390. Third Mission: Heist ~Minesweeper~

3 weeks ago...

Josuke stayed silently and waited for his next date.

A tall woman appears and sits before him.

"Hey..." Josuke bowed his head. 

"Hi!" smiled the woman. "Sarah Saiku! Hahaha!"

"Josuke Higashikata..." said Josuke. "Uh... Kinda new... in the dating game..."

"Do you like comics and manga?" she smiled.

Josuke's eyes widen. "Y-Yeah!"

Tonight... In the hospital...

"God I'm so tired..." said an exhausted Erina. Erina drinks a cup of Espresso and sighs.

"Miss Zeppeli!" yelled a male nurse. "There's a new patient. Here's their diagnosis!"

"Black eyes, bruises on the arms, purple marks on the neck, sprained wrists, agitation, sleep deprivation, alcoholic...You said that this person is pretty shy and meek?"

"Really apologetic, Doc! And they're so afraid of everything we tried to say to them..."

"I'll check 'em up, okay?"

Erina leaves and walks into the room. "Hello! I'm Erina Zeppeli, and I will be your Doctor-...J-... Josuke! "

Josuke is shown to have bruises and black eyes around his body. He has a purple neck and sprained wrists.

"Crap...! Hey!" Erina looks at Josuke. "Are you okay? What happened?"

"I uh... Bad guy... Tried to uh... kill me..."

"Really? Josuke... These look consented..."

"She... She hits me... She... She hits me pretty bad..."

"Who...? Oh my God..." Erina checks up his eyes with a flashlight. "Who did this to you?"

"I don't wanna... say..."

"Did you tell the police?"

"They laughed... at me..." his voice broke. "It hurts to cry..." He gulped. "It hurts to breathe... To swallow..."

"We'll fix you up, okay?" asked Erina. "Don't worry... We'll have patient-doctor confidentiality. You can tell me anything..."

Josuke shakes his head.

"I'm so sorry..." said Erina. "For breaking your heart... I know that... Shit... Shit..." she began to cry.

"You care...?"

"What the f-!? Yes! Yes, I care! I don't want to see you like this! Shit... I'll get another doc-..."

Josuke grabs his hand, shaking. "I don't want... another... doctor..." he whispered in pain.

"But this is really weird... and... I really don't-..."

"I don't care... I just want... to be with you... Please..." he sobbed.

"O-Okay... I'll be injecting you with Steven's tears, okay?" asked Erina.

"Okay..."

"I strongly recommend you call the police."

"But... I'm a Superhero... And... they laughed at me... and hung up... because they knew I could handle it myself... I couldn't restore my wounds... *gasp...*"

"I don't care. Keep calling them and have this bitch arrested, okay? Shit... I feel... powerless... of helping you..."

"I'm surprised... you care..."

"Yes... Because I was in love with you, Josuke! I... I am... in love with you..."

"Then... Whose daughter is yours?"

"Just some guy's..."

"Alright..." Josuke gasps for air.

"Does this hurt?" she presses one of his bruises, and his teeth woge out. He growls a bit.

"Shit! Shit! Sorry! I'm sorry! I'm sorry! Uh...! Here... This is gonna hurt..."

Josuke grunts as the syringe enter his bruise. His bruise heals completely.

"I'll be doing that with the other bruises, okay?God... I'll kill her for what she did to you..."

"She's a human..."

"I don't care... I'll tear off her head if I have to. God... Look at you..." she began to cry again. "I can't even hug you... Jesus...It's gonna be okay..."

"We only... dated for three weeks... Jesus Christ... I met her right after that night... where we-..." Josuke turns to the door and sees the Jazz Fusion.

"JOSUKE!!!" yelled everyone.

They try to hug him, but Erina stops them.

"Guys... he's too badly bruised for a hug..." said Erina. "Except you, two," she giggled upon seeing Spongebob and Patrick, who immediately hopped upward and hugged Josuke's arm.

Josuke laughs softly.

"You alright, dude?" asked Finn. "You're pretty Yoga Balls banged up, bro..."

"Who did this to you, man!?" asked Jake.

"The girl... I'm dating... did this... Sure... go on and joke about how I'm the quiet kid..." said Josuke.

"Dude... you dated the quiet kid! She's such a fucking bitch for doing this! We'll kill her!" yelled Gumball.

"Calm down. Let's just call the police," yelled Darwin.

"They didn't take me seriously..."

"What...?" asked the others.

"They didn't take me seriously because I'm a man and I'm a powerful Superhero... So... They laughed at me..."

"Jesus..." said Darwin.

"Great Neptune..." said Spongebob, looking concerned. "It's gonna be okay... There, there..." Spongebob pats his shoulder.

"Hey... you okay?" Gabrielle enters the scene. "Kuya Josuke?" she smiled sweetly.

Josuke chuckles. "Everyone's so busy... I thought that none of you would come, especially you..."

Miguel, Irene, Shizuka, Yurielle, and Jotaro also come in.

"Hi!" smiled Irene. "Papa's getting better!"

"I visited... They gave me clearance to go here," said Jotaro.

"Yeah... Hey, Josuke-Nii..." said Shizuka. "You holding up?"

Yurielle softly listens to Josuke's heartbeat. "You're heartbroken, huh? It's alright... We brought you ice cream!"

Yurielle brings in the giant cart filled with several ice cream boxes, chocolates, cupcakes, and flowers.

"You alright, kid?" asked Jotaro.

"I'm fine..." smiled Josuke, as he wipes his tears. "Thanks for coming, guys..."

"Yo, dude!" smiled Miguel. "How's the b-... it... going?"

"You were gonna say, 'How's the beat' weren't you?" sighed Josuke.

"I really didn't mean it this time," said Miguel. "I'll fix you up..."

Miguel touches Josuke's face and heals him up. "We had the girl arrested... I talked to the cops about it and gave 'em an earful... Boys?"

"Yeah?" asked the six of the Jazz Fusion.

"Take care of 'im, alright?" smiled Miguel.

Josuke heals up.

"You be careful now, alright?" smiled Miguel as he pats Josuke on the head.

"Yeah... sure..."

"So... let me get this straight!" asked Gumball. "Some ugly and overweight nobody just curls up in his room, writes some random ideas in his Notepad, adds in characters of OTHER people's works, and writes 'em out as his own!? Isn't that plagiarism!?"

"It's fanfiction! And what he did was add all the known fictions in different media and put them together in one gigantic cool epic ride!" smiled Darwin. "Sarah wasn't that wrong, y'know?"

"So a cinematic... Multiverse...?"

"Yeah!"

"But... it isn't his...?"

"Y-... Yeah..."

"Sounds like a loser to me. If he won't earn money with it, then why!? Passion!? Boo. I think he's just an evil loser who wants attention."

Ouch?

Finn then appears with black hair, a bald head, hair around his temple, and a mustache. He speaks in Davey's voice. "Hey, guys! I'm Davey!"

"Dude..." said Gumball. "You look like you're part of the Zero-Hour Gang."

"You look like you own a candy van," said Darwin.

"This is the disguise! For our heist tonight! Right, Josuke? We're gonna steal Al Cado's stolen painting! Remember? La Burgere!"

Josuke depressedly stares at the wall.

"Josuke... it's okay..." said Finn, speaking in his normal voice. "I could do it alone..."

Josuke nods.

Finn smiles and waves goodbye to the others. "Wish me luck and take care of Jake, guys!"

Jake is in the sink, taking a bath in punch. "I have the senior right to be here."

Suddenly, Josuke hears whispers.

*ZIP!!!*

Josuke hears zipping noises.

"(Josuke...)" whispered a voice in his ear.

Josuke looks left and right.

"(Find the cave... Hatch it...)"

"(Find the cave...)"

Josuke's eyes turn black with blue irises.

"(Hatch it...)"

"(Free it...)"

"(Hatch it...)"

Meanwhile...

"They say... That there's an egg out there... that whispers to you..." said the reptilian man. "The egg is in a forest in Earth-Prince... it was... laid by a creature there... A creature that's said to be the reincarnation of the original Golb... This egg... is also a reincarnation of that very creature... They said that the man who has more self-hatred than anyone will hatch it... because it promises you its love and kindness...The ego... truly is easily swayed... I give you that, Kujo Shizuka...So, we shall try manipulating that little friend of yours..."

Meanwhile...

"(I love you... Josuke... I love yooo~ooou...)"

Josuke grabbed his head. "I... need to go to bed." Josuke stands up and leaves the room.

"Let's just keep him safe," said Patrick. "Because something's telling me that something's wrong..."

"I know!" smiled Spongebob. "Let's cheer him up!"

"A party!" smiled Darwin. "This fanfiction I've read had the latest chapter about how the friends of a guy who was beaten up by a bully throw a party for him!"

"That's oddly pacific," said Gumball.

"'Specific,'" corrected Darwin.

Meanwhile...

Finn crawls inside the vents and enters a strange ventilation place into a building, undetected by the guards as he uses Peter's Stealth Suit.

You could say that Finn... vented...

Amogus Sus.

"UGH!!! I asked for more SAUCE-SUH!!!" yelled an effeminate male voice in the vents. "I ASKED... FOR MORE... SAUCE!!!MY FAULT!!?NO!!! IT'S YOUR FAULT!!! IT'S ALL... YOU!!!"

*SLAP!!!*

"EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEH!!!" he sobbed.

Finn looks around. "(Was that just Gangsta's Paradise just now?)" he whispered to himself.

"WHERE'S MY POR-RAHDGE!?"

A chill in Finn's spine occurs, crawling up.

Finn gets goosebumps.

"SAUSAGE!!! NOM NOM NOM-!!!"

Finn silently hides in the vents.

Finn sees the painting of La Burgere, which is just a painting of a Burger King Whopper.

"Why would some Crime Boss called 'Al Cado' want some random painting of a burger...Looks pretty good, though..." smiled Finn.

Finn tries opening the vents, but suddenly, stomping could be heard beneath him. Finn's eyes widen as he shook in fear. He kept as quiet as he could, even limiting his breath.

*stomp! stomp! stomp! stomp!*

*sniff sniff! SNIFF!!!*

"Where are you...? You small smelly little boy..." said Al Cado. "Wuh-ERE ARE YA!? I survived billions of worlds... *TUH!!!* I punched the trees in Minecraft! I killed The Bed of Chaos! I killed Goombas in the Mushroom Kingdom! I beat Tetris! I won in the Video Game Universes over and OVAH!!!"

Al Cado has Vegeta hair spiking upward. He is incredibly large and is comparable to Kingpin's body from Into the Spiderverse. He wears a red shirt and white shorts. He also has shoes.

"Hmph!" yelled Al Cado. "Where are yooo~ooou! Stinky boy!? HMPH!?"

Finn closes his eyes out of fear.

Suddenly, silence.

Finn sighs out of relief.

"THERE YOU ARE!!!" he roared, as he punches his fist through the wall and grabs Finn by the face.

He pulls Finn out of the ceiling and body slams him into the floor.

"Who is this!?"

Finn's Time Adventure shoots out of his body and punches Al Cado, only for nothing to happen.

"MUDA!!!"

*Boing-Boing!!!*

Finn fails to injure Al Cado. "What the what!?"

"Who is dis? Hello, cutie patootie!" smiled Al Cado. 

"Get off of me! You're so flabby and sweaty... So weird..." said Finn. "Not body-shaming, but you're Yoga Balls huge! Pretty friggin banaynay that you can stand-...!"

"Are you sayin' I'm FAT!?" asked Al Cado.

"Wh-Whoa... No! I didn't mean to! I just meant that you're kinda heavy on... every side of your body...!" Finn smiled awkwardly.

Al Cado gives a pouty face. "I... am OFFENDED!!! SOMEONE CANCEL THIS TRASH-UH!!!"

"MUDA MUDA MUDA MUDA MUDA MUDA MUDA MUDA MUDA MUDA!!!"

"How DARE you...!!! *SMACK!!!* I will eat you, you know!?"

Al Cado bites Finn and begins rusting his right arm.

"YEEEEEEEEEEEOOOOOOOOOOOOOOW!!!" Finn kicks Al Cado and drops to the ground.

Time Adventure grabs the painting and runs away.

"NO!!! GET HIM!!!" yelled Al Cado.

Several soldados wearing red masks and business suits chase after Finn.

Al Cado, however, calls for others to get his scooter. "HEY!!! YOU, THERE!!!"

Some of the soldados are feeding Al Cado's pet cats.

"STOP FEEDING THOSE!!! STOP FEEDING DOSE KKKKHAAATS!!! AND GIVE ME MAH SKOOTAH!!!"

Meanwhile...

Josuke grabs his head and hears the whispers.

"(Find me... Josuke! <3!)"

"(Search for me... Josuke...)"

"(I'm your soulmate...)"

"(Josuke... Hyahyahya... Josssssuke....)"

"(You want love, right? You... want... love...)"

Josuke's eyes widen as he woges and ticks his wings.

"WHOA!!!" yelled Gumball. "Just wanted to see if you were being the q-... Being a sad boi over here... Heheh..."

Gumball tries patting him on the back, and Josuke flinches.

"Hey... Josuke... I know how... No... No, I don't... I'm never going to understand how you feel.But I can say that... you deserve happiness, Josuke... You deserve safety... to be healthy... to be in a healthy relationship... and to be protected...We promise that we'll keep you safe... and that if she comes toward you, we'll kick her ass..."

"Thanks..." Josuke hugs Gumball.

"Whoa...! Whoa, whoa, whoa! Heh... Alright, buddy..." said Gumball hugging him back. "Yo welcome, bruh!" he said with a cool dude voice.

"Don't do that voice," said Josuke.

"Sorry..."

"Y'know what would be nice?"

"What...?"

"If this never happened and... I wouldn't have been hurt... We would've had pay for this week..."

"Why did you let Finn do the heist?"

"The painting is my ex's... And... I only dated her because her family only promised to pay us if I'd date their daughter... Now, they want us to bring back that painting."

Gumball's eyes widen. "Wh-... WHAT!? What's her last name again!?"

"Sarah Saiku," said Josuke.

"THE SAIKU FAMILY!? YOU DO REALIZE THAT THE ONE WHO STOLE THAT PAINTING IS-!?"

Meanwhile...

"NIKOCADO AVOCADO!!!" yelled Al Cado. "THAT IS WHO I AM!!! THAT IS WHAT I AM!!! THE MOST POWERFUL CRIME BOSS FROM EARTH-777!!! BECAUSE I EAT... EVERYTHANG!!!"

Finn runs away as Al Cado rushes toward Finn with his scooter.

His soldados follow him.

"Wait a minute! This is a disguise!" smiled Finn. "HEY!!! I, DAVEY, AM GOING TO HOP ONTO THIS TRUCK!!!"

Finn wears his hat again and removes his mustache, placing it on the truck.

"WHERE IS DAT PERVERTED BABEH!?" asked Al Cado. "HEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!"

"He hopped on that truck," Finn points to the truck with his normal voice.

"C'MERE!!!" yelled Al Cado. "UWAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA-!!!"

Meanwhile...

Josuke walks outside and suddenly, everyone yells "SURPRISE!!!" to him.

Balloons, cake, ice cream, candy, chocolate, burgers, fries, etc. All of that is stacked everywhere in the area.

"You guys really did this, huh?" smiled Josuke. "Thanks..."

Josuke is given a bucket of Cheeseburger, Chicken Nuggets, and Fries. 

Josuke smiles sweetly. "I wanna say something really sappy... that... I love you guys..."

"We... *ahem!!!* Love you, too," said Gumball. "*cough! cough!*"

Everyone sheepishly says things like, "Yeah... totally, bro..." or "Aw yeah, dude..." or "Bruh, yes, bruh..." or "Yes, my dude!" or "OMG, I love you for life, baby girl!"

Everyone else looks at Patrick for saying the last one.

"Thanks, Patrick!" smiled Josuke.

Later...

Everyone sighs in relief and lies on the lawn looking up to the stars back down.

"Y'know..." said Jake. "Sometimes I think that we're just a story told by some random kid out there and that we're just a representation of the innermost romanticization of his experiences, exaggerating them so that we could see even the little bit of meaning within them. Maybe he's lying. Maybe he's not. Do we care? All life our lives is just one big beautiful apple pie served to the people who read this cringy and unworthy material as a daily mature life lesson, even though some of them... or a lot of them... seemed very forced..."

"Wow... that's so beautiful," said Darwin.

"Yeah..." smiled Spongebob and Patrick.

"So... beautiful..." said Patrick.

"No, it's not!" yelled Gumball. "We're not real!? I would freak, dude!"

Well... This is Public Domain, so it's supposed to be expanded further by fans if I've ever gotten any... But... nah... No one's that hardcore yet. This is just for your enjoyment for now... Sit back, relax, and prepare to feel things like love and trauma.

"Just love the world, man..." said Jake. "And love yourself..."

"About Finn..." said Darwin.

"Finn will be safe... I told you," said Josuke.

"Okay... we trust you," said Darwin.

"I... miss her..." said Josuke.

"Erina...?"

"No... Sarah Saiku..."

Everyone's eyes widen. "WHAT!?"

"Yeah..."

"But... she beat the shit out of you, dude! That is not okay!" yelled Gumball.

"Yeah... I... enjoyed it... The pain... The humiliation..." Josuke offers a horrified face. "I wallowed in my own blood... The stinging... I enjoyed it... I loved the humiliation and the bullying... I enjoyed the way they forced me to submit... It reminded me of the times when I was younger..." Josuke gives a creepy and depressed smile. "I wanna vomit blood... I want more bruises... I want to have her tear me apart..."

Everyone else is horrified by this.

"You're like Ms. Kuta... just... way worse..." said Gumball.

"I want her to break me..." his voice broke. "I wanna get destroyed... Oh, God... Why do I want this...?" He teared up.

"Hey..." said Finn, walking out the back door. "What's going on."

Everyone turns to Finn with a horrified look.

"I got the painting," said Finn.

Everyone just... kept quiet...

Josuke smiled. "I remember... when the Monster Emperor tore my body apart..." he breathed in and out. "Gargling and drowning in my blood and plasma... The stinging of the bruises... It felt... Good... I wanna...Hatch it..."

"What...?" asked Gumball.

"I gotta... go somewhere..." said Josuke.

"O-Okay...?" asked Finn, as Josuke stands up and leaves.

"Let's keep a close watch on him so that he won't go back to that bitch..." said Gumball. "Jake! Stealth Glider Mode!"

Jake transforms into a glider and follows Josuke.

Josuke walks out of the mansion, woges, and flies away.

"Where's he going...?" asked Darwin, seeing Josuke fly past the mansion of Saiku.

He ends up in the forest... and there... he lands somewhere and walks into a random cave...

"Something's wrong..." said Spongebob. "Jake... Get down there."

"I can't... move..." said Jake.

All of them are frozen in midair. 

"What's... happening...!?" gulped Finn.

A light shines out of the cave.

"Why, thank you..." The reptilian man shakes Josuke's hand, who seems to be in a trance... He then knocks him out.

The man walks into the cave and walks out with a tiny caterpillar in his arms.

"You may move now... Fall..." said the reptilian man.

The group takes out their Stands.

"Who the who are you supposed to be!?" asked Gumball.

"Surprise!" he sneered creepily. He goes back to a calm and collected look.

"WHO ARE YOU!?" asked Darwin.

"Very well... It is rude to not tell you, after all," said the reptilian. "I am Toffee..."

"Pfft!" said Patrick.

The group begins snickering at the man.

"Doughnut or Cookie?" said Gumball.

"What...!?" asked Toffee, still calm and collected.

"Do you come with chocolate or strawberry?" asked Finn.

"BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!" laughed the six of them.

"Hey! Hey! You look like you're from a Filipino Editorial Cartoon or some shit!" laughed Gumball.

"Boy, you look like a land dolphin!" laughed Darwin.

"That's kinda mean, guys..." said Spongebob.

"YOU'RE BLUE!!! LIKE MY CRAP!!!" laughed Patrick.

"That's concerning, Patrick," said Spongebob.

"Why are you insulting me?" asked Toffee.

"Because you hurt our friend and put him in some hypnotic shit, a-hole!" yelled Gumball.

"No... he simply hurt himself... Your friend over here is the world's most self-destructive person in the world. He only loves you so that you could love him. He requires your love. Why? Because he doesn't love himself.He's only using you...Y'know what that's called?Co-Dependency. When was it the last time he did something for you, where you, with all your naive kindness, have offered him everything... You just recently even threw him a party... And he just eats and eats and eats until you never fatten him up... And you die as his slave... All of you."

Everyone is horrified.

"He has to learn to love himself... When he left you, that was the right move. Your unity is a mistake."

Toffee takes out a dagger and slices a portal. He enters it and leaves the current dimension, closing it after.

The Jazz Fusion felt shame. The others just help Josuke up and awkwardly and silently flew away with him. They stayed silent that entire night.