The Suicide Attempt

The whole year of 11th class had became a hell for me. I used to cry each n every night. My pillow used to got wet of tears. I was seeing my love with someone else and i was unable to do anything. I was all alone. You guys also were not that mature to understood my pain. I was all alone.

That time i joined a coaching centre and made some friends there too. One of them was Ayesha. The one who was my crush in 9th standard. One day she asked me about the reason of my sadness as that time i always remained silent and unhappy.

Ayesha: hey Sooraj you were a happy soul in 10th standard. But now you have become a totally different human. What has happened to you.

Me: Nothing I am fine

Ayesha: come on dude! tell me we are friends ultimately

I told her about Yesha. Not the whole story but just a glimpse of it. In response to which she adviced me to move on and find a new girl. I thought about it because that time i was unknown by the meaning of true love. I thought its ok to move on and fell in love with someone else. And that time i was wrong. And due to this i made a huge mistake. I proposed Yesha. But thankfully she just had a break up and was not ready for new relationship. So she rejected me. That really hit me heart. I started doubting myself. I started thinking that i really was not a good person.

For certain weeks i was behind Ayesha only. I was trying to convening her. That time i was thinking that I really love Ayesha too. But that was not true. It was just my stubborness to move on. Yes the feelings were true but those feelings were for Yesha not Ayesha. I was just converging those feelings to Ayesha. But after some time Yesha started ignoring me. This made me angry. Besides Yesha i would never bear the ignorance of any girl in this world. No one except Yesha matters for me. So i stated move on again. It took just 2 weeks for me to forgot Ayesha. I totally got over her. She didn't even exist for me anymore. And that's the proove that what i had with Ayesha was just my stubborness nothing else. But i was not over Yesha. I still thought about her all the time. But i was just convincing myself that i had forgotten her too.

One day Veer i was having a conversation with Veer.

Veer: Hey Sooraj whats ur love status?

Me: I am totally out of it

Veer: But still you are not happy

Me: I don't know brother

Veer: Ok tell me how did you get over it.

Me: See i was in love with Yesha but she came into a relationship with other Nikhil. This literally broke me. After a year i tried to move on and proposed another girl. But she alse rejected me i moved on again.

Veer: Bro did you really loved both the girls.

Me: Yess ofcourse

Veer: It's impossible. You can only love one person truly in your whole life. So if your love for Ayesha is true that its not for Yesha and vice versa

Me: (with anger) I love Yesha and i will love her forever. Its the purest and the truest love that someone can have and even God cannot deny this.

Veer: So you got your answer

This made me realise that i was still in love with Yesha. And this love is so strong that i can never forget her or stop loving her. That time i promised myself not to even think of being in a relationship with any other girl in my entire life. I can live and even die with this one sided but would never try to forgot Yesha. After all this tactics i again came on the point from where i started. I was just in hate with my own self.

When all this was happening then came the 11th results. I was failed in 2 subjects which was pretty obvious because most of the students fail in 11th standard, especially in science stream. But i was unaware of the fact that this result would became a real turning point of my life .

When my parents got to knew about my result, they both as usual got mad at me but this time it really affected me. They cursed me as if i had done a crime. I felt very useless. I was already broken as hell and seeing my parents treating me like this, i lost all the hopes from my life. I was full of tears. I felt pitty on myself. I can't even express that scenario in words. I wanted to end all of this at once. I wanted to be a free soul again. So i made a decision, a decision to die. I ate a full pack of sleeping pills. Around 14 pills at once. Yess i attempted suicide. I was so pissed off my life that forced me to took this step. But i did it at afternoon and because of this my parents get to knew about it and took me to the hospital. The next thing i knew was i was lying on a bed in I.C.U. If i had done this at night, I definitely would had died.