Anastasia

"If I could turn back time, I wish she was never born."

I didn't have to hear those words to know how he said it. Cynically, his voice was laced with humor as if I was the crazy one. I remember it all now - the bullying, the hurt, the wild accusation that I was responsible for her death. And what rang louder in my head, were those words I heard before. Words of rejection, of being unwanted.

"I could never love you."

Hah! I can almost hear him saying he wishes I wasn't born in that same tone of voice - only now much mature, deeper, alluring -

No. I refuse to think about Jacob at all. Those feelings I might have had before are long gone now. That stupid girly crush is all it ever was. I am no longer alone, no longer unwanted, and apart from finding out who my real father is, I was lost in a world of my own.

Derek Hughes.

My own mate. The wolf who was to be my entire world.

The Beta of The Blood Moon Pack.

Also the ex-boyfriend of my archnemesis. Who would have thought that she'd be the one to lead him right into my arms! And all it took was a stupid little prank. At least, I slept better at night believing it was a prank-gone-wrong instead of attempted murder.

I waddle through Jacob's house, having come back a few days ago. It just doesn't feel the same anymore, and I can tell that he's avoiding me. My only guess is that he stands firm in what he told Derek when he was drunk. But with my cottage burned down, I really have no option but to stay here.

The residual phantom bond between Derek and I is present enough to make my heart do a tiny flip when I see his caller ID on the screen of my phone. Even his voice - which was husky and grazed my eardrums in an unpleasant way - is gradually becoming quaint. All I know is that I am in dire need of a distraction, and what better way than to spend my time with the male who was once joined to me by fate?

"Hey, Derek."

"Hi," Derek drawls on the other end of the line, "how about we go for a drive? Just you and me?"

I answer too quickly, almost as if I'm afraid of what I'll say if I give myself time to think about it, "yes. Of course. I'd love that."

I'm saying too much. But too much is better than the absence of any form of communication between Jacob and I. And here was the perfect excuse to leave the house, so I don't have to face the loneliness of being alone with the man I still had feelings for.

"Pick you up in an hour?"

It is so routine for this type of proposal. In the week I'd spent back at Jacob's house after my recovery, I spent most of my time away from it. After thinking long and hard about Derek wanting to go out with me, I realized I didn't have much to lose. I don't feel as lonely anymore, and it was all thanks to the man who pulled up in his yellow sports car to pick me up for a ride.

"You look gorgeous, as always," Derek greets me by leaning over and dropping a chaste kiss on my cheek. I have to admit, his kiss feels foreign, and his scent faintly sweet as if it's drifting away. It's a strange thing, receiving compliments so freely from someone from the pack without having to pay the price of a clenched fist or finger indents on my cheek.

I choose to ignore the nagging sense that something is off, and put on my seatbelt as Derek drives us out towards lord-knows-where. I actually enjoy the surprise of not knowing what it is he's got planned for the day. Yesterday, he took me out hiking, but today, we're going in the opposite direction.

"You're not gonna tell me where we're going, are you?" I narrow my gaze at Derek, who smirks as he continues to keep his focus on the road ahead.

"I mean, I could tell you," he glances at me momentarily, "but then I'd spoil the surprise."

"How do I know you're not driving me out to my death?"

Derek chuckles, skimming his bottom lip with the pad of his thumb. "Well, you'll just have to wait and find out I guess."

A part of me wonders if Derek was taking us to the spots he and Medeia visited when they were together. But I won't question it, in case I only got my heart broken again. This feels nice, this effortless calm between us, and I'd hate to spoil whatever it is we have going on here. Truthfully, I'm not even sure there is a name to this, but all I do know is that it feels good to finally feel like I'm wanted.

The scenic route Derek takes brings about a certain calm over me. I sigh as I gaze out the window, propping my chin on my palm. There's nothing special about what's going on, but it definitely beats feeling lonely.

We end up at the port, where Derek steps out to open my door for me. Rather chivalrous for a man who was in love with a witch, but opposites attract, don't they? Shrugging off the thought of the one who makes my life a living hell, I accepted the hand he offers out and step out of his car.

The cool air touches my skin - the skin that had suffered so much at the hands of the flames. I shiver beneath my jacket, and Derek notices, pulling off his jacket to put it over my shoulders.

"Thank you," I say, hugging his jacket closer as I catch a whiff of his scent. But it's not what I expect it to be. Still, I try filling my senses with that scent, even though the sight before me reminds me of someone else.

We walk towards the pier, hand in hand, when Derek tilts his head and wonders out loud, "have you ever been fishing before?"

"Fishing?" I scoff at the thought, and turn to him. There's a mischievous glint in his eyes, but I can't quite make out why it's there. "Why would I ever go fishing when I have these," I vice my fingers together like claws, "bad boys?"

Derek bursts out laughing, and inches closer, making me feel rather awkward. I shift away and lean against the rails, watching the waves as they crash against the rocks. I inhale deeply, drawing in the scent of salt water and exhale. There is something in the air between us, but I can't pinpoint what it is.

A mate-bond should never feel forced - not the way it feels now. I shuddered between two jackets as the wind blows my hair to the side. I suck in a breath just as Derek places his arm across my shoulders. He's warm - warmer than any embrace I'd ever felt - but something was missing.

It's his hot breath as he turns his head towards me that sends a shiver down my spine. Not fear, just awareness has me cowering into myself. I close my eyes and meet his stature, but the face I see is not the sharp face of Derek. It's the charismatic yet soft features of the one who plagues my thoughts. And who perhaps plagues my heart, even if I refuse to admit to it.

With that denial in mind, I open my eyes to notice that Derek is but a few inches away, his breath so close, I can almost taste the mint on his tongue.

"If," his eyes grow resolutely smaller, but darker as he gazes into mine, "it's okay with you, I'd like to kiss you now."

He waits, and I can swear the man would have waited for all of eternity if I hadn't parted my lips and spoke.

"Y-you can," I respond, feeling his large hand settle on my hip as he drew me closer. I am hesitant, not because I don't believe that Derek was meant to be my mate, but because deep down, I know I was never meant to love him.

Still, I give it a shot, getting onto my tiptoes to match his height and winding my arms around his neck. He breathes raggedly, as if he too found the traces of sweetness on my scent, and he closes his eyes as he dips his head towards me.

It feels like seconds turn to minutes as I wait with bated breath for the rendezvous of his lips, and when they meet mine, it's nothing like I ever imagined before.

In fact, I feel nothing at all.

He groans, but if the way I feel is anything to go by, it's not because I was driving him insane. I open my eyes to witness his face strain, as if the taste of my tongue is a hard pill to swallow. His hands grope at the fabric of my t-shirt, and while I weave my fingers through his hair, searching for more, I find nothing at all.

Moaning my regret, I pull away to find that he made no protest at all. But he holds onto me, as if holding on to his last strand of hope. Saddened eyes look down at me, and I look back into his face and cup his cheek.

I'm not even breathless, I realize when I shake my head slowly and speak. "I'm sorry, Derek. I don't mean -"

Derek shakes his head, lifting a finger to my lips to hush me. "You don't have to apologize, Ana. I know you don't feel that way for me."

"The way you feel for Medeia?" I implore, instantly regretting it when he pulls away and looks out across the sea.

Derek sighs, and leans against the rails of the pier, his lip slightly swollen from his attempt to be the man I wanted. "The way you feel for Jacob."

I join him in appreciating the tide as it rises, unable to bring myself to look him in the eye when I admit to what he just said. "I don't want to feel that way anymore, Derek. I don't want to be lonely." And loving Jacob would leave me desolate for as long as I live, I don't add.

"What if Jacob is right? What if the Moon Goddess doesn't make mistakes?"

He turns to me, and I shrug, prompting him to turn and take my shoulders in his grasp, turning my face to his.

"If it's true, then I'd like to try harder."

"Derek -"

"No, Anastasia," he shakes his head firmly, "maybe we've been moving too fast. Maybe," he looks down despondently, "we can forget those we love if we try hard enough."

Derek remains silent, and I stand there under his touch and cradle his face with both hands. Guilt gnawed at my soul, threatening to chew and spit me out if I didn't give as much effort as he is.

"I promise," I whisper, waiting for him to look up so he can see the determination in my eyes, "to try. We'll both try. After all, we have nothing to lose, do we?"