Saitama? Where's the Psyche-claps?"

"Cyclops," corrected Saitama. "And... He's gone..."

Everyone is asleep back in the turtle and Mob stopped trying to kill them.

"Ah..." said Goku.

Goku grabs Saitama's shoulder.

"It's alright, best buddy," said Goku. "I promise that I'll get stronger and beat you one day. I promise you'll feel emotion again sooner or later!"

Saitama smirks. "I'm counting on it."