Jesus Metaphor

I walk for a bid to stretch my legs thin, and an abrupt means of gazing inwards - Looking into my heart and mind to find the clearest picture of who I am. As much as I am a man, what part of a man is a monster? And what part of a monster is a man?

These thoughts penetrated my skull, stabbing with all the strength of pain and agony - the world around me faded, and my mind could not comprehend what was going on. Then, the pain suddenly hit me like a punch in the gut - the sensation was like being pierced by a thorny branch of bramble.

The pain was searing, like being on a hot fire - something I am used to. I had the image of my life being played out in front of my face and there was a scene which was a bloody disaster. I could see myself being on stage as the audience is all laughing and clapping at my every speech, all the while feeling as if I am a bad actor who was cast in the role of God or Jesus Christ.

At that moment I realised - I am not Jesus Christ or God - I am just an actor in the theatre of life. I am not the hero. He who dies on the cross is the hero. He is the one who takes on my job of being a human being.

I could see the people all laughing and clapping - the people who were waiting to see the best actor on the stage. I saw my life being played out before my eyes. The person I was now was as insignificant as me. All the people around me are insignificant.

As I looked into my heart, there was nothing to see there. My heart was as empty as my brain - empty as my mind, empty as my thoughts and empty as my heart. I realised, this is what emptiness means. This is my life, and my job is to find and be my emptiness.

When the pain was all over, I felt a sense of great relief. There was a calm in my heart and a sense of peace in my mind. Then I looked into the eyes of the man who had just spoken to me. He looked as if he was crying. His face was covered with soot and he was covered with blood. I stared into his eyes, and I could not tell whether he was man or demon.

"How long have you been there?" I asked him.

He just kept on looking at me, and he replied, "I have been watching you since this whole circus began." He looked at me as if I was just an actor in the theatre. I couldn't reply. I couldn't tell him that he was also an actor in the theatre. I did not know what to say, and I did not know what to think.

"How did I get here? Why am I here? How will I get out of here?" I did not have a reply to my questions. I could not even understand the questions. The answers were not important to me then.

The whole world around me faded away, and I saw myself on stage, but with a different backdrop - my life.

All the people around me are people from my life, and they are all people from my life. I cannot say I am God because I am not God. I am nothing, and they are nothing.

I was looking at my life as the man before me said, and I suddenly saw myself covered in blood as if I had been executed. I was just an ordinary person. But what was this ordinary person doing in my life? He was not the man I had been praying to be. He is just like me.

But who am I?