Chapter 6 - September 23rd (Thursday, Public Holiday) - Saki Ayase

Melissa's concert was something I had obviously been looking forward to.

But honestly, I was just as excited to be out and about with Asamura-kun.

I looked up at the sky, which still held a hint of its distinctive blue, even though sunset was approaching.

Thank goodness it's sunny today.

In high spirits, I headed toward the live music club. Glancing around, I noticed that the streets of Shibuya were packed with early autumn fashion, with mannequins in shop windows clad in this year's trendy colors, striking poses in attempts to catch the attention of passersby.

That reminds me…

I glanced to my side. Asamura-kun's outfit choice today seemed very much like him. He wore a simple combo of a light blue jacket and slacks. If it were me, I'd probably have added some more accent colors, but Asamura-kun always keeps it simple.

Maybe it's my bias as his girlfriend speaking, but I think his casual style of clothing is actually quite charming. Yep, it really suits him.

We strolled down the street, chatting casually. As we passed by, I noticed several couples holding hands or linking arms, each keeping their own comfortable distance as they walked.

No two couples had the same exact sense of distance. Some, that looked like they were in their twenties, walked so close to each other they might as well have been glued together. That was in sharp contrast to an elderly couple I saw, probably pushing into their seventies, walking slowly with canes and occasionally stopping to massage their lower backs.

Each couple walked with their own unique sense of closeness.

Asamura-kun lightly raised his hand and held it out to me. Noticing this, I shifted my cardigan to my other hand before taking his.

Our hands swayed back and forth as we walked. I guess this is our current sense of distance.

We got to the building where the live music club was about ten minutes before the doors were set to open.

"That's it, isn't it?"

We stood, slightly confused, at the entrance, but I luckily spotted the venue's sign.

It seemed to be in the basement of the building in front of us.

After a while, a line of people formed, waiting to get in. We joined it, and before long, we were let inside. Holding the pamphlets we received at the entrance, we made our way to our seats.

Since it was my first time at a live music club, everything felt new and interesting. I'd initially pictured something like a fan-shape, stepped concert hall or something, but it was just a regular rectangle room. The stage was so close to where we were sitting too.

The instruments had already been set up, and the band members were busy tuning and testing them. A mic stand stood in the center, likely where Melissa would sing.

Turning towards the seating, I saw a general area and, behind that, a section for VIPs like us.

Asamura-kun and I found some empty seats near the front of the VIP section and sat down. Even after sitting down, I couldn't stop myself from curiously looking around.

My eyes fell on the tall, rectangular door we had passed through and what I saw surprised me.

Next to it was a large poster. It seemed to be exclusively for today's concert, as it matched the cover of the pamphlets we'd been given.

What immediately caught my eye was Melissa's intense gaze, captured in a close-up bust shot. One of her eyes, which I could see through her honey-colored hair tousled by the wind, glared at me as if conveying a desire to consume me. The pressure of her gaze was overwhelmingly intense. Her bare shoulders were exposed, complimented by a thin silver chain hanging from her neck that swung towards her shimmering tan chest. The background appeared to be a composite, showing a lush, densely overgrown forest. The vibrant green hues evoked a strong sense of tropical energy and life. And despite being set against the deep hues of nature, Melissa's expression stood out clearly, and I couldn't help but be drawn to her. Upon closer inspection, I noticed an old ruin, standing quietly as if forgotten, nestled on the edge of the forest scene.

"Looks nice," I murmured without thinking.

Asamura-kun, who was sitting next to me, turned to look too. It seemed like he also realized that it was the same image as the one on the pamphlet.

I picked up the pamphlet from my lap. Because the room was dimly lit, I decided to leave the small print for later, and began to glance through the pages, starting from the cover.

Oh, the inside's nice too.

It featured articles that were neatly framed and easy on the eyes, clearly designed with the intention of being considerate to the reader. Although the clean design sharply contrasted with Melissa's rugged appearance on the cover, it still worked cohesively, with green vine-like patterns weaving around the framed sections of the articles. It's probably a coincidence, but maybe these complimenting styles as a whole hints a certain delicacy beneath Melissa's wild nature?

The back section of the pamphlet was like a photo album that had a collection of snapshots capturing Melissa's daily life. I browsed through the beautiful pictures, before suddenly pausing, realizing something.

She isn't smiling in any of these.

Puzzled, I flipped through the remaining pages until I reached the final one. The top half featured a picture of Melissa passionately singing as she clung to a microphone stand, accompanied below by a group photo of her with her band members and staff, arms around each other's shoulders. In that photo, Melissa alone wore a radiant, beaming smile. That image gripped my heart.

Ah, so that's how it is.

Melissa had unique sensibilities, which stopped her from finding acceptance in Japanese society, and had to seek a place for herself abroad.

"You must find a community that lets you live freely without trying to block off and restrain every single thing you do."

The words Melissa uttered some time ago came back to me.

So this must be the place she found—a place where she can sing with these people.

Holding the pamphlet in my hand, I felt that it encapsulated the essence of who Melissa was. The person who made this must understand her a lot.

What's more, even without using older photographs to reflect on her history, the pamphlet was effective at using more recent photos to express Melissa's inner self—at least I felt it did.

Photos… huh?

I didn't have many pictures of myself. I usually tell people it's because I tend to have a resting bitch face, so I don't look good on camera. Until now, I genuinely believed those words.

But after seeing first hand how this pamphlet effectively expressed Melissa's character with only current photos, I started to wonder if, deep down, I was actually afraid of having my picture taken. Or maybe, more specifically, I'm afraid of having a fleeting moment of truth captured and frozen in time.

It's kinda paradoxical, but having moments fixed like that sorta proves that nothing's eternal to me…

I let out a sigh.

I never imagined I'd be reflecting this deeply just from looking at a pamphlet handed out at some concert. But it's just so…

"It's so stylish. Very fashionable and satisfying."

I had only intended to murmur my thoughts to myself, so I was surprised when I suddenly heard a, "Thanks," in response.

Startled, I spun around to see a woman sitting right behind me, smiling shyly as she spoke.

"I'm the one who made it."

She introduced herself as "Ruka Akihiro." She turned out to be Melissa's friend and the designer of the pamphlet.

In other words, she's the person responsible for encapsulating Melissa inside this thin pamphlet. Realizing this, I suddenly felt the urge to check how accurate my impressions were, based on what I had seen and felt.

 I want to talk with her, even if it's just for a little while.

But, just as I was about to muster the courage to strike up a conversation, Ruka-san was called over by someone and left her seat.

And just then, it looked like the concert was about to start.

Regretfully, I turned to face the stage again.

The concert started.

⋆⋅☆⋅⋆

Melissa took to the center of the stage and started singing her first song in a quiet voice.

Just like when I saw her at that restaurant in Singapore, she had her guitar in hand. Plopping down on the stool placed there for her, Melissa began strumming and singing, seemingly staring off into the distance.

As her clear voice filled the venue, the audience in turn became more focused, with everyone intensely listening, almost holding their breaths.

The music had the same ring to it from when I first heard her—a blend of folk music and rock. Though I'm not sure how accurate that description is. It's not like I'm a music buff or anything.

Though the first song was more subdued, Melissa gradually transitioned to livelier, more up-tempo ones. Now these feel more in line with the image I had of her when she speaks.

Most of the songs Melissa writes are on YouTube. And although all the lyrics are English, I've listened to them enough times that I immediately recognize them once their intros start playing.

Melissa kept talking to a minimum. There was that greeting at the start, and an intro for each band member somewhere in the middle, but that's about it…

Maybe it's because most of Melissa's conversations are in English, while the majority of the audience were Japanese. Even though she could communicate easily with how fluent she was in Japanese, maybe she felt like she couldn't fully express herself as she could in English.

As I lost myself in her comforting voice, time flew by.

The two-hour concert was reaching its climax.

Turning her face to the audience, Melissa announced in English that the next song would be the last.

The music started.

Ah, this song. I love this one.

I instantly recognized it from its intro. It's the song with the highest number of views on her YouTube, and was also the one I listened to the most.

"But I was free born." That's the phrase Melissa had gone with for the title. It's apparently some famous quote, and part of it even became the title of a movie. I think it's called "Born Free," or something.[1]

But I was free born.[2]

[1: The quote, "But I was free born," comes from the bible. Specifically, it's part of Acts 22:28, "And the chief captain answered, With a great sum obtained I this freedom. And Paul said, But I was free born."

It's basically a passage describing a conversation between Paul the Apostle and some Roman commander, during which Paul is chained and had already nearly been beaten (due to various circumstances I am too lazy to delve into).

For some added context, Roman citizens (of which Paul is one), are given the right to defense in the form of a trial, and thus were protected from being tortured and beaten unless after they have been found guilty of a crime. This conversation takes place after the Roman commander finds out Paul has Roman citizenship, and thus stops him from being flogged.

The conversation puts an emphasis on the difference between earned and given citizenship (with "free" meaning "being a Roman citizen" here, since only Romans were free/not enslaved in the lands the Roman Empire governed). Here, the commander had to earn his citizenship (as at this time, it was possible for non-Romans to gain citizenship through payments, bribes, or services given to the Roman government), while Paul was born Roman.

Now obviously, Melissa doesn't fucking mean shit about the Romans when she uses this quote. Through interpretation from a liberal lens, which became more mainstream since the Enlightenment (and the influence of philosophers like John Locke), it's more accurate to say she's utilizing the more literal meaning: freedom. She has emphasized many times that she had desired a community/country which allows her to be free—or to more accurately say, the freedom to pursuit her happiness in ways however she sees fit—which she couldn't be in Japan due to her preferred way of life not conforming to traditional Japanese societal convention (and hence why she leaves it).

Now, Born Free is a British drama film in 1966 depicting the real-life story of Joy and George Anderson, a couple who raised Elsa the lioness (a famous tiger who used to live in Rotterdam Zoo) to adulthood before releasing her back into the wild. [2]: The raws had the title of the song "But I was free born" written in English. This line is actually originally in Japanese (私は生まれながらにして自由です.) and is simply just Saki translating the title to Japanese in her head]

Melissa set down her guitar and clutched the mic as she began singing. I realized she had the same expression I saw in the pamphlet.

The tempo's a little faster than her version on YouTube.

Or maybe it sounds like it's gradually speeding up? It felt like she was picking up pace, little by little, at least compared to how it started. Her band members seemed a bit surprised by this too, but they weren't panicked by it. They continued playing, adjusting to Melissa's tempo.

The lyrics described breaking free from a state of confinement, and combined with her increasingly hurried singing, I felt like she was actually fleeing from something.

As her tempo increased even more, Melissa grabbed the mic off the stand. She held it in both her hands, as if clutching onto a precious treasure, continuing to sing.

During the instrumental break, the other band members gradually brought the tempo back down to its original pace.

As the tempo picked back up, I realized again that Melissa was doing it to match the lyrics, creating a sense of urgency and escape, with the band matching her rhythm.

As the interlude played on, Melissa let her arms hang limply and bowed her head, looking like an electronic doll whose batteries had run out.

Did she collapse because she didn't escape? Or is she resting in relief because she did? Either way, my heart pounded in anticipation as I watched her slumped over like that.

Even though I already knew the lyrics, I was completely captivated by her body language. Slowly, Melissa straightened up.

The interlude ended, and the song resumed.

She lifted her head, gripped the mic again, and sang the final chorus.

Bathed in the spotlight, Melissa raised her hand higher and higher—

—And just as she fully extended her arm, she clenched her fist tightly, as if she'd grasped onto something, and drew it to her chest. She sang the final note triumphantly, her face filled with joy.

As the song finally drew out to a close, she took a deep breath and bowed to the audience.

I felt a surge of heat rising within my body. I didn't understand why, but my eyes felt warm, and I felt like I would start crying at the drop of a hat.

As I raised my arm to clap, I accidentally bumped into someone else's, but I kept clapping anyway. The room erupted with loud applause and cheers.

Melissa responded to the enthusiastic crowd by raising both hands high in the air. The satisfaction was clear on her face—she knew she'd nailed it.

"MELISSAAAA!"

One of the men who'd been playing behind her called out to her in a tone resembled a teacher scolding a student.

Huh? She's being scolded?

The other band members seemed to be suppressing their smiles, clearly amused. Melissa stuck out her tongue playfully at him, then clasped her hands together in mock apology, still wearing her mischievous grin.

She turned back to the audience, bowed, and exited the stage.

But the applause didn't die down. It was like the crowd was calling for an encore.

Melissa responded by reappearing from the side of the stage.

The final song was a quiet one. It had an old-fashioned ring to it, and I didn't know it. I thought it might've been some new original piece…

But then Asamura-kun murmured something that surprised me.

"'Fly Me To The Moon'…"

Well that's unexpected.

"You know it?" I asked without thinking.

Being careful not to disturb those around us, Asamura-kun leaned in close and whispered in my ear, explaining that it was a famous jazz classic.

Fly Me To The Moon—take me to the moon.

Originally titled, "In Other Words," the song had been composed more than half a century ago, and Asamura-kun shared this little tidbit with me.

Apparently, this song was the first to reach the moon along with mankind, escaping the pull of gravity.[3]

[3: Buzz Aldrin (aka the second man on moon who accompanied Neil Armstrong), played this song on a cassette player after he landed on the moon]

Asamura-kun's words flowed into me as his lips brushed close to my ear. Caught up at that moment, I realized that the hand I had bumped into earlier had been his. Now, his breath grazed my cheek as he spoke.

On stage, Melissa was singing with a husky, melancholy voice.

The last line of the verse was in English, something anyone could understand. After all, it was "I love you."

By the time I noticed it, Asamura-kun had turned back to face the stage, his eyes fixed on Melissa.

But I, on the other hand, was no longer in the right state of mind to properly listen to Melissa's singing. No, no. "I love you" is part of the lyrics. Asamura-kun's just sharing some trivia with me; it's not like he was whispering love into my ear or anything… Sorry Melissa.

My thoughts were all tangled up, and… Oh, right. Come to think about it, his hand felt pretty rough. That's a boy's hand for you. It's different from a girl's… No, wait, what am I thinking? Ugh, go away, lewd thoughts.

Before I realized it, Melissa was already bowing to the audience, and the crowd erupted into thunderous applause once again. I hurriedly joined in, clapping my hands together.

And with that, the two-hour concert came to an end.

I quietly took a few deep breaths. By the time my heartbeat finally calmed down, a member of the staff came around to the VIP section and informed us, "Melissa will greet you all shortly."

"Uhh… What do we do?" I asked Asamura-kun.

"We should stay if it doesn't get too late. I mean, you want to at least say hello, don't you?"

"Thanks."

We didn't have to wait long before Melissa arrived. She looked completely relaxed, a stark contrast from the intense expression she wore on stage.

Lining up to shake hands and greet her, we found ourselves standing right behind Ruka-san.

When it came to our turn, Ruka-san gave me a little push, and I found myself face-to-face with Melissa. Suddenly, all the emotions I'd experienced during the concert came rushing back, and I only managed to squeeze out a few simple words.

"Um… it was really amazing."

"Mm. Thanks."

Once I got those first words out, the rest came naturally, and I started pouring out all my thoughts about her performance.

Maybe it was because we were last in line—or because only the staff and a few of her close friends were around—but Melissa quietly listened as I spoke, my words spilling out in a rapid, almost feverish excitement.

Ruka-san then teased Melissa, who was clearly flustered by my passionate feedback.

After that, the conversation shifted to how I'd praised the pamphlet and posters that Ruka-san designed.

Yes! That was one of the things I wanted to talk about just now.

Both the pamphlet cover and the poster featured an old stone building nestled inconspicuously within a lush green jungle. I asked Ruka-san about it—where was it? Was that some kinda ruin or something?

"Where d'you think?" she answered me with a question of her own.

I gathered my thoughts, trying to piece together everything that had been on my mind since I first saw it. My mind was working more smoothly than usual, probably because I'd only just passionately shared my thoughts on Melissa's performance.

The pamphlet seemed to express something about the origins of Melissa's musical style.

For Melissa, Japan was a difficult place to live. So, she searched for a place where she felt she could live freely, without anyone criticizing her life choices. The place she's found now is somewhere she could feel at ease—at least more than Japan, anyway.

She was finally freed, breaking her chains in a place where she could be left alone. That sense of freedom and release was reflected in Melissa's lyrics and music—at least, that's what I felt.

Maybe the sounds of traditional South Asian instruments also make me feel that way?

Those are the things that inspired her music.

Born Free. Everyone's born free, but there's certain things that we're bonded to. Melissa's music starts from the action of breaking those bonds.

I glanced down at the pamphlet in my hand again. Yeah, her music originates from this region in Southern Asia.

But that's just the backdrop—her gaze is fixed on us.

It's like she's screaming "I'm from here, and now I'm headin' there. Just you wait," with a challenging look. It was pretty intense. Or maybe it's also a look that conveys her readiness to strike if given the chance?

"It felt like that poster's trying to say that Melissa-san's music's deeply rooted in her heritage… in her blood, or something like that," I said, explaining that it might've been somewhere in South Asia.

My answer turned out to be half right and half wrong.

The location itself was correct. It was actually a jungle in South Asia that Ruka-san had been to. But, it wasn't a ruin; it was just some abandoned building that'd been there for decades. In other words, it wasn't that ancient.

"We didn't have the budget to find an actual location and take the whole thing in person."

Ruka-san shared some of the challenges she faced while finding a suitable photo for the poster. She spoke of it like a funny story, but I could tell she'd really gone through a lot.

And thanks to Melissa's help, I even got Ruka-san's business card. She also mentioned that she posted some art on her Instagram sometimes. I'll make sure to check that out later.

Just then, I suddenly remembered something. While the main reason for going out today was to see Melissa perform, Asamura-kun and I were also supposed to be on a concert date. I've completely left him out of the conversation.

Luckily, Ruka-san also noticed this and subtly helped me out.

But, despite knowing from our last meeting that I had a curfew, Melissa refused to believe we were really heading home right after her concert.

"Hey, Saki, you're seriously not gonna do anything lewd?"

"Don't ask her that!"

Ruka-san immediately smacked the back of Melissa's head playfully. It was like watching a comedic duo, but I couldn't bring myself to laugh.

"W-w-we're not!"

What kinda question is that? This girl…

I could feel my heart racing twice as fast as normal. I thought Melissa's singing had already gotten my heart racing as fast as it could, but this was the real heart-pounding moment of the day. What the heck?

To make matters worse, I suddenly remembered how Asamura-kun's hand had brushed against mine during the concert.

And that breathy voice of his whispering in my ear during Melissa's encore. Like soothing healing music.

I recalled Maaya once explaining the concept of ASMR to me. Yuuta ASaMuRa was now vividly playing in my mind.

"But, y'know, lovin' each other's a happy act. I don't think you gotta feel ashamed of it~" Melissa said, as if with perfect timing.

She confidently asserted that it was simply a natural extension of everyday life. So, that means that in a romantic relationship, it's only natural to engage in something happy like that while listening to a soothing track of Yuuta ASaMuRa whispering in your ear—

"Ayase-san?"

"Hyah!?"

My heart nearly leapt out of my chest at the sound of my name being called right near my ear.

"Ah, sorry. You just looked a little spaced out. Look, it's about time we head back."

"Y-yeah!" I managed to stammer.

That finally brought me back to my senses.

"Um, then, we'll head home now."

"Come again if we have another gig. Check my YouTube too!"

"I will," I answered firmly.

⋆⋅☆⋅⋆

On our way home, Asamura-kun and I walked silently, barely saying a word to each other.

We didn't even hold hands, and honestly, I was relieved we didn't. Holding hands… I'd have definitely remembered the feelings of our hands brushing against each other if we'd done that. Along with what Melissa said too.

His voice—the smooth one that had whispered into my ear earlier—would've looped in my mind.

What do I do? Just him being beside me is making me restless. My heart wouldn't stop pounding.

This clearly wasn't normal.

My mind was spinning, swirling with all sorts of thoughts.

Was Saki Ayase always like this? That was something I truly wondered as I observed my own chaotic feelings. I stood there, feeling confused. This… this is…

Maaya's face suddenly popped into my mind, her usual bright, playful smile flashing across it.

"You've become a goof. In a good way!"

N-no! I'm not… I'm not a goof… probably.

I need to calm down. I need to step back and take a good look at myself.

Maybe since I stopped writing in my diary, I've lost the ability to view myself clearly.

Should I start keeping one again? It wouldn't matter if Asamura-kun found out about my innermost thoughts at this point.

Even if he discovered that in my mind right now, a little Saki Ayase was dancing like a ballerina. But, instead of dancing to Swan Lake[4], she was dancing to the Lake of Lewd Thoughts.

[4: A ballet composed by Tchaikovsky, regarded as one of the most popular ballets of all time]

It'll be okay… since it's him.

…No way. Actually, on second thought, that might be a problem for a whole other reason.