394. Fourth Mission ~Colonialism~

"But, Ma'am, clearly this child just said the n-word as an example of what not to do!" yelled Miguel, facepalming.

"I don't care! Punish him or you are not the Messiah!" yelled the African-American woman.

"NO!!! Y'know what? Say 'Indio.'"

"'Indio.'"

"*GASP*! Did you just call me an 'Indio!?' A derogative slang for my color!?"

"WHAT!? NO!!!"

"Very well. I forgive you. No, wait! I don't forgive you because YOU DIDN'T DEROGATE ME IN THE FIRST PLACE!!!" yelled Miguel. "Get the fuck outta here!"

The woman scoffs and leaves.

"I think you're being too harsh," said Lei.

"What's 'harsh' is being crucified in front of the whole world by the whole world. SO ZIP IT!!! Sorry, hormones..."

A woman walks in.

"Hey! Oh no... What are you going to ask...?" asked Miguel.

"MAKE INCEST LEGAL!!!"

"WHAT THE F-!? NO!!!"

"YOU DID IT, YOU HYPOCRITE!!!"

"Yeah! And you'll get what I got for it! Punishment! So, don't friggin' do it! Now GET ON OUTTA HERE!!!"

"Hey, Miguel?" asked Anne. "Here... And you forgot to turn off the oven an hour ago!"

"Yo," said Miguel, turning around.

"Ugh! Aren't you li-!? Whatever! This is what we've gotten from the Axolotl Gabrielle took a pic of," said Anne, offering a folder.

Miguel reads the file as his eyes widen slowly. "I gotta go..." Miguel opens a portal. "Love you!" Miguel kisses Anne. "Bye!" Miguel leaves. "I promise to turn it off next time!"

"Hmph!" said Anne, crossing her arms.

"The axolotl you fought was an Evolved Axolotl from Earth-SVTFOE-11815 that was recruited by the Dark Quartz Organization," said Miguel. "I'm offering the seven of you a long-term job. A case, perhaps. Right now, we are currently paying off people we need to and are too busy right now... So we are offering you a case to help us out to investigate this... Toffee... You earn money from us, the government will pay us a lot for this... And we could hopefully regain a lot of money and stop being broke for once..."

"I thought you knew everything..." said Gumball.

"What!? Who told you that!?"

"You did!"

"I don't literally know everything!"

"What did Ryle write into Stefan's body with Heaven's Door?" asked Gumball.

"Ryle Karne wrote 'cannot see or hear anything when using omega beams' on Stefan," he replied.

"See!?"

"Yeah! Because I read Ryle's mind during his time in Heaven! I have no idea what, I don't know, this is!" Miguel picks up a rock. "Like, what kind of rock is this!? I don't know! I just have a sense of what this is!" Miguel sniffs it and licks it. He then tuts his tongue. "See!? But sooner or later, I'll have a certain semi-precognitive sense of what it is-... Oh my God. It's-..."

"Petrified shit," said both Miguel and Josuke.

"Yeah," said Josuke.

Miguel grabs his mouth and runs to the bathroom. "BLEUGH!!!"

*SPLAT!!!*

*squeak! squeak! squeak!*

*sssshhhh...*

Miguel rinses his mouth. He warps out his toothbrush and brushes his teeth.

Miguel walks back to the group.

"So, you rely on your instinct...?" asked Josuke.

"Yeah. Pretty much."

"Y'know, Mr. Reaper told me that listening to instinct will ruin who you are."

"Josuke..." said Miguel. "Instinct isn't just violence and aggression. It's necessary for everyone's survival. It is our instinct that allows its own algorithm to keep our bodies and ourselves safe."

"Hm," said Josuke.

"Like how Josuke left us to get milk?" asked Darwin.

"Hey!" yelled Josuke.

"Well, yeah..."

"HEY!!!"

"But maybe he needed to leave you at that time. Because in my opinion, you guys are stronger than ever... But still, you need to tweak some things before you finally enter the 'healthy' circle."

"Really?" asked Finn.

"Probably," said Josuke.

"Sure!" smiled Miguel. "Just keep your nose up and you'll be fine." Miguel opens a portal. "I'm rooting for all of you, alright?"

They all nod to Miguel.

"See ya!" smiled Miguel. He walks into his Universe. "HEY!!! YOU!!! DREAMSEXUAL!!! GET ON OUTTA HERE!!! THE DEAL OF HAVING MINDLESS DREAM SEX GOLEMS IS OFF IF YOU KEEP COMING BACK HERE WEARING THAT!!!YOU!!! DON'T YOU DRAW THAT ON MY CHAIR!!! THAT SYMBOL IS ANTI-SEMITIC!!! I'M 1/8 JEWISH, ASSHOLE!!!"

The portal closes.

"Huh..." said the seven.

Later...

The seven are in the cafe, drinking milk tea.

Gumball suddenly feels the urge to urinate.

Gumball hops with both of his legs alternatively and bites his lower lip.

"Guys!?" asked Gumball. "I gotta get to the bathroom!"

"Just take the bathroom here," said Darwin.

"NO!!!" yelled Gumball.

"Fun fact about Mr. Ibarra's comment earlier," said Josuke. "Mr. Reaper, Mr. Ibarra, and I are all 1/8 Jewish, 1/8 Spanish, 1/4 Japanese, and 1/2 Filipino. Meanwhile, Jotaro is 1/2 Japanese, 1/4 American Italian, and 1/4 American British. Meanwhile, Gappy is 1/32 American and 31/32 Japanese, because he's a physical fusion."

"What about your kids?"

"I don't have a kid. But Gabrielle and Gabby are both 1/16 Jewish, 1/16 Spanish, 1/8 Japanese,  17/64 (basically 1/4) Filipino, and 15/64 (basically, 1/4) Italian. Meanwhile, Jotaro's and Gappy's kids are 1/4 Japanese, 5/8 American Italian, and 1/8 American British. Shizuka is full-on Japanese."

"Ah..." smiled Gumball. "It's okay! I'm wearing diapers!"

"You're disgusting," said Josuke. 

"You're disgusting because you eat duck fetuses."

"Filthy American."

"Dumb Filipino."

"Dumb New Englander."

"Filthy Savage."

Josuke stands up and prepares Prince.

"You guys seriously need to enter therapy again!" Jake grabs Josuke's chest, stopping him from attacking Gumball.

Meanwhile...

Mikaella cries as Gabrielle rocks Mikaella in her arms.

"Sh! It's okay! C'mon! I've been doing this for 3 hours, Mika... Please, fall asleep! C'mon! It's okay! Sleep, now, okay? Please!"

The baby coos and goes silent.

Gabrielle then gently places Mikaella in the crib.

"Hay Naku..." Gabrielle walks out of the room like a zombie. "Why do I have a silicon fetish...?"

Narcos finishes sewing the buttons in the coat. "There! I could sell these for a few units! The fabric's so nice! I should sell this for around... 2 units...? Yeah! We could earn billions back in no time!"

"Thank you for trying," smiled Gabrielle.

"Don't worry, Gabrielle! We'll get out of this broke-ness and be rich!" yelled Narcos. "Oh, sorry!" he whispered. "Sh! Sorry...!"

"No, it's okay. She's a heavy sleeper."

"Ah... we~ell... Cool! I still think we could get back the money. We just gonna put our faith in the Jazz Fusion and my new tailoring business!"

"Tailoring business?"

"'Narcos Cool Wools, Loads of Cloths, and Skillful Silks,'" smiled Narcos. "I sell every piece of cloth for 2 units! It's an ingenious idea, huh?"

"I guess...?" giggled Gabrielle.

*BEEP BEEP!!!*

Gabrielle checks her watch. "What the hell!? A 'genocide!?'"

"What's happening?" asked Narcos.

"Maharlica is... colonizing the Apes of Earth-2011!?" asked Gabrielle.

"What!?" asked Narcos. "Whoa, whoa... That shouldn't be! We're not allowed to colonize anyone! It should only be that way!"

Gabrielle begins to frown. "Y-Yeah... 'Should be only that way...'"

Meanwhile...

Several Apes run away as several Maharlican ships shoot at the poor creatures.

*RATATATATATATATATATA!!!*

Several men, women, and children are killed by the slaughter of the ships.

"Good job, my bros!" smiled a Filipino general. "Let's get on with it!!!"

"HEY!!!" yelled Gabrielle, appearing on screen.

"Ah, shit... Hello, Madame JoJo."

"You are not allowed to be colonizing this Earth. It's off-limits!"

"Your father colonized the United States!"

"Yeah! But this is fucked up, dude! He colonized the United States in preparation for Stefan! And he gave the Americans equal rights as the Maharlicans! So it was an invasion!"

"Yeah! But we didn't leave the Americans, huh?"

"What do you even want with the Apes...?" asked Gabrielle.

"It doesn't matter! Maharlica has already colonized the Planet of the Apes!"

"Excuse you!?"

"Yeah! It's been signed by the Senate that we legally own the Apes!"

"You can't legally own the Apes! You can't just own people! If the people never agreed to it-!"

"Exactly what the Americans argued to your father, JoJo. And here we are! A couple of hypocrites! Wait! I'm not! Because I'm fine with doing this!C'mon boys, drinks on me!"

Later...

"Hey... Guys!" yelled Gabrielle, calling the group. "I need you to take pictures of the damages caused by Ahasan and his men and actual proof of Dr. Hitohito killing innocent people."

"The ecological study on Earth-2011?" asked Finn.

"Yes..."

Later...

The seven enter the Universe wearing exo-suits while entering the Ape Kingdom. They walk around in the forests of the Apes.

"So, what do we do?" asked Gumball.

"We take pictures. We take videos. We make sure that we don't get caught. And that's it."

"OOGH!!! OOGH!!! AAAAAAGH!!! AAAGH!!!"

Several Apes appear before the seven.

"How dare you come here... You foreigners!" yelled one Ape.

"FOREIGNERS!!!"

"FOREIGNERS!!!"

"LEAVE!!!"

"LEAVE. US.!!!"

"GO!!!"

"GO. AWAY.!!!"

"WAIT!!!" yelled Cornelius in the background.

He lands before the seven.

"Josuke..." said Cornelius. "Your people have invaded ours. Why...?"

"Cornelius..." said Josuke.

"WHY!? Brothers... sisters... dead... By your kind!"

"Easy..." said Josuke. Josuke offers his palm.

Cornelius squints his eyes.

Later...

"There's gonna be a court-hearing in your world?" asked Cornelius.

"Yes," said Josuke. "Whether or not we should colonize you. And we're on your side."

"Why... is it that you people need to prove to a Human Judge whether or not OUR FATE should be in your hands!"

"I know... I know... Our politics... are fucked... I know..."

"I've heard of your kind... stories... That you, the Filipinos... and the Cryptids... have lived for years being oppressed by another race. The fair-skinned man. You filthy HYPOCRITES!!! Your kind... are hypocrites... What does a hypocrite know about saving our race? Nothing!"

Josuke and Gumball bow their heads.

"We know," said Gumball. "But that doesn't mean that none of us care. Some of us do. Some of us think that what these people are doing is sick and people need to be stopped from doing these atrocities. It's the American and Maharlican way... To walk as a free man. Or... in this case... Ape..."

Cornelius sighs. "One day."

"We need more time-..." said Gumball.

"ONE... DAY!!!"

Later...

The seven of them sneak around the forest, watching out for Maharlican Troopers wearing powerful exo-suits.

"So... Our job is just taking pictures?" asked Josuke.

"Yeah," said Gumball.

"Well, what if they need our help!?" asked Josuke.

"I agree with Josuke," said Finn.

"Yeah. Screw that noise. We gotta help these peeps!" said Jake.

"I'm scared..." said Spongebob.

"Me, too," said Patrick.

"But we agree!" yelled the pair.

"Uh-huh," said Darwin. "Gumball?"

"No!" said Gumball.

"What!?" asked the others.

"We aren't freedom fighters! Neither are we meant to fight for these people! We're meant to stop our people from hurting these people this way! The legal way!"

"Yeah... The legal way almost never works."

"Shush! Guys!" whispered Finn.

"Guys! Would you be quiet!?" whispered Darwin.

"Pfft! Your people should know! You guys colonized our people!" yelled Gumball.

"We invaded you! You colonized us first!" replied Josuke.

"Guys!!!" whispered Jake.

"To save you!" yelled Gumball.

"Likewise, asshole! And how does it feel!?" asked Josuke.

"This is fun," said Spongebob.

"Yep," said Patrick.

"It feels like you shoved your culture up our culture's ass!" yelled Gumball.

"Likewise, asshole!" yelled Josuke. "I think you guys are nothing more than another friggin' Empire who colonized us for resources! What we are now is because of your people and Spain! You created us, Gumball!"

"Yeah! And you're a hypocrite for becoming us!"

The pair stare at each other, angrily.

"Ahem!"

Several Maharlican soldiers stand before them pointing their blasters at them.

Meanwhile...

"Hello, your Honor... I am Matthew Murdock," smiled Matt, standing before the Judge on the left of the Judge. "I am here to represent the plaintiff, entire Planet of the Apes, the official Supernation that stands behind us now, represented by Gabrielle and Raphael JoJo. We are here today to decide if the defendant, Doctor Hiro Hitohito, is liable for the colonization of Earth-2011 on March 30, 2051. On that day, he brutally murdered thousands of lives and obliterated hundreds of villages filled with innocent people. We will provide Hellsing and Speedwagon reports that show that Dr. Hitohito was doing so under false pretenses that he was simply researching the ecology of the planet. In addition, we will provide the compelling eyewitness testimony of the only persons who saw these, The Jazz Fusion, who saw the defendant's supposedly horrific actions. Your Honor, these Apes, and I kid you not, these Apes, are people, and you could never change that. At the conclusion of this trial, it is my hope that in the interests of justice you will find that the defendant is responsible for causing a repetition of the illegal invasion and planned colonization. Thank you very much."

"Hello, there. I am Jerry Jenson," said the other man on the right of the Judge. "I am here"

"Hello, Mr. Murdock," said the Judge, who is Miguel. "Hi! I'm the uh... Judge... Apparently. Uh... Because we have to do these things legally, I just want you to know that I legally can't side with either of you. May I remind you, there are no juries in Maharlica because based on local Philippine law, juries are a waste of time," said Miguel. "Don't worry. None of us will be infected by the Virus because everyone in the room is Supernatural.Now... where are those boys...?"

"Come on...!" whispered Gabrielle.

"They'll be here," said Raphael. "I know they will."

Meanwhile...

The seven are cuffed in a ship among Apes with Stand-Destabilizers around their necks.

*ZAP!!!*

An Ape sobs and coos while a soldier on the ship electrocutes him over and over.

"GET BACK!!! GET BACK!!! WHERE IS YOUR CAPITAL!?"

"We will never... join your kind... The moment. We tell you. We are not Apes," said the Ape.

"SHUT THE FUCK UP, TADO!!!" laughed the Filipino soldier, shocking the Ape.

"That's enough!" yelled Gumball.

"Well, well... The American stood up," said the Filipino soldier.

"Yeah..." said Josuke. "So will I. A fellow Pinoy."

"Pfft... You're actually defending these animals? Look! The American is an animal! And last I heard, you're the crowned Aswang Prince! Prince of people who ate us!"

"They're people... just as you are to us," said Josuke.

"Pfft... Whatever, dude," said the soldier, as he electrocutes the pair as they drop to the ground.

"This isn't over, you Algebraic Tranch!" yelled Finn.

"Eat my ass, blondie," laughed the soldier.

*SSST!!!*

A vorpal gate opens and the General walks out.

Everyone salutes the general.

"At ease," said the soldier. He leans toward the seven. "General Theodore Macarthur Ahasan," said the Filipino General from earlier. "A pleasure."

"You're a Filipino..." said Josuke, who is shocked. 

"Well... Yes... Yes, I am." He paces around the seven. "Years ago... Your family and the Japanese people had caused me and my family some... inconvenience when you helped the Japanese rule over us..."

Josuke bows his head. He has a realization. "How old are you!?" asked Josuke.

"My Stand allows me to stay young for very long... And I watched you, Josuke... You're different... You care about the weak... You care about the oppressed. But let me tell you something, Josuke... The real people who are depressed are us... The Filipinos. For years we've been answering to the white men..."

A hologram of the Philippine Flag flows behind this General.

"Here we are to this day. We've been insulted, beaten, laughed at, mocked, and sabotaged by these people. The white man... In the end, even the white men take different forms. To me..."

He begins strangling Gumball and Darwin with the Stand-Destabilizers around their necks.

"The white man takes many forms. These four are fine... But these ones... The Americans... are the true oppressors. Russians... Germans... Spaniards...All the Europeans deserve to die... Regardless of the race... The west deserves to be destroyed... The east has been raped and violated by these... PATHETIC-!!!"

"ORA!!!"

Prince kicks the General in the face.

Prince used luck to free Josuke as a key drops from a soldier's belt and he unlocks himself.

"This? This isn't the way..."

"These Apes are the reason why the humans of this world are nothing more than pets. WHO IS THE TRUE COLONIZER IN THIS WORLD!? IS IT NOT THESE... PATHETIC-!?"

Note: The Simian Flu is a virus in the Apes Trilogy that makes Apes smarter and Humans dumber. The humans were then turned into pets of some sort.

He begins pulling an Ape toward him and begins tearing the iron out of his blood as he screams in pain.

"These are the true oppressors in my eyes! These people have destroyed humanity, and thus, shall be cleansed from the Earth for their impurities! For the Philippines! For the LGBTQ+! FOR THE ONES WHO HAVE BEEN OPPRESSED!!! DESTROY THE WEST!!! SPARE THE COLORED!!!"

"ORA!!!"

Prince blasts several punches at him only for metal plates from his arms to shoot out and form a shield, blocking Josuke's attacks.

"ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA!!!"

Suddenly, a stick is shot from outside the window and crashes into Theodore's head.

Josuke then uses Purple Rain Prince to unlock all of the cuffs and Stand-Destabilizers as they all attack at once.

Gumball sighs. "Let's get to the cockpit and drive this thing outta here!"

The Apes all howl for Gumball as they run to the cockpit.

The soldiers shoot with their blasters, but Jake destroys all of their guns with his stretched noodle-like arm. He then knocks all of the soldiers out with a giant fist.

"What about the video!?" asked Darwin.

Josuke is shown to have his phone duct-taped to his chest while he streams the fight live. 

Josuke fights an armored Theodore, who shoots blades at Josuke over and over again as he jumps around in his Aswang form, dodging Theodore's blades.

Josuke then jumps and kicks him away.

"ORA ORA ORA ORA!!!" yelled Prince, blasting its fists at Theodore over and over again.

Josuke then runs away from Theodore, who begins shaking the ship.

"RAUGH!!!"

Jake knocks Theodore out with a punch.

The whole group then begins beating Theodore over and over again.

"HOORAY FOR SOCIAL JUSTICE, ASSHOLE!!!"

*CLANG!!!*

The group pants as they drive the ship back to the Ape Colony...

Later...

"As you can see here..." said Matthew. "The Ape Colony does not deserve to be colonized by the good people of Maharlica, as the law states that we should only invade if and only if the Apes would agree to it. The prisoners in this video alone show that the 'economic study' of these people is completely false. I conclude that we ask for a verdict of guilty to Dr. Hitohito."

"Alright. My verdict is that you're guilty, dude," said Miguel.

Dr. Hitohito nods respectfully as he is taken away by the cops.

Miguel squints his eyes. "Something's wrong about what just happened."

Later... in prison...

"Hello, Boss," sneered the General. The doctor called him up and he is talking to him through a phone in the Inmate Telephone. "We've been let go under the protection of the law that protects those who were only following orders. Maharlican Decree No. 54778."

"You're fucking full of shit, Teddy!" yelled the Doctor. "Get me the fuck outta here! This wasn't part of the damned deal!"

"I'm sorry, Doc," said the General. "I need to rise in power... And kill all those Goddamned white people...But I promise that I'll be back for you.Filipino Forever, man. But then again, you're Japanese... And the Japanese raped the shit out of our women... And I remember fully what your people did to my... mother... So..."

The General is revealed to have used his magnetism to make him invisible in the video and that he turned himself invisible here. He also jammed the telephone sounds.

"FUCK YOU!!! HEY!!! GET BACK HERE!!!" yelled the Doctor. "NO!!!"

The guards take out their tasers and electrocute the doctor.

"NO!!! PLEASE!!! I NEVER AGREED TO THIS!!! PLEASE!!! I'M INNOCENT!!! NO!!! HE TRICKED YOU ALL!!! IT WAS ALL HIM!!!"

*ZAP!!!*

The General sneers, looking at a picture of Dark and Hercules.

Meanwhile...

"So...?" asked Finn. "What have we learned?"

"That... Neither side is exactly a saint..." said both Josuke and Gumball. "We're all horrifically instinctive savages that only want nothing more than territory. Filipino or American, we both could be the oppressor or the oppressed depending on the circumstances. Miguel JoJo was a horrifying hypocrite yet hero, but in the end, who isn't?"

"And...?" asked Finn.

"We shouldn't fight over history but instead focus on what's important: The Future. But we shouldn't forget history, and instead, be wary of offending each other's culture and respect each other for who and what we are..." said the pair.

"-We are..." said Gumball.

"So...?" asked Finn.

"Respect each other's opinions or get fucked by social justice."

"Good," said Finn, nodding. "Now, all we have to do now is talk about how Gumball is a Dreamsexual."

"Dude! What is wrong with that!?" asked Gumball.

"You can't fake a sexuality to get into the LGBTQ+ Community!" yelled the other six.

"-community!" yelled Patrick.