Forty-seven

Zhan's Pov.

"Zhan... I like you.. Like, I really like you." He mumbled with his face noticeably flushing a dark shade of red. I sat in my seat trying to comprehend what he said. He likes me? As more than a friend? I don't know if I'm jumping the gun but that's what it seemed like to me.

"Cindy knew this so she offered to help me." He continued with his soft voice.

"Help you? W-with what?" I asked, leaning closer to hear Yibo. He went silent at my question.

"Help win you over." He said, dropping his head. S-so he does actually like me?!

"I.. she told me to leave a letter in your locker. She also told me that you would appreciate it if I washed your football uniform. I'm guessing it was also her who pushed me into you in the halls that day when I.. when I knocked all of the school awards and trophies from your hand." He dully explained. I felt like I was hit with the biggest curve ball as everything suddenly started to make sense. Yibo hasn't explained everything but from what he's told me I can tell Cindy's been lying about some of the stuff she's told me, and that's all the proof I need to see that Yibo is innocent.

"Yibo, I..." I didn't know what to say. My mind was all over the place. I felt a slew of emotion wash over me, excitement, happiness, sadness, terror.

I've been so damn awful to him. Since I've I have known Cindy much longer than I have Yibo. I assumed I knew her better, that I assumed I could trust her.

Even though Yibo showed nothing but kindness and timidness I was still quick to abandon him. He was already leading a hard life but on top of that Cindy pit the whole school against him. I wasn't by his side when he needed me, as I had initially planned, and because of this he felt the need to take his life. My heart ached, reminding me of how I wasn't there for Kat either. Knowing I failed someone like that again crushed me.

"I'm sorry." That was all I could say. Thinking over the past month, everything I've done during that period, it made me feel awful, and disgusting.

"Yibo, I'm so sorry. " I apologized again, my nerves are eating at me. He turned his head away from me. It seemed he wasn't ready to forgive me... I understand that I've been a total dick to him, I don't deserve to be forgiven.

"I need some air." I said, feeling sick, uneasy and tight chested.

I left the room in a hurry, rushing down the stairs and out the front door. I've tried relaxing several times today but every time something happens. I'm glad Yibo cleared things up though, I wouldn't want to live a life around lies. My phone abruptly went off, snapping me from my thoughts. I bit my lip when I saw that it was Cindy. I tried my best not to smash the phone across the walkway. It was frustrating knowing that she was the root of all the problems and she's been pulling her schemes right next to me this whole.time. I'm stupid for not realizing it, I mean even my brother who's far more hot-headed than me had enough sense to know something was up, but I continued disregarding him because I thought I was in the right.

Instead of letting my mind wander on the situation I cleared my head and tried catching my breath as I originally intended. I should be focusing on making sure Yibo is alright, that kid has been through so much, I don't know if it's safe to leave him alone. After collecting my nerves I returned to my bedroom. Yibo was nowhere in sight, that wasn't until I reached my bed that I saw him. He fell asleep snuggling up in my blanket, still in nothing but his penguin briefs. He looked beautiful, as unusual as it is to refer to a guy being beautiful he truly did look beautiful sleeping peacefully under the covers.

"Is it true... does he really like me?" I murmured to myself, taking a seat next to the bed. I'd be one lucky son of a bitch if he did. A few months ago I would've frowned at the thought of being with a guy, but now... I know for a fact that I'm in love with this little goof. I hadn't realized my feelings toward men until I met him, of course, he's still the only one I'm attracted to, though that's probably because I don't think any of my friends are good-looking, though I know that's just me since everyone seemed infatuated with them and their looks.

If I'd just acted on instinct back during the time of the trip none of this would've ever had to happen, but I guess I was being stupid then as well. Waking up with him sleeping against me was one of the greatest feelings, it was something I'd never felt before, and it's been something I've longed for ever since the last day of the trip. I'd hoped I could continue holding him like that, but everything was sent into chaos thanks to Cindy. I just hope he's

eventually willing to forgive me, even though I don't deserve it. With all of the wonderful experiences we've shared, it would pain me to know that he hates me, but I guess that's what I've been doing to him over this past month.

I truly am a screw-up, I've been nothing but ungrateful my whole life, I take everything for granted. I have everything I could ever need, I'm fortuned with an overly caring pair of parents, which is more than I could ask for, a cool but sometimes annoying brother, and I'm wealthy enough for me not to worry about financial problems. I have all of this and yet I'm still a cold jerk to everyone, while Yibo's been struggling with his father, and feels nothing in life is left to live for, and I get the feeling that's just the tip of the iceberg. I mean, I saw his cuts back when we were on the trip but after what Cindy had told me I figured it was some sort of act. Even despite all of this he's never snapped at anyone as I have.

Yibo's Pov. (Earlier)

"W-what the hell are you doing?!" A voice yelled out from behind me. I swung my head towards the sound and saw a dark figure approaching. They pulled out a light and called my name.

"Yibo?" I recognized this voice, there was no mistaking it, it belonged to Zhan. After what he did I was afraid he was still upset with me, maybe he wanted to hurt me like everyone else... I didn't trust anyone at that point. With every advancing step he took, I traded one backward, trying to keep my distance. My heel got caught on the edge of the pavement, sending me to the ground. It aggravated my cuts, sending a whimper from my lips. I scrambled backward, eventually hitting a pole, I had nowhere to run. I curled up, protecting myself with my hands and knees. It was a poor effort but I was losing spirit, and I wasn't capable of running away.

"I-I'm sorry." I apologized repeatedly, hoping Zhan wouldn't attack me. It's strange, I want to die, yet I don't want to be killed, I find just the thought of it terrifying. Maybe it's because I feel I'll have some control over my life, even if I'm the one ending it.

As I continuously apologized, tears flooded my eyes, leaving an endless river down my cheeks. I was a mess, I was soaked in the rain and my body wouldn't stop shaking no matter how hard I tried to be still. Before I realized Zhan already reached me I felt his arms wrap around me. I tensed, thinking he would hurt me, but after sitting like that for a moment I realized he was comforting me. As much as I wanted him to turn around and walk the other way I have to admit, I needed this. I pressed my face against his chest and let myself go. At that moment I didn't care if he was judging me, I didn't care if I was making him uncomfortable, I didn't care about anything, I just needed a release. To my surprise, he made an effort to comfort me, and it was working. Whenever I was wrapped in his arms the world seemed like it would disappear. I felt like I could set all my problems aside and feel myself melt away from his warmth.

"C'mon, let me take you home." He said almost in a whisper.

"Let me do this Zhan... let me finish what I came here to do. " I tried, tightening my grip on his shirt. As much as I wanted to stay wrapped in Zhan's arms I knew I had to go with what I came here to do, my life is already a mess, so I have nothing to go back to.

"Y-you can't!" He stuttered. I can't say it didn't surprise me to know that Zhan actually cared, cause honestly, I was pretty surprised.

"Why not?" I asked, raising my voice.

"Think about all of the things you have to live for... think about all of the people who would be sad if you took your life." He tried. I would've laughed, but I wasn't capable of doing so.

"I have." I responded after a moment of thought, it pained me going over all my

everything that's happened. The stream of

tears started to flow again. "Just... let me end this." I begged, sobbing.

"No." He denied.

"Please!" I pressed. I shouldn't have to beg, it's my decision. He knew this yet, he continued denying me my last wish.

"Yibo, I'll give you something to live for." He said, convincingly. My heart skipped a beat hearing those words but as much as I wanted to believe him, I knew I would never live a happy or even normal one at that. Instead of replying to him I just sank my head against his warm body.

"Just... let me bring you to the hospital at least." He sighed. I declined, shaking my head.

We sat there like that for I don't even know how long. I felt myself growing sleepy being snuggled against him like this.

"Zhan." I called.

"Yes?" He answered softly.

"Zhan." I repeated.

"I'm here." He assured me. I called him again,

hoping he wouldn't leave. The soothing motion of his hand on my back was comforting. I found myself drifting off to sleep.

I woke up in Zhan's arms, being carried into his house. I had no idea what was going on but I didn't do anything, I just laid against him and shut my eyes, everything was still too much to handle.

(Later)

"I brought you something to eat, in case you were hungry." Zhan announced. returning to the room with a plate.

"Should I leave it over there?" He asked, nudging his head to the nightstand in the corner of the room. I didn't say anything, I just reached my hands out. He placed it in my hand and sat it on my lap. Hunger was eating at my stomach, so I wasn't able to pass up the meal, no matter how bad I was hurting. I ate while Zhan sat at his desk on his laptop.

"Zhan..." I called out. He turned around in his seat with a curious look.

"Yeah?" He answered.

"I.." I started to speak, but nothing would come out. He waited patiently as I collected my words.

"I-I didn't... I had no part in anything that's been happening around school." I said, trying to clear the tension between us. As much as I didn't want to speak, let alone to him, now was the best time to be upfront about everything.

"I swear on my life." I continued, hoping to convince him. Of course, my life didn't mean anything at this point though.

"Then why did Cindy say you were responsible? Was it a misunderstanding?" He asked. It upset me that he couldn't see past Cindy's little charade.

"We both know that's not true." I scowled. "But I still don't understand why she said that... she knows I'm innocent." I began thinking to myself.

"What were you doing in my locker?" He questioned suddenly. Nerves shook my body, as I knew I had to answer him honestly. I lifted my head for my eyes to meet Zhan's.

"Zhan... I..." I struggled.

"Zhan... I like you.... Like, I really like you." I murmured, feeling heat rushing to my cheeks. He looked shocked. No surprise there. It was better he hated me knowing the truth rather than hating me for something I never did. That being said. my nerves were trying to get the best of me. "Cindy knew this so she offered to help me." I explained further, filling in the holes of the story.

"Help you? W-with what?" He asked, leaning in closer. I didn't know what to say. It took a moment before I replied.

"Help win you over..." I said lowering my head. It was too hard telling him that to his face.

"I... she told me to leave a letter in your locker. She also told me that you would appreciate it if I washed your football uniform. I'm guessing it was also her who pushed me into you in the halls that day when I.... when I knocked all of the school awards and trophies from your hand." I explained in a flat tone.

"Yibo... I..." He paused. "I'm sorry." "Yibo, I'm so sorry." He apologized again, with the look of dread on his face. It was a little too late for that, my life was already torn into small pieces. I turned away from him, not having anything more to say.

"I need some air." He said before exiting the room.

I sat up in Zhan's bed for a while, with my mind blank. Before I knew it I was falling asleep. I was so sleepy I just laid over, wrapping the cover around me. It felt as if all of the heat had been pulled from my body, so I wrapped myself tightly, even then I was still cold. The smell of the covers and pillows was soothing, it smelled like him...

Sometime during the night I woke up. I sat up in bed, scanning the dark room. My eyes landed on a shirtless Zhan sleeping in a chair beside the bed. I felt bad that I inconvenienced him by falling asleep in his bed. My mind was raring to get lost in a sea of thoughts but I was still too tired for it all, instead, I just laid down in the soft, warm sheets and drifted off to sleep once more.

Morning arrived and when I opened my eyes Zhan was nowhere in the room. I rubbed my eyes and sat up in bed. Just as I realized I was half naked Zhan walked in. My cheeks lit with embarrassment and I shut my legs tighter than two pistons smashing together, hoping to cover myself, but in the end, I only made it look like I was fully unclothed as I was covering the only thing that made it look otherwise.

"I uh, brought you breakfast." Zhan walked over to me with a warm smile. My stomach felt light and bubbly. This wasn't something I was used to, breakfast in bed. It reminded me of the days during the school trip. I would give everything to wake up to a morning like this every day.

Zhan sat the tray of bacon, eggs and toast

in my lap, and took a seat beside me on his bed. The redness blaring on my cheeks did not subside, if anything my blush became more prominent.

"How was your night, did you sleep well?" He asked, leaning backward with his arms and hand propped against the sheets of his bed, his gaze still fixed on me. I nodded shyly as if it were the first time he'd spoken to me.

"I-I'm sorry for falling asleep on your bed, I didn't mean to make you sleep in a chair." I apologized looking down at the delicious-looking meal sitting on my lap.

"I wouldn't have it any other way." He assured me with a smirk. He sat and watched me as I ate. I didn't find it odd or uncomfortable, I actually enjoyed his company.

"Hey, Zhan?" I called, breaking the peaceful silence that rang the room.

"Yeah?" He responded softly.

"A-are you uh... are you okay with me being gay?" I asked nervously.

"I am." His tone was deep, sending chills through my now heated body. His voice made me feel like I was going to melt. It put me at ease knowing he was at ease around me, it made me feel worth something, I guess?

"Heh..... It's funny, before all of this happened I wanted nothing more than to go to the zoo with all of our friends. I wanted to see the monkeys, I wanted to see the dolphins, the penguins." I trailed off getting lost in thought.

"I thought of the perfect day out where we could all hang out around the town, like me and... Cindy had done." I told him, picking at the food on my plate. "Since I finally got a job and was able to afford things I planned to treat everyone."

"Why can't we all still do that?" He asked. I set my fork down and looked him in the eye.

"I don't want to see any of them, they aren't my friends anymore.' " I answered. 

"This was all just a misunderstanding though, I'm sure they'll understand if we explain everything to them" He replied.

"Everyone was so quick to give up on me.... including you. Everyone kept their distance from me not even wanting to touch me with a fifty-foot stick, heck no one would even give me the time of day, and those who did approach did so with ill intentions." I explained. "The only person who bothered speaking to me was Xichen. He's the only reason I lasted this long."

"If you weren't the one who pulled me off that bridge and gave me a roof to sleep under, even if it was only for a night, I would have never spoken to you again." I told him straightforwardly. His expression dimmed, a sad look appearing on his face.

"Yibo... I'm really sorry. I have no way of making it up to you, but I'm going to make every day worth living for you. I'm going to try to make you the happiest man alive because you're not staying here for one night... I want you to live with us. I was feeling emotional hearing his words... as bad as I was feeling they actually gave me hope. Even though I took it all with a grain of salt I felt that maybe I could put my trust in him one last time, it's not like I'm able to do much else at this point, especially if he constantly prevents me from ending it all.

I didn't know how to respond.. I just looked at him with mixed emotions crossing my face.

"You should get dressed. Our family doctor is coming over to properly patch you up." He announced, taking me by surprise. I blushed again realizing I was still in nothing but my underwear.

"If you refuse to go to the hospital, I'll just have to bring the hospital to you." He smirked before ruffling a hand through my hair.

He stood up, taking my plate with him. Just before he reached the door he spoke. "Yibo, would you like to go to the zoo sometime soon? Just me and you." He asked, wearing a hopeful smile. My dim eyes lit up almost as if a firework had just gone off inside them. As much as I wanted to decline I couldn't, wasn't able to pass up the zoo.

"Y-yeah." I accepted. A smile made its way to my lips replacing every other emotion with but a single one, that being happiness. So much has transpired over the past twenty-four hours, I had a little hope. While it's not much it's enough for me to get by.