3. Redemption

Disclaimer: Grey's Anatomy is not mine. Sometimes I wish I lived in Shondaland. Maybe then things would make more sense to me.

I'm not going to bash Rose in this. I don't like her, but she's not evil. I'm going to attempt to redeem her. Derek too. Thanks for the reviews! I really appreciate them.

Derek woke up the next morning feeling nervous. There was a huge knot in his stomach. A lot had happened last night. He knew he had hurt her. Again. But today, he would talk to her. He knew he had to fix things. Their relationship had survived far too much to give up now.

As Derek got ready for work, he felt a sense of loneliness wash over him. Meredith should be there too. With him. He wondered if they would already have the house by now if nothing had happened. No secret wives. No drowning. No almost-weddings. If they were happy from the start. Maybe they would have the house, maybe they wouldn't. It didn't matter. Because they would be together. That was the important thing.

He stepped out of the trailer and headed toward his car. It was a brisk, sunny day. Derek took that as a good sign. Today wouldn't be easy, and he looked for any trace of optimism he could find.

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"Mer", Cristina said as she nudged the sleeping form next to her. Meredith didn't move. "Mer", she repeated in a louder voice.

"Ugh, what?", Meredith grumbled, keeping her eyes closed.

"It's time to wake up. We have to be at work in an hour", Cristina told her.

Meredith sat up in bed with a sigh, pushing the hair out of her face. The details of last night flooded her mind. She suddenly felt nauseous. "Oh God", she groaned.

Cristina knew this day wasn't exactly going to be a walk in the park for her friend. "Mer, don't back down. Just talk to him, okay", Cristina said as she brushed her teeth.

"Yeah. I know", Meredith nodded as she got out of bed. "I have to", she told herself.

Meredith knew it would be difficult. She knew there was a good chance that tears would be shed and hurt feelings would be expressed. But, she was beginning to realize that maybe the pain was necessary to heal. She just hoped they could heal together.

The drive to work seemed quicker than usual, perhaps because Meredith had been trying to come up with a speech for Derek. However, after some consideration, she decided to just let herself talk. Whatever came out, so be it. There would be no hand gestures. No begging. No pick me, choose me, love me. She would just talk, get it all out. And, in her efforts to be the better person, she even vowed to let him talk. Give him a chance to explain himself.

I can do this, she kept telling herself. I can do this.

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When Derek found out that Cristina would be the resident assisting him today, he was less than enthusiastic. He was sure Meredith had told her what had happened. The words "She's my best friend…She was there when you weren't" rang through Derek's mind. It was true. Cristina was Meredith's go-to person. He assumed she had a lecture ready for him.

"Good morning, Dr. Yang", Derek said with a small smile.

"Look, before you even start grilling me for information, I'm not involved. Well, I guess I am. But don't talk to me. Find her and talk to her. And let her talk", she told him firmly.

Derek simply nodded. "I uh…I will…well, I am. I just, I haven't seen her yet today", he stammered.

"Whatever. Like I said, I'm not involved", she said as she took the chart and walked toward the patient's room, Derek following behind her.

He felt somewhat relieved. At least Meredith was willing to talk. There was so much he wanted to say to her. He wanted to apologize. No excuses. No more playing the martyr card. He had to own up to his actions. And he would. For the sake of their relationship. Their future. He had to.

When the two were finished rounding on their patient, Derek headed back to the nurses' station to take some notes on his upcoming surgery.

"Good morning, Dr. Shepherd", Rose said, appearing from around the corner.

Derek put on a fake smile. He didn't want to be rude. Rose was a nice person, but he knew nothing would ever come of the relationship. Meredith was his only chance at happiness. And he learned from past experience that giving someone false hope was wrong. He wasn't going to make that mistake again. "Hi Rose", he said in the happiest tone he could manage.

"So, are you okay? You seemed a little off at dinner last night", she said sympathetically.

Derek sighed, giving her a weak smile. "I just…do you have some free time after surgery? I, um…I think we have to talk."

"Sure", Rose said with a gracious smile. She had a feeling this was coming eventually. She just didn't expect it to happen so soon. It's not like they were in an official relationship anyway. Even still, she wasn't going to be that person. The one to break up a relationship. Especially between Meredith and Derek, the stars of the Seattle Grace soap opera. She would let it go.

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Meredith was working in the clinic for Bailey, who had taken the day off to be with her son.

"Hey", Mark said with a grin as he walked over to Meredith, who was filling out charts.

"Hey", Meredith said, keeping her eyes on her work. "What are you doing here?"

"Bailey told me to come find you to see if you needed help over here. But, seeing as it's deserted, I guess you've got things under control", he joked.

Meredith just gave him a weak smile.

"What's up?", Mark asked, a touch of concern in his voice.

"I'm fine", Meredith said with a shrug as she put her charts back. "Okay. I swore to myself I wasn't going to do that anymore", she sighed.

"Do what?"

"Say I'm fine when I'm not", Meredith told him.

"You're not fine", Mark assumed.

"No", Meredith said shaking her head. "I'm not."

"Oh. It's a Derek thing", Mark said with a nod. "It's always a Derek thing."

Meredith sighed. He's here. You've got some free time. Talk to him. This was evolving, right?, she asked herself. "Yeah. It is…a Derek thing."

"You found out about him and Rose?", Mark said as he hopped into one of the chairs.

"You knew?"

"He told me about it yesterday. For the record, I told him to tell you. But he said it was nothing. Just one kiss", Mark said as he studied her face.

"When was this?", Meredith asked curiously.

"Yesterday morning. Before work, he took me out to see the land he wants to build the house on. It's some of the nicest land in Seattle. Did he show you the blueprints?", Mark asked her.

"Wait, he showed you the land?", she asked again.

"Yeah. He had me trailing through mud for a mile. He was so excited about it. I can't remember the last time I've seen him so happy", Mark told her.

"Oh", Meredith said softly.

"What?", he asked her.

"It's just that…I thought the only reason he had plans drawn up was to pressure me. Call my bluff. Because I'm a commitment-phobe", she explained as she rolled her pen between her hands.

"He didn't seem to have an ulterior motive when he was practically prancing around in the damn woods. I ruined my good shoes, all because he just had to show someone where he wanted to build the house. Then again, I could be wrong. But the only way to find out is to ask him", Mark said, rolling his eyes at the memory of Derek, looking like a little kid in a candy store.

Meredith just sat there, attempting to fight back the tears welling in her eyes.

"What?", Mark asked sympathetically.

"I just…I have to…", Meredith said, her voice trailing off.

Mark leaned up in his chair. "Look, if you want my advice…well, even if you don't, I'm giving it to you anyway. You two have to talk more."

"We talk", Meredith said, knowing it was a lie.

"Yelling isn't talking. Scheduling sex isn't talking", Mark told her straight out.

"I was going to talk to him today. I just haven't seen him yet", she confessed.

"Well, good", Mark said with a nod. "That's a start."

"Yeah", she said softly before pausing. "I have to stop avoiding", she said, as though astonished by her own thoughts.

"Yep. That would probably be helpful", Mark said with a nod.

"Like, right now? I should be looking for him. Not cowering behind the nurses' station in the clinic", she sighed.

"He's in surgery. You can cower for at least another two hours", Mark said, trying to lighten her mood. "But, after that, I want your ass over in that hospital", he ordered in a big brother tone.

"I know", she told him. "I will."

"Promise?", Mark asked.

Meredith rolled her eyes. "Yes. I promise."

"Okay. Good. So, I have a rhinoplasty in a half hour. You want to scrub in? Or do you want to wallow a little more?", he joked.

"You'd seriously let me scrub in?", she asked, her mood improving.

"I figured you could use a surgery", he said with a smile.

"Crap. Bailey asked me to watch the clinic though. I can't leave", Meredith told him.

"O'Malley can do it", Mark told her. "Bailey trusts him."

"Okay", Meredith said with a smile as she paged George to the clinic.

After he arrived, the two walked back to the hospital together. "So, can I ask why your willingly getting yourself involved in my problems?", she asked, a touch of humor in her voice.

Mark shrugged. "It's part of my job as your fellow dirty mistress. And, I already ruined one of Derek's relationships. I figured I could make it up to the universe by trying to save one this time. A little good karma can't hurt."

Meredith just looked at him. She had never seen this side of Mark before. The caring, compassionate Mark. She was glad that he was there to support her. "Thanks, Mark", she said with a smile.

"You're welcome…just remember that I can guilt you with this when I need a favor", he grinned.

"I knew there was a catch", she laughed. "Even still, I appreciate it."

"I know", he said assuringly as the two went to scrub in.

After her talk with Mark, Meredith felt a little better. He had built her confidence back up after it had started to fade. At least she was in the hospital now. Not hiding in the clinic. Progress, she thought to herself.

Progress.

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After the surgery, Derek and Cristina were washing their hands in the scrub room. Cristina nodded her head toward Rose, who was still in the OR.

"I know", Derek said softly.

"Did you talk to her?", she asked in a whisper.

"I thought you weren't involved", Derek said sarcastically.

"I'm not", Cristina said as she dried her hands and left the scrub room.

Derek just shook his head and chuckled slightly as he leaned against the sink, waiting for Rose so the two could talk.

"Hey", Rose said as she entered the scrub room.

"Hi", Derek said with a small smile.

"So…", Rose said, attempting to begin the conversation.

Derek laughed softly, "Okay, so…I um", he stammered, trying to find the right words.

"Dr. Shep…Derek", she said, slightly amused. "It's okay. Really it is. You don't have to apologize for anything. It was one kiss. One kiss and one dinner. I'm not going to hold it against you."

"Oh…", Derek said, slightly startled.

"Like I said, everybody knows about you and Meredith Grey. And I don't want to cause any problems between the two of you", she said with a small smile.

"Oh, um…well, thank you", Derek said, not knowing what else to say.

Rose just smiled and gave him a nod. "Just friends."

"Just friends", Derek agreed.

As Rose started to make her way to the door, she turned around and looked at him. "And as a friend, I'm going to give you some advice."

"Okay", Derek said, folding his arms across his chest.

"You're one of the good ones…I haven't known you that long, and I know that. And I'm guessing Meredith knows it too. So what I'm saying is…don't ruin that for her", she said before pausing. "Good night, Dr. Shepherd", she said with a smile before exiting the scrub room.

Derek let out a heavy sigh and rubbed his face. He left the room and went over to the OR board to find that Meredith would be finishing her surgery with Mark soon. Derek's shift was over, so he decided to get changed. He needed something to distract him. To take his mind off the fact that, in an hour, his life would be forever changed. There would be a definite answer. He could only hope it was the answer needed to hear.

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As Derek was leaving the locker room, he noticed Meredith heading for the resident lounge.

He took a deep breath and swallowed hard. Now, he told himself.

"Meredith", he managed to say, his strangled voice sounded pained.

Meredith froze in place and closed her eyes. A chill went down her spine. Part of her wanted to sprint down the hallway. But something inside of her prevented her legs from moving. She knew avoiding was no longer an option. She had to do this.

It took all the strength she could muster, but Meredith finally managed to turn on her heel and face him. She couldn't say anything, for fear that if she were to talk, the tears would come instantly. Instead, she just bit her bottom lip and looked at him, the pain evident in his deep blue eyes.

"Can we talk?", he asked softly.

Meredith simply nodded. "Give me a minute to get changed", she said with great difficulty.

"Okay", he said with a weak smile.

Meredith quickly entered the lounge and shut the door, leaning against it.

Breathe in. Breathe out. Breathe in. Breathe out, she told herself. She knew this had to happen today. But that didn't make it any easier.

She got changed and emerged several minutes later. "I, um…there's not much privacy here. Did you want to come over?", Meredith asked softly.

"Yeah. Okay", Derek told her with a nod.

The two walked out of the hospital together. Not holding hands. Not speaking. Just…together.

Derek followed Meredith to her house. This gave them both some time to think. To gather their thoughts.

The two entered the house together. Meredith took off her coat and hung it on the rack, Derek following her example. Meredith knew that her roommates were going to Joe's before coming home, so they still had some time to themselves.

"Do you want to go into the living room?", Meredith asked softly.

Derek nodded and they walked in, taking their seats next to each other on the couch.

There was an awkward silence for several moments, neither knowing what to say to begin the conversation.

As soon as Derek was going to start, Meredith suddenly began speaking.

"You hurt me", she said straight out, looking into his eyes. "You hurt me a lot, actually. I was in love with you…I trusted you…and then Addison shows up. But that…that's not why I'm upset. I'm understand why you did the things you did. It's what you've done to me since then. Walking away, stringing me along, making me think I had a chance", she said, her breathing becoming heavy, angry tears filling her eyes.

"Telling me you met a woman at a bar. And an hour later, telling me I'm love of your life. That kind of thing? It messes with my head. I just…I don't know what to think anymore. I don't know how to trust you. And I want to trust you, Derek. I do. I did. And you keep taking that away", she said, her bright green eyes passionate and pained. "You tell me you want to marry me. And have kids and build a house…I want all of that too. But you're making it harder and harder for me to believe it can ever happen. Because you tell me you'll wait, and before you can turn the page on the damn calendar, you're just done. You're done waiting. And you wonder why I can't trust you. If I really am the love of your life, Derek…you'd wait. You would wait. Because that's what you're supposed to do. Because believe it or not, Derek…I love you too", she said loudly, her shoulders beginning to shake. She struggled to take in a few deep breaths before she lost all control. The dam burst and streams of tears poured out of her eyes and down her face.

Derek just sat there in shock, not knowing what to do. Instinct told him to put his arms around her and hold her, so he did. And to his surprise, Meredith didn't pull away. She just continued to cry hysterically, releasing all of her pain and frustration. Derek felt her hot tears seep through his shirt. He just pulled her closer and stroked her hair with his fingers, attempting to soothe her.

After several minutes, Meredith's breathing steadied. And despite her better judgment, she let Derek hold her and she relaxed in his arms. She finally sat up straight and reached for the tissue box, wiping her eyes and face. She noticed that Derek's light blue shirt was now stained dark with her tears, but he didn't seem to mind.

"Go ahead", she croaked out.

"Hmm?", Derek asked, still slightly shaken up by what had happened.

"It's your turn. I told myself I would give you a chance to talk. So…it's your turn", she said softly.

"I'm sorry", he said, his voice barely audible. "I'm sorry for…everything. I don't even know where to start. I know that I hurt you. And I hate that I did that. I was fooling myself to think I could ever move on…be happy with someone else", he said softly, his eyes filling with tears. "Because I know that no matter what, it's you. It will always been you. I wouldn't even consider getting married again unless I knew for a fact you're the one I'd be marrying. I wouldn't want to build a house for anyone else but you…for us. And I'd only want kids if they called you their mother", he paused and studied Meredith's eyes, which were once again filled with tears.

"When I picture my life in ten years, I see you. You're the only one that will ever give me a chance at a happy future. And I know…I know I don't deserve it. I'm not going to act like I deserve forgiveness, because I know I don't. But I just want you to know that I love you. And that no matter what you decide, you're the one that saved me. And for that, Meredith, you will always be the love of my life", he said as tears ran down his tired, stubbled face.

Meredith bit her bottom lip to keep it from trembling. Blue met green as the two stared into each other's tearful eyes, neither knowing what to say.

"And I'm sorry about the house plans. I knew you weren't ready. I just…I had to know that there was a chance for us. A chance that maybe one day, we could be happy. I wasn't calling your bluff, I swear. I just…I was angry, and…I'm sorry, Derek said genuinely, looking deep into her eyes.

"I know", Meredith said in a whisper. "Mark…he told me how excited you were about it. He said you were so happy."

"He did?", Derek asked.

Meredith nodded. "It's not that I don't like the house. Or even the idea of the house. I do. I love it. I just…I'm not ready. And I know that—", she said before Derek cut her off.

"I know. It's okay", Derek said softly. "I'm sorry. I wasn't thinking about your feelings. Or my part in why you're not ready. I know it's my fault", he croaked. "And if I could take it back, I would. But I know I can't…that's why I'll understand if you decide to move on with someone else. I'll support you in whatever decision you make", he said honestly.

"Derek", Meredith said, surprised by his gesture. "There is no one else. I stopped considering the possibility that there was someone else a long time ago. Because I know that you're the one. You're the one that I'm supposed to be with. I never questioned that. And I never will. Okay?", she asked in a kind yet firm voice.

"Thank you", Derek said, relieved that she had just given him the answer to his question. The answer he wanted to hear. "I love you so much."

"I love you too", Meredith said before he pulled her close him and kissed her passionately, tears streaming down both of their faces. When they pulled away for breath, Meredith rested her head on his shoulder. She suddenly felt so calm, so safe in Derek's arms. The way it was always supposed to be.

"What now?", Meredith asked as he gently rubbed her back.

"Now…now we just try to make it through. Together. We can help each other. No dating other people. No S&M. We can…well, we can be a couple. The kind of couple that goes out to dinner, and watches movies on the couch, and hold hands. All of the things that couples do. And along the way, we'll get ready. And one day, we will be. I want to be that person in your story, Meredith. The one that makes you believe in the fairy tale. I'm determined to be that person. So, we just take it slow…day by day. How does that sound?", Derek asked, hoping his suggestion wouldn't make her panic, or crawl back into her shell.

"Good", she said simply. "Together."

"Together", Derek whispered into her hair.

After several minutes of silence, Derek heard soft snores and realized Meredith had fallen asleep in his arms. He chuckled softly before kissing her cheek.

Derek gently lifted her into his arms and carried her upstairs to her room. He laid her on the bed on top of the covers and removed her shoes. He gently pulled off her jeans and sweater before slipping her into a pair of pajama pants and her Dartmouth T shirt. He pulled down the blanket and put her under it. When he made sure she was comfy and content, he leaned down to kiss her on the cheek. "Good night, Meredith. I love you", he whispered.

As he went to leave the room, he heard Meredith roll over. "Stay", she said sleepily.

"It's okay. I don't have to", he said with a small smile.

"Together, remember?", she reminded him.

"Okay", Derek said softly before removing his shoes and joining her in bed, pulling the blanket over both of them.

Meredith curled up next to him and sighed. Derek wrapped his arm around her and kissed her on the cheek once again. It felt so right. So perfect. Just holding Meredith in his arms. He wanted to do it every night for the rest of their lives.

"I love you", she said softly as she took his hand and laced her fingers with his.

"I love you too", he whispered as he drifted off to sleep, a small smile on his face.

Maybe the Meredith and Derek soap opera would turn into a fairy tale after all. It may not be perfect, but maybe that was okay. Because they would be together.

The way it was always meant to be.

See? I fixed it. I just hope Shonda can fix it too.

Reviews make me happy. :)