Heart felt letter

..Crina pov

I felt something in my heart even with how much I was crying. It was like the crying that I was doing was actually not helping me as much.

The words from Ryder were still so fresh in my mind. He called me a whore ? I still could not believe it . what got into his mind to even call me that . He has known it … if fact he has seen it , I have not involved with any man at all for all the years.

All the time I have been with him , I have not at any time brought any man into the house. And then he also said that I deserved it that is why his father went.

This was something else. How I wish he knew how much that pained me. It hurt me more than any other thing that had ever pained me in my entire like. That was a very sensitive topics that I never wanted to talk about.

I mean how did he even have to say about all this yet what ever he knew was me who had told him. I was now getting scared. What if he decided that since I was not his mother then he could leave me forever . I swear I could die if something like that ever happened.

I had to do something if I did not want that to happen. The crying that I was doing could not solve that , I had to get serious if I did not want to lose him. I sat up in bed and used the hem of my dress to dry the tears in my eyes.

After that , I stood up and then moved towards the table which is at the extreme point of the bedroom and got a piece of paper and a pain. I knew what I was doing was crazy but it was what I was left with to do.

I came back nervously and say down to begin writing what I wanted to write

.

Dear my baby boy,

Hope you are so oaky. Yes….i am so sorry to ask you if you are really okay. But just know I had to write this to clarify a few things.

I in fact have never written something like this to you . But I thought that this time around it was the best way that I could use to talk to you. I am actually just too weak to talk to you …personally and then I am not home.

One thing is I don't know what the hell is wrong with you of recent . it is clear that you are going through something but what hurts me so much is the fact that even with that you are no longer trusting me at all.

It is like am a total stranger to you whom you are seeing for the first time and so you cannot tell me anything so that I can help you to solve all the disturbances . You are not you the past few weeks and I think you also recognize that .

You have become a very changed person who no longer cars about whether I exist or not. I have been hurt by your words in so many ways than what you can even imagine.

This drives me to talking about how you called me a whore- I will not lie to you it made me feel so devastated in a way that I have never felt. You know me very well. Yes, that is actually what is suppose that it is.

We have been the two of us for so may years and it was not at any one time that I ever brought a man in our house, You – my son has always been my first priority and protected you with all that I had to give.

I want to assure you that in so many years, it was only the kiss that we shared which was actually the only kiss that I have had. (Okay, the truth is I have not yet gotten any explanation as to why you kissed me and behaved in that way )

But u will not still have to worry about that. I forgot about it completely and I am now looking out for what is in the future but never to look up on what has happened in the past.

You don't have to worry about anything , I promise I will never bring any man into the house and if it is what you want and I promise you that I will never actually involve in any affair as my whole attention is aimed at only you …my dear son.

Lastly and above all the most important of all the things that you accused me of was the fact that your father was right to leave me. Yes, you might be right , I think I am some boring kind of woman and if you are not patient with me then it often is very difficult for one to sustain me for a very long time .

Please what I pray for is that you never get tired of me or leave me because once you do that . I have no idea how I will be able to handle the situation.

I know you need some time alone and that is why I have decided to give you some space alone. Please , I promise that I will be back very son.

With lots of love, Mom.

I did not know how I managed to write all those words without shedding even a single drop of tear

After that , I got up and got all that I needed. I thought about everything very well and knew that this was the best thing as well as wise thing to do.

Hello good readers, it is still a Sunday and as I told you am making so many updates on the different book. Please read and don't forget to add them to your libraries.