3.3 Fear
"Well he’s just a friend,” she said with a light smile. “He’s straight. I think."
Her aunt looked at him carefully while sipping her tea.
"You’re not falling for him, are you? I told you not to fall for straight guys !”
Yomo looked at her and shook his head.
"I don’t think so,” he answered.
"That answer doesn’t sound good, Yomo.” She said in a concerned voice.
Yomo stayed silent. He knew too, how bad of an answer it was. It was the first time in his entire life that he didn’t know how he felt about someone. That was very disturbing.
"Yomo, listen to me,” her aunt tried to catch his eyes. “If you don’t know, it means you’re asking yourself questions about him. I don’t recall you having ever questioned things about anyone, that’s why I’m worried.”
She drank some of her tea, pausing for a moment. Yomo was looking at his fingers that were intertwined around his cup of tea.
"You remember what I told you the first time you started having a sex friend, right ?”
He nodded.
"Never engage yourself in something that requires the other person to not have any feelings if this person is falling for you. You have to be sure about how you feel yourself first, and then about how the other person is feeling. You can’t lie to people about that or you’ll hurt them. So far, I’ve seen you being very strict about this rule I told you to follow. And I’m proud of you for doing so. You did well Yomo.”
She granted him a smile that said as much as her words.
"But my dear nephew, you need to not forget that you have feelings too, even if you haven’t felt them so far, you are still a human being capable of feelings. And feelings are messy, Yomo. They never go the way you want. They always wrong you and make you feel like you messed up. If you start feeling lost, or that something is going wrong with the way you usually do things, then you have to put on the red alarm. It means feelings are hiding around the corner.”
Yomo was thinking hard about what her aunt was saying. He knew she was right, and everything that was happening those days kind of made sense with her words. Why he couldn’t find sex with strangers enjoyable anymore, why he was at a loss each time he would meet Rau. He didn’t need much more to understand what was going on. He sighed heavily.
"Yeah, you’re right.” He answered in a low voice.
His aunt patted him on the shoulder.
"Yomo, it’s not a bad thing you know,” she tried to reassure him. “Just be careful of not hurting yourself too much, and him too.”
Yomo took her hand and squeezed it. He gave her a confident smile. At least as confident as he could. She wouldn’t be fooled, but she’ll be slightly reassured.
"Thank you, auntie, for always looking out for me,” he said then with his playful face.
She laughed at his stupid line and expression, and pushed him jokingly, playing along with him. She was so proud of her nephew! He grew up so well! He was the greatest accomplishment of her life, ironically. If her sister hadn’t thrown him away from home, she wouldn’t have been able to enjoy the happiness of raising him. An evil doing for a good thing. Life was so tricky sometimes…
"Okay, it’s getting late,” she stood up and put the cups in the sink. “I may have my morning free tomorrow, I still have to go back to work in the evening. Sleep time !”
He stretched. Sending good night to his aunt, he walked into his room and took his pajamas. Getting ready for bed, he then walked to the cough where he'd spend the night. Exhausted by her day, his aunt was already sleeping soundly in her room. He turned off all the lights and put a blanket on him, lying to find the most comfortable position -quite a challenge! But even on this uncomfortable bed, he quickly fell asleep, his tiredness of the day taking over his mind in just a few minutes.