Chapter 7 - September 24th (Friday) - Yuuta Asamura

I found myself in an endless white room.

In the middle of the room lay Ayase-san on a pure white bed, dressed in an equally white negligee. The skin of her slender arms and legs that extended out from her negligee, and the spread of her bright blonde hair stood out in sharp contrast to the surrounding whiteness.

I was lying beside her. The sheets were wrinkled under the weight of both our bodies.

Ayase-san's delicate fingertips slowly reached out, brushing against my chest.

"Yuuta…" she said in a breathy whisper as she gently caressed me.

It felt surreal, like I was dreaming, unable to believe this was really happening. We leaned towards each other. Her cheeks looked soft, and were slightly flushed. She drew her moist eyes and red lips closer. In response, my arm moved towards her body, gripping the white negligee so tightly that the fabric crumpled…

"—Hah!"

I jolted awake.

I was entirely drenched in sweat and my body felt heavy. My heart pounded loudly in my chest.

It was a dream. Definitely just a dream. My real room doesn't stretch on forever. It's finite. Now that I think about it, it should've been obvious with just that thought.

But still…

"A dream, huh?"

What a shame—no, no. That ain't right. What kinda dream was that anyway?

As I shook off the remnants of it, a heavy, sinking feeling settled in the depths of my stomach.

Yes, it's true Ayase-san and I are a couple. And yes, I'm a normal high school boy with normal desires. So, it's not unusual that I'd dream of something like that—it's a common thing, actually…

But I couldn't just let it go like that. That's not who I am. I felt guilty for seeing Ayase-san as only an object of my sexual desires. You could even say I was ashamed.

But it's not like I've done anything wrong, so maybe I shouldn't worry about it. At least that's what I wanted to believe, but I couldn't shake off that feeling deep down—I felt the opposite.

Dreams can be a problem. Unlike real-life interactions, they're one sided. There's no chance for alignment or discussion in dreams. And now that I'm awake, I've realized the Ayase-san in my dream wasn't like her at all.

That version of Ayase-san was just a reflection of my own desires.

I get that people have the freedom to think whatever they want, but still, it felt like I was forcing my sexual feelings onto Ayase-san. Like I was ignoring her as a person. I can't do that—I don't want to neglect or disrespect her.

If it'd been in real life, I could've proposed something, and we could then figure things out together. Even so, suggesting something like that is no easy task…

That's a pretty high hurdle to clear as well.

"I mean, it's not the right time for something like that in the first place…" I muttered to myself.

I had only just recently managed to focus on my studies, having finally gotten a grip on my future path. After attending the open campus, I had set my sights on Ichise University as my first choice. Ayase-san's also heard about this and has been cheering me on.

We promised each other to work hard and study for our exams. Though, I guess "promise" is too strong a word here—it's more like a, "I've made up my mind," and "Good luck with that," type situation.

Besides, both of us are aiming for top universities, so I don't want to disrupt her focus either. And on top of that, I have no idea how to even begin suggesting anything related to that.

There's that signal we came up with a while back—the one where we'd lightly tap each other's shins to say we wanted a hug. But what about things further than that?

What should I say if I wanted to do more than just hugging? Increase the number of taps? So like, three taps for a hug, four for a kiss, five for… No, no, no. What kinda code is that? It's not like we're in a spy novel or anything. Not realistic at all…

And the problem isn't just the difficulty of suggesting it. Ayase-san was already on the verge of developing a deep mistrust of men, likely because of her issues with her biological father. What would happen if I suggested deepening our physical relationship with that going on? Looking back, I think I was already vaguely aware of this ever since I told her that I loved her not as a sister, but as a woman. And that's probably why, even though we've been dating for a year now, I haven't been able to bring up anything like that. I feel like I've been avoiding it unconsciously.

Telling her that I want us to do more than just kiss…

How would Saki Ayase feel if I said that?

My answer after spending over a year together? I don't know…

I don't even know how to communicate my feelings without hurting her.

I lack experience in sexual communication between men and women. It's only natural since Ayase-san's my first girlfriend.

Apparently, even for other couples, differences in sexual perceptions often lead to misunderstandings. Especially in Japan, where sex isn't something openly talked about, having discussions about it with a partner is a particularly challenging issue.

At least that's what I read in a book.

Given the situation, how difficult would it be for someone as inexperienced as me to tell Ayase-san that I want to take things further than just hugging and kissing, work through it together, and actually make it happen?

I can't even imagine doing that right now.

When I think about it, that woman we met at the concert yesterday, Melissa, really is amazing. I've never met a woman who talks about stuff like sex so openly. Now, I've met a woman who often jokes about it, but this is nothing like that.

So that's it. The reason I dreamt of that was because of what she said.

"But, y'know, lovin' each other's a happy act. I don't think you gotta feel ashamed of it~"

Happiness… huh?

I'm sure Melissa meant more than just the satisfaction of satisfying sexual desires when she said that, but unfortunately, my understanding of it remains limited to only my imagination.

Still, those words had definitely been a trigger, and now the fantasy of getting more physically intimate with Ayase-san has etched itself deep in my mind.

I took a deep breath, inhaling enough air to envelop all these swirling thoughts in my head. Then, I slowly exhaled, trying to flush out every last one of them until my mind was completely clear.

There's no point in going around in circles when I'm groggy and just woke up.

As I relaxed, my stomach let out a growl.

"…Guess I should eat breakfast."

⋆⋅☆⋅⋆

As I stepped out of my room and walked down the hallway, I ran into Ayase-san just as she was coming out of the kitchen.

She was wearing an apron over her school uniform.

For a moment, both of us froze.

I couldn't help but think back to the image of Ayase-san in that pure white negligee from my dream. But in reality she's perfectly put together, as usual.

"Good morning, Saki."

"Mm. Good morning, Yuuta-niisan. I was just about to wake you up. We'll be late for school if we don't eat soon."

"Yeah, sorry."

I must've zoned out for too long this morning.

My old man was already gone from the dining room, and his plate had been cleared away, so I guess he'd already left for work.

"He made breakfast again today."

"Huh? My old man did?"

Today's spread featured fried eggs, sausages, miso soup, and rice. It was definitely something my old man could manage given it wasn't anything fancy.

"I only fried the eggs. I was worried they'd get cold if I didn't make them last minute."

It seemed Ayase-san was also tired from yesterday's concert. Apparently, most of the food had already been prepared when she woke up.

We sat across from each other at the dining table, putting our hands together as we said "itadakimasu," before digging in.

I can't help but feel like I said it awkwardly, though. It's only natural. I mean, I was now sitting face to face with the very person I had just been dreaming about.

But, looking up at her close like this, I realized that the current Ayase-san, wearing her well-groomed school uniform, was way more familiar to me than that Ayase-san from my dream. Although she often wears one-shoulder tops on most days, that shoulder-baring negligee was way too stimulating—

Ugh. Go away, lewd thoughts.

"We'll seriously be late if we don't eat."

"Yeah, sorry."

I tried to grab a sausage with my chopsticks, but it slipped and dropped back onto the plate.

"Ah."

It seems my inner turmoil was starting to show. Not wanting her to notice, I acted as if nothing was wrong and reached for the sausage again.

Slip.

The sausage slipped from my chopsticks again. 

"..."

Fighting the urge to just stab it with my chopsticks, I took a deep breath, pulled myself together, and carefully lifted the sausage to my mouth.

Also, I know it's already been half a day, but I'm still this agitated. I wonder if Ayase-san's alright…

As I bit into the sausage, I glanced at her out of the corner of my eye.

Slip.

The sausage she picked up slipped out of her chopsticks too.

I nearly choked. Could it be that Ayase-san's feeling the same way I am?

She reached for the sausage again.

Slip.

Slip.

Her attempts were in vain, and the sausage kept falling over and over.

"…No, this… It's not like I'm flustered or anything, Yuuta-nii-san. This is just—"

"Well, I mean they're pretty greasy, so I guess they're hard to pick up—"

Slip.

"No… I'm not… either."

"Y-yeah."

Awkward…

I turned my attention to the bowl of miso soup in an attempt to calm myself down.

I dipped my chopsticks into the bowl. As I grabbed a piece of tofu and lifted it up, the miso that had settled the bottom swirled, changing its shape like smoke. Ayase-san's miso soup always had tofu cut to just the right size. My old man, on the other hand, always had them cut quite large. Tofu has a mild flavor, which makes it great for hot pot, but biting into a two centimeter chunk in something as mild as miso soup? All that does is fill your mouth with nothing but tofu. Where did the miso flavor go?

I see, the size of tofu is important. I jotted that down in my mental cooking notes.

As I was thinking about ways to improve my cooking skills, Ayase-san suddenly spoke up.

"What should we do about this year's cultural festival?"

What d'you mean? I couldn't figure out what she meant, so I asked her with my eyes.

"I mean, look, last year we only briefly saw each other on the stairs, and we didn't even walk around together."

"Oh, has it already been a year since then?"

Back then, we were so concerned about how others would judge us—like we were convinced we were doing something wrong—that we hid from public view.

"There's no need to hide it this year… But I mean, our parents…"

"Ah… Yeah, now that you mention it…"

Akiko-san had brought it up around the beginning of the month. Apparently, after I had told her when the cultural festival was going to happen, she said she wanted to see her daughter's "big moment," so she applied for time off to attend.

"Especially after she found out that our class is doing a maid and butler café and casino."

"She said she wants to see how I do customer service, given her job and all."

Still, saying her daughter being dressed in a maid outfit was a "big moment" sure is something.

"She also said she wants to see the both of us happily working together while running the café," Ayase-san continued.

"Can't she just visit you at work if she wants to see you serving customers?"

"Nah, she doesn't want to disturb me at work."

Makes sense.

Anyway, after Akiko-san applied for time off for the cultural festival, my old man said he was thinking about going too, so now they're both coming.

They're still two peas in a pod.

"My old man didn't come last year or the year before, but he was all in as soon as Akiko-san said she was going this year."

"N-now, now. I'm sure Stepdad was always interested in going. He probably just thought this was a good opportunity."

"I guess."

Or maybe he just wants an excuse to go on a date with Akiko-san.

"Anyway, they'll be going on Saturday, right?"

"Yeah. She said it's easier to get time off then."

My old man usually has Saturdays off anyway, so as long as Akiko-san can get time off too, they'll have no problems coming together.

"Now that I think about it, it might be a good idea for at least one of us to be working on Saturday. It'd be pretty disappointing if they came all the way and didn't get to see us during our shifts."

"Or we can take the same day if they want to see us working together. That'd be better, wouldn't it?"

"So you want us both to work on Saturday?"

"I do. What shift did you request, Asamura-kun?"

"Figured it would be easier to take both the morning and afternoon shifts on Saturday so that I'd have all of the next day free."

Our school's cultural festival lasts over two days, with morning and afternoon shifts, making four shifts in total. Our class had decided that those in the customer service team would work at least two of those shifts.

"I've signed up for mornings on both Saturday and Sunday… I'll ask Class Rep if I can switch. If I can do that, then I'll have all of Sunday free too." 

"Sounds good. We don't know if my old man can wake up in time too…"

In that case, it'd be best for us to take both the morning and afternoon shifts, just in case our parents show up at either time.

While committing the school festival schedule to memory, I wondered if Ayase had thought about this beforehand, since she was readily giving solutions so smoothly.

And as if right on cue, she lowered her gaze for a moment, before looking back up again.

"So, if that happens…"

I'd already guessed this much.

"Yep, if my old man and Akiko-san show up and we greet them together, we'll definitely be exposed."

At the very least, everyone in our class will find out—that's inevitable. Knowing them, my old man and Akiko-san will likely chat with us while flirting, given they're always so affectionate with each other. That alone will draw significant attention, and it'll be impossible to believe that everyone else would accept Ayase-san and I as just acquaintances.

"And, you know… it's not like I plan on explaining it to everyone, but I think they'll eventually figure out that we're step-siblings one way or another."

"I agree."

It'd be fine if it ends there. But, it's also likely that there'll be lots of speculation once people find out that a teenage boy and girl—who aren't blood related—are living under the same roof. Step-siblings are legally allowed to marry, after all. Though since we're also family, that's something I try to avoid thinking about as much as possible.

"So, um, about that… There's some people I want to tell before it all turns into a rumor," Ayase-san told me.

I nodded in understanding.

There's certain private stuff you'd prefer to explain yourself rather than let others make assumptions.

"Obviously Maaya already knows that we're step-siblings, but I haven't told Class Rep or Satou-san about us yet. That's been on my mind."

"Wanna tell them yourself?"

Ayase-san nodded.

"Got it. If that's the case… then I guess I'll tell Yoshida."

"You think we should tell them before the festival?"

"That'd be best. But I think timing's also important for stuff like this, so don't stress yourself out by feeling like you gotta do it right away," I said, nodding to her question.

I mean, we wouldn't be worrying so much about this issue if we were the type of people who could casually bring up something that we've kept as a secret for almost a year now.

"Those two don't seem like the kinda people who'd get angry just because we kept it a secret," I reassured her.

"I know… I know that, but…"

Sensing that saying more would just only put more pressure on her, I decided to change the subject.

"There's another problem though."

"Huh?"

Ayase-san looked up. She'd clearly been lost in her own thoughts.

"This is gonna be our last cultural festival at Suisei High, so there's one more person I've gotta invite… They'll never let me forget it otherwise—they'll just keep bringing it up forever."

"Ah… Yomiuri-san?"

Bingo. Looks like we're on the same page.

"I can hear it now. 'You're so heartless for not inviting me, Junior-kun. Hey, hey, was our bond really that shallow? So mean, so mean, so mean! At this rate, I might have to make you repeat a year so you can take me to next year's festival. I'll curse youuuu!"

Ayase-san cracked a half-smile at my impression.

"I don't think she'd go that far… But yeah, since we're working the same shift today, maybe I should just mention it then?"

"That might be best."

"Oh, but… If she comes, Yomiuri-san might see us together…"

"We'll just have to accept that. She already knows, anyway."

Yomiuri-senpai had known since the beginning that Ayase-san and I were step-siblings. Plus, I even told her that we're dating.

Well, then. I didn't have anyone else to invite, so I guess we're done with cultural festival stuff—Wait no, I've forgotten something important.

"So, that means we'll both be free on Sunday," Ayase-san muttered softly.

It finally dawned on me—so this was what she'd been trying to discuss from the start.

I took a sip out of my miso soup. Let's think about this calmly. This is important.

This was our last high school cultural festival, which meant it was our last chance to experience it together as classmates. Missing this opportunity meant losing this chance forever.

I bit into another piece of tofu. This one was also large, and it hadn't absorbed much of the soup's flavor either, so it tasted bland.

Giving up a festival date with Ayase-san… That feels like a waste.

"I want to walk around… Together."

These words slipped from my lips before I even realized I had spoken. I instantly regretted my clumsy suggestion.

"Ah, no, uhh…"

I wished I could've said it better. When making plans, one of us has to take the first step and suggest something, but it's not just about blurting out what you want—it's important to think about how to say it, so it reaches the other person properly.

"Me too," Ayase-san said, leaving me confused for a second, "I feel the same way."

"Um…"

"I want to walk around the festival with you."

"You sure?"

"I'm sure," she reassured me, punctuating it with a small nod.

That must've been a big decision for her.

It brought back memories of the time Ayase-san and Akiko-san moved into our flat. When I suggested that we pretend to be strangers at school back then, she told me how she was totally fine and that we didn't need to do that. In other words, she didn't care how others perceived her.

On the other hand, she mentioned that it would be awkward if rumors started about us, so she decided it'd be better for us to act like strangers for a while, before racing out of the house alone that day.

Although she didn't care about how others saw her, she still didn't want to become the subject of rumors.

It seems contradictory, I know—but now that I think back, I get where she's coming from. Ayase-san isn't indifferent to others like I am; she's actually sensitive to the whispers she hears around her. That's why she's defensive and selective about who she accepts as friends. It's because she could get hurt.

"Alright then, let's walk around together. I feel the same way."

"Thank goodness. I'm glad," Ayase-san said, letting out a soft, relieved laugh.

It was as if a tightly wound string had finally been loosened. So she was that nervous.

"Besides, our classmates finding out we're step-siblings was always bound to happen someday."

It'll be too late to worry about it now, even if rumors started about us wandering around school together after that much was revealed.

More importantly, being able to spend a relaxing day together at the festival seemed like a much better option…

"I'm looking forward to it," Ayase-san quietly said as we finished breakfast and started cleaning the dishes.

"Yeah, me too."

Just that simple exchange was enough to fill my heart with an inexplicable sense of satisfaction. I guess realizing that you have a future to look forward to with someone you love isn't such a bad thing.

⋆⋅☆⋅⋆

It was afternoon, and the classroom was buzzing with excitement.

Looking around, I noticed that my classmates—who were supposed to be focused on their upcoming entrance exams—seemed a bit more relaxed. And it was no wonder. Today's classes ended at noon and the entire afternoon was set aside for prep for next month's cultural festival.

Various groups—like the customer service team, the costume team, the decoration team, and the food team—gathered around their tables, highlighting just how special the day was. The customer service team, which included both Ayase-san and me, had about fifteen people in total: eight boys and seven girls, with Class Rep taking the lead.

"Alright, alright! Here's the shift schedule, hot off the press~!"

I took the print out that was being passed around and scanned it for my name. Asamura, Asamura… There it is. Scheduled for the morning and afternoon on Saturday, just as I'd requested.

Now, if only Ayase-san is scheduled for the same day too—She is.

Her name was listed on the same day with the same shift schedule as mine.

Feeling relieved, I looked up and met Ayase-san's eyes. Apparently she was feeling the same way, because she let out a small sigh of relief.

Class Rep started handing out another printout. Unlike the previous one, this one's densely packed with text.

"This one's the schedule and service manual for the day. I know, I know, it's a bit detailed, but I'm sure you guys can handle it, can't you?"

The members of the customer service team responded casually, without any indication that they were tense. It wasn't that we underestimated it; it was just that everyone on the team had some experience in customer service from working part-time jobs.

"We're 'specially counting on those of you who're still currently workin' part time—you know who you are," Class Rep chimed in, throwing a wink at Ayase-san.

"Don't expect too much," she responded, sighing in mild exasperation at the playful gesture.

"Oh, c'mon, Saki-sensei. We're countin' on ya~"

"Don't call me sensei. Besides, I've only been working for just over a year now. There are others with much more experience…" Ayase explained, but trailed off at the end.

Class Rep's eyes swiveled towards me.

"Yep. Now that you mention it, Asamura-shi[1], you mentioned in your notes that you're enterin' your third year of working at a bookstore, didntcha?"

[1: Shi (氏 or し) is an honorific used to refer to a notable figure that you don't know personally. Because of this, it's mainly used in the news, whether when talking about a famous person, or in writing in newspapers. My guess why Class Rep uses this? Maybe because she sees Yuuta as "famous" in the sense where he's obviously connected to Saki, but in a way she doesn't know (and the fact that they aren't close at all in the first place)]

Hold on, why did she call Ayase-san "sensei" but referred to me with "shi"?

Everyone's eyes turned to me. Ayase-san was the only one with an apologetic expression that practically screamed, "Whoops." Yeah, can't blame her for that.

"Yeah, that's about right."

"Yep, yep. Alright then, I say we place our utmost trust in Asamura-sama."

From "shi" to "sama," huh?

"Now then. Up next: confirmin' the customer flow. Oh, but before that, c'meeeere~"Class Rep called out while beckoning a female student from the corner of the classroom to come over.

It was Satou-san. Everyone practically had a cloud of doubt hanging over them. She isn't a member of the customer service team, so what could she want? What on earth could it be—

"I-I'll be taking measurements!" she declared, holding up measuring tape.

Everyone was bewildered for a second. Seeing our reactions, Satou-san looked equally puzzled.

"Umm, I'm with the costume team, and, uh, Class Rep told me to take measurements for the outfits you'll all be wearing on the day…"

All eyes slowly turned towards Class Rep.

"Yep. Ryo-chin, start measurin' and get it done quick." Class Rep commanded her with an air of majesty, like a feudal lord.

The girls let out shrieks in response.

"Class Rep, you traitor!"

"Not now! I just ate lunch!"

"At least do it next week… No, next month! I'll figure something out by then!"

The girls began pleading and crowding around Class Rep, trying to win her over.

In response, Class Rep pinched the bridge of her nose with her thumb and index finger in a show of exasperation.

"Listen here, you'll need your everyday measurements for stuff like this. Which one between us d'you think's gonna more embarrassed when you guys can't fit in the costumes durin' the actual day?"

"Tch, you only choose to make sense at times like this!"

"Can't you understand a maiden's heart…!?"

"Uhhh… Class Rep," I interjected, unable to help myself. "You mentioned taking measurements, so are you guys making the costumes from scratch, by any chance?"

I was under the impression that the costume team's job was to source costumes, not make them.

"There's no way we're doin' that. We're still tryin' to have their sizes be more universal, but even then, we gotta at least get some basic measurements, y'know? We'll need that info even if we're just using clips to adjust the length and stuff."

"That… makes sense"

"Don't give in to the truth, Asamura-kun!"

"Yeah, down with Class Rep's dictatorship!"

"Hey, Saki. Don't you think so too? You don't like it too, right?"

"I mean, there are only a limited number of costumes, so measuring everyone and deciding who wears which one makes sense to me," Ayase-san pointed out calmly.

"Ugh! Even she's hitting me with the truth!"

"Saki just doesn't get it with that model-like figure of hers."

"We're all just women defeated by gravity, after all…[2]"

[2: 重力に負けた (literally meaning "defeated by gravity") is a saying used to describe how the effects of gravity can work against against your body beauty, making it less appealing compared to conventional ideal body types (eg. making you appear more saggy than firm/upright in some areas)]

"More like we've been defeated by our appetites."

Bicker, bicker. bicker.

"No one's saying you have to measure in front of the boys. Won't it be faster to just go to the changing room and get it over with? That's fine with you, right, Class Rep?"

"I'm not gonna stop you if you wanna flaunt your three measurements to them."

"Absolutely not doing that," Ayase-san shot back firmly.

"U-um…" Satou-san timidly started saying while fidgeting with the measuring tape. "The maid outfits we've gathered are all really cute, so um… e-everyone will definitely look super cute in them! S-so it'll be okay! O-or something like that…"

Satou-san's embarrassment seemed to hit her right after saying that, and she shrunk down, holding the measuring tape in front of her like a shield, mumbling, "Actually, nevermind…"

I think I heard the girls' hearts skip a beat when she did that.

The girls—who'd been so reluctant and noisy just a moment ago—suddenly started hugging Satou-san and patting her on the head one after the other.

"Yep, yep. You're right. Ryo-chin, you're so cuuute."

"Hey, why don't you join us? If you're there, Ryo-chin, we'll definitely get double the customers!"

"O-okay… But I'm small, so there aren't any costumes that fit me. I'm just happy to help everyone else. I'm just really glad that everyone's gonna look so cute."

With that, the girls surrounding Satou-san all swooned, as if they were really about to faint right then and there.

"Ah…"

"So this is what it feels like to find something precious…"

"I hear ya. Anyway, get to the changing room. Chop-chop, everyone. Measure yourselves and come right back!" Class Rep declared.

 Ayase-san let out a small sigh as she joined everyone as they left the classroom. I thought I caught a glimpse of the Class Rep smiling mischievously. I'm probably just imagining things.

Class Rep clapped her hands and called out,"Alright. It'll be your turn when the girls get back, boys!"

"Huh? We're getting measured by Ryo-chin too!?"

"No way!" Class Rep fired back, rolling up the customer service manual she was holding and lightly whacking Yoshida on the back. "I'll rat you out to Makihara, Yoshida!"

"P-please don't."

Yoshida clasped his hands together and began begging Class Rep, causing the other boys to burst out laughing.

The afternoon sun was pretty low, casting a warm, reddish hue on the back wall of the classroom as it streamed through the windows. I looked outside, noticing how the summer sky was no longer present; instead, the atmosphere was distinctly laced with rows of clouds—a mackerel sky.

I observed the unusual classroom scene from a slightly detached perspective.

Classmates working together towards a common goal. The occasional bursts of laughter. Some silently made origami flowers to decorate the walls, while our class treasurer occupied themselves with pasting receipts from our shopping trip into a notebook. They would occasionally fiddle with their phone, probably using the calculator app, apparently groaning over something.

Some students ran noisily down the hallways with blackout curtains in hand, ignoring the teacher's scolding that echoed after them. I could hear music faintly playing in the distance, probably from the brass band or some other group practicing for their performance.

Our school's athletes, who usually had little interest in the cultural festival, were still out running on the field today. I could hear their chants of "Suisei, fight!"

"Yo, Asamura, it's 'bout time we go."

I turned around after hearing Yoshida's voice. Looks like it's time for us to take our measurements.

"Oh, sorry… So you're doing it, Yoshida?"

Yoshida was holding the measuring tape that Satou-san had been holding earlier.

"Yep. Alright, let's get this over with!"

"Yes, yes."

"One 'yes' is enough. What's so funny? Why're you laughing?"

"No reason."

I just thought about how, if it were like last year, I wouldn't have been this involved in cultural festival prep. That's all.

Looks like I'm actually looking forward to experiencing my last high school cultural festival.

⋆⋅☆⋅⋆

After school, Ayase-san and I headed to work together.

After changing out of our school uniforms and into the bookstore uniforms, we headed out to the shelves. Ayase-san and Kozono-san took over the register, while Yomiuri-senpai and I were tasked with restocking magazine inventory.

Switching from cultural festival prep—which was something out of the ordinary for me—to my ordinary routine and my part-time job felt strange. I felt like I had this lingering festival mood deep inside of me, making it hard to settle down.

As I arranged the magazines in the women's section, a headline on the cover of a teen fashion magazine caught my eye.

『Autumn Appetite: Foodie Date[3] Special! Shin-Okubo vs. Harajuku - Sweets Showdown!』

[3: 食べ歩きデート (literally meaning "eating-out date") is a term used to refer to dates where you hop between multiple shops, eating their food as you walk between them]

Hmm, a foodie date, huh?

It didn't sound like something Ayase-san and I would do. We're both more likely to sit down at a shop to eat rather than eating while walking. Just seems more our style.

Besides, even the idea of PDAs doesn't really suit us. Though I try to act like a boyfriend when we're out and about, the thought of engaging in excessive PDAs oddly makes me feel embarrassed.

But then again…

My old man's always flirting around with Akiko-san, even in shared family spaces like the living or dining room. And that couple I saw in front of Hachiko Station this summer were all over each other, in a public space no less. And when we met Melissa in that restaurant in Singapore, she straight up kissed her boyfriend right after finishing her song.

Maybe open displays of affection like that are normal for couples, and maybe it's my embarrassment that's out of the ordinary. I wonder if there's an actual reason for these kinda feelings.

As I mulled over the differences between public and private spaces, I kept my hands busy, efficiently restocking the magazines on the display table. The stock in the magazine tower was looking pretty low, probably due to the busy lunchtime crowd.

I shifted from the vibrant, high-energy teen magazines to the more subdued, mature women's magazines. I normally don't pay much attention to the cover text, but this time, something else caught my eye.

Despite its subdued color scheme, the cover photo was pretty provocative.

It was a nude shot—though, of course, since it wasn't a porn mag or anything like that, the model's private parts were cleverly concealed by sheets. Still, that's a pretty suggestive image.

And right there on the cover in the bold letters:

『A Must-Read for Adult Women! Autumn and Your Sex Life: Smart Ways to Invite & Be Invited』

…Wha—?

My brain froze as I took a moment to process the information in front of me, and even longer to fully grasp its meaning.

I suddenly remembered the dream I had this morning—Ayase-san in a white negligee. It resurfacing in my mind made it even harder to tear my eyes away from the cover.

"Smart ways to invite and be invited?" I can't even imagine how you'd invite someone for that, let alone being invited. What kind of witchcraft is this?

"You're starin' too much, Junior-kun."

I snapped back to reality and turned around to find Yomiuri-senpai standing behind me. Wait, when did she get there?

Oh right, I'm at work, in the middle of restocking inventory.

Yet here I am holding a magazine titled "Autumn and Your Sex Life"…

I quickly resumed stacking the magazines on display, but the cat was already out of the bag.

"Junior-kun. Just a reminder, we're technically on the clock."

"…Was I really staring that much?"

"Yep, and you were totally locked in too. It was like your consciousness went on a quick trip to the farthest reaches of the galaxy, Asamura-kun. Why not buy it if you're that interested? I can always personally ring it up for ya if you're embarrassed," Yomiuri-senpai teased.

She had the look of a mischievous kid who'd just discovered a new toy.

I really dropped the ball.

This was a blunder of a lifetime. Of all things, getting caught in a moment like this by her—and with such a risque topic too… No, no, no. It wasn't like I was ogling some racy cover with ulterior motives or anything like that. Not that I can really deny it, at least not in this situation.

"Senpai~, can you please take over the register now?"

"Oh, Erina-chan. Yep, I'll switch. Just gimme a moment, at least until Junior-kun's 'junior' settles down, okaaay~?"

"Um… Is something wrong with Asamura-senpai?"

"Hmm. Not so much that something's wrong. More like, it's somethin' that he wants to do. He's at that age, ya get me?"

"Hm? What does that mean?"

"Oho, maybe you should ask Junior-kun 'bout that."

"Huh?"

Please, have mercy on me.

"Senpai… There you go again. Can you please stop dragging every conversation toward something dirty already?" I responded in an exasperated tone.

Kozono-san looked at me with a serious expression, her gaze practically screaming, "Huh? What d'you mean?" The more she stared intensely at me, the more embarrassing the situation became. No, really. Kozono-san, I'd really appreciate it if you can stop staring at me like that.

But what surprised me the most was how much this situation bothered me. I'd normally brush off Yomiuri-senpai's innuendos without a second thought. But there was a fundamental reason why I couldn't this time. It's because of that dream from this morning.

Seeing the provocative magazine cover wasn't something that could be helped in the first place either.

Even after spending the day focused on the cultural festival and managing to forget about that lewd dream, the magazine cover just had to remind me of it… Though that's not really fair to the magazine.

But still, once the seductive image of Ayase-san from my dream resurfaced, Yomiuri-senpai's usual dirty jokes felt more vivid and intense than usual.

"Yep… sounds like a case of puberty to me."

No, it really isn't. I'm just a bit sensitive to this kind of topic right now.

"Erina-chan, can you let Saki-chan know to gimme another five minutes?"

"Yeees."

Though she seemed a bit reluctant, Kozono-san quickly trotted back to the register.

"Alright, let's hurry up and stock these so we can switch over to register duty."

"…Got it."

Maybe because of how embarrassed I was, I managed to finish the task quickly. When I returned to the register, there were no customers. Both Kozono-san, who had already come back, and Ayase-san greeted me.

As we switched places, I tried avoiding Kozono-san questioning me further by desperately changing the subject with a quick, "Speaking of which." Bringing up the cultural festival, I mentioned that general members of the public were allowed to visit and suggested they come by if they were interested. Ayase-san, unaware of my predicament, chimed in to support the idea.

"Oho, a butler and maid café! Oh wow, you must be workin' hard."

"I wanna come too, Yuuta-senpai!"

"Ah… yeah. Sure."

Given I've brought up the topic in the first place, I couldn't bring myself to refuse them. I guess… these two are coming as well.

"Woah, Erina-chan, you finally called Junior-kun by his first name." Yomiuri-senpai pointed out.

Now that she mentioned it, she's right. As I thought about how typical it was for Yomiuri-senpai to notice things so quickly, I recalled how Kozono-san had called me "Asamura-senpai" earlier when she asked about switching duties.

"I've figured it out," Kozono-san declared proudly. "Adding 'senpai' to your name makes me focus on the 'senpai' part more than your actual name. It's perfect! The distance between Yuuta-senpai and me is totally closer with this!"

She had a triumphant expression on her face, but I couldn't help but think that as long as she was still consciously thinking of me as her senpai, we weren't actually that much closer.

"Good for you," Ayase-san said with a calm expression.

Wait, maybe she gave her that idea…?

I stood side by side with Yomirui-senpai at the registers until our shift ended.

"Hey, wasn't your face a bit red when you came back earlier?" Ayase-san asked as our shift ended.

Yep, trying to smooth over my screw-up was hands down the toughest part of the day.

⋆⋅☆⋅⋆

Night had fallen completely as Ayase-san and I walked home together.

Usually, we talk about everyday, trivial stuff when we walk hand in hand like this, but today, the conversation naturally focused on the upcoming cultural festival.

I couldn't believe that not only our parents, but also Yomiuri-senpai and Kozono-san were coming. Looks like we have to entertain them too.

"I think Melissa might be able to come too."

"Oh. Her schedule lined up, huh?"

When Ayase-san had invited her, she'd only known that she might be able to make it based on how long she'd remain in Japan. But now, it was pretty much confirmed since no other plans had come up.

As I thought about how the number of people we'd need to greet and welcome had grown, and how busy the festival was going to be, my phone chimed with a new notification.

Ayase-san's phone chimed at pretty much the exact moment. It was a message on our family group chat from my old man.

Taichi: [Working late tonight so go ahead and eat without me. Make sure to lock up before going to bed.]

So, in other words…

"It's from Stepdad," Ayase-san glanced at her phone and spoke.

"Yeah, just saw it too. Looks like he won't be home 'til close to midnight."

"Seems like it."

"It'll be just the two of us tonight when we get home, huh?"

"…Yeah."

That realization hit like a truck. Akiko-san's already at work, and my old man's gonna be home late from working overtime.

This wasn't the first time something like this happened, obviously. My old man was also at the peak of his busyness around this time last year, and we'd often spend nights alone together. That's why he only needed to send a single message, as per usual.

But the difference between now and last year was—

My relationship with Ayase-san.

For the rest of the walk home, it felt like we were both a little on edge. Despite holding hands, we didn't meet each other's eyes once as we opened the front door, and we only talked the bare minimum while preparing for dinner.

That said, our hands moved efficiently. I shredded the cabbage, sliced the onions, and dressed them, while Ayase-san used leftovers to make some miso soup. We decided that it was too much trouble to cook a new batch of fresh rice, so we defrosted some frozen leftovers and served it in bowls.

We put our hands together and said, "Itadakimasu," before starting to eat at the same time.

When I glanced up, I saw Shibuya's night skyline through the window behind Ayase-san. The clouds were low tonight and reflected the city lights, making them glow.

Gazing at Ayase-san's back reflected in the window, I quietly tried to slide my toes under the table. But just before I could, something lightly bumped my leg. It was a soft, gentle touch against my shin. I realized it was Ayase-san's own toes.

She began poking at me rhythmically.

Ayase-san, still wearing her usual composed expression, continued to pick at her grilled horse mackerel with her chopsticks. Yet, this was undeniably the signal we'd decided on together.

While trying to respond to that signal, it finally dawned on me. Oh god. Until now, the hugs and kisses we shared were just simple gestures of affection, without any deeper meaning. But now, if we did that, I definitely wouldn't be able to stop thinking about it—about Melissa's words.

I glanced at Ayase-san.

What's she thinking?

Even now, she kept a straight face, quietly eating her grilled fish.

That said, even I knew that rejecting her wasn't the right thing to do. If it were me, getting rejected at a moment like this would definitely sting. Of course, it's not that we'll always have to accept it if the other person makes a move—saying no is fine if there's a good reason. Plus, I was gonna send her a signal myself anyway.

I hesitated for a moment before nudging back with my own foot.

Was it me who sighed in relief, or Ayase-san, or maybe both of us?

The truth is, no one else apart from Ayase-san and I was home right now, so there's no real reason for us to communicate in code. But for people like us—who weren't as bold as Melissa—that kind of reasoning didn't hold much weight.

No, maybe it's just about getting used to it.

"Later's fine," Ayase-san mumbled, still not raising her head.

I nodded in silence.

"After we've taken a bath or something. I want to study for a bit first too."

I was all for her plan, but the real question was whether I'd be able to concentrate on studying with my current state of mind. That said—

"Okay…"

That was the only word I could say in response…

After washing the dishes, we each retreated to our rooms.

We're still students preparing for entrance exams, after all.

Tonight's study sesh was dedicated to math. I opened my textbook and workbook, wondering if I could really push thoughts of Ayase-san out of my mind and focus.

Anyway, this is my second time going through the workbook, and I'm only working on the problems that gave me trouble before. This shouldn't be too bad…

Eventually, the sound of the alarm made me glance up from my workbook.

I was surprised. Although my mind was a mess for the first few minutes, once I'd started reading the first problem, my brain automatically went into focus mode. I'd never expected to brush those thoughts off so effortlessly.

But at the same time, I felt strangely guilty toward Ayase-san for being able to switch gears like this so easily. It reminded me of how, as a kid, I'd get so absorbed in a book that I'd completely lose track of time when my old man would take me to the library.

No, it's the other way around. I'd often find myself escaping to the world of books whenever things got too stressful.

Wait, that ain't good. If I'm already seeing stuff like this as a source of stress, then we're a long way from the "happy act" Melissa was talking about.

…Maybe I'll take a bath.

Realizing I was about to fall into a mental maze with no clear way out, I decided to go ahead and take a bath.

I called out to Ayase-san that I was heading to the bathroom.

After my bath, I sat in the dining room alone, sipping some iced barley tea.

Having already let her know that I was done, I glimpsed Ayase-san walking down the hallway to the bathroom to take her turn.

I glanced up at the clock on the wall.

It was already 10 p.m. and my old man still wasn't home. Looks like he really won't be back 'til after midnight.

I returned to my room and picked up a book. I've been so busy with studying lately that my backlog of unread books has really started to pile up.

『Introduction to Social Data Science.』

It was an intimidatingly thick book with an even more intimidating title. Its author was Mori Shigemichi, the professor who was with Professor Kudou during my open campus visit. I happened to find it displayed on a shelf at the bookstore.

And, despite claiming to be an introduction, the book itself was loaded with content that looked to be catered toward college students, so it was a pretty difficult read. That's probably why I found myself just skimming through it, often catching myself staring off into the distance. I see, so books can't even distract me at times like this. Guess I really am just an ordinary—

Knock, knock.

"Can I come in?"

At the sound of the door being knocked and Ayase-san's voice, I walked towards my room door with a slightly high-pitched "Sure" before opening it to greet her.

Ayase-san, fresh out of the bath, stood there with a mug in both hands.

She hadn't changed into her pajamas yet and was still rocking her usual T-shirt and hotpants. Her shirt exposed both her shoulders, but she was wearing a thin, light gray jacket to keep warm. Her long hair, likely dried but still a little damp, cascaded down her back.

"Um, I made some tea. Want some?" Ayase-san asked, holding up the mugs.

The amber liquid sloshed back and forth in the mugs.

"Tea?"

"Yeah. I used the non-caffeinated one since it's already nighttime. Also… if it's okay, I'd like to talk a bit too…"

After giving her my thanks and taking one of the cups, I gestured for her to come into my room. I closed the door behind her, and she went over to sit down on the bed.

"You can use the chair, you know?"

"But it's yours, Asamura-kun. I'm fine over here."

I guess she's being considerate. Though it feels a bit awkward that I'm the only one sitting comfortably in a chair.

And I didn't miss the fact that Ayase-san called me "Asamura-kun" too.

That's completely understandable. We agreed on using a kind of code to confirm consent when we want to act as lovers, even within our flat. If she had called me "Yuuta-niisan" and then hugged me after, we'd create a pretty dangerous situation where we'd be confirming our romantic affection for each other while playing the roles of brother and sister.

"Alright then, I'll sit over there too," I said as I sat down next to Ayase-san.

"So, you wanted to talk?"

"Yeah. It's not really a big deal, though," Ayase-san said as she pulled her phone out of her jacket pocket.

"Do you remember the designer we met at the concert?"

"Ah. Uhhh, Akihiro-san, right?"

"Yes, Ruka Akihiro-san."

I remember her. Since her name was written with a mix of "Ru" from "lapis lazuli" and "Ka" from "beautiful person,"[4] I'd given her the nickname "The Blue Beauty" in my head.

[4: See chapter 5 TN]

"I've been scrolling through her Insta and digging for information about her work. Turns out Ruka-san's main job is actually being a spatial designer." Ayase-san said.

A spatial… designer? What's that?

"Yeah. Kinda confusing, isn't it? I didn't get it at first either. But turns out, it's an actual job."

Ayase-san explained that it was about designing a specific space as a whole.

"Like, deciding where and how to place things. And while doing that, you've gotta think about the vibe you want people to feel when they walk in. For example, you want a living room to feel cozy. But for a workspace, you want it not only relaxing but also sharp enough so people don't slack off. So she's gotta think about things like what colors to use for the interior, or how to arrange desks to achieve that. That's pretty much what her job is."

"Gotcha…"

I kind of get it… but also don't.

"On top of that, she's also responsible for things like designing logos and pamphlets. For Melissa's live show, she apparently took care of everything—from the whole venue setup to the pamphlets."

Sounds exhausting just hearing 'bout it.

"And here's her Insta," Ayase-san continued. "She does stuff like this."

She fiddled with her phone and showed me a few examples.

The posts on Instagram were a bit different from the pamphlets she'd made. They leaned more in an artistic direction.

"These patterns… This is fluid art, right?"

Most people probably knew the type of pattern marble has. Marble, of course, refers to the material itself, but it has a wavy pattern, resembling watercolors swirling in water. Fluid art is when people deliberately aim to imitate such patterns by mixing paint before pouring them onto canvases. You'd also sometimes make tiny bubbles in the patterns, which is why it can also be called cell art. Though people with trypophobia might find that a bit uncomfortable.

"So you know about it, Asamura-kun?"

"I mean, I'm not that into art. I just know the basics."

Ruka-san's Instagram also had photos of three-dimensional art pieces made by combining small, everyday objects.

I didn't have much of an artistic sense myself, but since Ayase-san liked it, I wanted to go along with her feelings. So, I tried looking at it positively and shared in my own way what I thought was good about it.

It's beautiful and delicate.

That much is undeniable.

I had learned this when we went to pick out clothes before. When Ayase-san asks me for my opinion on something art-related, I don't need to look for the "right" answer. She's not trying to find out if something's good or bad.

So, I spoke about what I saw as I saw it.

Fluid art doesn't involve meticulously manipulating the wavy lines or bubbles that form. If it did, then you'd just draw them directly instead of pouring paint on a canvas. The way those lines and bubbles end up right where they stay on the canvas is a mix of coincidence and necessity.

What makes it art is deciding to fix the pattern at the point the artist deems it to be "beautiful."

For example, one of the pieces Ayase-san showed me featured the right and left sides covered in blue and red patterns respectively. But upon closer inspection, the red side had some bubbles while the blue side didn't. Whether there was meaning to it or if it was just purely random was something I didn't know.

Still, I found myself intrigued by Ruka Akihiro's thought process—how she decided that this was the moment her work was complete, claiming it as her own.

"For example, she could've just gone with using more blue or vice versa, but Akihiro-san chose to finish it like this. If she'd done it like that, it would've probably looked more balanced. But instead, she only put bubbles on the left side, where the red is. I don't know if there's some meaning behind that or not, but I'm still interested in how Akihiro-san arrived at that decision."

"Interesting."

"The way the blue flames on the right and the red ones on the left seem to be facing off is also pretty cool."

"So you see them as flames, Asamura-kun?"

"Maybe I'm overanalyzing it."

Turns out describing something as you see it is harder than it sounds.

"I mean, it feels like you are, but—" Ayase-san paused, as if she were searching for the right words to address my concern about overanalyzing instead of simply sharing my thoughts. "I found your perspective interesting, Asamura-kun. Just the thought of having you try to share how you see things with me makes me happy."

"Yeah, I guess…"

Hearing her say that was reassuring.

"Let's just call it your impression if you thought about that right away, Asamura-kun," she continued, "And, you know, I'm starting to get interested in this kinda thing too."

"You wanna try making something like that?"

"Maybe a little."

"Speaking of which, Ayase-san, you don't use Instagram, right?" I asked her as I continued looking through the Instagram page myself.

"Yeah. I used to hate taking photos."

"Oh, right. Think you mentioned that before."

I recalled how Ayase-san didn't like being photographed. It's also why I only saw pictures of her as a child before we met for the first time.

"But, to be honest, it's not like I don't like photographs themselves. I just didn't like seeing myself in them."

Uhmm…

"Can I ask what you mean by that?"

Ayase-san nodded silently before speaking in a slow, deliberate way.

"I think… old buildings are kinda amazing. Nothing we do lasts as long as they do."

"If you mean in a physical sense, then I guess so."

Here's another one of my bad habits—I always found myself chiming in with a different perspective when someone else was talking. I knew I'd only confuse the other person without offering anything to the conversation. Still, I couldn't help myself.

"Huh? What d'you mean?"

See?

"Ah, my bad. I wasn't disagreeing with your point or anything. I just can't help but think like that since I love books. Not just books, but records in general—they're often preserved too, aren't they?"

"Ah, gotcha."

"Like the Mesopotamian clay tablets or papyri from Egypt… Look, clay tablets are said to be from before 3000 B.C."

"Yeah, now that you mention it, that's true."

Ayase-san obviously knew way more about history than I did, so this was probably nothing new to her.

"So five thousand years ago… Yeah, you're right. I mean, I already knew about that, but I never thought about it that way before," Ayase-san said.

"Well anyway, I digress. You're right, old buildings remain how they are unless they've been rebuilt. Yeah, when you think 'bout how people used to live in them, it feels kinda strange."

Ayase-san nodded.

"And, you know, when I look at those kinds of buildings, it feels like something incredible from the past is being preserved—almost as if time's just frozen and holding onto it."

I recalled how Ayase-san's eyes sparkled every time she spotted an old building during our trip to Nagano.

"So then, I thought about it. In theory, aren't photographs also the same?"

I guess they're the same if you're talking about capturing a moment forever.

"But you still don't like photos?"

Ayase-san nodded again.

"Being able to preserve something also means you'd end up preserving things that… are ugly or unpleasant," she explained with a strained voice.

It almost sounded painful, and it made me pause for a second.

In other words, to Ayase-san, she…

"I didn't want to be preserved like that. Especially… before I met you, Asamura-kun. I didn't want any part of my past to be stuck in a photo for everyone to see. If that version of me were to live on, I'd rather just have no pictures of myself at all. That's how I felt."

"That's not—"

I was about to tell her she was wrong when she interrupted me.

"You know, Maaya told me something a while back."

"Narasaka-san did?"

"'It's not like I disliked you the way you were before. I liked that you too.' That's what she told me. Honestly, at the time I couldn't help but think about how she really can say embarrassing stuff like it's nothing. Still, when she told me that, I felt like a huge weight had been lifted off my shoulders."

Ayase-san spoke as if realizing that, deep down, she had always known that the rigid version of herself wasn't truly "her." That was probably why she didn't want to leave behind any photos. But, after hearing what Narasaka-san said, her feelings started to change, if only just a little.

"Maybe I don't have to deny that part of myself—the me from back then."

"I thought you were really cool when we first met back then, Ayase-san."

I'd intended to agree with what Narasaka-san said, but Ayase-san went silent, her face going red.

"D-don't say something so embarrassing like that."

"I felt it was a normal thing to say, though."

"Stop acting like Maaya… Anyway, um, so that's the reason why I've started to feel more comfortable having my photo taken. And, because of that, I've also come to think that things like Ruka-san's Instagram are pretty nice, too."

"So, you don't hate photos as much anymore."

"Not as much as before. But enough about me. Tell me something yourself, Asamura-kun."

She passed the conversation back to me, but…

"I'm not really sure what to say…"

Seeing each other every day made it hard to think of something new to talk about. I mean, I've already told her about that time I visited the open campus.

"Well, I haven't heard from you why you're interested in, uhh, Professor Mori's class in the first place?"

"I didn't tell you?"

She shook her head, so I started explaining why I was initially interested—specifically, the conversion I had with Professor Mori that made me think about how interesting the Department of Social Data Science was.

"Seeing divorce as a social phenomenon is really a unique perspective. 'There are rules behind the large collective of society that drives it,' huh?" Ayase-san murmured after listening to me until the end.

"Well, if such rules exist, that is. But society definitely changes over time."

What I said seemed to surprise her.

"Definitely changes, huh…? Is that what you believe, Asamura-kun?"

"Yeah. Actually, I think everything changes."

"And that's a good thing for you, isn't it, Asamura-kun?"

Not fully picking up what she was putting down, I gave her a vague nod.

"I guess? I mean, if things change, you get to see new things that never existed before."

"I'm scared of change, though. I've always wanted good things to last forever. I probably still feel that way."

"So that's why you're happy to see old buildings still standing."

"Yeah, I think so. Historical buildings sorta embody the beauty and magnificence the people from their era felt. They've been around for so long. Even though the people who built them, and those who ordered them to be built, have disappeared into history, those buildings still remain, lasting on and on."

Ayase-san looked like she was lost in a dream as she spoke.

"I know happiness doesn't last forever, but that's exactly why I can't help feeling a sense of admiration for ruins and old buildings. It's like they're preserving something good, frozen in time, against the flow of history."

"Isn't that the same as fluid art?" I commented after nodding in agreement.

"Huh?"

"Fluid art's about capturing a fleeting moment of beauty from flowing, changing patterns of paint."

"…You're right. Maybe… that's why I was drawn to it."

"I mean, that ain't the only reason, obviously. But it's what I thought, listening to you just now."

"Asamura-kun, you're not scared of change, are you?"

I shook my head.

But that's not the full story.

"I am scared. I mean, my old man and biological mom used to be pretty tight, you know? But if happiness doesn't last forever, then unhappiness doesn't either."

"That's… true, logically, but…"

"Before I got into books, I always felt like I was trapped in some eternal hell. When I was a kid, even a single day, let alone a week, felt endless. Whenever my old man and that woman came home and argued all evening, it felt like an eternity. At least from a kid's perspective."

"Ah… I guess that's why mom didn't want me to see that kind of thing."

"Yeah, maybe. My old man wasn't delicate enough to think like Akiko-san did. He's improved a bit since he's met her, but back then, he never bothered to leave the house to argue. They'd fight in the living room all the time. I wasn't into reading back then yet too, so the only escape I had was the TV. With the TV being in the living room, where, of course, my old man and her were."

In other words, I had no choice but to watch them argue all night after they got home. My only other option was to study in my room, but since I wasn't really good at it back then, sitting at my desk felt like torture too.

"That's why getting into books was really like some salvation for me. I finally found somewhere to escape too. And thanks to that, my grades gradually improved, and studying also became a way to escape. Through books, I learned that the world always changes—that neither good nor bad things last forever."

"So, that was your salvation, Asamura-kun."

"Yeah, I think. That's why I'm interested in circumstances that cause change, and the triggers behind it."

What triggers change?

You'll be mentally prepared for any changes that may come your way if you come to understand that. Though, that wasn't exactly why I chose to aim for this department in mind.

But maybe, deep down, I've always felt that way.

"I always thought we had similar situations, Asamura-kun. But the way we've turned out is pretty different. I want to preserve good things forever, while you believe that even if good things end, new ones will come again eventually."

"I guess. Maybe that's why I'm always searching for what causes change, so I can help bring about the next good thing."

It may seem like we were talking about something pretty deep, but it's actually quite simple when you think about it.

Ayase-san wants proof that happiness exists, while I'm searching for the conditions that lead to happiness. That's all there is to it.

"Feels like a big difference."

"Hmm, it'd be a problem if it weren't like that. It's the diversity of how people think that makes the world interesting. Still, I've come to terms with the fact that that's the way I am. Though I'd probably hate myself if I'd met me…"

"You mean you don't like yourself now?"

"In a way, yep. I mean, isn't it annoying to be the kinda guy who's always preparing for the end of something good? I'm kinda surprised that Maru puts up with my shit as much as he does," I muttered self-deprecatingly.

Ayase-san gently placed her mug on the low table by the bed. Then, she reached out and placed her hands on the back of my neck, gently wrapping her arms around me.

"Don't say that. Maru-kun doesn't find you annoying. And… I don't either."

"Ayase-san."

I put down my mug as well.

Then, I corrected myself.

"Saki."

"Mm."

I slowly wrapped my arms around her back, pulling her closer to me.

The wrinkles in the sheets beneath us shifted slightly with each movement of our hips. As I closed my eyes, thinking how it resembled fluid art, our lips met.

We held each other, and the tension between us gradually melted away.

I kissed her again and held her close. There was a part of me that wanted to stay like this forever, but another part couldn't be satisfied with just this anymore. I loosened my grip around her slightly and brought my lips close to her ear.

"Is it okay… if we go a little further?"

Just saying that on its own took up all my courage. I worried if she'd hate me for it. Just because we're dating didn't mean we both wanted the same thing at the same time. But still, if neither of us don't take a step forward, we'd never know.

"It's alright… Because I want it too."

Her sweet voice made me lose control of the strength in my arms. Ayase-san's body in my arms was soft, and I was afraid that I might break her if I held her too tightly.

The scent of either soap or shampoo lingered in her hair, a pleasant fragrance that had been tickling my nostrils for a while now. Trying to recall where I'd smelled it before, I realized it was from when she sat beside me during that concert. Our faces were so close that we could hear each other's breaths, and both of our voices trembled as we talked.

"Can I touch you?"

"Yeah, it's okay… Can I touch you too?"

"Yeah."

Our conversation felt almost business-like, which I suppose was typical for us in its own way. We're still really inexperienced with stuff like this, after all.

Our hands slowly slid under each other's clothes as we held each other, touching bare skin. The warmth of her skin—and the warmth where she touched me—felt good and made me happy.

"I wanna stay like this forever."

That was Ayase-san's wish—eternity.

"But you know it won't stay that way, Asamura-kun."

"Sorry."

"Don't apologize. Because… if that's how you think—"

I finished her thought for her.

"—I'll do this for you anytime, if that's what you want."

I gently caressed her soft skin, my hand moving over her shoulder blades as I savored the feeling of her body pressed against mine. As I drew her body closer to me, I felt a gentle pressure against my chest.

Her hand moved timidly, as if she were confirming my figure, lightly tracing along my skin. It was warm, pleasant, and the heat from her touch spread throughout my whole body.

I feel like I'm going to melt at any moment.

"Asamura-kun…"

"Not that," I whispered back.

"Yuuta."

"Saki."

Every nerve in my body felt as sharp as a needle, concentrated on absorbing every detail of the moment. And it was exactly because of that that I noticed it—the sound of a key turning in a door.

Startled, we froze.

"I'm hooome…"

My old man's soft voice, likely because he was mindful of the time, reached us from the entrance. We quickly pulled apart.

I glanced at the clock. It was already past midnight.

We hadn't gone any further at this point. Just touching each other's bare skin had been an entirely new experience, and it left my heart full. Although I'm kinda disappointed. Welp, it is what it is.

I hurriedly straightened my clothes and headed for the door. I needed to buy Saki some time to return to her room.

"W-welcome home!"

"Ah, you're still up. I just got back."

I asked my old man if he wanted dinner, but as expected, he told me he'd already eaten.

Standing in the hallway, I made sure he couldn't see past me as I directed him to wash his hands first.

"Want some tea?"

"Yeah, that'd be nice."

"Roger."

I peeked into my room. Ayase-san was already gone, and the wrinkles we made in the sheets had been neatly smoothed out. The only trace of what we'd done were the two mugs left behind.

I carried them to the sink and washed them while boiling water for my old man's tea.

That "eternity" has ended.

But I knew for sure that this was the beginning of a new chapter in our relationship.