Her Room

~~~CAT'S POV~~~

Deja vu.

The moment I opened my eyes, I was immediately immersed in a sense of deja vu. You know, the feeling of having already experienced the same situation. I've seen this before. I've been here before. I've felt this before.

As I looked around me, the more I felt the familiarity. The ceiling, the walls, the cabinet on the corner of the room, the curtain from the only window in the wall that is being blown by the air from the outside, the bed, sheets and pillow, and even my dress. If I could even call it a dress while others called it a gown.

Everything is so white. Pure. Peaceful.

Am I in heaven? I asked myself even though I knew that I was not. I knew exactly where I was and I knew exactly why. Even if I try to deny it to myself, the IV pole that was over my head and the continuous beeping of a machine on the other side of my bed is proof of what happened last night.

No, the other night...actually, I am not sure about that...well, the memory of the last time that I was conscious sank in.

I am not in heaven but in a hospital...again.

I look at the IV pole with a drip on it connected to a needle that is inside my vein. Then my eyes traveled to my hand and yes, there it is. There is a needle, though it was not actually a needle, it was a small cannula that is inserted into my vein connected to a transparent tube with transparent fluid running in it. The cannula was held firmly by white plasters on the back of my hand.

I raised my head to look at the other side of my bed and saw a machine with numbers in it that changed now and then. I have come to know that that machine is called a heart rate machine that was supposed to count the beat of my heart as well as my breathing pattern and the oxygen level in my blood. I have been acquainted with the kind of machine one too many times that I am now well aware of how it works. The machine is connected to this thing that is clipped on my finger making it feel numb.

That is the only sound in this quiet room and it irritates me. It was quite deafening.

So I decided to remove that thing that is clipped on my finger. But that was a mistake, instead of stopping the machine, it makes a more disturbing sound. That 'flat line' you hear when someone dies.

I immediately returned the clip to my fingers as I didn't expect that. The last time I tried to remove that same kind of clip, it didn't make that kind of sound.

Then the door of the room opens and the most gorgeous doctor I've ever seen in my life enters. Sometimes I wonder, why does he have to be a doctor? I am sure being a model would fit him better.

He wore a white coat with his left hand holding a stethoscope while the other hand was in the front pocket of his coat. His three-day stubble beard looks good on his chiseled jaw. I especially loved his quiff hairstyle. It is very classic and well suited to his sexy curly hair.

He has that stern expression on his face which means I am in big trouble.

"Can you turn this thing off?" I said, pointing at the machine that continues beeping beside me. I tried to give him my best puppy eyes though I am not sure if it will work because I am not good at it.

Then the doctor sighed. I guess it did work after all. I smiled in victory.

He walked around the hospital bed to check on the machine. "Well, since your vitals have been stable for the past twelve hours, I guess I can." Then he pushed some buttons and then it finally stopped and I instantly sighed.

What a relief in my ear.

He grabs my hand and gently removes that thing that is clipped on my finger. But once he was able to remove it. He didn't let go of my hand.

His head remained lowered as he watched his fingers playing with mine. "I told you not to overwork yourself." He said in a soft tone.

My eyes rolled at him. And there he goes...again.

"Don't give me that look. Are you really in a rush to die?" He said with a frown.

"If I am, I've already stopped working," I said in a matter-of-fact tone.

I saw his jaw clenched and unclenched.

I started working eight years ago while I was still in college. When I graduated I continued to work in that same company until I reached my position as an executive assistant today.

But for the past three years, I've been hospitalized three times already for the sole reason of overworking. And this is the fourth time. Who would've thought that a person could get hospitalized for being tired?

Well, my condition is different.

"I told you to quit working already." He said then he let go of my hand and put his hand back into the front pocket of his coat.

"Now you are asking me to die?" I half-joked but his face remained stern. Okay, I didn't expect him to smile anyway.

"If I quit my job, how am I to buy my medicines, how am I to pay for my hospital bills, how am I going to eat and pay for my apartment?" I continued because that is the real reason why I cannot quit my job. And on top of it all, it is to live.

"I already gave you a solution to that. All you have to do is to say yes." He said without taking his eyes off me.

"That is not going to happen," I said while I shook my head. He has been offering me this solution since last year so that I can quit my job and avoid overworking. For some it might be tempting, imagine not working but you can still have everything you need in life. But, I just can't stomach it.

"Why?" His gaze on me darkens.

I swallowed my saliva. Urgh... I hate it when he gives me that look. It was like he was forcing me to submit to him.

"Because it is not right." But of course, I am not submitting to him.

"How can you say that is not right?"

I sighed. Really? Does he not see my point? Does he need me to voice out the words?

"A marriage without love is not right. Getting married to you just because you want me to stop working is not right. More so, letting you buy my medicines and paying for my hospital bills. It will just seem like I am taking advantage of you. It doesn't feel right." I said in a frustrated tone.

I can see the pain in his eyes which I don't understand but I have to continue. I have to voice my opinion.

My eyes softened as I reached for his hand and then I said, "Alvin, I know you cared about me but you don't have to sacrifice your life just to show it. It is far beyond your responsibility. I am thankful to you that you've been taking good care of me for the past three years as my physician and friend. But you don't have to do this. You have a life of your own. I don't want to take away the chance of you finding your one true love and getting married to the woman you love. I would feel bad for the rest of my life."

He just stared at me and I swear if that machine is still connected to my fingers, it would have probably started alarming because my heart continues beating faster and irregularly.

I could tell that I dampened his mood but what can I do? I don't want him to make sacrifices for me. I don't want to be a burden in his life.

I don't know how many seconds or minutes passed until his expression slightly softens. He sighed and raised his hand to brush his curly hair.

I cursed at the sight. Damn! Why can't I fall in love with him? He is so damn gorgeous. He is the perfect husband material. Aside from being good-looking, he also has a stable career as a doctor.

I sometimes dig deeper into my heart and squeeze it in the hope of finding any romantic affection towards him but I failed several times. If I were a selfish person, I would accept his marriage proposal to get a better life even if we don't love each other, but fortunately, I am not.

"Catherine..."

Uh-oh, he called me by my real name. Is it good or bad? Based on my experience, it is bad.

He sighed again. I guess he has something to say but he cannot make up his mind if he is going to say it or not. But I am not going to rush him.

"Okay. Let's talk about this some other time. How have you been feeling?" He asked, making me smile.

"I'm feeling better," I replied. Better that you finally changed the topic. Of course, I didn't voice that out. I smiled at him.

"How's your pain?" He asked. He finally started to check out my condition.

"I guess I've been managing it well," I replied feeling proud of myself.

"Have you been sleeping well?"

"Hmm... I guess so." I noticed that his eyebrows rose slightly so I decided to rephrase my answer. "I haven't got any trouble sleeping these past few days. I've been sleeping seven hours a day." That was a lie.

He frowned and I could tell that he didn't buy it.

"Yeah, right." He crossed his arms in front of his chest. "Do you want me to tell you what I've heard?"

"Uhm..." I bit my inner cheek. I am not sure what to say because I don't like the sound of that though I know he will still tell me anyway.

"Your boss is retiring and he is passing his position to his son. So, there are a lot of things going on and a lot of work on your side since you will be changing boss soon." There is evident displeasure in his voice.

I gave him a cheeky smile indicating that he is right.

He gave me another exasperating sigh. "I don't know what I am going to do about you."

"Hey! I've been a good patient! I never missed medication and I've been on a strict diet-"

"Except you are not changing your lifestyle." He didn't let me finish making my mouth hanging. "I told you to sleep well and not overexert yourself at work."

"Okay. I promise not to overexert at work next time." I smiled at him because I knew that I was in the wrong. The fact that I am hospitalized again proves it.

He narrowed his eyes at me. He didn't believe me but he didn't argue.

"Your aunt is on her way." He suddenly changed the topic.

My eyes instantly grew wide. "What? You told her?" The last thing I need is for my aunt to find out that I am back in the hospital.

"I had to."

I rolled my eyes at him. Yeah right! He had to find someone to join forces with him in chastising me.

"Now get some rest. I'll be back later." He said before he kissed me on my forehead, making me astounded. What was that about?