Chapter 22

Mikan decided it was time to call it quits now that the sun was beginning to come up. She'd trained all night and felt like she could keep going but if she lingered any longer, she ran the risk of running into Callum. Logically, she knew she would have to see him at some point but Mikan intended to put that off as long as possible. At the same time, it kind of hurt her feelings that he hadn't sought her out yet. 'I'm not confusing at all, am I?' she thought ruefully.

She set down her mech and scrambled down the handholds on the back and leg. Mikan skulked inside, hoping that Catriona wouldn't be in the kitchen. The older woman seemed to be awake at all hours. The kitchen was empty, though. Mikan opened the refrigerator, hoping something was left inside. There was a whole plate of food, in fact, with a little note on top that had her name. Mikan didn't know how to read but Nita had shown her what her name looked like in the sharp characters the carcha used. The letters were big and blocky, unlike Nita's. Had it been Catriona? Did she know how to read and write?

There was nobody else it could have been so Mikan uttered a silent thank you to Callum's big sister. How nice it would have been to have Catriona as her own sister. Mikan hoped that when everything came out, Catriona wouldn't hate her. That would be almost as bad as Callum hating her. Mikan scarfed down the food, astonished as always at how much better it was than anything she'd had before coming to the carcha barracks. Most of it would have been better warm but Mikan was terrified of trying to operate the machines to heat it by herself. It wasn't until she was finished that she realized she could have just asked Cosmos.

Mikan wasn't the least bit tired after eating but she was getting antsy about remaining in the kitchen for too much longer. It was a miracle she hadn't run into anybody yet as it was. She was afraid to go back to her room because if anybody was looking for her, they would start there. 'Maybe I'll just go sit in a storage room for a few hours'. Mikan stood and was about to do just that when another idea came to her. 'Or maybe I'll go and visit that dobed again.' She'd actually liked talking to the sleeping creature and she imagined that he must be lonely, even if he was sedated. There was a chance of running into Catriona, of course, but Mikan decided to risk it.

When Mikan arrived, the infirmary was empty aside from its single patient. The dobed was stretched out on two beds just like the last time she saw him. Mikan pulled up a stool and said, "Hello, again. How are you?" Mikan glanced at where the sheet lay flat at his waist. "Not as energetic as last time, I see." Mikan giggled and then blushed. Why was she thinking about that? Venus had warned her that her libido was higher now but Mikan had been surprised at how much more often she thought about things like that now.

"Damn it," she muttered, leaning forward so she could brace her elbows on the bed and her head in her hands. "I've got cocks on the brain now. I'm a lot more powerful but I'm also horny all of the time. God, I wish I could have sex with Callum again." She thought about their night together approximately once a second. At least, that's what it felt like. She thought she might go insane soon. "Venus told me to just take care of it myself but it feels so unfulfilling. I mean, it eases things but it's nothing like the real thing. I want to feel Callum hold me and kiss me and put it inside me."

Mikan sighed. Why was she feeling sorry for herself? She'd promised that it would only be that one night and the one night had been more spectacular than she ever could have imagined. And as if that weren't enough, she'd gained a ridiculous amount of power from it. She'd made herself indispensable. Yet, for all that, she only felt hungrier for more. She gazed down at the dobed and started to feel a little ashamed. Here she was complaining to a creature in a coma.

Mikan froze. Something felt wrong to her. The hairs on the back of her neck stood up. The dobed wasn't breathing with the deep rhythm of sleep anymore. She glanced up and saw that his small, black eyes were open. Mikan stood so fast that she knocked the stool over. "You're awake!" she screeched. Mikan quickly backed away. "What's going on? Did Catriona decide to stop sedating you?"

The dobed rolled his head slowly to the side to look at Mikan. His eyes darted around. "Where am I?" he asked. His voice was deep and thrumming. His accent was very strange. Mikan knew humans didn't speak the carcha tongue quite right but the dobed was worse. He sounded like he was talking around a mouthful of food. Maybe it was just the aftereffects of the drugs?

"This is the infirmary," Mikan said, staying well away from him and eyeing the door. She'd heard what the dobed had done during the attack. Ripping off the metal plating of Angra Mainyu's legs? He could probably tear her apart like tissue paper, even groggy and injured. "Your leg is broken so we are keeping you here until you recover."

The dobed studied her intensely. She'd been assuming the big beasts were kind of dumb but she could see a sharp intelligence in his black eyes. It was a little disconcerting. "You are human. This is the infirmary. This belongs to the carcha. You humans have taken over the outpost?" Mikan nodded hesitantly. "I am confused. Why did you save me? Why are you caring for me?"

It didn't seem like he was going to attack her. She suddenly felt a little dumb. His leg was broken, after all. She picked up the stool and sat back down on it, further back than it had been and well out of his reach, though. "Well, two of you were still alive after Callum and the rest killed the carcha here. I guess Callum didn't feel right executing you. Nita said it was his decision to save you. His sister, Catriona, has been watching over you. I guess we've been keeping you asleep to help?"

"That is strange," the dobed said. "I serve the carcha."

Mikan leaned forward. "Do you want to? We served them too but we're trying to escape their rule. You could come with us."

"It is not a matter of want," the dobed said calmly. "I serve the carcha." Mikan didn't know what to say to that. Fortunately the dobed continued, "You said there were two of us that survived."

Mikan nodded. "Yes. You were hurt worse than the other, I think. He already left and seems to be helping a carcha scientist here named Dahri."

The dobed blinked slowly. "There are carcha here?"

"Yes. Dahri and Chajin. They are outlaws among their own kind, though. Escaped prisoners. I don't know if you want to serve them."

"It does not matter. If they command, I will obey." 'Weird. Why are the dobed so devoted to the carcha?'

"Well, I'd stay away from Chajin at least. She's crazy." The dobed didn't have any visible response to that. 'Well, he's probably used to crazy carcha. All of them seem to be, in one way or another.' Mikan decided to change the subject. "My name is Mikan, by the way." She blushed. "Sorry if you heard any of what I was talking about. I thought you were asleep and just wanted to talk out loud."

"You wanted to be held and loved," the dobed said, his thrumming voice seemed gentler now. Mikan's blush intensified. "I understand this. I was forbidden to take a mate before I entered into the service of the carcha. I would also like to be held by a loved one." There was deep pain and longing in his voice. "My name is Arrus. I am glad to meet you, Mikan."

Mikan now felt just awful about her earlier reaction. The dobed seemed like a gentle soul. She dragged the stool back to its place alongside his bed and put a hand on top of his. His hand was hot. Mikan hoped that was normal and not evidence of a fever or something. "I'm glad to meet you, too, Arrus. Sorry about my reaction. You startled me." Arrus nodded without judgment. "Is there anything I can get you?"

"Perhaps some water." Mikan hopped up and went to the water dispenser on the wall. She filled a cup and brought it back to Arrus. She was helping him drink when the door opened behind them.

Catriona bustled in, muttering to herself. Mikan instinctively wanted to run but she was holding the cup for Arrus and Catriona was between her and the door anyway. The older woman walked around the racks of medication and stopped short, her eyes widening at the scene before her. Mikan was startled at the sight of her. Nothing could quite erase Catriona's beauty but she looked truly awful. Her eyes were swollen and red from crying and her hair was a tangled mess. Mikan went so cold that she thought she was about to die. Was this because she'd heard what had happened between Callum and Mikan? Had she taken in that badly? Arrus choked and Mikan's limbs reanimated, pulling the cup away from his lips and to her chest.

"He's awake," Catriona said. She seemed stunned. "I'm sorry, Mikan, I overslept." He closed her eyes and touched her forehead. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry," she repeated, seeming dreadfully tired. On the one hand, Mikan was happy that Catriona didn't seem to hate her. Whatever had happened obviously didn't concern her. On the other, she was now sick with worry about Catriona. What could have happened to her?

"It's alright, Catriona," Mikan said. "I think it was a good thing actually. This is Arrus. I don't think we have anything to fear from him. He seems very nice."

"Really?" Catriona lowered her hand. "I had been thinking it might be good to let him wake up. Dahri woke the other without my knowledge but I couldn't be sure if his behavior was due to Dahri or because he wasn't dangerous."

"As long as no carcha commands me to attack you, I will not," Arrus said. "I have always hated being made to fight and do not want to hurt my saviors." Mikan wasn't sure she liked the sound of that. The implication was that he would attack if ordered to. Mikan couldn't see Dahri doing anything but who the hell knew what to expect from Chajin?

Catriona seemed to take it well, though. She smiled and even under her heavy eyes and nest of hair, the smile was heart-warming. "I'm happy to hear that, Arrus. I'll ask Cosmos how to best care for you now that you are awake." Her gaze turned to Mikan and the smile slipped a little. The small slip was like a physical blow to Mikan. "Is there anything you need now?" Catriona asked. "I would like to talk to Mikan in private for a moment, if that's alright?"

"Hmm. Yes. I think I would like to sleep now, actually." Arrus closed his eyes.

Catriona nodded her head for Mikan to follow and they stepped to the front of the room by the medicine racks. Mikan briefly considered running but she just couldn't do it. Not to Catriona. It was time to face the music. Catriona crossed her arms and seemed to be considering her words. "I think you can guess why I want to talk to you."

"Maybe," Mikan said, hoping that this was possibly about something else.

"I talked to both Valencia and my brother yesterday." Mikan's stomach dropped to her feet. "I know what happened with Chajin, you and Cal."

Mikan backed away a step, freezing when her back hit the medicine rack, rattling the pill bottles. "I'm sorry," she said. She wasn't afraid Catriona was going to attack her physically or anything. But seeing disappointment in those dark eyes would somehow be worse than being slapped across the face. "I didn't...I mean, it was...I won't do it again!" Mikan babbled.

Catriona raised her eyebrows. There wasn't any recrimination in her eyes. Just concern and a little confusion. "That's up to the two of you, isn't it?" Catriona said. 'What is?' Then Mikan understood and blushed. "I'm not here to judge you, Mikan. I am in no position to judge anybody." Her face briefly had a haunted look and Mikan wondered what in the world she was talking about. "What I wanted to talk to you about was how you've been avoiding my brother. I'm not sure why you're doing it but I wish you would talk to him. I can tell how much it hurts him that you are avoiding him." She looked down. "I was doing the same and it was the worst choice I could have made. Callum won't hurt you, at least on purpose. He can be dense but he's kind."

Mikan's shoulders sank. She'd known that already but hearing it out loud just made her feel like a complete jerk. 'Why am I such a coward?' "I know. I'm sorry. I'll try and talk to him soon. I'm just...scared."

"I know you are but avoiding things doesn't help." Catriona stepped forward and laid a hand on Mikan's arm. Her soft smile made Mikan wonder how she ever could have imagined Catriona hating her. Callum was the same way. 'I need to face him.' Catriona's smile faded and she suddenly seemed a little embarrassed. "By the way, there is something else I need to talk to you about. I didn't really get the details of exactly what happened between you two but there is something I am concerned about." Mikan's face felt hot but she nodded. "Did you two actually...go all the way?" Mikan stared at her, not entirely sure what she meant. Catriona grimaced. "As in...as in…penis in vagina?" She said the last three words very quickly, with a bright blush.

Mikan's jaw dropped and she was actually a little too surprised to be embarrassed. Why was she asking about that? "Um, y-yeah...twice actually." Saying that reignited her embarrassment and cranked it up a notch.

Catriona's eyebrows shot up. "Twice? Wow." She shook her head. "I mean, okay." She closed her eyes and took a slow breath. "So when he...finished...was he still inside you?"

"Yes," Mikan said, her voice pitching up a little. Why was Catriona asking about that? Then it hit her like a ton of bricks. How had she not considered that before? "Oh."

Catriona winced. "You see what I'm getting at?"

"Yeah." Mikan felt like she was floating. She might be pregnant. With Callum's baby! What was she going to do? She looked at Catriona. "What am I going to do?"

"Well, we don't know yet," Catriona said, rubbing Mikan's arm gently. "When would your time of the month normally come next?"

MIkan thought about it. Her head felt like it was overheating. "Like in a week or so, I think?"

Catriona squeezed her arm. "Well, if you haven't gotten it in a couple of weeks, let me know and we can take things from there. Let's keep this from Callum for now. I'm not sure he understands because I never really had the guts to talk him through this stuff and I don't know what he knows from the men in his life. If you aren't pregnant, I'll be sure to explain all of this to him later. If you are, we can talk to him together."

Mikan spontaneously hugged Catriona. "Thank you."

Catriona wrapped her arms around Mikan. "Of course. Whether or not you and Callum get together, I consider you a part of our family now."

Mikan's throat started to thicken and she decided to leave before she broke down. "Thank you. I promise I'll talk to Callum soon." She broke the hug and stepped to the door. It wooshed open and Callum was right on the other side. Mikan jumped back into Catriona with a little scream.

"Sorry," Callum said. "I didn't mean to scare you. I finally thought to ask Cosmos where you were and when she told me you were in the infirmary, I was concerned you might be hurt." 'Callum was concerned about me?' Mikan's heart swelled.

"She's fine, Cal. But I think it's time that you two talked." Catriona gave Mikan a gentle push and Mikan stumbled forward. 'Now?! When I said soon, I didn't mean right away!' But what could she do? Callum was looking at her like a sad puppy. She couldn't run away again and crush his feelings.

They stepped outside and the door closed behind them. They were alone in the hallway but it didn't seem like the right place for talking. Callum evidently felt the same way, saying, "Why don't we step into a room?" They went into the room next to the infirmary. It was a storage room full of what Mikan guessed were medical machines and boxes of extra medicine.

"Another storage room, huh?" she said with a laugh. Her joke did the opposite of easing the tension, though, and both of them blushed madly.

They were both quiet for a while and Mikan had just about worked up the courage to say something when Callum said, "I'm sorry I surprised you like that. I've just been wanting to talk to you."

"I'm sorry," Mikan said, looking down at her toes. "I was afraid to see you. I thought you might hate me after what I did to you."

"After what you did to me?" Callum asked, cocking his head slightly.

He seemed so confused that Mikan instinctively looked up at him before glancing back down. 'Why is he so handsome?' "I t-took advantage of you. I made you have sex with me when you weren't in your right mind."

Callum didn't respond right away and Mikan was afraid to look at him. He startled her when he suddenly laughed aloud. It wasn't bitter or nasty, just a pure, surprised, joyful laugh. It stirred something in Mikan, feeding that flame that always seemed to be lurking just below the surface these days. "I was going to apologize to you for forcing you to have sex with me," Callum said, when he finally had control of his laughter.

Mikan had to look up at that. "What are you talking about? You practically begged me to leave and I was the one who kissed you. I was the one who started it."

Callum rubbed a hand through his hair. "Well, I thought because of the situation...you might have felt pressured or...wanted to help me maybe. Now that I think about it, that line of thinking is actually pretty rude. I'm sorry."

Mikan smiled. "It's alright." In fact, she was floating, knowing that he cared.

"I'm just glad I didn't lose another friend over this," Callum said.

Mikan came crashing back to earth. "What do you mean?"

Callum looked stricken. "Sorry, I shouldn't have brought that up." He seemed to consider something for a moment and then sighed. "But I guess you'll learn soon enough, anyway. Valencia left. She's no longer piloting Angra Mainyu with me."

Mikan's earlier rush flipped completely and she felt like she was just doused in icy water. "It's my fault," she whispered. She didn't want this to happen. But what did she think would happen if she slept with Callum? She knew how Valencia felt about him. Anybody with two eyes and a brain did. But she'd selfishly taken advantage of Callum even so. Mikan felt self-revulsion so strong that she could almost taste it.

"It's not your fault," Callum said firmly.

"How can you say that?!" Mikan screamed, lashing out at him in her self-loathing. "She never would have left if I hadn't done what I did. It's my fault! It's my fault."

"No. If you think that way, Chajin and I are at least as guilty as you. Don't try and take this all on yourself." Callum seemed remarkably calm. He really didn't blame her but he also didn't seem to be hating himself. How?

"Why aren't you more upset about this?" Mikan asked. She was starting to get mad. Wasn't Valencia his friend? Did he really care this little about her? Was he not the man she thought he was?

Callum shrugged. "I am upset but just yesterday my sister was avoiding me, my best friend was mad at me and you were also avoiding me. I felt completely alone. I managed to fix things with all of you so maybe I'm just hopeful I can fix things with her, too. I'm not sure how but I'm just suddenly hopeful that it's not over yet." He smiled. "I don't want you to suffer over this, Mikan. Me and Valencia's relationship is our problem."

"She probably hates me," Mikan said.

"She doesn't," Callum said. "I'm sure of that. I think she really likes you actually."

"You're just not going to let me wallow in misery are you?" Mikan said, smiling slightly as the black clouds started to lift from her heart.

"Not when you have such a beautiful smile."

Mikan felt like an arrow pierced her heart. The fire in her belly roared back to life and her nipples stiffened. She crossed her arms over her chest, knowing her arousal would be prominent in the stupid jumpsuit she had on. 'Does he really not know the kind of effect he has on women?' "Well, I was training all night so I need to get some sleep. I'm glad we talked." Mikan scuttled toward the door, hunched forward a little with arms awkwardly crossed. "I'll see you later."

"Oh, okay," Callum said, clearly a little confused. "Let's talk more later, okay? I was really happy to see you."

Something low in Mikan's body clenched and she almost moaned. "Later!" she squeaked, activating the door. She practically sprinted to the showers and then stripped out of her jumpsuit so fast she probably would have ripped it if it hadn't been so incredibly stretchy. Mikan had the presence of mind to at least turn on the water and hop underneath so she had some plausible deniability.

Then her hands were on her breasts and clit. Mikan bit her lip, playing with herself furiously. Normally she had to work herself up to this state but she was so turned on that she was already on the brink. Callum could have ripped off her jumpsuit and filled her completely with no foreplay at all. The thought of it was enough to send Mikan over the edge. She came hard, coating her hand and falling to her knees. The aftershocks rolled through her and she let the water beat down on her while she caught her breath.

Even as the rush of the orgasm faded, Mikan realized she wanted more. It wasn't enough. She wanted to feel him inside her, feel his arms around her, his lips on her hers. Her hands went back to her vagina, searching for a release she knew she couldn't reach on her own.