65. Change of Plans

Disclaimer: Not mine. I just wish it was.

There's a bit of a time jump in this chapter. Enjoy. ;)

Springtime had arrived to Seattle, just like it did every year. The cold winter rain had been replaced with sunshine and warmth. But being a surgeon didn't leave much time to enjoy those things. Instead of picking flowers and basking in the sunshine, everyone was busy with work. Surgery after surgery was the norm, and though it was exhausting, they loved it.

In the midst of all of this, Izzie was still busy planning her own wedding, and like all good wedding parties, they bit their tongues and offered up opinions on things like wedding cake frosting and bridesmaids dresses and reception halls. Meredith, Cristina, Izzie, Alex and George sat at the lunch table for another round of wedding hell, as Cristina called it.

"I need you to tell me which one tastes the best," Izzie requested of them as she handed them each a small cake sample on paper dishes.

Meredith bit into the French vanilla cake with butter cream frosting and smiled. "This one is good."

"I like the chocolate," Cristina said. "No one ever does chocolate wedding cakes. You should do that," she shrugged as she highlighted something in a surgical textbook, barely focusing on the cake debate.

"This is sour," Alex grimaced. "Thanks for warning me that it's lemon, Iz," he laughed, spitting it into a napkin.

"This marble one tastes pretty good," George offered.

Izzie sighed. "Two 'goods,' one 'sour,' and one 'I like chocolate.' Well, you're all oodles of help," she said jokingly.

"It's your wedding," Meredith addressed Alex and Izzie. "It doesn't matter what Cristina, George, and I like. It's up to you."

Alex forked a piece of Meredith's vanilla cake and chewed it contemplatively. "This one gets my vote, but cake is cake. Up to you, Iz."

Izzie sampled the cake slices in front of each of her friends, getting a true taste for each one before speaking. "It's between the French vanilla and the marble. I need to think about it," she said.

"You're not getting married until November. You have time," Meredith assured her.

"October," Izzie shook her head. "We were able to get the church we wanted on the tenth, so we moved it up."

"It's May...eighteenth, Iz. Five months away. Most couples don't have anything planned this far in advance. You'll pick a cake by then," George chuckled, sipping on his soda.

Meredith bit her lower lip, thinking back, mulling over what George had just said. "It's the eighteenth already?" she asked, checking the calendar on her Blackberry.

"Yeah. Why?" Alex asked, finishing off the last of the chocolate cake.

"Oh, uh, no reason," she shrugged as she got up from the table. "I just remembered I needed to go check on a patient."

George looked to Meredith. "Everything okay?"

Meredith nodded, grabbing her coat off the back of her chair. "Yeah, I'm fine."

After she walked through the cafeteria doors, the four of them glanced at each other curiously. "What's up with her?"

--

Meredith paced the hall outside of the OR, waiting for Derek to finish up his surgery. Minutes seemed to pass like hours as she walked back and forth, counting the tiles on the floor, staring at the pictures on the wall, doing anything she could to distract herself from the fact that Derek's surgery was taking a hell of a long time to finish. When he eventually walked out of the scrub room, she all but bumped right into him.

"Finally," she sighed, running her hands through her hair.

Derek noticed the frantic look in his wife's eyes; he pulled her into an empty hallway for privacy. He knew something was up, and didn't want others listening in. "What's the matter?"

"I'm late."

"What?" he asked confusedly.

"My period, Derek," she let out in a breath.

Derek placed his hand on the small of her back and lead them to the elevators. "Okay," he said calmly. "How late are you?"

"Well, I've been really stressed at work lately so I've been kind of off. Two days late one month, a day early the next. But it's the eighteenth, and I checked the calendar on my phone because that's where I keep track of it, and my last one was thirty-two days ago, which is...four days late. And I...it could just be stress, but I don't know," she rambled, rolling her watch around her wrist with her fingers.

Derek took her jittery hands in his own and squeezed them. "Okay. It's okay," he said, smiling slightly. "Let's just go upstairs."

"Okay," she nodded.

They stepped onto the elevator and the whole way up, Derek held her hand. He could tell how flustered she was, and he wanted to keep her calm. Holding her hand always seemed to help. As soon as they were in Derek's office, Meredith dropped down on the couch and he took a seat beside her.

"I don't feel nauseous or anything," she said. Meredith pressed her hands over her chest and shook her head. "My boobs aren't sore. No dizziness, nothing. And normally I would be, right?"

"Nothing besides your period being late?" he asked.

She shook her head. "And it's not even like we can count back to the last time we had sex, because we have sex almost every night, or every other night...more than once a night."

"We're always careful. Condoms aren't one hundred percent, but--"

"I know," Meredith whispered. "It's not that it's a bad thing if I am, but it's just...Der, I'm freaking out."

Derek chuckled a little, pressing a kiss to her temple. "Mer, it's okay. If you are, it's fine. And if you're not, that's okay too," he soothed, running his fingers over the back of her hand.

She looked to her husband and offered him the smallest of smiles. "Okay," Meredith exhaled.

"So do you want to take a test?" he asked.

"I guess so, yeah," Meredith agreed. "I uh...should we just take one from the clinic? I mean, it's a free clinic, right? So it would be free to just take one?"

Derek wrapped his arms around her, pulling her in for a hug. Somehow he knew she needed one. "Mer, just try to relax, okay? Whether it's now or a few months from now, there's going to be a baby one day. And if now is the time, then that's great. Let's just see what the test says first," he said as he kissed her cheek.

Meredith wiped off her sweaty palms on the knees of her scrub pants and nodded. "Okay."

"Alright, I'll go. Just wait here; I'll be back in a few." Derek smiled at her, gently squeezing her arm.

"Wait, how're you going to get it? A neurosurgeon looking around for a pregnancy test is kinda suspicious..." she pointed out.

"I'll be sneaky," he winked.

Meredith had no choice but to throw caution to the wind and hope he would go unnoticed. She really didn't have any other alternative. "Okay," she managed to giggle a little.

"I love you," Derek said as he opened the door to his office.

Meredith smiled at her husband. "I love you too."

She stretched out on the couch, propping one of the pillows behind her head. This was so not what she thought she'd be doing today. Granted, as a surgeon, there was never a 'normal' day. But this was...unexpected. Scary. But still, she found herself slightly thrilled. Meredith placed her hand over her lower belly and let out a breath. Most mothers had instinct about these things, right? she thought to herself. She didn't feel pregnant--not that she knew what that felt like. Or maybe she'd just inherited the crappy mom gene from her own mother. She really doubted Ellis acknowledged her daughter's presence, even at nine months pregnant with her, let alone when she was the size of a peanut.

Just as she started to doze off on the couch, hand still resting on her abdomen while she waited for Derek, the door to his office opened, followed by the clicking of the knob. "Got one," he said softly, walking over to Meredith.

"No one saw you, right?" Meredith asked, accepting the box when he handed it to her.

Derek shook his head. "Everyone was busy. I made a beeline for the supply shelf in the back and got in and out before anyone noticed," he said.

"We're thieves," Meredith scrunched her nose.

"Just a perk of working at a hospital," Derek chuckled, leaning against his desk.

She flipped the purple and white box around in her hands then looked to Derek. "So uh, I guess I'll go, um, pee on it?"

"Okay," he nodded.

"I'll just go and then bring it back here. There's a bathroom across the hall."

"Okay," Derek said softly. As Meredith passed by him to go to the door, he pulled her hand toward him and smiled at her. "Mer, breathe."

Meredith inhaled and exhaled dramatically, rolling her eyes playfully at him. "Just hope I'm calm enough to be able to pee."

Derek watched as the door closed behind her, leaving him alone in his office. He sat back on the couch and grabbed the pillow Meredith had been using. Like everything else, that too smelled like her, the scent of lavender that followed her around everywhere she went. It always calmed him. And right now, he needed to be calm because Meredith was freaking out. If he let himself freak out too, that wouldn't do either of them any good. So he just sat, breathing in the pillow, breathing in the aura of his wife.

When she walked back into the office a few minutes later, Meredith was clutching the test tightly in her hand. "How'd it go?" Derek asked her.

"I peed on it. Mission accomplished," Meredith sighed, kicking off her shoes then lying down on the couch, her head resting on Derek's lap.

"How long does it take?"

"Five minutes," she answered, staring up at him. "Der, what if it's positive?"

"I'll be overjoyed," Derek smiled, running his fingers through her hair.

Meredith couldn't suppress her own smile. "Yeah?"

"Yeah," he echoed. "We want babies. So if one happens sooner than we planned, then it's meant to be. It's no big deal," Derek said, always the eternal optimist.

"If I am, then I'll be six months pregnant at Iz and Alex's wedding," Meredith calculated. "That sucks."

Derek chuckled. "You'd look cute, waddling down the aisle," he said teasingly.

"I wouldn't be waddling at six months," Meredith giggled, gently smacking his chest with her fingers.

"We'd have a newborn by Valentine's Day," Derek said.

"Yeah," Meredith said softly, chewing on her lip. "Derek, I'm nervous."

When she scooted up into his lap, Derek wrapped his arms around her, holding her close. He could feel her pulse beating quickly when he kissed her neck. "I know," he whispered against her skin.

"You're not nervous," she said simply, staring down at the stick in her hands. Two minutes to go; two minutes until life as they knew it was forever changed, or two minutes until everything stayed the same.

"I'm married to the love of my life, who could have our baby inside her. What's to be nervous about?" Derek said, grinning sincerely.

Meredith looked to her husband, running her hand over his cheek. "I love you."

"I love you too," Derek whispered. "And I'm here. No matter what, I'm here. Forever."

"Me too," Meredith breathed, looking at the stick clutched tightly in her hands, then to her watch. "It's time." Slowly she pulled off the plastic tab to reveal the results, her heart pounding faster than it ever had in her life. The tiny blue negative sign staring back at her her filled her with an odd sense of disappointment, one she hadn't been expecting to feel moments before. "Negative," she said flatly, handing it to Derek.

"Oh," he said defeatedly. "Well, that's okay. Right?"

Meredith nodded enthusiastically. "Yeah, yeah. It's...it's a good thing--not that I wouldn't have been happy, but..."

"I get it," Derek nodded, kissing above her ear. "Wasn't meant to happen yet. It will."

"Yeah," Meredith whispered as she smiled slightly at her husband.

He knew she was a little upset, no matter how much she tried to hide it. She was his wife, and there was little she could pull over on him. "Did you want to do a blood test to make sure? Pregnancy tests are only ninety-nine percent."

"My period might come today. We can do it tomorrow if it doesn't," Meredith said quietly, trying with all her might to keep her tears from coming to the surface.

"Meredith..."

"I have to be in surgery in twenty minutes. See you later, okay?" she said as she raised herself off his lap and quickly slipped her shoes back on. Before Derek could say anything else, she'd already left his office, leaving him in there alone with only her lingering scent and the negative pregnancy test in his hand. He knew Meredith needed time, but knowing that she was upset made it hard for him to sit there and do nothing.

Once they got home, he knew she would be more will willing to talk. The hospital wasn't the best setting for deep and meaningful conversations, not when pagers could go off at any minute and lives had to be saved. Derek ran a hand through his hair and slipped the pregnancy test into his briefcase. He couldn't bring himself to throw it out in the trashcan next to his desk. Even the custodians at Seattle Grace were gossipy, and word of the pregnancy test getting around the hospital wasn't exactly ideal.

Derek left his office a few minutes later, locking it behind him. Before he stepped onto the elevator, he'd wiped away his own tears and put on his strong face. Just because there wasn't a baby didn't mean that for a few seconds, the prospect of being a father didn't fill him with overwhelming joy. And he knew Meredith felt the same.

--

By the time Derek's shift finally ended, it felt like days had passed. Minutes trudged on, hours passed slowly, and he hadn't even seen Meredith since she left his office. And being paged for an emergency surgery right when he was about to go change didn't help either. Derek texted Meredith, telling her he'd meet her at home, not wanting her to have to wait around when he knew she wanted to leave as much as he did.

As he walked into the front door, Derek braced himself for what he might find. Meredith curled up into a ball on their bed was his first thought, or maybe even asleep. So when he found her sitting on the couch with a nearly whole chocolate cake on her lap, his curiosity was piqued. Chocolate cake was better therapy than drowning sorrows with tequila, he mused.

"Hey," Derek said, dropping down on the couch next to her.

Meredith looked over at him, her eyes only slightly red, but enough to let him know that she had been crying. "Hey," she whispered.

"Where'd the cake come from?" he asked humorously as Meredith put another forkful into her mouth.

"Izzie brought in wedding samples from the bakery. She left the chocolate one in my cubby with my name on the box. She knows me well," Meredith managed to giggle.

"Guess so," Derek chuckled.

Meredith set her fork down on the dish and let out a breath. "I'm sorry about earlier," she said almost shamefully. "I shouldn't have left like that. It's just--"

"Mer," Derek interrupted. "It's okay. I get it. We just needed some time. I understand that."

"Okay," Meredith sniffled as a new round of tears appeared in her eyes, which looked even more green than they usually did on account of her crying. "I um, I got it. My period. About an hour ago."

Derek kissed her temple and nodded. "That's good then, right? Now we know for sure."

"I...yeah," Meredith trailed off.

"Mer, what is it?" he asked gently, tucking some hair behind her ear.

"I really kinda wanted that test to be positive today," she said softly, offering him a hesitant smile as she awaited his response.

Derek could feel his heart pounding away in his ribcage and tears stinging his eyes. "Yeah?"

"I don't know, I mean...I was all panicky at first because that's big, you know? I mean, a baby is..." she breathed, running a hand through her hair. "All I could think about while I waited for you outside the OR today was how not ready we are. I kept thinking about how I'd have to take time off and my fellowship would be put on hold and how you would have to take off, too. And how we'd both be crazy and exhausted but..." Meredith bit her lower lip as a small tear splashed down her cheek. "...then I realized how much I wanted that."

"You want to have a baby?" Derek whispered softly, wiping the tear away.

Meredith looked to her husband and nodded, laughing slightly as she sniffled. "Yeah, I think I do."

"Okay, then," Derek grinned, taking her hand in his own. "Let's have a baby."

"Yeah?" Meredith asked hopefully.

He cupped her face in his palms and kissed her, showing her just how serious he was. "Yes," he said against her lips. "I want to."

"You do?"

"I wanted it to be positive, too," Derek confessed, running his hands through her hair. "Either way, I was okay with it. But...God, I was so excited today when you told me," he chuckled.

"You were?" Meredith asked, her body wrapped in his arms as they sat on the couch.

"Yeah. I mean, I know we said we'd wait a year after we got married, because of work and schedules and stuff. But it's already May, so I say we go for it. We can do this, Meredith," Derek said with a smile that reached his eyes. "If you want to start trying, then so do I."

"I do."

"Alright then," Derek nodded enthusiastically. "We're doing it."

Meredith swore her heart might beat right out of her chest and she smiled widely at him. "So no more condoms then?" she giggled, brushing away the last of her tears with her thumb.

"Just us. And we won't stress out about it. When it happens, it happens. Let's just enjoy the baby making," Derek chuckled. "That's half the fun..."

"Okay," Meredith breathed. She refilled her previously forgotten wine glass on the coffee table and took a sip, then handed it to her husband. "We need to finish off the wine then. No more for me after today."

"None?" Derek asked amusedly as he took his own sip.

Meredith shook her head. "Nope. I am a sacred vessel...or I will be."

"Did you just quote that movie?" Derek asked, laughing. "The one you made me watch last month?"

"Juno? Yes I did," Meredith nodded. "And I'm proud that you remembered that," she said, lifting the box of chocolate cake back onto her lap. "So no more alcohol after tonight. But cake, yes. Celebratory chocolate wedding cake. Only, I guess it's more like baby-making cake." She cut off a small piece with her fork and fed it to him, smiling the whole time. It was rare that they partook in such cheesiness, but tonight there was a reason to do so. Deciding to start adding to their family was something kind of huge.

Derek willingly accepted the cake and chuckled. "Wow, feeding me. You must be really excited if you're feeding me."

"I am excited," Meredith said, dropping the fork into the cake box so she could weave her fingers through his hair. "We're going to make a baby, Der," she whispered, her forehead resting against his.

She'd never seen more love and joy in his eyes when he looked at her. Before kissing her again, Derek smiled. "We are."

Yep. ;)