Catching feelings

Usually time barely moves. But waiting for her letter everyday made the days run fast. Even before I knew it, I am going to be 21 tomorrow. She came everyday with her drawings. She is trying her best to impress me with her drawings. Little does she know, coming back to check up on me that day was enough.

Over these past years, we became so close, informing each and every single incident of our lives to each other. She talked a lot about her family. How much she loves her dad. Hers is a middle class family. She came to Riverlook along with her father in search of a new means of living. He really is a fighter.

Her mom died when she was a kid. Her father raised her alone and honestly, he did a great job in that. She has all the qualities one needs to live. But she is delicate and innocent. She would easily get herself hurt. But she is perfect. Among all the problems, her dad found time for her. They have small family times together even though he is busy with his new business and she with her studies. Then there is my father and mother, who are alive and free all the time but don't have time for their son.

Recently my father was elected as the minister of magic. He doesn't deserve it. He owes it to mom. And now my mom is the queen. She is using my dad to control this city. She really craves power. How did she fail in her life? She doesn't seem to be someone who will give up her goals for anything. She fights for it. What really happened to her? Nobody knows.

I have been so confused before. This girl was so confusing and has always been that way. Her charm is hard to resist. Being the way she is, is enough for me to go crazy.

Now I am in the clear. All the thinking I have done came to the same conclusion. I am falling for her. I am falling really hard. I don't think my feelings are going to go away anytime soon. She is making me love her and myself at the same time. I sometimes imagine how our conversation will go if we meet. My heart beats frantically at the thought of it.

I have no clue when it started to be this way. Sometimes I feel like it has always been that way. I was just a confused teenager then. I didn't care about it much then. But now I can feel it in my heart. She is the one for me. She is all I can ever wish for. She is the cure for my every problem. She is all I need. She is the one who is always there for me. She knows me. I am not going to love anyone else the same way. I don't think anyone in this world can love anyone this much.

I never felt this way before. It feels weird. My insides ache at the thought of her leaving me. Feels like I am going to die. She is the reason for my life. She is everything one can wish for. I hope I won't lose her. I don't think I can survive a day without her. I can't stand imagining her with someone else. How is she living unaware of my love towards her? Can't she feel it? Was she only being empathetic to me? Or does she feel the same way? Damn girl, you are driving me insane.

I always wonder if she loves me or not. Does she ever think about me when she is not with me? Does she feel the same pain when she leaves my home everyday? Is she aware that I am here struggling to breathe when she is away? Does she have the slightest idea how much she means to me? One side of me wants her. While the other, don't…

Deep inside, I know I can't have her. I don't want her to be locked up here. She is an angel. Her wings shouldn't be torn apart. She is meant to fly high. My only hope here was her, writing everyday informing about the outside world. What if she is locked in here with me too. I am scared that she is going to hate me for tieing her wings. My heart aches at the thought of her hating me. I don't want her to love me. I have already been cursed. There is no way out for me now. Love was never meant for me. I am trapped with the emotions I have. I can't help it. But she should be safe from these emotions. I don't want her to get hurt because of me. She is the only person I talk to. But I swear that's not why I love her. I love her because I love her. Even if there were more characters in my life, I would have chosen her above them all. She is what I wanted. But she may be meeting so many people outside unlike me. She may even like someone else out there.

Atlast her letter came and I rushed over to the window. She was there waving at me. I waved back with the same excitement I had during the first time. She bid me goodbye and left. She seemed to be in a rush. Today she is late. Wonder what kept her this late. Is everything alright at home? I will ask her in the evening.

I opened her letter with a smile. I don't know why but I feel like I'm glowing everytime I open her letter. She got me addicted to her. Now I am here craving for more of her.

I won't be coming this evening. I am sorry. I have planned a surprise for your birthday tomorrow. Be ready!

Love,

Emma

Oh! She is not coming this evening?! My smile dropped. How am I going to survive this day? Why is she not coming? What happened to her? She is so busy nowadays. She is not coming to me in the evenings anymore. Is she getting sick of me? Am I too boring? Maybe she feels like it's not fair for her to do this much for some stranger. Does she consider me as a stranger? Does she have other friends to spend time with? Am I not her first priority? Does she get herself a boyfriend and he denies her to visit me anymore?

Oh! She is planning a surprise for me.