His Confession

~~~ALVIN'S POV~~~

This is not the first time that I asked Cat out for dinner. And this is also not the first time that I asked her out because I planned to confess my feelings for her. I thought about confessing to her more than thrice but every time I came to the point of confessing, I always chicken out and end up changing my mind.

It's been going out like this for quite some time now.

I am a confident person. I can do any task without thinking twice. I can diagnose any disease without fail. I can treat various diseases, even the most challenging ones. But when it comes to confessing my feelings to Cat, I cannot count how many times I think about it and how many times I tried and failed.

I never usually had problems with confessing to a girl, but this time it is different. Because it is Cat.

Cat is special in many ways. She is confident and stubborn in a beautiful way. She always expresses her thoughts ending up with us in banter. I don't know why but although it irks me when she is stubborn, I always enjoy it. She is independent and passionate about her work. She is a tough one despite what happened to her mother and then later on being diagnosed with the same illness as her mother. She doesn't care about her looks, she is confident and positive about her self-image though I doubt if she is aware of how beautiful she is.

Despite her condition, you'll never find her moping about her life instead she'll rather be a shoulder to others.

And what I do love most about her is that she is not an attention seeker. She earned her respect rather than asking for it.

I looked at my watch and saw that it is almost 7 pm. She should be arriving soon.

I called her last night and invited her for dinner and I was glad that she said yes. I know she would unless she is not feeling good. But I doubt if she will be honest with me about it. Anyway, I will find out about it later once she arrives.

I reserved a table for us in her favorite keto-friendly restaurant. It is a fancy restaurant she fell in love with the first time I brought her here to introduce this kind of diet that would help in her illness.

I came an hour earlier, that's how anxious I am about this date. Yes, I would call it a date though I believe she wouldn't.

Five minutes before seven I immediately saw her enter the door of the restaurant and my heart immediately felt a surge of emotions. God, I really love this girl to the point that I immediately asked her to marry me because I thought that she knew how I felt for her. I thought that it was obvious, but then realized how naive she is.

I felt foolish and stupid when I realize that she thought that I only ask her to marry her because of sympathy. That was so foolish of me to not realize that.

Well, I cannot blame her. When I offered her the marriage, the reason that I told her was so she could stop working and that I could take care of her. I said that I will provide for her medication and hospitalization. I forgot that she is an independent person who doesn't want to rely on others.

I didn't even bother to tell her I love her.

I watched her as she looked around the restaurant until she met my eyes and I immediately offered her a smile and waved a hand at her.

She returned my smile and walked toward me.

As she walks, I immediately look down at her feet and I am relieved that she isn't wearing those damn heels. Glad that she is keeping her word.

"Hi, did I make you wait?" She asked, giving me her most beautiful smile.

I shook my head and replied, "No, I just came in." I lied and stood up to pull a chair for her. She mumbled a thank you before she sat.

"So, how have you been?" I immediately ask. It's my way of checking out if she is having a flare.

She pursed her lip and narrowed her eyes at me. She knows what I mean. "No, I am not having a flare." She said but I immediately caught her averting her gaze from me. That's how I know that she is lying.

"You do know that I can tell when you are lying, right?" I shook my head at her, a little disappointed.

She bit her lower lip and lowered her eyes to the table.

I sighed. "I am not just your friend, Cat," I said though I was hoping to be more than just her friend. "But I am also your doctor. You can lie to me about other things but not about your health."

"I know. I'm sorry." She replied with a faint smile.

"So, how was it?" I inquired.

"Just the normal waxing and waning of symptoms. Can't call it a flare." She said and I eyed her for a while to see if she was telling me the truth.

"If a flare started up and started to worsen, call me immediately. Okay?"

"Yes, I will."

I nodded my head and decided to end the topic because that is not the real reason why I invited her for dinner. I wave my hand to catch the attention of a waiter signaling her that I am ready to order. She immediately walks up to us and gives us each menu.

Cat ordered herb-grilled salmon with broccoli on the sides while I ordered a Tuscan grilled filet.

We ate and chatted in between. We talked mostly about work and how well she blends in at the support group that I referred to her. I am glad that she did when I told her to try the support group because it would help her.

As we were about to finish our meal, I started to get nervous. I know women like confident men but I can't help it especially because I know that I can be rejected in the end. I just have to console myself that she will never see me as a man if I did not confess to her. It will also free me from worries.

And I will never know if she feels the same about me if I did not confess. Though I don't want to hold my hopes up, I still hope that she feels the same way as I do. Or if not yet, I hope that she'll develop the same affections as I do to her.

So putting all my worries aside, I take a deep breath and look at her intently.

"What?" She asked me when she noticed that I was staring at her. That innocent look on her face, while she looks at me, makes me fall for her more.

I sighed and then reached out for the glass of wine that I intentionally ordered for us to calm my nerves. I brought the glass into my mouth and gulped everything in it while Cat was still watching me with furrowed brows.

I swear! She looks cute while watching me like that.

Once I downed the glass of wine, I placed it back on the table and started. "Remember when I asked you to marry me?"

She tensed at first but it didn't last for long before she sighed and spoke, "Alvin..."

"Please, let me finish first. I will not make that proposal. I promise. At least not today." I stopped her because I know that she thought I would bring up that proposal again and she would reject me even before I could say it.

She just looks at me quizzically, obviously confused and puzzled as to why I brought this up again despite her repeated rejection.

"When I asked you to marry me, I said that you won't have to work anymore. You don't have to worry about your medications and hospitalizations. You don't have to live alone because I will take care of you. I will provide it for you. And you thought that is the reason why I wanted to marry you."

"Is it not?" She asked, drawling her words.

I shook my head and replied. "No, it's not."

I take a deep breath before I continue. "The last time I told you to marry me you said that marriage without love is not right. And you are right." I reached out for her hand that was on the table. "Cat, I don't want to marry you out of sympathy. I don't know how to say this because this might be the end of our friendship but this could also be the beginning of something else. Cat, I'm in love with you. I have been in love with you ever since I asked you to marry me. You may think that I am a coward for not telling you this all this time but please don't doubt it. I am genuinely and sincerely in love with you. I don't know how or when I just felt it. I may not be perfect, I am only human, I can make mistakes but you can trust me. Trust me not to hurt you at least not intentionally. I will make you happy, I will protect you and I will love you in every possible way." I paused to give her time to analyze the words that I just told her.

I noticed that she bit her trembling lip and she lowered her eyes to my hand that was on hers and I am glad that she is not pulling her hand away. At least not yet. I could see that she is struggling to find words to say, she is surprised. As expected, she doesn't have any idea how I feel about her.

I don't know if I should be worried about her naivety or if I just didn't show much of my affection. I know I could be cold towards the others but I was sure to show her tenderness.

"This...Alvin...this is...I don't know...I..." I heard her stutter while shaking her head and I hope that this is not her response.

"Cat, I am not asking you to give me an answer now. I won't force you. And I will not ask you to marry me, not now. Instead, I am asking you to give me a chance. I don't know how you feel about me but if you don't feel the same way, I understand. I can wait until you do. For now, I am asking you to give me a chance."

"W-what do you mean?"

Seriously, this girl doesn't have any idea. I thought internally.

"How about we start dating?" I asked and watched her fall silent.

After what felt like the longest seconds of my life I saw her shake her head slightly and said, "Alvin...I'm sorry," Then a tear slipped from her eyes before she wiped it clean.