THE LAST FEW MOMENTS

I sat down on the bench outside.

It had been a few weeks ever since the procedure had begun.

We could see him but, we couldn't go near him. He was just

lying there with tubes attached to him. My heart always hurt

at that sight. I missed him terribly. To say that I was scared

would be an understatement. I was terrified. Sure, I was

positive about this. Very positive. But his constant negative

thoughts were badly messing up with my positive thoughts.

Should I think of the happy memories that we shared

together?

Yes, that can help.

I closed my eyes.

"I swear these coughs are going to be the death of me." Azaan

muttered clutching his chest as he coughed.

I rubbed his forearm soothingly and continued texting

Daniyal. I sensed his gaze on me. Was he looking at me?

I looked up. He was looking at me. Then he raised his hand

up near my cheek. Very nearby. But he didn't touch me. So, I

did what I wanted to do. I leaned closer to his palm and let it

touch me. He gently caressed my cheek and I melted under

his touch. I closed my eyes.

"Romi..." he whispered.

"It's Romaisa for you."

"Romi, will you wait for me?" he asked me as I whisked the

batter.

"When?" I looked up.

He gazed at me intently and I smiled.

"What?" I focused back to my pancakes. I wanted them to be

perfect. I didn't want to embarrass myself in front of him.

"The sight of you in my kitchen, making pancakes for me.

Your curtain bangs falling on your face and you pushing

them behind your ears every 1 minute and blushing hard

whenever I look at you is beautiful."

I stilled. No one had ever complimented me like that. In such

a unique way.

"You look beautiful, Romi." he smiled.

"It's Romaisa for you." I muttered quietly.

"How do you know if someone loves you?" I asked him as I

drove around searching for a nice restaurant.

He munched on his burger.

"It's simple for me. The woman who loves me has made it

quite obvious."

My eyes widened. I hadn't expressed my feelings for him yet.

Or I hadn't been able to discover them in the first place.

I gulped slowly.

"How?" I muttered softly.

"When she gets all nervous in my presence." he touched the

side of my cheek and I found it very hard to focus on the

road.

This was so cute.

"When she looks at me like I am her whole world." he

caressed my cheek slowly.

"When she talks to me, she makes it so obvious." he took my

hand in his.

"When she smiles at me charmingly."

"When she compliments me indirectly." he bought my hand to

his lips. I could see it from the corner of my eyes.

"She makes it so obvious. It is so obvious. That she wants to

be mine and wants me to be hers."

"She makes it so obvious, Romi." he kissed my hand.

"It's Romaisa for you." I whispered in the silence of my car.

"It's Romaisa for you." I smiled as I relished the memory.

opened my eyes and the door of the operation Theatre opened

and the doctors walked outside. I smiled hopefully at Daniyal.

"I am really sorry. The surgery was unsuccessful. One of his

lungs has collapsed. He can't breathe."

"You might want to see him for the last time."

One sentence. It was all it took for my waterworks to start. A

sentence I never thought I would hear.

"Go in there." Daniyal pushed me as Azaan's family rushed

inside.

My throat clogged up and I rushed inside.

There he was. Barely Alive. Barely breathing.

Please be mine and make me yours.

I didn't let my tears fall. I saw him hug his brother and sisters.

I saw him whisper something to them. I saw how he smiled

sadly. Very sadly. I saw how is dad cried like he had lost

everything. Daniyal then grabbed my arm and led me to face

him.

I couldn't. I started sobbing.

"Come here, sweet.... sweetheart." he mumbled as he breathed

with extreme difficulty.

I didn't want to go but; I automatically ran to him and

clutched his arms.

"I love you." I sobbed and looked away trying to control; my

tears.

He cupped my jaw and made me look at him.

"Please, don't." I begged as I cupped his face in my hands and

rested my forehead against his.

"I have loved you too much, Romi." he muttered sadly and I

wept. His other hand was holding his dad's hand.

"Too much." he chuckled sadly and I opened my eyes.

"We didn't live our happily ever after yet." I wept again and

roamed my hands all over his face.

"This is destiny, sweetheart." he looked at me sadly.

"No, please." I begged not knowing what to say or do.

"Romi, look at me." he patted my cheek and I rubbed my eyes.

He cupped my face and brought it closer to his.

"Please, don't let this hold you back. Don't let me hold you

back. Don't be upset." he muttered in between his kisses.

"Please." I sobbed heavily. I kissed his forehead and hugged

him. Circling my hands around his face.

"I wish for you to love me like this forever, Romi." I heard his

muffled voice.

When I pulled back, his eyes were closed. His once flushed

skin almost white. I roamed my hands over his face.

"What happened?" I turned to Daniyal who stood behind me.

"Romi..." he reached forward.

"What happened?" I looked at Malik. He was on his knees

now mourning the loss of his brother.

"Azaan." I patted his cheek.

"Azaan." I wailed and hugged him again. Resting my head on

his chest I began to sob loudly. I got up and patted his cheeks

again.

"Daniyal. I need your help." I turned to him desperately.

"Romi..." he looked really worried.

"Do you know how to perform Electrical cardioversion?"

He shook his head and reached out to hold me.

"Do you not know?" I asked again as he tried to free my hands

that were clutching Azaan's shirt.

"This is the case of a lung failure, Romi." he muttered as he

tried to drag me away.

"No, please. Don't give up. Let's try." I pushed him as I cupped

his face in my hands again.

"Romi, come with me." he dragged me outside. I kept looking

at Azaan's face.

"Daniyal, please." I tried to free my hand form his hold and

began to sob loudly. The people outside his ward gave us

strange looks.

"I don't want to go away. I want to go to him." I tried hard to

free my hand. He kept dragging me until we reached the

garden outside. I dug my nails into his arm in an attempt to

free my hand.

He sighed deeply.

"He's dead, Romi."

"No, he isn't. I know it. He didn't die."

Daniyal pulled me to his chest and hugged me tightly.

"He is."

I tried to push him away but he held me firmly. I began to sob

loudly.

"He didn't die. Not yet. Not until we get married and go to the

English Countryside. Please, leave me." I tried to push him

back.

"Not until I make him pancakes every morning. Not until we

take forest walks together." I clutched his shirt and began to

cry harder.

He pulled back but, his arms firmly held mine.

"I am telling you. He didn't die. Not yet." I desperately tried to

convince him.

He hugged me again and I kept protesting like an idiot.

Warm yellow rays wafted through a window and I fluttered

my eyes, forcing them to open up. I got up and closed my

curtains. The pain in my head growing with each passing

second. I looked at my phone and that's probably when I

realized what had actually happened yesterday. I had lost my

consciousness after an hour of crying and begging yesterday.

"He's dead, Romi." Daniyal's voice rang in my ears and

breathed deeply.

I felt denial in my heart. And, I walked out of my room.

"Romi..." Daniyal held my arm as I begin to unlock the door.

"Daniyal. Not today. Please." he dragged me back to my room.

"I know he didn't die. I know it. I feel it." I begged and

struggled to free my wrist from his hold.

"Please." I cried hard when he practically pushed me.

"I just want to meet him. Just once." I begged as he poured a

glass of water for me.

"He's not there, Romi. He's gone." he argued as I pushed the

glass back.

"No, he isn't." I sat down and began to sob loudly.

Three days. It had been three days since he died. I was still in

denial. I had tried to get out of the house. Rush to his

apartment. Cup his face in my hands and kiss his forehead. He

couldn't die. Not yet. Not until we grow old together in the

English Countryside. Not yet.

I sobbed again.

"He didn't die." I muttered weakly as Mama walked in with a

tray of breakfast. Pancakes.

"He didn't die. Not yet. Not until I make him pancakes every

day for breakfast."

She smiled sympathetically at me.

"Eat, Romi."

"I will. Just let me meet him. Just once." I held her knees as

she sat down on the chair.

"Romi, he's gone. He's not coming back." she held my hands.

"No, he didn't. I know it." I cried.

"Enough." she yelled.

I flinched and fell back.

"Mama." I heard Daniyal's exasperated voice before he came

inside and helped me get up.

"Go wash up." he pushed me to the washroom.

I wept inside the shower too. I lost the count of times I washed

my face. I couldn't stop crying. I sat down on the bench and

wept. Wept until I heard the bedroom's door being locked.

Then I got out and wept. Wept until I fell asleep.

In the second week however, the tears lessened and the anger

increased. Anger upon everything. Sure, I still cried and

missed him terribly.

"Romi, look I bought you your favorite flowers." Hamza

walked in.

I tore my gaze from the window and blankly stared at them.

Roses?

They were not my favorite.

"What kind of a brother are you? Don't even know my favorite

flowers? You should learn something from Daniyal." I spat

and looked away. I immediately regretted it. I knew this was

Hamza's soft point. He could tolerate anything. Anything but,

being compared to Daniyal. Because, that was what he grew

up with. Mama comparing him to Daniyal. Asking him to be a

little more like him.

He was silent. So, I looked up.

"Yes?" I raised my eyebrow.

"And, look at you. You look pathetic. Crying over a dead

person for the past 2 weeks now." he spat.

Did I except anything better from him? No.

"He's not dead. I am telling you. He's not dead." I yelled and

got up.

"If you as much as even take his name again, I'll beat the hell

out of you." I rushed towards him and pushed him hard. He

stumbled but before he could fall Daniyal appeared in the

door way and held him.

"Romaisa." Hamza yelled.

"Brother, calm down." Daniyal held his shoulders.

"She needs someone to calm her down. Not rile her up.

Especially during these days." he pushed him back.

"What do you mean these days? Everything's' alright. He is

not dead. I am fine." I yelled again.

Daniyal pushed him back and they both walked out.

I harshly typed the password again. It didn't work.

"What is the password?" I yelled as I got down on my knees,

trying to open the door.

"Get up, Romi." Hamza came up behind me and pulled me up

in one swift motion.

"Hamza, please tell me the password. Let me go out." I held

his hands.

He encircled an arm around my shoulders and took me to the

living room.

"If only if he would've been here, Hamza. Why did he have to

leave me?" I cried hard.

Hamza offered me a tissue.

"How much did you love him, Romi?" he asked after a while.

"So much." I smiled and then I burst into sobs again.

"Oh no, I didn't mean to make you cry." he got up panicked.

"I love him." I muttered between my sobs.

"I know." he hugged me to calm me down.

I calmed down after an hour. He made me coffee. Bitter but

fine.

"How did you know if what you felt was love?" he asked

carefully.

I looked at him, he looked nervous.

"Please don't cry again." he pleaded.

I forced a sad smile.

"You know when you're in love. It's simple." I looked away.

"Well, what does it feel like?"

"Like you would do anything for that person. Like happiness,

like that person makes you the happiest. Like beautiful. Every

moment spent with that person is beautiful. Like familiar, like

you've known that person for a long time now despite meeting

them just a few months ago. Like everlasting, like this would

stay forever and...." I burst into sobs again.

"Only if he would have stayed, Hamza. Only if." I hugged

myself.

"Do you like them, Romi?" he asked me as I sat in front of

him caressing the blue daisies.

"I... They remind me of you." I smiled as I sniffed them.

"Look at me, sweetheart."

I looked up and he smiled. His dimples came into my sight

and I smiled widely.

"I love your dimples."

He got up and came near me. Towering me as he rested his

hands on the arms of my chair. I shivered a little.

"What else? What else do you love?" he rested his forehead on

mine and I had trouble breathing.

"Azaan, I..." I tried to remove his hands from the arms of the

chair.

"Shhhh..." he silenced me by keeping a finger on my lips.

"Tell me now." he removed his finger.

"I..." I stuttered as he cupped my cheek, his forehead still on

mine.

"I love you." I replied desperately holding his hand cupping

my cheek.

He smiled.

"And, I love you." he fell on me, his tall and heavy body

crushing mine.

The sound of my scream and his laughter made me open my

eyes.

I opened my eyes and looked around. The cool breeze fanned

my face and I clutched my shawl tightly.

"Is my princess awake?" Daniyal walked in with a tray in his

hands. He kept it on the table. I melted at the sight.

Blue daisies.

I immediately picked it up.

"You ignored my other efforts." he whined.

"Thankyou." I muttered and picked up the plate of waffles.

"People are often seen in a disheveled state during their

depression phase. But you are glowing, Romi." he smiled.

I looked up angrily and he held up a mirror in defence.

I looked at the mirror he held up.

The curtain bangs had grown longer. My skin was flushed due

to the cold. My lips were chapped and so were my cheeks. My

face resembled a pink peach. Dry peach.

I nodded.

He sighed deeply.

"You've been better, right? You're trying right?" he rested his

hand on mine.

"I wake up early. Then I go for a run. I eat on time and do

some chores too. I go to bed early. I am trying to get back to

my normal routine." I smiled slightly.

"Good girl. Do you want to pursue your master's degree now?"

he smiled.

"After a few days." I forced a smile.

"I won't force you but, do you remember the last advice that

he gave you?"

"Please don't let this hold you back. Don't let me hold you

back. Don't be upset." his advice was still fresh in my mind.

I nodded and tears welled up in my eyes.

"No more waterworks." Daniyal wiped my tears slowly.

I nodded and smiled.

"He loved you."

I nodded.

"Do you know what he loved more?"

I shook my head.

"He loved to see you happy more." he smiled.

I nodded.