49. Chapter 49

Maya usually gets nervous before her therapy sessions. Today she is extra nervous as Carina sits next to her as they wait for Dr. Lewis to call them in.

Eventually, they go in. Maya’s left leg bouncing the entire time. It drives Carina crazy. She wants to reach over and put her hand on Maya’s knee to get it to stop.

It’s awkward at first. The three of them sort of just sitting there.

“You can start whenever you are ready. You can tell Carina whatever you want or need.” Dr. Lewis starts them off.

Carina gets a little worried about that. She wonders if she was brought here for a specific reason. She wonders if they are here because Maya has something to tell her that she can’t say at home. Carina worries that it’s about having kids. She hasn’t really brought it up with Maya but since the Halloween party she’s been thinking about bringing it up. A bit of doom surrounds her as they sit in silence.

Maya looks between Carina and Dr. Lewis. “Uh-“ She turns towards Carina and opens her mouth to speak but has second thoughts about what she is going to say. Maya turns towards Dr. Lewis. The doctor raises an eyebrow at Maya.

“Carina, Maya and I talked about having you join Maya for one of her sessions. I suggested that she invite you to the next one and so here we are. This is meant to facilitate a safe space to voice any concerns or questions or just say anything that is on Maya’s mind. Or yours. I’m not sure if Maya discusses what goes on during her session or not with you-“

“Sometimes.” Carina mumbles. Maya mostly just gives a brief rundown of what was discussed. They never go too in depth about Maya’s therapy.

“Okay.” Diane nods. “Well, take your time. Just remember this is a safe space where anything can be discussed. Oh, and where there’s no judgment.”

Maya nods. A lot. A continuous nod as she thinks about each word that she wants to use.

“I felt- I talked to Diane about this.” She glances over at Carina, but her eyes return to her lap as she continues. “I felt super co-dependent or just dependent. When you were in Italy. I realized that I was, or I felt too dependent on you. Which might not make a lot of sense to you. But it really scared me. Because I’m usually very independent. Or a have been in my past.”

Maya pauses and looks over to Dr. Lewis. The woman smiles gently at her, letting Maya know that she’s doing just fine with this.

“I felt like some of my worth was tied to you. Like I depended on that too much and with you being gone I had to navigate that and figure out how I felt about it.” Maya adds for a little context.

Diane is about to cut in, but Carina speaks up.

“You are your own person, bambina.” Carina looks over at Maya.

“I know but-“ Maya shrugs. “-it felt like I didn’t know what to do when you were gone. And that scared me but before you-“ She glances over at Carina before her eyes return to her lap. “I didn’t need anybody. I was independent. Probably to a fault. And I didn’t feel like I ever needed to rely on someone else. And that scared me.”

Carina hums, thoughtful. She’s not sure if she’s allowed to talk or if this is all about Maya. It is her session. This isn’t couples counseling.

“And what did I say about that, Maya.” Dr. Lewis reminds.

Maya keeps her eyes low, not making eye contact with Carina or her therapist. “That it was okay. It was okay to feel that and realize that. It was okay to be fearful.”

“Right. And we talked about ways to help with that fear and those feelings.”

“We did. And it helped.” Maya nods. “But I wanted you to know that.” She reaches over and puts her hand on Carina’s forearm. “And I don’t want you to feel weird about it or something. I appreciate you and everything you do. And I love you and I love our relationship. And I wouldn’t change it at all, but I did have this weird realization that a was being too dependent on you, but that’s what’s supposed to happen.” She looks over at Dr. Lewis.

“Go on.” Diane smiles and shakes her head.

“We are supposed to depend and rely on each other. That’s how relationships work, but I felt like maybe it was too much, and I was too clingy and needy, and that it wasn’t healthy. I just needed to talk it out and find a balance and I think I feel much better now about the dependence thing. Cuz, God, I’ve needed it the last few months with everything with work.” Maya slides her hand down Carina’s arm to her hand. “You are my rock, my stability in all the bullshit.”

“Bella.” Carina coos, squeezing Maya’s hand.

Maya shrugs, trying to act like it’s not a big deal; but they both know that it is very much a big deal.

“I told you that the station was my safe place. The place I went to when my personal life got messy. When my dad was in my head or when I just needed to focus on something else. I put everything I had into that station and what has it gotten me?” Maya doesn’t want to sound unappreciative because the fire station has given her so much. But recently it’s also taken so much.

“Now it feels tainted. Even a little uncomfortable. It was my rock for so long. My safe place. But it’s not anymore. And maybe I was putting too much stock in that. Maybe I had built the station up and put it on this pedestal. We do that, right?” She checks with Dr. Lewis.

“Correct. We as human can tend to see something or someone as better- err not better- no more important or more elevated than necessary. So yes.” Dr. Lewis explains.

Maya nods. “So, the station isn’t my place anymore. My place is at home now, in our bedroom. It’s the safest place in the entire world. I want to be conscious of that. I want you to be conscious of that. I don’t want us to put too much pressure into that or stock into that one place but it’s the place I feel safest and most secure now. And that’s because of you and the relationship that we have together.”

Carina sniffles, wiping at her wet eyes. She thinks about how far Maya has come and how wonderful of a person she is. She knows not everybody sees it, but she does, and that’s what matters. “I love you, bella. And you deserve that safe space. We can continue to build that space together.”

Maya nods. That’s what she wants. She sucks in a big deep breath. It’s been good to tell Carina this. It’s been good to have her at her session.

Diane steps in at the silence between them. “Alright.” She’s more than pleased with the pair. She knew Maya bringing Carina in was going to be a big step for Maya. There’s wasn’t any direction or goal that she had for the session, but she’s satisfied with how it’s gone so far.

They get into how the events since the wedding have affected their relationship and Dr. Lewis talks them through some of that and how to cope and deal with the aftermath of Maya’s demotion and investigation together.

“Should I be concerned about Maya? Is that why I am here?” Carina asks the doctor.

“Well, you are here because Maya wanted to include you. And I felt like it was a good idea. She has struggled with all the work stuff. Which you know. And it’s beneficial to deal with that in healthy, positive ways. Not day drinking when your wife is at work.”

“That was one time.” Maya scoffs.

Diane smiles wryly. “I’m just teasing you.” She gets an eye roll in return from Maya. “There’s nothing major to worry about. Just some regular feelings of disappointment. Things to do with insecurity surrounding her job. But as long as you two are communicating and Maya keeps coming to see me, I don’t see anything as a problem or major concern.”

Carina is slightly relieved at that. She does have her concerns involving Maya and the current situation with her job. She knows Maya feels anger and betrayal and now disappointment and insecurity surrounding it all. And she’s going to do her best to support and stand by Maya during this difficult time.

If someone asked, Maya wouldn’t say she is hopeless, but the way things have been going at the station don’t give her much to hope for. There doesn’t seem to be anything to look forward to in regard to her investigation. She very much wants to go to McCallister and demand to know what’s going on. It’s been months and months and nothing has happened. But she knows she can’t. She’s had Carina talk her out of going to McCallister more than once.

And everything and everyone seems to just keep moving forward. Without her. She feels stuck. Stuck in the same rut that she was in on her wedding night. Stuck in the same headspace. Stuck with the anger and frustration.

Maya tries to not like it control her and some days are better than others. She has good days on that front and bad. Today is more of a bad day than a good day as she watches Beckett fumble around another fire scene. She can’t help but think he’s completely incompetent and that she could do the job a thousand times better than he can.

She also knows that when the investigation concludes, and if she’s not returned to her captain position or fired, that she’s going to have to compete with Beckett and Gibson for the spot again. It’s not something Maya is looking forward to, but she will do it if she has to.

She feels like she rightfully earned her captain spot even if she didn’t always think that. At the beginning, everyone was against her, but over time her team rallied around her and respected her. But now it doesn’t seem like anyone has her back anymore. Andy is gone to another station, and everyone seems to just accept what has happened and have moved forward. She knows the rest of the crew doesn’t like Beckett as the captain, but no one has voiced this to him or the higher ups. Maya knows, ultimately their opinions as firefighters don’t matter when it comes to positions and roles. It’s all about rank and politics. And if you don’t have a high rank, you don’t matter. That’s how the system is built. Even as a Lieutenant, the chief may take your opinion into account but at the end of discussion or day, they are the one that makes the decisions, whether they take your opinion into account or not. To Maya, it seems like a lot more doesn’t matter now than before. And maybe she didn’t see it last time she was lieutenant and once she had the experience as captain, she can see it now, but the system isn’t set up for probies or firefighters or lieutenants to be heard on important matters.

So, whether it’s hope or the drive to be captain that Maya feels slipping away, she’s not sure. Maybe it’s both as the weeks and months pass. The stagnation gets to her, and she starts to think that it’s not going to happen that she gets her captaincy back. If it was going to, it would’ve happened already. Maya, honestly, thinks that. If it was going to happen it would’ve or should’ve by now. She continues to wonder about the investigation and what’s taking so long. Why there hasn’t been a hearing set up? Why hasn’t she had any contact from the department on the matter?

The waiting almost turns into a bit of forgetting. Except, Maya can’t forget completely. She still thinks about it every day when she wakes up. First thing, every morning. Well, her first thought when she’s at home is Carina and how far away in bed the other woman is. But the investigation comes after she finds her woman and gives her a good morning squeeze. When she’s at the station it varies. If they are being awakened for a call, then that is on her mind first. If it’s not for a call, Maya usually thinks of something work related as she wakes up or how much Sullivan snores while he’s sleeping. Next comes Carina and then the investigation comes into her brain at some point. But then she gets going and the day takes it away. So, Maya thinks about it every day but for smaller and smaller periods of time. Sometimes it’s just few moments before something else takes over. Sometimes it’s a few minutes but there’s only so much she can think about. Maya has run over every possible scenario in her head dozens of times.

“Bishop, where are we with the patients?” Beckett demands.

Maya hops up from her position down on one knee and takes a few steps towards the captain. “The boy has a scrape on his leg that I cleaned and bandaged. He’s all good. Warren is working on the mother. She seems to have smoke inhalation. Probably needs to go to the hospital. We can take the boy with as well.” Maya doesn’t want to have to separate mother and child right after they’ve both been through such a traumatic experience as their house catching fire as they slept.

Beckett half listens to what Maya says. It’s easiest. He knows she knows what she’s talking about. He won’t ever acknowledge that though. “Fine. Go.” He waves them off.

Maya rolls her eyes and turns back towards the boy sitting on the curb. “Hey, buddy. You wanna go for a ride in the ambulance?” She puts her hand on the open back door.

The boy looks over to his mom. “Is my mom going to be okay?”

Maya crouches down in front of the boy again. “She’s going to be just fine. My friend Ben is taking care of her right now. He gave her some oxygen to help her breath. She did the right thing and had you cover your mouth with a wet towel to breathe through but didn’t do the same for herself, but she’ll be okay. We just need to take her to the hospital so she can get checked and they can give her some better oxygen. Do you have a dad or anyone that lives with you guys?” She tries to get some information from the boy since they don’t need the mother talking and answering questions.

“My dad works nights. So he wasn’t at home when-“ The boy looks over his shoulder, back at the house that he lives in that is on fire.

Maya puts a hand on his little knee. “It’s okay.”

“Where are we going to live?” He turns back to Maya with the saddest look on his face.

“Not sure, buddy. What’s your name again?”

“Logan.”

Maya extends her hand for a shake, trying to distract the boy. “Logan, I’m Maya. I’m going to check with firefighter Warren and then we’ll be on our way. Okay?”

“Okay.”

She focuses on the job at hand and not the lingering thoughts about how incompetent Beckett is.

They have Katherine over for a turkey dinner the Saturday after thanksgiving because Maya is on shift on Thanksgiving day and Carina picked up an extra shift in the ER because the hospital is short staffed and people wanted off for Thanksgiving. Even though it’s still pandemic times the rules aren’t as strict anymore and family can gather in small groups if no one is sick.

The station gets a call about a couple of burn victims. Station 23 Aid Car is already on the way, but they are called in as backup since it sounds like there are two victims. They pull up and Maya curses under her breath. “Fucking idiots.” Out in the front yard is a ‘turkey’ deep fryer.

She can see that Station 23 is loading a young man onto a gurney as they come to a stop.

A man with burns on his hands and arms and legs. Next to him is a pregnant woman with burns on her legs and feet where the hot oil splashed them.

Bishop and Miller check the woman patient and load her onto a gurney and get her into the ambulance. Maya has Dean drive them to the hospital.

She’s not even thinking about going to the hospital. She’s just doing her job like any other call. She asks questions about the woman’s pregnancy. How far along she is? “Is there any discomfort, miss?”

“I’ve been in discomfort for six months.”

Maya tries not to frown at that, but she knows her face is always giving her away. She hopes the woman doesn’t see it or take it in a negative way. She takes the woman’s blood pressure and sees that it’s high. She pauses for a moment as she looks at the woman. “Any discomfort that is unusual then? Your blood pressure is elevated.” She says more to herself than to the patient.

“Other than the burns on my feet, no.”

Maya looks down at the woman’s feet. Flip flops. Maya doesn’t understand why anyone would wear flip flops. She also doesn’t understand why anyone would wear flip flops this time of year. Their autumn has been pleasant but it’s still cool. She thinks people should keep their feet warm and protected and safe in suitable footwear. Maya believes flip flops are only suitable for the beach.

“We’re nearly there.” She says instead for berating the women for not wearing the proper footwear to deep fry a turkey. Maya doesn’t even want to know the whole story. She can imagine it happening though. It’s not the first Thanksgiving that they’ve been called out for deep fryer oil burns. She thinks the cooking device shouldn’t be sold to the public. That deep fryers should only be used commercially, by people who know what they are doing, not some dingbats in their front yard while they’ve probably consumed too much alcohol.

They arrive and Maya pushes one door open and hops out. She opens the other door and starts sliding the gurney out.

“What do we have?”

Maya’s head whips around. Carina is pulling on a pair of gloves as she walks towards her. She forgot. She forgot that Carina works here. Or that Carina is working in the pit today. She forgot that Carina is an OB/GYN and this is a case that is tailored to her. She forgot that her wife is a smoking hot doctor, so she gawks for a moment, but only a moment.

She smiles for Carina. Which is out of place for Maya while on the job, at work, delivering a patient to the hospital. “Twenty-four year old female. Thirty-six weeks pregnant. No pain or discomfort surrounding the pregnancy. Pain from the burns on her ankles and feet though. Blood pressure is elevated.”

“Thank you, lieutenant.” Maya notices the little twinkle in Carina’s eyes as she says lieutenant. A twinkle that no one else would notice.

Maya, and now Dean, wheel the patient into the hospital. Carina points. “Trauma room three.” They head in that direction. She starts talking to the patient as they walk. “How did this happen?”

Maya listens as the patient tells the story and watches as Carina focuses entirely on the patient to hear every detail and to gauge how best to treat the woman.

“My dumbass boyfriend had the great idea to deep fry a turkey for Thanksgiving. I’d never had a deep fried turkey and neither had he. So, he called up his buddies and the ones that were free for Thanksgiving all came over. The football was on, and they started drinking at like nine this morning. One thing led to another. I just wanted to stand by and make sure that he didn’t ruin the turkey. He lifted the damn thing up out of the pot and was showing it off to everyone. And he dropped it. The turkey fell back into the hot oil, splashing it everywhere.”

Maya and Dean move the patient over to a hospital bed with the help of Carina and a trauma nurse.

“You got it?” Maya asks.

She and Carina share a look. “We’ll take it from here. Thank you, Lieutenant Bishop.” Carina winks. “And firefighter Miller.” She winks at Dean too for some reason.

“It’s our job, Dr. DeLuca.” Maya mumbles but smiles at the doctor.

“See ya later, Doc.” Dean says and starts to push the gurney out. Maya files out of the room right after him. She signs her paperwork for bringing the patient in and they head back out to the Aid Car.

“Do you know those two?” The pregnant woman asks Carina as she is listening to her chest and heart. She saw Carina wink at them.

Carina hums. She looks around the room. An intern and the trauma nurse are present. “I do.”

“More than just as paramedics?”

Carina nods as she types some information into the monitor at the patient’s bedside. “Firefighter Miller is a friend, you could say.” Carina doesn’t know Dean all that well. He was very kind and generous during their wedding and Carina is thankful for that. He has a cute little girl, that has a special story, that she helped Maya deliver. But other than that Carina doesn’t know a lot about Dean.

“And the woman- the lieutenant?”

Carina looks at her patient then raises her chin up towards the ceiling, she sighs. “Lieutenant Bishop, Maya, is my wife.”

“Woah.” The patient’s eyes go wide. She looks Carina up and down. “A doctor and a firefighter?”

“I know.” Carina chuckles. “Seems crazy.”

“Seems impressive.” The patient shakes her head. “My boyfriend works at an auto shop buying and selling car parts. And I was in school for a while studying accounting but then this happened.” She motions to her belly.

Carina hums. She knows not everyone has a flashy job title, but she also knows that there’s nothing wrong with an honest days’ work. “I’m sure once the bambino comes and life settles down, you’ll figure out what you want and where you want to be and go. You can always go back to school. That’s the beauty of it. You are never too old to go to school or to learn something new.” She advises wisely.

“Uh, yeah.” The patient mumbles. She’s stuck on the wife part of what Carina said. “She’s really your wife?”

“Si. Yes. We got married a few months ago. It was a- what do you call it- whirlwind. I had to go back to Italy. I was nearly deported and not allowed to come back. And then I came back and then we got married and then she got demoted and then her mom came to live with us.”

“Woah. Geez. Maybe I shouldn’t complain about my life. That sounds hectic.”

Carina hums. “Things have settled down some. I think we just need some peace and quiet for a while. Where nothing crazy happens and we can just live our lives. Do you know?”

“Yeah.”

Carina nods as she looks over the burns. “I’ll call Plastics.” She checks the patient’s vitals again. “And I want to have a look at this baby so let’s get the ultrasound set up.”

“Right away, Dr. DeLuca.”

Carina gets an idea. She undresses Maya, making Maya think they are going to have sex. Has her open and bare to the world, well to Carina, on the bed.

“Have you ever had any issues?” Carina asks of Maya’s reproductive health.

Maya raises an eyebrow at her wife. “What do you mean?” Her confusion is clear. She doesn’t understand Carina’s question and what it has to do with sex.

Carina shakes her head, feeling like she would know if there were any problems. Maya has never mentioned anything. She sits on the bed on her knees and pulls Maya’s hips, pulling the blonde’s pelvis towards her, Maya’s legs on either side of Carina’s bent knees.

Maya likes where this is going, biting her lip.

The doctor moves her hands from Maya’s hips to her thighs, ducking down a little. It’s kind of dark in the room, after the sun has set, the only light on in the room is the one on the nightstand. It’s not bright like a doctor’s office. “Do you have a flashlight?”

Maya scrunches up her face. Carina has never asked for a flashlight during sex before. “What are you up to?” She tilts her head to the side, wondering if Carina has some sort of sex trick up her sleeve.

Carina shakes her head, ignoring the question. She spreads Maya’s folds with two fingers. “We could put a baby in here.”

“Uh, no.” Maya pushes herself up onto her elbows and tries to squirm away from Carina, but Carina holds onto her legs, keeping her in place.

Carina looks up, finally making eye contact with Maya. “Why not?” She whines.

“I told you. I don’t think I want kids.” Maya thinks about her job. She thinks about the investigation and how she hasn’t heard anything about it in months. The possibility of if she is even still going to be a firefighter after the investigation is over runs through her mind more than she would like. And if she’s not, well, then maybe this conversation could be revisited. But that’s not now. That’s not the case and, anyway, Maya doesn’t want to have kids.

Carina tilts her head to the side. “Can I give you an exam?”

Maya shuffles away now. “No. Quit being weird with your weird lady stuff.”

Carina pouts. “I thought you thought my lady work was impressive and sexy.”

Maya furrows her brow. “The sexy lady stuff, yeah. Not the weird I want to put a baby in here stuff.”

Carina sighs. She just wants Maya to think of the possibilities or start thinking of the possibilities. She also wants to know if it would be possible, as a doctor, for Maya to get pregnant and carry a child.

“I told you, Carina, I don’t think I want kids.” Maya is frustrated this is a topic again.

“I know you said that, but can you at least give me your reasons why?” Carina runs her fingertips lightly over Maya’s skin. “So at least I can have some sort of path.”

“Path?”

Carina rolls her eyes. She knows it’s probably not the right word but she’s not sure she can come up with a better one. “Not path but-“ The brunette tries to think. “I want to know where you’re at. I want to be able to meet you there. Or for us to try to meet somewhere. So, like on a path.”

Maya hums, maybe path is correct. “Well, I don’t think I would be good at it, for one.”

“Why not?” Carina asks automatically. She’s going to have to disagree with Maya on that statement. She thinks Maya would make a fine parent. She saw her with the daycare kids at the hospital. Nothing indicated that Maya couldn’t make the shift from handling kids that aren’t hers to handling one of her own. Maya has more than enough organization and discipline for it. She’s good in pressure situations at work. Carina doesn’t see how those things wouldn’t translate to parenthood.

“There will be a kid.” Maya emphasizes the word kid.

Carina giggles. “Yes, that’s what happens when you have a baby. Or kids. They are there; they are present.”

Maya narrows her eyes at Carina mocking her. “They also take up all of your time. And I don’t know if I can devote that much of my time to something like that. I have my job and if I’m going to get back to being captain that’s going to take up a lot of time. I don’t have time for anything else.”

Carina frowns. “What about me?”

“You’re different.”

Carina tilts her head to the side wanting Maya to explain because it doesn’t make sense to Carina. It just seems like a lousy excuse.

“I love you and-“

“You wouldn’t love our child?”

Maya realizes this could get really tricky, really fast. She’s not sure if she could love a child. Whether it’s her own or anyone else’s. “I’ve never been good with kids. They don’t talk when they’re little and I never know what they want or need. It’s a lot of hard work.”

“It is.” Carina agrees. “But I haven’t known you to back down from a challenge.” She raises an eyebrow.

Maya knows Carina is right about that. “No but-“ She’s starting to think that Carina isn’t going to accept any of her reasons. “I don’t want the kid to hate me or resent me. I don’t want you to hate me or resent me.” Her voice wobbles a little as she finishes the sentence. Maya is afraid that a child is going to tear them apart.

“Why would that happen?” Carina scrunches up her face in confusion.

Maya shrugs, lamely. “Because of who I am.”

Carina’s confusion only grows. “And who are you?” She wants to know because the Maya she knows would be a great mom.

“I’m just a lieutenant now. Former captain, former Olympian. I’m nothing special.” Maya hangs her head. “Shouldn’t a kid have someone to look up to? A role model?”

“Yes.” Carina takes Maya’s hand in hers, massaging over it. “But you don’t have to be or doing anything special to be someone to look up to. You just have to be kind and caring, loving, honest, handle whatever you are doing with dignity and integrity. Show a child what it’s like to fail and try again, pick yourself back up. Be resilient. That’s how you be a role model. You don’t have to be something flashy. You don’t have to have an important title.” Carina knows the hurt of Maya losing her jobs still sits heavy with Maya, and that it’s likely guiding all her decision making right now.

Maya’s sad frown deepens. “I don’t want you or them to hate me because of ‘who’ I am. How I act. How I have control issues or have to have things a certain way. I know that wouldn’t go over well with a baby or little kid. Things are always on their terms. There’s no schedules that they can stick to. I’m afraid that it would be too much for me and that I would get upset or angry or that I would just like leave.” She whispers the last part.

That’s the one thing so far that Maya has said that has caused Carina alarm. She wants to tell Maya that she will never hate her or that she/they can work on the control/need for organization thing. And that maybe Dr. Lewis can help with that too. That it shouldn’t be something from stopping her from wanting kids, but those words don’t come out of her mouth. Carina feels sad now and she wishes she hadn’t brought up the subject.

“Hey.” Maya tugs on Carina’s hand. “Don’t be sad.”

“I’m not.”

“Don’t lie to me.” Maya smiles.

Carina smiles a little too. “Mi dispiace.” They trade somewhat sad smiles.

“I’m sorry I made you sad.” Maya says. “I never want to make you sad.”

Carina nods. “My turn?” Maya raises an eyebrow. “Have you thought about anything else other than these reasons?”

Maya wrinkles her brow. “What do you mean?”

Carina licks her lips. “There is teaching a kid stuff. How to be a good person, how to ride a bike, how to do all sorts of things. Impart your knowledge on them. Show them the world. There’s loving them and being able to watch them grow. There will be mistakes, I’m sure. Every parent makes mistakes, I’m sure. There will be me seeing you as a mom and you seeing me as mom. I, personally, want to see that. I want to see you with a little one. Playing with them, comforting them when they have a tummy ache or are hurt. Just being present in a child’s life and the possible joy and happiness that can bring; even if sometimes it’s hard like you said, or it sucks, or you’re busy with work stuff, or sleep deprived.

There’s welcoming a baby into the world. Maya, I get to see that every day. And sometimes the situation with the mommy and daddy isn’t good or there are complications or something; but most times when baby comes it’s a time of happiness and excitement for everyone in the family. It’s beautiful and pure and joyful and happiness.” Carina holds a hand over her heart. She could go on for an hour about all the positives of having a baby or raising a child.

Maya can see that beauty and love on Carina’s face. She won’t lie to herself; it would be amazing to see Carina as a mother. She knows the Italian would be absolutely amazing. “I can understand all that.”

“Maya, can you just think about it, please?” The brunette pouts.

“I have thought about it.” She just gave Carina all her reasons. If that’s not thinking about it, Maya doesn’t know what is.

Carina sighs, disappointed.

And Maya hates that sound, that disappointed sigh. “Okay, I’ll think about it more.” Maya tells her wife. She feels like she is somewhat cornered here. She wants out of the discussion, but she knows she can’t just give in to what Carina wants. She’s not sure what more there is to think about in having kids, but she will think about the same reasons why she doesn’t want them over and over if it makes Carina happy. “Come here.” She pulls Carina towards her until the Italian is resting against her chest. “I’ll think more about it. I promise.” She presses her lips to Carina’s forehead.

Carina takes a deep breath and lets it out slowly. “That’s all I’m asking right now. Think of all the possibilities not just reason why you don’t want kids.”

Maya nods.

“Now.” Carina sits up a little. “I didn’t only undress you to talk about kids.” Her eyes rake over Maya’s naked body as she tries to decide on where to start.

It’s their first Christmas as a married couple and, really, their first Christmas living together. They are trying to figure out what traditions they want to have. Trying to take some from each of their families and cultures. Maya is working on decorating the mantle above the fireplace with a little winter village scene. They’ve gotten new, embroidered stockings that are hung there. Maya is working on the finishing touches. She’s curious as to what Carina is doing.

“Love?” She questions.

“In here.” Carina says from the bedroom.

Maya stops in the doorway, tilting her head, puzzlement on her face. “What are you doing?”

Carina is standing on the bed. At the head of the bed. A hammer in her right hand. She uses her left to show off her masterpiece.

Maya raises an eyebrow, cocking her head to the side.

Over the head of the bed Carina has nailed mistletoe to the wall. “You’re supposed to put that over like the front door or something. An archway. A doorway.” Maya explains.

“What’s wrong with it here?” Carina pouts.

In theory, nothing. Maya wonders what kind of silly antics her wife has thought up. Or maybe she hasn’t.

“Well, what do you think?” Carina asks after Maya is silent for too long.

“I think-“ Maya’s eyes shift from the mistletoe to Carina’s eyes. “Why?”

“So, I can kiss you every time we are under it.” Carina shrugs. “Duh.” A cute little don’t you think this is wonderful grin is on the Italian’s face.

“Yes but-“ Maya thinks about every time they are in bed. There are always kisses involved. Is this Carina saying she wants more kisses in bed? Has Maya not been giving her enough? “We always kiss in that spot.”

Carina shrugs. She gets down off of the bed. “Now we can have more. A fun little excuse.” She comes over to Maya and wraps an arm around her.

“Do you feel like we don’t have enough kisses in bed?” Maya’s self-doubt kicking in.

“Oh, bella. No. There are enough. Don’t worry your pretty little head.” She kisses Maya on the cheek. “Stop overthinking it.” She runs her finger down the bridge of Maya’s nose. “Stop thinking.” She whispers. “It’s just a little fun.”

Maya nods, unconvinced.

“Dance with me, bambina.” Carina twirls them around to the Christmas music that is playing softly in the background trying to get Maya to stop thinking.

Slowly, a smile forms on Maya’s lips. Being whisked around the room in Carina’s arms to the sound of Christmas music has her happy as ever. “I love you. Even with the silly mistletoe.” She nods at the wall.

“And I love you, bambina. Happy Christmas.”

Maya chuckles. “You know there are three weeks until Christmas, right?”

“I do. But it’s a whole season. Not just one day.”

“I suppose you are correct.” Maya agrees and pulls Carina impossibly close, pressing their torsos together blissfully as they sway about.