MEMORIES SPENT WITH YOU

"Did I ever tell you?" he leaned in and took off his nebulizer.

"What?" I whispered nervously.

"That you're beautiful." he tucked a strand of my curtain

bangs behind my ear.

"And, the memories spent with you were beautiful too." he

kissed my cheek. I giggled at the ticklish feeling when his

beard came in contact with my skin.

This past week was beautiful. The weekend trip to English

countryside was beautiful. Of course, there was his sickness

that wasn't really beautiful but, I had tried to cheer him up.

The surgery was to be conducted a day later. As, George had

said the procedure might take weeks or even a month. I didn't

bother thinking about it very much. All that I did was to

concentrate on cheering him up, and blush profusely at his

little kisses. This week he had confessed his love through

actions more than words. And, I had realized one thing and

that was I love this man to death and I didn't want to live

without him.

"Can we stay here for a day more, please?" he held my hand.

"I'd love too. But I think it's high time to begin with the

procedure. It isn't right to delay it." I removed his hand.

"But I don't want to go through the procedure." he backed

away adjusting his portable oxygen concentrator.

"Are you hearing yourself right now? What does it mean you

don't want to go through the procedure?" I was baffled.

"Romi, I..." he looked out of the window of the bus.

"Azaan. How will you get well if you don't want to?" I turned

to him.

"I want to, Romi. It's just..."

"You're making me sick. Please stop." I turned away.

The rest of the bus ride back to the room was silent.

I helped him lie on the bed and pulled the duvet over him.

"I am going to sleep. If you need something wake me up." I

lied down on the other bed.

How do I remove this negativity from his mind?

Should I consult a therapist again?

He won't like it.

I felt the bed dip and an arm circling around my waist. I

pretended to be asleep.

"What would I do without you, Romaisa?" came his deep,

gruff voice.

I ignored to goosebumps that rose on my skin upon hearing

my name.

Will this remain the same forever?

"I want to believe that I would be well again. Believe me. I am

trying hard." came his desperate voice.

"But…" he coughed again, and then I guess he wore the

nebulizer back.

He didn't say anything for a while.

"All things aside, Romi. All things aside. I love you and you

love me. I think that's enough." he moved away and I heard

him switch the lights off.

"Where is my pink coat, Mama? You know it's my favorite?" I

rummaged through my suitcase.

"It's your coat and your suitcase, Romi." she sighed.

"But, it's my favorite."

"But, doesn't it prick you a little?"

"So, what if it pricks me sometimes. Isn't it my favorite coat?"

"You know what to hell with your coat. I have work to do.

Bye."

"But..." I sighed deeply and declined the call.

That pink coat was my favorite.

"Sometimes, things that you love the most hurts you a little." I

heard his hoarse voice behind me.

"So, what do I do?" I asked focusing back to my clothes.

"They hurt you but, you love them, right?"

I turned around. He looked at me hopefully.

"Right?"

I nodded.

"So, you forgive them." he smiled.

I shook my head.

"How about I eliminate them from my life?"

His smile faded away and he looked down.

I picked up a fruit knife from knife holder and slowly walked

towards him. He looked up.

"I could just take a knife and...." I dragged the knife form his

neck to his face.

"And, eliminate them quietly. Without anyone noticing." I

whispered.

He pressed his lips together to the hide the smile.

"Hmm..." he hummed lazily and then suddenly he grabbed my

wrist and pulled me. I fell down on his lap. He bought the

knife close to my eyes and I shrieked.

"Or maybe those things could eliminate you. Without anyone

noticing." he whispered.

I shrieked and tears ran out form my eyes due to my laughter.

"Stop. Please." I begged in between my laughter.

He pulled my wrist and made me stand up in second.

"I don't want to go back."

"I don't want to go back." we both muttered at the same time,

then we laughed lightly.

"Unfortunately, we have to face the reality. And, reality isn't

dreaming and running across the fields in English

Countryside."

He looked down. Then he looked up, his eyes filled with guilt.

"I kind of disbalanced your life, right?" he muttered sadly.

"Disbalanced?" I sat down facing him.

"Yeah. If you wouldn't have met me or I wouldn't have fallen

sick you would have been pursuing your master's degree or

doing an internship but, with me here you are stuck." he

coughed.

"Your life, it's stuck." he placed his hands on his chest.

"It hurts too much." he coughed again.

"I am sorry." I held his shoulders.

"You didn't disbalance my life. In fact, I found a new purpose.

I've found a soulmate. A man to love and live with for the rest

of my life. My career is just an ancillary part of my life. My

family and you are the primary part of my life." I rested my

forehead against this.

"I love you. Do you?" I pulled back.

"More than anything else." he smiled.

"I want to live with you for the rest of my life. Do you?"

"I want you in my life forever, sweetheart."

"Then can you please stop speaking of leaving me and death

all the time." I cupped his face.

"It hurts me like hell. I can't take it." I muttered and he closed

his eyes, tears falling down them. I wiped them.

"Why are you crying?"

"Why don't you cry?" he opened his eyes.

"I can't. I don't know why." I smiled slightly.

"I would never want you to cry but, I feel as if there will be a

point of time in your life when you'll cry. Let tears fall down

from your innocent eyes." he smiled too.

"Do you know what that point of time will be?" I smiled

widely.

He shook his head.

I leaned closer and whispered in his ear.

"It shall be the day you will be mine and I'll be yours."

"I'll prepare lunch for us." I smiled and walked out.

"Azaan." I called out to him as I saw him sitting on a chair

near the window with 2 little birds on his hand.

Wait. What?

He sensed my gaze on him so he turned around.

"Hey." came his hoarse voice.

"Come here." he smiled.

I slowly walked up to him. A little scared of birds.

"Hey." I smiled at him and lightly touched on of the bird. It bit

me with its' beak. I hissed and he chuckled.

"Don't tell me you're scared of birds."

"I am not." I yawned and searched for a seat to sit on.

"Here." he pulled me and I sat on him.

"Am I not heavy now?" I laughed and closed my eyes.

"I would carry you even if you were an elephant." he kissed my

cheek.

"Exaggeration. Exaggeration." I sang.

"Okay a baby elephant?"

I laughed as I tightly held his hand around my waist.

"We don't have all day. Just 8 hours remaining for our flight."

he muttered and I pushed his wheelchair.

"Look who's excited to go back." I whistled.

"I am not. It's just... Never mind. Why are we here again?"

I looked around me. It was green everywhere. As far as I could

see. Green trees, green field, green bushes etc...

"And, we are here." I announced and quickly bent down to see

his reaction.

He looked dazed by the simple yet beautiful cottage in front of

us.

"So? How is it?"

"Beautiful." he cupped my cheek.

"Can you walk?"

"Yeah." he extended his arm to me and I helped him up.

"Isn't it beautiful?" I shrieked excitedly as we entered the

cottage. It was a simple yet aesthetic cottage. As we entered,

we could see a small dining table to our right and the kitchen

to our left. If you walked further in you could see a small living

area arrangement with a fireplace and a cozy sofa set. The

entire place smelled of Sandalwood as the cottage was entirely

built of Sandalwood.

He left my hand and walked to the fireplace. He settled

himself on the sofa. I walked inside the kitchen. I was

famished.

"I always wanted to do this. Sit in a small cottage near the

fireplace." I stirred the soup.

He hummed.

"I really like this place. Let's leave the idea of building a house

we can build a cottage like this."

He hummed.

"I am serious."

He hummed.

"Are you even listening..." I looked up and caught him staring

at me.

In the dimly lit cottage when the light illuminated from the

fireplace his eyes looked so beautiful. He was lazily lying on

the sofa. The nebulizer covering his face was a hindrance for

me. I didn't like it. And, in that moment I wished for him to

get well soon.

"I really hope you get well soon, Azaan."

I saw him smile through his nebulizer. I smiled at him, he

took off his nebulizer and chuckled a little.

"You are creeping me out by smiling at me like that." he

chuckled.

I shook my head and bought the soup to the table.

"You are going to love this." I took a sip from the soup and

immediately regretted it.

It was too salty. I started coughing badly.

"You don't know how to cook, Romi?"

I drank some water.

"I can make pancakes." I stated proudly but, then I saw him

shaking his head.

"And, coffee. And, pasta. And, brownies." I stopped when I

ran out of my list.

"When we get married you can be the chef." I smiled.

"Yes." he nodded seriously.

"If we get married, I am not surviving on pancakes, coffee,

pasta and brownies."

I laughed.

"I can make you pancakes on the morning. Or even better

bring you breakfast in bed." I ran my fingers through his hair.

When he didn't say anything, I continued.

"I can plant peonies for you in our little garden."

He smiled. I rested my head on his shoulder.

"I can bring your favorite take-aways for dinner."

He shook his head.

"I can cook." came his muffled voice through the nebulizer.

"I can also arrange your unorganized closet."

He smiled again.

"I will be a little more organized for you." came his muffled

voice.

"Not little. Very organized." I warned him.

"I can comb your hair every night." he ran his fingers through

my hair.

"I love doing cafune with you."

"Cafune?" I blinked.

His lips curved up into a smile. A dreamy smile.

"It means to play with the person's hair you love the most."

"And, I will always love you." he encircled an arm around my

shoulders.