The new student

When Gerald and Trahzi walked into class, they found a very unusual atmosphere. Everyone was abuzz with excitement, chattering with one another. From the corner of his eye, Gerald thought he saw Cha'Rolette glaring at him and Trahzi, but by the time he turned, she had already looked away with a lofty air.

"Why is everyone so excited?" Gerald wondered aloud.

"Are you kidding?" Tomar asked. "There's nothing more exciting than when a mysterious new transfer student arrives."

"We've never even have a student from Sloi before," Kamanie gushed. "This is exciting."

Gerald chewed on his lip. "That's not what I recall happening when I transferred in."

"Oh, you're different."

"I see."

Mr. G'Hare walked in and everyone settled into their seats. "At the behest of her psychiatrist, Ms. Stubbs has taken a personal leave for her mental health."

Everyone glared at Gerald.

"But I'm sure that's not what all of you have been gossiping about," G'Hare said knowingly.

The students laughed.

"Today, we have our first student from Sloi. The Zurinites have finally reestablished their new homeworld, and it has been accepted into the Alliance."

Everyone looked on anxiously as the door slid open. That's when a pink blob rolled itself into the center of the room.

Everyone greeted it cheerfully.

It reminded Gerald of cotton candy. He tried not to show how odd he thought it was.

Ungliss looked particularly interested, his gaseous form flashing orange and green far more rapidly than usual.

"Hi everyone, I'm Zurra Immestria, but you can call me Zurra," it said in a friendly feminine voice. It didn't have a mouth, but somehow it spoke. Gerald noticed that it was accomplishing this by vibrating its surface, kind of like a stereo speaker.

"I know you all want to get to know me, but that will have to wait. I came here to meet just one person."

Gerald had become so accustomed to listening to everybody through his translator that it really caught him off-guard when he realized that the pink blob was actually speaking directly in English.

"Geri!" she gushed, then rolled in a sprint straight at him.

Gerald barely had a chance to stand up before she collided with him, splatting him up against the wall, and coiling around him like a gooey snake.

"Oh, Geri, it's been so long, you've grown so much."

"Hey, let go of me!" Gerald grabbed at the pink mass covering his midsection, but only managed to stretch out handfuls like taffy.

"Gerald, just what are you doing?" Cha'Rolette demanded, rising to her feet

"Apparently I'm not doing anything," he struggled, yanking ineffectively at the blob covering him. "What I would like to do is get this stuff offa me."

"Oh, you're so funny," Zurra laughed. "All this time and the first thing you want to do is wrestle with me."

Gerald stopped struggling. "Wait, do I know you?"

Zurra pulled herself away and reformed into a ball on the floor. "Don't tell me you don't recognize me?"

Gerald blinked. "I... I don't recall ever knowing a lump of silly-putty before."

"Oh, that's right," she giggled. "Back then I never showed my natural form to anyone."

Zurra reformed herself into the shape of a human girl in overalls, about twelve years old with oversized pigtails and freckles; pink from top to bottom.

"Tah Dah!" she said, striking a pose. "Here's how I appeared when I lived on earth."

Gerald furrowed his brow. "... Zuri? Little Zuri? The kid who used to cut my hair off while I was asleep?"

"You do remember!" she gushed, hugging his legs. "I actually still have most of the hair I took. I keep it in a jar on my hope chest." Her arms stretched out to three times their length and wrapped around his waist.

"Oh... my..." Gerald said, trying to discreetly push her off of him. "It's been years... um... how are you?"

While Zurra hugged him, Ilrica stepped forward and looked at her inquisitively. "Never hunted one of these before, wonder what they taste like?" She reached out with a clawed finger and poked Zurra in the cheek. Her face bent inwards like it was made of rubber, then bounced back when she withdrew her claw.

Zurra paid her no heed, cuddling Gerald and humming happily to herself.

"So she's an old friend, eh?" Ilrica asked as she tapped Zurra's head, causing her body to ripple like gelatin.

"Yeah," Gerald said, trying to not look embarrassed about the kid wrapped around him. "Her people were refugees, she stayed with us for a few years. I knew she was pink, but I never knew she could change shape like this."

"That's because I was too shy back then, you helped me come out of my shell and become a woman," she said, nuzzling his leg.

Cha'Rolette's eyes narrowed. "What's this about you making a young girl into a woman?"

Gerald chuckled nervously, then tripled his efforts to pull Zurra off of him. "She has kind of a weird way of saying things. She learned English by watching High School Musical like a thousand times. Try not to read anything into it."

Cha'Rolette gave a mental scoff. "Mr. G'Hare, I demand you stop this shameless display at once."

The substitute teacher was dumbfounded.

Zurra finally released Gerald, who fell back on his haunches. She turned around to face Cha'Rolette. "This bothers you doesn't it?" she asked coyly, placing a finger up against her freckled cheek. "The fact that I am this close to him."

"Close?" Gerald asked as Ilrica helped him to his feet. "You used to steal my toys and cheat at Battleship."

Zurra and Cha'Rolette locked eyes with one another. So great was their animosity that small sparks of electricity flew between them.

"Of course it bothers me. There are strict rules in the school about proper behavior. As class representatives is my job to..." said Cha'Rolette.

"You like him don't you?" Zurra pressed.

Cha'Rolette blushed deeply. "I... most certainly do not."

"Yeah", Kamanie added, "she hates his guts. She's even got a plan to..."

Kamanie fell forward as an invisible hand smacked the back of her head.

Zurra giggled happily at the chaos she was causing and took Gerald's arm, nuzzling up against him.

It was then that Trahzi stood up and walked over. "May we ask what your intentions are with Mr. Dyson?"

"Yeah," Ilrica added.

"And why do you want to know?" Zurra asked, pressing the back of Gerald's hand against her cheek, despite his efforts to yank it away.

Trahzi looked around uncomfortably. "He is important... to our mission."

"Oh I see what's going on here," Zurra said with a sly grin. "Gerald you've already got your meat hooks in some of these fillies, haven't you? You sly sloth, you."

Gerald stared at her in disbelief. "What?"

Zurra released him and tapped her finger against the side of her head. "Clearly this is a case of too many squaws and not enough chiefs. Well, that's okay, there are other fish in the sink. We'll just have to pair the rest of you up. You, wolf-girl, you can have Dumbo there..."

"What?" Tomar asked.

"...rich-girl you can have the floating fart over there..."

"Yay!" Ungliss cheered. "... Hey, wait!"

"...and demon-girl, you can have Teddy Ruxpin there."

Trahzi and Tiboe looked at each other doubtfully.

Tiboe scratched behind his bear-like ears and shrugged. "I've had worse."

Gerald pinched his nose. "Zuri, no one has any idea what you're talking about."

"Oh, I think you do."

"No I don't. And you need to stop trying to use human expressions, you never get them right."

Zurra cleared her throat. "Okay, listen up everybody, because blood is thicker than syrup. I came to this school for one reason and one reason alone."

She morphed her clothes into a school uniform and pointed at Gerald. "I came here to make Gerald Dyson my wife."

Gerald's eyes nearly bugged out of his head.

Trahzi looked confused.

Cha'Rolette looked concerned.

Ilrica tried to look aloof, but her tail swished about anxiously.

The rest of the class burst out in gossip, uploading photographs to the school network and commenting on them as fast as they could. Already polls were being created about the relationship pairings she had made. Within moments, charts of glowing light floated about in the air, calculating the success of the relationships, and their expected end-date. It took only a few seconds for the entire academy to vote. Even some of the faculty joined in. When it was all over, 81% felt that Trahzi and Tiboe would have the cutest kids, 53% felt that Ilrica would eat Tomar in her sleep, and 93% felt that Cha'Rolette and Ungliss would be divorced within the first month.

Zurra grinned to herself and ran a hand through her short, scraggily hair. "This will be easier than taking a piece of candy from a slice of pie."

Gerald placed his face in the palm of his hand.