480. Miggy and Di ~A Story About a Young Witch and ...

14 years ago...

March 31, 2017... Earth-Wesen...

Conrad Bonaparte awakens while tied to a chair. He checks his stab wound and sees that it's healed.

Suddenly...

*CRACK!!!*

"UGH!!!" Conrad is punched in the face by an unknown man.

Conrad faces...

...Miguel JoJo

"How... dare you..." Conrad woges into a Zauberbiest.

Miguel punches Conrad in the face. "Stay down if you wanna live."

Conrad activates his telekinesis and begins choking Miguel JoJo.

"Oh no, you don't..." Miguel growled, activating Ultra Instinct.

"ORA!!!"

*BANG!!!*

*SPLAT!!!*

Conrad vomits blood, coughing. "Stand-User..." he hissed. "And you're a Grimm...?" he grunted/

"That's not all..." Miguel twitches his head and woges into an Aswang, screeching as he takes out his prehensile forked tongue.

Conrad is visibly horrified, backing away. "Schwaz-Augen!"

"Yeeeah..." sneered Miguel.

"You're gonna kill me...?"

"I just need to ask you some questions..." Miguel woges back. "Where... *sniff...* are the headquarters of Black Claw...?"

Conrad spits on Miguel's face.

Miguel, with a woged fist, punches Conrad in the face, hard enough for some of his teeth to fall out. "Where..."

*CRACK!!!*

"...is..."

*CRACK!!!*

"IT!?!? WRYYYYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAUUUUUYEEEEAHHHHH!!"

*TIK TIK TIK TIK TIK TIK TIK!!!*

"WHERE IS IT!?!?" he roared in a deep voice. "WHERE ARE THE HEADQUARTERS!!!"

Conrad tries melting Miguel's brain.

"Wrong answer."

"ORA!!!"

"STAR FINGER!!!"

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!" growled Conrad, as his eye is plucked out.

Miguel growled, shaking his head like a wild animal. "WHERE IS IT!!!? WHERE!!! WHEEEEERE!? RAAAAAAUGH!!! RAUGH! RAUGH!!! RAUGH!!!"

"You... are an animal... Miguel JoJo..."

"Wrong answer, Biest!"

*CRACK!!!*

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAUGH!!!"

Miguel snaps his fingers backward.

"Miguel...? Honey...?" asked Maria, his mother, who stood behind him. "What are you doing...?"

"Really...?" sneered Miguel. Miguel softly places his claw and slides it up his neck. "I really can't believe that you survived... After a whole year..." His jaw twitches. "After I deal with you, I'll deal with the Zauberbiest in Portland... Unless he backs the fuck down..."

"I heard he already did..."

"Very well. We just need to take out one last thorn for ours. And that's the Black Claw..."

"You're... not... from this universe..."

"Ah... Finally figured it out. WHERE IS IT!?!?"

"I'll rather die before I tell you."

"Alright."

Miguel tears off Conrad's right arm with Star Platinum. "Aw...! What's wrong...? Was that your dominant army...? HAH!?!?"

Conrad begins to die.

"But I might just let you live... If you tell me where the headquarters are... I might just let you live..."

"It's in Naples..." he whispered.

Miguel sneers and activates Star Platinum, proceeding to bore a hole into his chest. "I said 'might.'"

Conrad, horrified, slowly dies, wheezing and trembling.

Later...

"Did you get it...?" asked Miguel Ibarra. He seems to be from around the time he was traveling around the timelines. This is Miguel Ibarra who was "Stuck in his room."

"Yeah..." said JoJo.

"I'll go tell Trubel," said Ibarra. Ibarra stares at the beauty of Portland. "God, I miss my Homeworld. You know? Portland is rather beautiful... It's foggy... It's cold... Filled with dead trees... But it's quite beautiful despite that... Because you could sense the hope, here.I wish I could feel that hope again... Y'know...?"

"Yeah... Same, Ibarra. I'll be back if you need me, old friend.And... thanks again for... telling me about the Multiverse... and saving Gabrielle from-..."

"I would've done the same..." said Ibarra. "...if I had a kid. That guy... Tooru... He's what you call a Rock Human."

"What does he want with her, anyway...?"

"He wants her to be his bride... A Grimm and a Rock Human having a kid...? And with Aswang genes in the mix...? And a Stand...!? Your grandchild will be unstoppable. Well, that's all over... See ya, dude."

"See ya..." said JoJo, opening a green portal with his portal gun and hopping inside of it.

"Fuck off, creep!" yelled a kid, backing away from Diana Schade-Renard. "Half-breed! Hahaha!"

Suddenly, the kid begins choking and Miguel sees the young boy woge into a Skalengeck.

"What the f-? Hey! HEY!!!" yelled Miguel, walking to the kid.

"Stay out of this..." said Diana, turning to Miguel, creepily.

Diana tries to push Miguel away, but Miguel ignores her attack completely.

"Let the kid go!" yelled Miguel, as his irises glow blue. "I mean it!"

Diana Erstewoges into a Hexenbiest with violet irises. "What are you...?"

"Something little witches like you should fear. Let him go... Now!"

"I'll tell my Dadd on you."

"Your Daddy will be very, very hurt, trying. Now let him go or I'll make you."

"No."

Miguel activates an Eldritch Gauntlet and punches her in the face, knocking her out. Miguel then grabs Diana and teleports both of them away.

"AH!!!" yelled the Skalengeck boy. "HELP!!! HELP!!!"

"Where is she...?" asked Miguel, beating the man over and over again. "Where is she...?"

"Which one of her fathers sent you...?" asked the man, woging into a Hundjager. "Who...?"

*CRACK!!!*

"RAUGH!!!" barked the Hundjager.

"Where...?" asked Miguel. 

He refuses to talk.

"Alright," said Miguel.

Suddenly, the Hundjager's mouth is gone.

"Then don't talk..." he said, sadistically. "And since you won't listen..."

Miguel makes his ears disappear. "Oh, right!"

His eyes then disappear.

"You're not gonna need your eyes either..." sneered Miguel.

The man shakes his head violently, screaming.

14 years ago...

Diana wakes up in the Hyperbolic Time Room. "Where am I...? I... I can't move!"

"Duh. You were hurting kids. You don't do that shit. Especially when you're someone with power like yours," said Miguel.

"So... What!? You'll kidnap me!?"

"Time works differently here... So... You'd just be gone for pretty much a minute. Hopefully. You're pretty tall for a 3-year-old... How dare you use such power over a kid who just laughed at you."

"You're a hypocrite...Because I could tell that's what you'd do if you were bullied."

"Kid, you have no idea what I've been through. I hurt people, but I don't hurt kids. Kids are forgivable. But idiots who drive people to wanna kill themselves, they should be punished."

"What's the difference...?"

"What's the-!? Do you honestly not know what empathy is!?" asked Miguel.

Diana shakes her head.

"Well, of course, you don't. You're 3. Empathy is essentially... The ability to understand and comprehend what others around you are feeling... and sharing it. Love, happiness, peace, pain, suffering, sadness..."

"Why would anyone wanna share pain, suffering, and sadness...?" asked Diana.

"Because no one wants to be alone, little girl. We're all afraid to be alone. Diana, right...?"

Diana looks around. "Are you alone...?" she asked.

"Yeah... I was pretty much alone for most of my life," said Miguel.

"The people I'm with kept dying... And I hate them."

Miguel nods. "I'm sorry."

"Why are you sorry...?"

"Because I feel bad for you."

"Why would you do that...?"

"Because it's right."

"Aren't we enemies...?"

"Yeah... But even enemies can break your heart once you start hearing their whimpers and how... *sigh...* pathetic they are. Just... don't do it again."

The pair teleport back to the bench.

"Get outta here..." said Miguel.

Diana nods and walks away.

Now...

Miguel puts on a new suit. He wears his signature black shirt. But, he now wears a red jacket, gray mask, goggles (with a screen on each lens that "blinks" and copies his facial expressions), red pants, and black boots.

He warps out his sticks as he enters the hallway. "Heeeey!"

He charges. Several Zauberbiests growl and try to melt his body.

He activates a magical Eldritch armor and begins to beat and severely injure all the Zauberbiests and Hexenbiests by holding up his hand and blasting a shockwave, breaking all their bones.

*CRACK!!! CRACK, CRACK, CRACK!!! CRACK, SPLAT!!!*

"RAUGH!!!"

Miguel crunches his fingers as one of the Zauberbiests' bones all break.

Several of the Zauberbiests attack as Miguel spins in the air and strikes all of their spines with his sticks. They drop to the ground, unable to walk.

Miguel grabs one Zauberbiest and slams his face into the wall.

Hexenbiests then appear and begin clawing at Miguel, overpowering the Chosen One.

"RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAUGH!!!" Miguel activates his Eldritch Gauntlets and beats up all of the Hexenbiests around. He flurries one with punches, knocks out one with a punch, and breaks all of the last ones' limbs.

After defeating all the 55 Zauberbiests and Hexenbiests, Miguel breaks open the steel door to see no one there. "FUCK!!!" he growled.

14 years ago...

Ibarra sat on the bench.

Suddenly, Diana sits down next to him out of nowhere.

Miguel sighs. "What the hell do you want...?"

"About what you said yesterday... Empathy... What's it feel like...?"

Miguel sighs. "Alright. I heard you Hexenbiests like to play games...You see that stray dog...?"

Diana sees a stay dog, sleeping in the park.

"It's sad..." said Diana.

"Yes. Why...?"

"I don't know."

"Sense her mind."

Diana closes her eyes. "She doesn't have any food."

"Exactly. So what do you wanna do about it...?"

Diana warps out food in front of the dog, which the dog happily eats.

"Good. You gave her a whole new week of living."

"She only has a week left to live...!?" asked Diana.

"Yeah. So, what are you going to do about it...?"

"I don't know..."

"You see, kid... Empathy isn't just about caring about someone. It's about doing what you are able to do for the other person. What can you do for that dying dog...?"

"I can feed her every day?"

"And inconvenience yourself...?"

"I can adopt her...?"

"And inconvenience your family...?"

"I can find the dog a new home..."

"Right answer."

"Could you help me...?"

"Help you...?"

"Find the dog a family. I feel... bad... that she's hurt because of... I don't know who to blame."

"Sometimes, you can't blame anyone for suffering. It just... happens."

"Will you help me, or not...?"

"*sigh...* JoJo won't be here in a while... Why not...?" Miguel stands up. "Let's go find that pooch a good home."

Now...

Miguel takes a call from Renard. "Yeah...?"

"Did you find my daughter?" asked Renard.

"No."

"You're worried. Don't be. She can take care of herself."

"Yeah. But who do you think is powerful enough to kidnap your daughter...?"

"Probably another Zauberbiest."

"Probably. Or a Sorcerer."

"Hopefully not. What...? Nick wants to talk to you."

Nick takes the call. "Do you need any help...?"

"No. I can sense that the enemy is far too dangerous for a Grimm and a Zauberbiest like you two."

"Alright. Call us when you have something."

14 years ago...

"What about her...?" asked Miguel.

"She's... dying... What's wrong with her...?" asked Diana.

"Time," said Miguel. "Don't worry. She'll receive salvation, soon."

"Why won't you help her...?"

"Because it isn't fair to anyone else. Also... because Humans chose the path to live a limited lifespan ever since Eve, the first Homo Sapien, ate the Forbidden Fruit from the Tree of Life. Ever since then, all of you live limited lifespans, destined to enter either one of the 50 dead worlds."

"Why did she eat it?"

"She didn't listen to her Dad. Now, she and her children are punished."

"Dads don't do that...Right...?"

"Not all people are good Dads, Diana. But that doesn't mean He is a bad person. Because believe me. There are far worse and arrogant pieces of shit out there that deserve to be unalived."

"Do I show them empathy, too?"

"Of course. But they need to be punished. Revenge is an act of passion, Diana. Vengeance is an act of justice. But vengeance isn't necessarily justice."

"What are you...? You're not a Zauberiest. You're not a Sorcerer, either."

"I'm divine, Di."

Miguel warps out orange juice and gives the box to Diana. "Here. It's made from real oranges. Good for your body."

"Thanks..." said Diana. "You really don't have to, though."

"You're a guest," said Miguel. "It's honestly fine."

"Can you teach me how to control... myself...? So that I won't hurt the wrong people anymore...?"

Now...

"No... No, no, no... AHA!!!" sneered Miguel, taking out a card from one of the beaten Zauberbiests. "'The Black Claw Mansion...?'" Miguel sees coordinates for the place.

14 years ago...

*VRUNG!!! SHING!!! SHING!!!*

Diana tosses her Tao Mandalas at Miguel over and over again.

"Your form is wrong," said Miguel.

"RAUGH!!!" Diana creates an Eldritch Blade and tries to cut off Miguel's head.

"ALRIGHT, THAT'S ENOUGH!!!" Miguel grabs her shoulder and shocks her with a massively destructive magical voltage.

Diana drops to the ground, knocked out.

Later...

"You hurt me!" yelled Diana.

"You tried to kill me," said Miguel. 

"NO, I DIDN'T!!!" The whole Edge of Everything shook.

"There! That right there! It's your arrogant nature to think that your anger justifies you hurting innocent people! Stop that! If you didn't have powers, pass by a street, and some creepy witch girl tries to kill you, how would you feel!?"

"I'm sorry," she bowed her head, as the room stops shaking.

"Sorry for shouting."

Diana ignores Miguel.

"What's wrong...?"

"You called me 'creepy...'"

Miguel sighs. "Right. Sorry. I shouldn't have said that."

"People call me creepy all the time. You wouldn't get it."

"As a matter of fact, I actually do. Kids are terrible, Di. But that doesn't excuse you from being just as terrible as they were to you. Because if that happens, they win, Di. Understand...?"

Diana nods.

"Okay... Now, let's see you make that Eldritch Blade again. I like your technique."

Now...

Miguel opens the Mansion, and there, he meets...

Rasputin Romanov.

Miguel clenches his fists. "How are you here...?"

"After years of meditation... I finally learned a new technique, Ibarra. Avatarship.Same as you've been doing to enter the physical realm.Now, I've been going around, working for -..."

"Black Claw," said Miguel. 

"Yes."

"I'd just like to say that you are a bigger asshole than the ones hating on Ms. Marvel because she's Islamic.I'm God! And I say Muslims are less annoying than the Christian Vegans you find making songs about PewDiePie on YouTube.TO THIS DAY!!!At least Muslims are far more disciplined than their sorry Christian asses.And you! You're far worse than them because you're practically a megalomaniac tiny-penised man who tried to conquer the world because for whatever reason thinking that he was given such right by a higher power... Or, you think you are a higher power. I'm the Chosen One, and even I think I'm not good enough. And you! Look at you! Conquering Ukraine and stealing all the world's fries and potatoes. You think you're SOOO great! But actually, you're just a nobody who wants to be a fuckin' somebody in this little ice jungle you live in. Riding polar bears and dancing in the snow like a fucking Penguin. In the end, Rasputin, you're never gonna conquer the world because you are the biggest loser in the world. Jesus Christ! All countries practically stopped trading with your nation and practically starved your people because of what you did! Look at you! You can't even open a bottle of vodka! DING DING DING DING!!! Oh! What's that!? It's the bell for the due date! Wasn't your invasion supposed to be just a few days!? Oh, right! It took you longer than that. Oh, right! What else! You! A secret agent man from KSI, KGI, or STD or fucking whatever got beat by a comedian turned President! Ooh! 'Rasputin!?' More like 'Rash-Put-In-A-Time-Room!'"

Each joke, there was a vine boom.

Rasputin frowns. "You will die now..."

Rasputin plays a song on his iPod.

(From Matrix Sound. Song by Boney M. theme begins)

Rasputin takes off his shirt.

"Uh... What the fuck...?" asked Miguel.

Rasputin begins jiggling his ass in front of Miguel, twerking and showing off his abs and pecs.

The Russian Wesen all say, "Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey-!"

Rasputin begins spinning like a top, then spinning while his head is on the tile floor.

Rasputin then stands right back up and dances sexily right in front of Miguel.

Miguel's goggles turn angry. "Fucking THAT'S IT!!!"

Miguel takes off his jacket, shirt, and mask, warping it away as he dances only with his long hair, beard, tattoos, and sunglasses. He goes barefoot and dances, humping the air.

Suddenly, magical blue and red energies blast at each other from Miguel and Rasputin's crotches.

Miguel humps the air and shoots laser beams from his crotch (along with the beats) as Rasputin spins, dodges, and farts out a Tao Mandala that blocks all the shots.

"You think you're a Love Machine, Ibarra!? I'll show you how we do it in Mother Russia!"

Rasputin begins dance fighting, doing the squat dance as he shoots out lasers from his feet. 

Miguel spins like a ballerina and dodges the lasers. Miguel then shakes his pecs in front of Rasputin. His nipples then shoot lasers.

Rasputin then spins like a ballerina and does the double-legged apple jack and shoots lasers out of his armpits.

Miguel does the Gangnam Style and shoots lasers out of his wrists. "This is how we do it in our colonial mentality!"

Rasputin then hula hoops a Tao Mandala and blocks all of the attacks. "Mother Russia was never colonized. I win."

"Polar bears would beg to differ."

"I hunt Polar Bears for sport."

"I hunt Russian Presidents with tiny dicks for sport."

*Vine Boom*

Miguel does the Spider-Man 3 and shoots Rasputin in the face from his crotch.

*PEW!!!*

"Whoo!" smiled Miguel. "Alright! Putting a lock spell there..." Miguel shoots a lock spell at Rasputin. "Alright. Let's party, bitches!"

All the Wesen woge and attack Miguel.

14 years ago...

Diana finishes training with Miguel.

"Hey..." said Diana, panting. "Thanks for teaching me. A lot..."

"Yeah... You're welcome."

"And... here..." Diana offers Miguel a miniature bench.

"What the hell is this...?" asked Miguel.

"I shrunk the bench we sat on. Don't worry... It was getting replaced. So, technically, I didn't steal it."

Miguel stares at the bench, blankly, proceeding to burn it. 

"Why would you-...?"

"Get out."

Diana began to cry. "Why-...!?"

"GET THE HELL OUT!!!"

Diana cries, teleporting away.

Now...

Miguel finds a trap door under the carpet and tears it open.

He then floats down a ladder and warps out his sticks, seeing a dungeon with several empty cells.

14 years ago...

"So... that's why we're meeting in Gravity Falls instead...?" asked JoJo. "Because there's some girl you're scared of in Portland...?"

Miguel and Miguel sat on a bench in the Gravity Falls park.

"Well... Not necessarily scared of her. I'm scared of getting attached to her," said Ibarra.

"Why...? Lolicon...?"

"What the f-!? NO!!! Ugh!"

JoJo laughs at Ibarra.

"Myself Christ that is inappropriate."

"So... Why are you...?"

"Because throughout my life, people die around me, JoJo. I've buried enough graves to fill a whole forest."

"How old are you...?"

"I've been 25 for 2,000 years."

"Pfft... Uh-huh."

"And... one other thing... Remember Renard... The one we were supposed to kill...?"

"Ah... She's his daughter. Or... niece...?"

"The former."

"Hm... That's awkward."

The pair stares silently at the forest and mountains in the horizon.

"Do you think there's ever hope for either of us...?" asked Ibarra. "Are we just variants of cursed people...?"

"Don't ever tell yourself that. I know that you'll be helping a lot of people, Ibarra," said JoJo. "You'll be a good father. Call it a father's intuition."

Miguel stares in the distance. "Maybe I will... Y'know, I needed to hear that from myself."

"And I needed to tell myself that."

The pair chuckles.Now...

*CLANG!!!*

Diana turns to the metal door.

*CLANG!!! CLANG!!! CLANG!!! CRASH!!!*

Miguel crashes the door open with a pair of Eldritch Gauntlets.

"Miguel...?" asked Diana, who is now 17 years old.

"Hey, kid..." said Miguel.

Diana stands up and approaches him, slowly.

Suddenly, she woges and punches Miguel in the face.

"Yeah... I deserve that."

Diana punches him in the face over and over again, managing to crash him into the end of the hallway.

Miguel coughs, still on the ground. He sees that there are Latin markings all over the walls, floor, and ceiling. Miguel slowly stands up. "This place is enchanted. No wonder you can't get in via portals..."

"So... You finally came back...? You were practically the closest thing I had to a normal father for two years and you just LEFT ME!?!?"

"Great seeing you, too, Di. And you already have two fathers. I don't see the need for you to have a third one."

"I can't believe you just kicked me out of your life like that! You don't just do that to a 3-year-old girl!"

"Yeah! I know... I know. I'm sorry."

"TALK!!!" Diana shook the whole mansion.

Miguel holds up his hand to calm her down. "I met you and I didn't know... I sensed it, but I decided to not care. I was tasking a friend of mine to kill your father."

Diana frowns. "What...!? I'm sorry, what!? What was all that bullshit about empathy!?"

"Di. I decided to not kill your father. He was Black Claw. The moment I found out who your father was, I had to lock you out of the Time Room and leave you alone."

"So, why help me now...?"

"I met your other father. Burkhardt. I... work with him. And I want to say that I'm sorry. Please, understand that I only have my people kill bad people."

"So... you don't care about anyone you kill...?"

"No. I do. I don't kill, but I order people to do so. But every time someone dies because of me, I'm forced to be haunted by them in my thoughts. I truly am sorry... I was just afraid... That I'd get attached... to my enemy. Which makes me a hypocrite. And... I'm an idiot for doing that. Pushing you away. I will be happy to teach you again."

Diana sighs. "I can sense that you're not lying. But I'm good for now."

"You're one of the few people I would never lie to, Di." 

"You didn't tell me you wanted to kill Dad."

"Didn't lie. Just didn't tell you."

She chuckles softly.

"*sigh...* Let's get you home."

Miguel grabs her hand and activates Boom Tube.

Diana senses Rasputin. "Who was that guy...?"

"An idiot," said Miguel.

They both teleport away.

Doha'z ol opkpun?