THE REPORTS AND THE REPURCUSSIONS

"So, what happened? I just want to take a break for a few

months." I sighed and threw my hands up in the air

frustrated.

"You should know better than to ignore your priorities like

that, Romi." Daniyal shook his head.

"You're in this too." I looked at him with disbelieve.

"I am your brother, Romi. And, he is your dad. We just

want...."

"It isn't something wrong. I am doing something for myself. It

okay to do something that satisfies you."

"So, does that mean you'll do wrong in the name of selfsatisfaction. That means you can go around and consume

drugs too." Mama spoke up.

"Oh, can you please stop that. Your one son has been caught

with drugs that doesn't mean others will do the same." I spat

bitterly.

"Look at you. Look at the way you're speaking to your family."

daddy looked astonished.

"That's because you guys are not being considerate.

Considerate enough to understand my state. No one is willing

to consider my feelings...."

"Stop prioritizing him over everything, Romi. Your feelings for

him aren't worth keeping your career on hold." Mama looked

at me grimly.

"What's that supposed to mean?" I whispered.

"You're young, Romi. These feelings, these emotions are very

normal. It isn't a big deal. When we are young, we often

mistake infatuation to be love. But it isn't love." she walked

over and made me sit down.

I shook my head with disbelieve.

"You all think that I am not serious?" I glanced at everyone.

"Romi. Look. We get it that it is difficult but, what you think is

love is actually just a fever. It has come today it will be gone by

tomorrow. You'll forget it."

"So, you're saying that I am risking my career and everything

else for a man that I don't love? And that those feelings are

temporary?" I got up.

"You're young, Romi. We know what's best for you. Please

listen to us." Daddy looked tired.

"You've been saying that for a long time now. You told me I

was young and stupid when I had chosen Architecture. You

had the exact same words. That I am young and I have chosen

Architecture due to attraction and that I'll understand that it

is not for me after a while. That I should listen to you and opt

for coding or business because you know what's best for me."

"It isn't like..." Daddy got up.

"I'll tell you what it is like, daddy. I had opted for Architecture

simply because, I wanted to. It was what I had dreamed of

becoming. It was because, I loved doing it. It wasn't chosen

out of naivety. It was my choice." I muttered angrily.

"And, now when I want to take a break for a few months it

isn't because of some stupid infatuation or a decision taken in

naivety it is because I love him. And, if anyone believes it or

not it is real. I love him and I'll continue to love him. I don't

give a shit if people don't believe it." They were quiet.

"I am taking a break. For a few months. And, if you guys have

a problem with it then for your peace I'll move out."

I took a deep breath. I walked upstairs.

"Romi..." I heard three pairs of exasperated voices call out

after me.

That night I lay in my bed thinking hard.

My internship had ended. That meant I had two options in

front of me. The first to apply to another internship and the

second to complete M. Arch. Mama and Daddy wanted me to

opt for the first option. And, Daniyal wanted me to opt for the

second one. He knew me so well. Truth to be told even I would

have opted for the second option. I would have. But now that I

had met Azaan. Now, that he was sick. I wanted nothing more

than to be with him all the time. I knew it was very irrational

of me. Keeping everything else on hold just for one person. It

wasn't exactly ideal. I knew I had other things to priories too

but, my heart wasn't willing to do it. I didn't know if it was the

fear. The fear of losing him. Yes, I had developed the fear. Or

my immense love for him but, I simply wanted to take a little

break at least until he gets well.

I shouldn't have fought with them like that. I should be a little

more tolerant.

Will I actually have to move out if they don't support me?

Daniyal doesn't support me too?

What will I do without him?

Where will I go? I sighed deeply.

Reports. His reports are coming out tomorrow.

I sat up straight.

Should I text him? Or better call him?

It's late.

But he can't sleep at night these days.

I dialed his number. No answer.

Must be asleep.

I lied back down.

I was continuously rolling all over the bed. I couldn't sleep.

Then the loud ringing of my phone fully awakened me.

"Hey." I whispered as soon I answered the call.

"I couldn't sleep." came his tired voice.

"Neither could I."

"Why? Are the coughs bothering you too, sweetheart?"

"No, It's just. I was thinking of you. Missing you actually. No, I

wanted to talk to you. No, I am sorry." I sighed.

"Whatever for?"

"For lashing out on you." I lied back.

"You had every right."

"Do I have rights over you?" I smiled.

"You do. I don't."

"You'll get well soon. You'll see. You'll be happy. Just don't say

things like that again, baby." I tried my best to cheer him.

"Tell me a story." came his hoarse voice.

"There was a dragon." I laughed.

"No, please. Not again." he laughed with me.

"Yes. There was a dragon."

"Yeah, and he is asleep."

"No, wait. He's awake. Listen."

"I am lucky to have you, Romi. But, bye." he chuckled.

"Bye. I love you too." I whispered.

"Too? I didn't say it." he sounded confused.

"I hope you say it. Cause I know you do." I declined the call.

The morning after I completed my morning routine quickly

and rushed to the hospital.

"You'll be fine." I touched his forehead as he lied down.

"Tired?"

He nodded. George and Dr. Leo walked in.

"We don't have good news." Dr, Leo spoke grimly.

I felt Azaan's hand tighten around mine. I saw how the color

drained form his dad's face.

"He has been diagnosed with Pleural effusion." George added.

"Care to explain what's that?" his dad snapped.

"I told you earlier that he had developed Parapneumonic

effusion. Pleural effusion is an exudative effusion..."

"Stop right there." His dad held up his hand.

"Just tell me the cure."

"This is a very serious matter. Excessive fluid may lead to fully

or partially collapsed lung. We have to remove the fluid

through a surgical procedure. The removal may take weeks or

a month. Which means a prolonged hospitalization."

"Alright. It's simple. Just a month's time. I agree." his dad

nodded.

"Though can we shift all the necessary medical facilities and a

team to our house?"

"Sure, sir. You just have to fulfill certain formalities." Dr. Leo

nodded.

"Alright." he walked out with Dr. Leo.

I stood there with my mind battling with various thoughts.

"There is something you need to know." George came up to us.

"There is a possibility that the chest tube that we insert can

get clogged. If so, the fluid will be left behind and the surgery

can fail."

"Mild possibility, right?" I asked gathering up the little

courage that I had.

"30%." she smiled sympathetically and left us alone.

I sat down on the stool beside his bed. My mind clogging up

all of the negative thoughts that he had filled up.

Why did you do this, Azaan?

Why did you have to fill my mind with such thoughts?

Why?

I sighed deeply and glanced at him.

He was staring at ceiling.

"Congratulations. You have succeeded in making me a

negative person." I snapped bitterly.

"I can't help but think about that 30%, Azaan. Like seriously

we have the rest 70% of positivity but, I...

"How does it even matter?"

I looked at him.

"How does the rest 70% matter when..."

"Shut up. Shut up." I yelled.

"Not a word. Do you know how this even feels?" I got up.

"You're selfish. Only thinking of yourself and talking about

death and bullshit. You don't care about my feelings. You

don't care about your family. You don't want to fight this. You

gave up and now you want us to give up too. You won't be able

to get well if you don't want to, Azaan."

I breathed deeply. He didn't say anything.

"Why are you doing this? Why don't you..."

"Because, I love you. And, I love them." he yelled, his voice

silencing me and fastening my heart beat.

"I love you and I love them. And, I want you all to brace

yourself for what is yet to come." he yelled and coughed.

"Do you love me?" I questioned him angrily.

"Yes, I do. And, no you don't get to judge my love and call me

a womanizer." he yelled and coughed.

"Why didn't you tell me then?" I yelled.

"Because, I was so hopelessly in love with you." he muttered

quietly.

"And, I didn't want to give myself and you an idea of

something that could never happen. I didn't want to dream of

something not destined to be. I knew you would never believe

me but, I.." he reached out to take a glass of water.

"I knew I had little time left. I had that dream some days ago

you told me of your feelings. I was still in denial, brushing it

off as some random negative thoughts but, I think I accepted

it when I was sick even after completing my meds course." he

rested his face in his palms.

"I didn't want to think of something so beautiful yet painful. I

didn't want to think of a future that is impossible."

I sat down on the couch.

"This wasn't supposed to turn out like this. You weren't

supposed to say it to me now." I shook my head.

"My timings are pretty bad, Romi." I heard him say but, I was

too shocked to pay attention.

What if this actually becomes true?

What if I am hoping for an impossible future?

I rushed to him and cupped his face.

"I know you'll be fine. You'll see how happy we would be

together. I love you and you love me. You'll see how it will be

fine." I spoke rapidly as he held my wrists, a sad expression on

his face.

"You promise?" he asked like a small child.

I nodded and hugged him desperately.