Terrain of conscience

Seol is left shaking, the world shrinking around her. When she's detached from Seo, the enormity of what she had done - caused or allowed to happen presses her from all sides. The court is slowly getting dispersed, yet Seo remains kneeling. Blood grip from the sword he holds creating ominous pools in front of him. The dead man lies in a pool of his own blood - Seol averts her eyes from the sight of his glaringly empty eyes as the contents of her stomach begins to churn.

Grand prince Anjong is the last to leave. He waits at the door and calls her.

"Seolie - come with me."

Seol hesitates, turning her eyes on Seo who remains staring at the pool of blood and Seol is afraid of what his honesty might make him do. Last of Yong's attendants removes scrolls littered on his low table and leaves. Seol finds her father's eyes upon her.

"Leave Seol - ah," for a moment the monstrous facade dissolves and her father peeps through, his eyes soft as he regards her. "Go accompany your mother for a while."

She wishes Seo makes a move, looks at her at least. He remains rigid and unmoving, head bowed staring at the gripping blood. Guilt starts to well up within her, realizing he had been right when he said they would lose what they had - who they were. She had not just caused two people to die - no, far from it, she had made others hold that burden.

Just as the crack makes itself achingly known within her soul, grand prince Anjong wraps an arm around her. He is an attractive man - her uncle, with kind eyes that looks down at her with concern.

"Let's get you out, dear girl -" he says, steering her from the shoulders. "You look green…"

His voice trails off and once their footsteps have died out, Seo speaks.

"Pyeha, I wish to make a confession."

If the emperor was surprised he hides it well. The silver eyes break their focus on the gripping blood and look up at the monarch.

"While I am innocent of what the traitors tried to fabricate - my conscience is not clean." He blinks, his jaw clenches. "Had my feelings not been what they are - the traitors would not have managed to corner her highness in this manner. I - my unworthy affections have caused this menace."

His hand clutches the sword, as if reliving the moment when the minister died over his treasonous words.

"My regard for her highness has grown deeper than what is appropriate for a guardian to hold for his ward. Being the pure hearted girl that she is - it is natural that gongjunim mama feels inclined to return those feelings. I have betrayed your majesty's trust - Idon't deserve the honors your majesty is bestowing upon me."

The emperor remains silent for a moment.

"Have you spoken of your feelings with the first princess?"

Seo looks appalled.

"No - Pyeha! Her highness is precious as gold and jade - Iam worthless as dust. I would never presume such familiarity."

"Rise Kang Seo," the emperor commands, his voice softer and strained. "I am no deity to punish a thought that has never materialized. No man can rule their hearts, or dictate where they find home."

"Pyeha," Seo rises, swallowing. His head bowed, his lip trembling. "You have my word Pyeha, I shall never act upon it. My affections I shall take to my grave, unvoiced."

"She will marry soon." The emperor remarks. "Shinju will get lonely for you."

Seo shakes his head, his mouth twitching, unable to conjure a smile no matter how bitter.

"There will be no Shinju for me without gongjunim."

*

The spring pavilion is built upon a hot spring, steaming water of which ran through the several pools housed by the pavilion. They were enclosed and personal, nestled in cool shadows of carved arches rising over them and lit softly by clusters of mild scented candles. Seol sits by the pool, shadowed by the candles flickering at her side, feet drawn towards her body and arms wrapped around her knees.

The court lady would be tortured. She has been circling over and over on that particular thought. The girl had betrayed her, tried to lead Seo to a disgraceful death - but still - the girl had begged for her mercy. Mercy - that wasn't her own to give. She couldn't gather herself to go and face her retinue, the other girls who would never look at her in the same manner. Neither could she take that parting image of Seo out of her head. Hunched, rigid and conflicted - compelled to lie because of her.

Seol shudders again, involuntarily, curling further into her own self. She thinks of the minister - sprouting baseless accusations, until her imperial father could tolerate no more. Another violent shudder follows when she is reminded of the slashing blade that had claimed the man's life and the empty eyes of his corpse.

There are footsteps approaching and she cowers, not willing to emerge from the shadows to acknowledge whoever is coming to intrude upon her solitude. Seol pulls herself more into the secrecy of the alcove, hoping to remain unnoticed. To her horror it is Seo who emerges, speaking in a low tone to lady Noh who trails after him.

"I don't think Wanghu mama is in a position to oversee their selection," he is saying. "It would be a relief if you could handle it - sanggun mama." His voice drops. "Bring in those we could rest easy with - I don't want even a hint of doubt to remain about their loyalties."

Seol had never seen Lady Noh being so reverent towards someone who was not an imperial descendant. She bows with such dedicated respect to Seo.

"As you direct General Kang," she says. "I shall leave you to enjoy your bath. Please let me know if you need anything. Lady Ji makes such a fuss that we are neglectful towards you."

Seo laughs, even when the true joy is missing from it - laughter makes him look young. It is an illusion that makes her heart ache. Lady Noh bows herself out and Seo ventures in, fumbling with the knot of his outer robes.

Seol drags in a startled inhale, suddenly becoming aware of her position. The incident at the private residence would seem rather tame if she was to be caught here. Seo, unaware of her presence, continues to undress, until he is left in his baji pants. Seol who had honestly wanted to make her presence known earlier - is thwarted by the sight of his bare skin. His arms and back are strawn with scars; ridges and cuts marr the pale skin as if mapping an unknown countenance.

"What are you doing here - mama?" he speaks suddenly, still his back to her, his hands submerged in water as he washed off the blood stains.

"I'm leaving -!" Her voice comes out rather choked.

"Don't leave now," his voice is faint. "Someone might see you coming out and misunderstand. Wait here - lady Noh will take you back."

"Doesn't my presence bother you?" She asks him, considering the merit of his suggestion. "It was unintentional Seo - I didn't mean to intrude upon -"

"Soldiers don't often have the luxury of private baths," Seo tells her. "It's fine. I'm not going to bathe. I just need to wash off the stains."

Seol doesn't say anything and Seo finally turns towards her, examining her shadowed face. Seol tries and fails to bite back the question.

"Is she dead?"

"The woman who betrayed you?"

She pauses and fidgets with her fingers, tears welling up in her eyes.

"Did they torture her?"

Seo sighs, picking up his discarded inner robe and wearing it, he conceals the war branded upon his body.

"She doesn't have any intel. Torturing her is a pointless persuit."

Seol closes her eyes and nods, finally exhaling the burden that choked her.

"I was haunted by the prospect. I was imagining her screams. Do you think she will blame her death on me? Do you think the others will consider it such?"

"Each of us have things we must do Mama - it doesn't make us good or bad to do them. You are the princess. You cannot save anybody at the cost of your reputation."

A few tears blur her vision.

"Even if the blunder is of my own making?"

"You did not commit a sin mama. Anybody who claims otherwise has nobody but themselves to blame for the consequences of their fabrications." His silver eyes rake her face, noting the guilt that refuses to go away. "Meet me at the stables in a quarter hour. Let's not carry this burden back with us."

*