Human food

Vampires only require blood to survive. They can eat regular food but even a small portion can act as a mild poison...

***

BODIE

I enjoyed hearing every single excruciating sound that the bloodsucker released as it vomited. Why this caused me pleasure? I had no idea. Everyone is bizarre in one way or another. I'm just one of the few out there who enjoys feeling superior.

It's a natural feeling. Don't judge me.

I had spent the entire morning showing Lex tips on how to survive in human society. Without a proper identification card and the way he was teleported to earth, it wouldn't take long for him to be discovered by the government. And that's the last thing I want right now.

My mansion is private property but it doesn't mean I could keep him locked up in here forever. I don't even know how long it'll live. A couple more centuries? I'm not sure. I'll have to find time to ask him what their usual life expectancy is.

I did something to amuse myself today. For lunch, I told Benson and the head chef to prepare something entirely from vegetables and fruits. I've heard and seen all sorts of things on the internet regarding vampires and their mode of feeding.

From breakfast, I could safely assume that eating cooked meat doesn't harm Lex. So it doesn't matter if the meat is cooked, raw or still bloody after a fresh kill. Being a carnivore, he can eat meat.

When Lex and I sat to be served by the maids, he looked at the plate like he'd seen something horrid.

"What is this? Why is it green?"

He even seemed resistant to picking up the spoon. What should I reply to his question? Hmmm—your worst nightmare... what, no. Too cliché. Eat it, it's delicious I swear. Well, even I don't like vegetables. They're a necessary evil that must be eaten to stay healthy and I'm not the best at lying either.

I don't know what else he's capable of doing so I shouldn't act too recklessly just because he agreed to blindly follow all the commands I give him.

Beet and bell pepper salad, cauliflower rice and some fruit skewers by the side. The colours were bright and appeared fairly edible. I wouldn't say eating this was my favourite but I knew watching Lex's repulsive reaction will be more filling than any type of food I could think of.

"Just shut up and eat it."

I responded. He wasn't expecting a reply like that from the way he tilted his head. I started eating first just for confirmation. It's possible that he thought I was going to poison him. Although he can't die from poison, it'll still hurt like hell... but that's the problem.

The poison isn't in the food. The poison is the food itself.

My eyes glinted as he plunged his spoon into the beet salad with carrot, quinoa and spinach. His eyebrows drooped as he shovelled it into his mouth. He pressed his eyes shut while chewing and then he swallowed.

I kept imagining how it'll taste to him. Bland...? Tawdry...? Probably something similar to styrofoam, right...? I may never find out. Why? The minute I ask him how it tastes he'll sense that something fishy is going on here.

I mean, I'm not expecting him to know that this whole thing was a set-up just from that question. But I'm not, not expecting him not to predict that either. The problem here is I don't want him to be suspicious of me... not yet. If he's smart enough, asking a question like that would prove that the so-called self-appointed master of yours is just another phoney.

Who only claims to like you but deep down is just trying to fulfil his selfish desires. We're all like that in one or another. Humans are selfish and I'm just using that as an excuse to be as destructive as I can be to this world. Everyone will remember when I die—okay, story for another day. Right now, Lex should be the centre of my attention.

Lex's face crunched up so much I almost couldn't control myself from convulsing in laughter. He pressed his eyes shut and actually swallowed everything in his place.

Well, that was disappointing. Once he was done eating he excused himself immediately so he could go to his room. I consented to it and he was on his way. Hmmm... wait a minute. Why's he skipping off the stairs like that? Maybe the exciting part of the show was just paused and reset to play later.

I followed after him. By the time I got to his room, it was already shut. I opened it and proceeded to the bathroom door which was also locked. Without even having to put my ears on the door, I could hear him throwing up.

So that's what happens if a vampire eats human food other than meat.

I shouldn't trust my previous knowledge of vampires. Something just doesn't make sense. According to predominant mythology, every vampire was a human, who, after being bitten by a vampire, died and rose from the grave as a monster. Okay... so here's my question? Who then was the first vampire?

I mean there had to be one to turn the next one, right? Where did that particular one come from? You see—it makes no sense.

So I've decided that for everything I need to know about Lex, I'll just experiment on it myself. In the most entertaining way possible.