276. Musicians of Burnham ~4 of Spades~

Gabrielle naps on the sofa as Narcos sips some coffee. Mercuria, meanwhile, ate some chicharron by dipping it in some vinegar.

Narcos turns to Mercuria.

*crunch...*

*munch... munch... munch...*

Narcos turns to Gabrielle.

*snore... snore... snore...*

Narcos sips some coffee.

*sip... sip... sip...*

*gulp*

"Ah..."

Raphael walks in. He grabs an apple from the basket on the table and bites into it.

*crunch...*

*munch munch munch*

*SLAM!!!*

Anne slams the door open. "Hello, babies!" smiled Anne. "I just bought pizza! And tomatoes for Raphael!"

"Yay..." they all said in a rather boring way.

"Guys! Come on!"

A headless ghost appears and takes the pizza from her hands then serves it on the table.

"Thank you, Emilia," said Anne. "Guys... Back in our day, we used to do something fun when we were bored. Kids nowadays just let boredom get to them... Honestly!"

"Yeah? Well... What else can we do?" asked Narcos.

"I don't know! Read a book or something! Geez! Don't burden me with thinking of something to do!"

"You just said that you guys were such masters with thinking of things to do," said Mercuria.

"Hmph! Fine. I may look like I'm in my 30's-..."

"Teens..." corrected Narcos, Mercuria, and Raphael.

"But hell! I will and I mean I will find a way for us to have fun!" yelled Anne.

"Mom. The last time you said this you made that swing set out of forest branches. Of course... I survived... but Gabrielle hit her head pretty hard that day. Now she can sleep for two days straight."

Gabrielle wakes up and checks her phone.

"Oh, please! Gabrielle's fine!"

"Hey, guys!? I just woke up and it's February!?" said Gabrielle.

"New record," said Raphael. "Two weeks."

"DID NOBODY CARE THAT I WAS PRACTICALLY IN A TWO-WEEK COMA!?" Gabrielle asked. "God! I feel like a Rock Human! Don't you guys hibernate as rocks for 20 years!?"

Gabrielle, Narcos, Mercuria, Raphael, and Anne all walked around the plaza on Main Road Burnham.

"I cared!" said Narcos.

"Uh-huh," said Gabrielle rather quickly. "ANYONE ELSE!?"

Everyone stayed silent.

"God... I'm so hungry and I'm finally getting cravings... It's my seventh week and I slept through my fifth."

"What are you craving for?"

"I tried all the veggies at home. I didn't like any," said Gabrielle.

"How about meat?" asked Narcos.

"Oh, Narcos! My kid knows I'm vegan! They would never force me to eat something they know I can't have!"

Suddenly, a man crashes a small plane into the ground before them. Dust clouds their vision as they all cough in disgust.

He slowly stands up as the dust settles.

"WADDUP BEBES!!!? HEY, EVERYBODY!!!"

(theme begins)

The Rat King appears.

"Oh, sweet Christ... No..." Gabrielle facepalms.

"Oh! It's the King of the Rats!" smiled Narcos.

"There is no King of the Rats," Gabrielle sighed.

"Uh... Gabrielle... Who is this?" asked Anne, smiling.

"Samuel Cameron! Call me the Rat King!" he laughed. "I'm American!"

"Hello," nodded Raphael. "I am Raphael JoJo."

"Anne JoJo," smiled Anne.

"Mercuria Costello," Mercuria squints her eyes.

"Step right up! Step right up!"

"Oh no!" Gabrielle declined. She points at Rat King over and over. "You think that you can screw us over like that again!? Well, too bad, buddy! We aren't taking over any more of your deals!"

"What!? Hell nah, girl! I'm only here to warn you! WARN YOU!!! ABOUT HER!!!"

"Who!?" asked Gabrielle.

"IMPROBABLE MAN!!!"

"Dude... Improbable Man's a dude!" yelled Mercuria.

"Stop assuming people's gender and sex, you sick person! AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! Alright! Do realize that someone freaky is out there! SOMEBODY!!! Somebody... sent to kill you!"

"Why won't you just help us?"

"That's what I'm doing! Duh!"

"No... you're just warning us about an inconvenient mishap that will drive us into conflict!" yelled Gabrielle.

"Yeah! Oh! Help help! Yeah... Can't! HAHAHAHAHA!!!" he cackle."She won't let me..." he whispered.

The Rat King then runs away and gets struck by a truck as he flops on the ground. He then picks himself back up and runs away.

(theme ends)

"MY LEG!!!"

"DAMN!!! SHIT!!! SORRY, OLD LADY!!!"

"I'M 37!!!"

The group looks at each other, confused.

Suddenly, four men that all look alike with sunglasses, black suits, and fedoras stood in the middle of the plaza, and each played an instrument. They woge in Gabrielle's and Anne's eyes into a Centaur, a horse-like humanoid who played the trumpet, a Cu Sith, a dog-like humanoid who played the tambourine, a Nekomata, a white cat-like humanoid who played the flute, and a Thunderbird, a chicken-like humanoid who had electric feathers who played the guitar.

They play what sounds like garbage noise.

"An electric chicken not playing an electric guitar!?" asked Anne. "Ew!"

"Ugh! That sounds awful!" yelled Gabrielle.

Raphael sighs. "Sadly, none of this is illegal," he said in sign language.

"I think it's alright," said Narcos.

"I'm getting a headache... Like I was punched in the face by a bare-knuckling Russian..." said Mercuria. "Don't ask."

"Hey."

The group turns around to see...

...an entity...

Everyone from the group blushes slightly.

Anne's eyes sparkle happily.

"Hey, Anne..." said Miguel, the entity.

Anne smiled. "You're-..."

"I know... right?" asked Mercuria, who whistles.

The entity, to her, looks like Tricia Una. "Hey. Heard you wanted a coffee?"

"Mama would like that," smiled Mercuria.

Raphael sees a Chimpanzee, Dede, from the nearby zoo.

Gabrielle's eyes twinkle as she sees...

Tooru... He wore a black puffy hat and wore a lab coat and a black shirt underneath. He wore brown pants and dark brown shoes.

"Hey, babe..." said "Tooru."

"Been a while..." smiled Gabrielle.

"Totally," smiled Tooru.

"Why are there two of you?" asked Narcos.

The entire group turns to Narcos. "Huh?"

"There are two of you, Gabrielle."

Anne squints her eyes as she covers her ears.

"Miguel" glitches into a creepy Stand that resembles a humanoid fish with a goldfish's head for a head that has eyes twitching and looking everywhere. It has golden scales all over its body with webbed hands and feet. It has a dorsal fin and a tail fin. It has a mouth on its stomach that has sharp needle-like teeth and an awful stench can be smelled from it similar to a dead rat.

Anne yells, "Guys! Cover your ears! It's a Stand! Cover your ears!"

Everyone in the group immediately covered their ears as they see the entity. They also smell its stench and hear its shrieking.

Gabrielle gags the most from the stench.

"I can't believe that looked like Tooru!" yelled Gabrielle.

"Ha?" asked Narcos, Anne, and Raphael.

"What!?"

"Nothing," said Narcos.

"Tooru!?" asked Anne and Raphael.

"Oh! It's my fault that I still have feelings for him!" yelled Gabrielle.

"He is way older than you!" yelled Raphael.

"So!?" asked Gabrielle.

Suddenly, the people around them began approaching the creature as the creature prepared to eat a person.

*GROWL*

The creature bites at a man's head, but Anne blocks it with-...

"STICKY FINGERS!!!" yelled Anne, as Sticky Fingers grabs the creature by its supposed neck.

"STONE FREE!!!" 

"ORA!!!"

Both Stone Free and Sticky Fingers wrestle against the odd Stand creature.

"We're going to have a really long conversation about this Tooru fella," said Anne.

"No, we aren't," said Gabrielle.

Suddenly, a gunshot could be heard nearby.

*BANG*

Narcos successfully blocks the bullet by shooting an ice spike at the bullet that nearly struck Gabrielle's head.

Narcos squints his eyes. "The creature's a distraction."

"This is an ambush!" yelled Raphael.

*BANG!!!*

Narcos blocks another shot.

Raphael pant-hoots and tosses seeds on the ground that turn into Tree Golems. They are about 8 feet tall and have wooden bodies. They have green leaves for "fur". They are slender and have long legs and long arms, similar to yetis. Their heads resemble a Chimpanzee's head. They each charge at the musicians as they pant hoot as grenades are thrown at them.

"Terrorism!?" asked Raphael. "Who the hell is this Improbable Man!? I thought he was some mafia boss or whatever!"

"He's just a capo," said Gabrielle. "The Boss is dead and the Underboss currently rules."

"Tooru, you mean?" asked Mercuria.

"WHAT!?" asked Anne and Raphael. 

"My grandchild's father is a Mafioso!?" asked Anne.

"Gabrielle!?" asked Raphael.

"Ugh! Off my back! Off it! Tooru understood me, okay!?"

"He was a toxic man who made a pass and impregnated by 17-YEAR-OLD DAUGHTER!!!" yelled Anne.

"Yeah!?" yelled Gabrielle. "Well! He understood me, okay!? He was calm, sweet, kind, cold on the outside, warm on the inside, sarcastic, smart, acts like a big ol' grump-..."

"You sound like you're describing your father," said Anne.

"What!? Pfft! No!" Gabrielle crossed her arms and looked away. "No way, I am. Am I!? EW!!! NO!!! I AM!!!"

"CAN WE FOCUS ON THE FACT THAT SOMEONE'S SHOOTING AT US!?" asked Mercuria. "KISS!!!"

Kiss duplicates its arms and blasts all her fists at the strange Stand. "OSHYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!"

"They're a hundred meters away!" yelled Raphael. "They're outside our range!"

Iggy, the French Bulldog, peaks out from Anne's handbag and growls.

*BARK!!! BARK!!!*

Iggy leaps out and itches the back of her left ear with her left leg.

"Iggy! Baby! Could you please help Raph and Narcos for mommy?" smiled Anne.

"Grrr..." said Iggy.

"Iggy!" Anne squints her eyes.

"Tch-..." Iggy follows after Raphael and Narcos.

"FURIIIIIIIIIIIIZIIIIIIIIIII!!!" yelled Coldplay, blasting its fists at the music band.

"BONSAI!!!" The Tree Golems blast their fists at the music band, but a barrier stops their attack.

Suddenly...

*step... step... step...*

"Why! Hello, everybody!" cackled someone in a deep voice.

"You are unlikely to escape..."

Everyone's eyes widen.

The Improbable Man appears wearing their black motorcycle helmet, black leather jacket, black cape, black pants, and black boots. "Walter? Would you please be a sweetie and place my throne where I'm about to take a seat."

The Improbable Man topples backward and sits on the chair that is placed by one of their soldiers.

"Why, hello there!" smiled The Improbable Man. "My God! Is the weather hot here!? I thought this was Burnham! It's like 30 degrees over here!In celsius, you damned American fools!"

"IMPROBABLE MAN!??" asked Gabrielle, astonished by her appearance.

"You thought you'd find us... instead... we found you! Oh, how would you break free of this sea of stone I built for you!" cackled The Improbable Man.

"ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA!!!" Stone Free blasted her fists at the Four's Stand, but the Stand is barely injured.

"No use, Gabrielle JoJo! 4 of Spades is far too fantabulous to be taken down by your glamour!" yelled Improbable Man. "Because oh my Gawd! You guys are the biggest slayers of the century right now! Gawd! It's like I'm watching characters from Game of Thrones!"

"Watching us!?" asked Anne.

"Um... Yas? I was watching you with cameras Daddy made all over the house. Luckily, he used the same password there in my home! Sadly you can't beat me because ya Stands are buh-buh-basic!" laughed Improbable Man.

"So... it's true... Miguel cheated on me..." said Anne.

"HA!!! CHEATED ON YOU!?" cackled Improbable Man. "Nu! Nu, he didn't! My daddy didn't cheat on you or my mummy!Then how can you explain me, you ask!?"

"YES!!!" yelled everyone else. "Please explain!"

Suddenly, one of the golem's fists slipped through into the barrier.

"Nah!" yelled Improbable Man. "Not until you beat The Four. Come on, bitchus! Take them out!"

4 of Spades begins to grow taller and blasted its fist into Anne's and Gabrielle's faces as they are tossed into street lights that are snapped in half.

"BUENA!!!"

*ZIP*

4 of Spades are then zipped in half, but 4 of Spades grabs Sticky Fingers and tosses it and its User 50 meters away.

Gabrielle blasts Stone Free's fists at 4 of Spades as 4 of Spades is forced to punch Gabrielle far away as well.

"HAHAHAHAHA!! HYA!!! Oh no! My sister is getting ravaged! Oh! Whatever shall we-!"

Raphael turns to Gabrielle and Anne.

"Gabrielle! Mom! Sing in uniform!" he said in sign language.

"What!? Why!?" asked the pair.

"DO IT!!!" Raphael strengthened his movements.

Anne and Gabrielle sang in the note Sol. "Soooooooooool..."

The barrier slowly cracks as one of the Golems punches the trumpeter. As the barrier cracks, Iggy brings out The Fool and uses the sand to enter the holes in their faces. They end up vomiting bones and internal organs as the sand pours out of their mouths.

4 of Spades then disappears as the people wake up from the trance. Their watches ring and say, "Stand Battle Nearby. Stand Battle Nearby." They all ran away from this knowledge.

Improbable Man's Stand appears...

Call Me Maybe...

"Perhaps Gabrielle and her friends lose their balance and all trip," The Improbable Man said, approaching them.

They all trip.

"Perhaps they won't stay standing because they're dizzy."

They all feel dizzy and drop to the ground.

"Uh-oh..." happily said the Improbable Man. "Somebody's feeling down! Hihihihihi!"

Gabrielle struggles to try to stand up. "Screw off... Bastard..."

Stone Free tries to punch The Improbable Man, who dodges the attack as Stone Free's fists became slower because of the loss of stamina.

Call Me Maybe grabs Stone Free's fists and kicks it away as Gabrielle topples backward. She sees The Improbable Man slowly take off their mask.

"Oh..." said Gabrielle. "So... you are a girl."

A woman with silver hair stood before Gabrielle.

"The name's Victoria JoJo. I'm from a world where our father fell for Jessica instead... as in that world... Mummy chose to let Anne die and fall for Miguel in a world where Salvi ruled all. Daddy and Mummy then ran me off in another version of the Prince Universe... then I was raised there... then... it was destroyed by our version of Stefan...Blah blah blah... Sad sob origin story.Toodles!"

Victoria Fortnite dances away doing Orange Justice.

"CRINGE!!!" yelled a man in the background.

"BE QUIET!!! IF YOU EVEN GET THAT REFERENCE, YOU PROBABLY EAT DORITOS WHILE LIVING IN YOUR MOM'S BASEMENT!!!" laughed Victoria.

Gabrielle's eyes close as Victoria walks tantalizingly away.

"Wrry..." whispered Gabrielle, as she closes her eyes...