The Transition

After discharging from hospital i came back home. My parents were trying to lighten up my mood but I was really disturbed. I called my brother Varun and told him about the situation. Not about my love obviously but about my mental health. He tried to console me at that time but next day when i everything became normal he called me back.

(on the call)

Me: hey!! brother.

Varun: hey!! howz u?

Me: fine now.

Varun: Yesterday i didn't scold you but you really did a very stupid thing. You are really a jerk Sooraj. You didn't even think of your family your life. What the hell was that.

Sooraj: Brother there were a lots of things going on which made me did this

Varun: I understand but there is a solution to every problem. You could have atleast talked me once. Promise me in future you would never even think of doing that.

Me: Ya i promise you i will never do that again.

Varun: one more thing try to stop your tears. Give your pain a direction and try not to cry ever and if you wanna share something or need any help then i am always there for you.

Me: Ya i know that thanks brother and i will never cry again

Varun: okh by take care

Me: by

That day I decided not to cry any more in any situation. And I somewhere succeeded in it. Ya its not that i never cry after that, I didn't but just 2-3 times in the past 2 years that too on some serious issues. But that was really a good improvement coz before that i used to cry literally every night.

Also i stated working on my personality. I started working out and it really helped me. It boosted my confidence, give me a savage attitude and also transformed me drastically. In just a year i became a bulky guy, where i used to be very thin and skinny before. I aslo started chatting with girls not to find love because it will always be Yesha, no doubt, but to improve my social skills and also to distract myself from pain to be honest. I used to chat with a lot of girl sometimes flirt with some of them too but at the end of the day i just used to open Yesha's pic, put headphones with love songs and got lost into her memories. I still do this every night.

But still sometimes I used to get dis heartened specially when i saw her pics with Nikhil. I used to think about my future and lots of other things. But i never lost hope.

Then i tried to understand the meaning of love. And the best teacher who can teach you the meaning of love is none other than Lord Shree Krishna. I used to listen to his lessons on love also read some of his verses related to love and finally got the meaning of love that I told you in the cafe. Now I have accepted the fact that my love will remain one side, at least till this life. But still I really love her and I will always remain hers. And one day, may be tomorrow or may be after 1000s of years, may be in this world or another. But one day she will accept my love. But i never think of the result. I will just keep loving her selflessly forever.

And would never forgot the day I attempted suicide, 10th April 2020. That day literally changed me and i am thankful to that.

But still sometimes now also things hit me hard.

Some days before only my parents scolded me on just a silly thing. It was normal for them but it hit me. All of the sudden i got diss hearted and depressed. Some how i managed to keep calm. But still i am trying to be a better version of myself each n every day. I still have some doubts regarding my Life and for that I am going to read Bhagavad Gita. It is being said that Bhagvad Gita has solution to each n every problem of life.

Avi: bro you literally came through a lot of things.

Ali: Brother you were always with us but you never let us know about your pains and kept fighting with it. Head's off to you dude

Sooraj: See I am glad to experience all these things but i don't want someone to experience that at such a small age coz it really sucks.My childhood was not good at all. I never memorize it too. Also i am not a great person but still i have some qualities,

I am not afraid of anything

I am always ready for worse

I'm a lil bit creative

And all these are because of my love and my past experiences.

Avi: whatever happens bro just take care of yourself and be happy

Sooraj: Ya don't worry.

Avi: Btw were is Yesha now.

Sooraj: She is in a engeenring college in Gaziabad right now. I have not met her since the past 1 and a half year but we follow each other on social media. Ya we don't talk much but I still write poems for her and tag her. She see them but doesn't reply but its fine. Atleast she see them and thats enough for me.

Avi: Ohh nice

After that Avi and Ali left. But they were really surprised to hear Sooraj's story. They got to know about a different Sooraj, the real him.