93. Getting Closer

Disclaimer: It's still not mine.

As always, thanks for your patience. This has been the worst semester ever, but it's almost over, and I plan on writing a lot over my winter break. So hopefully that means more updates. Enjoy this one! :)

Derek was trying to be a good husband, he really was. But lately, it seemed like everything he did pissed Meredith off. She was feeling large and tired and stressed, and was only one more week away from maternity leave. And though she'd never admit it, he knew she needed it. Twelve hour shifts, standing for hours on end in the OR, and running back and forth around the hospital was starting to take its toll. She was soldiering through, but by the end of the day, she was exhausted.

He heard her open the front door and shut it harder than was necessary. Seconds later, Meredith bounded into the kitchen, making a beeline for the fridge. "I hate Hunt," she said bluntly.

"What? Why?" Derek asked, lowering the flame under the sauce he had simmering in the pot.

She pulled out a pudding cup from the fridge, then slammed that door shut, too. "He made me scrub out on the esophagectomy."

"He wouldn't do that unless he had a reason to," Derek rationalized, though he knew it was probably a stupid move. "What happened?"

"My back started hurting during surgery, and I couldn't rub the spot because I was scrubbed in. So I was trying to stretch, thinking maybe that would get the kink out. And I guess he noticed, because he told me he thought it would be best if I scrubbed out and watched from the gallery," she said. "Can you get me a spoon?"

Derek got one from the utensil drawer and handed it to her. "Sounds like he was just looking out for you," he pointed out. Again, stupid.

Meredith glared at him. "Why are you defending him?"

"I'm just saying, Hunt knows you're pregnant. I doubt he did it to offend you. He cares, Mer. That's all," Derek said as casually as he could.

"I'm still pregnant and already, I'm being mommy tracked. Do you have any idea how frustrating that is?" Meredith asked. "And now my own husband is doing it, too."

"I'm not, I'm just..." Derek sighed. "I don't want to argue about this. I'm sorry you didn't get to do the surgery."

Meredith shook her head. "It's not about the surgery, Derek. It's about feeling... incompetent. Like I'm too fragile to do my job. I only have nine days left to bank as many OR hours as I can before I go on maternity leave, which is probably stupid anyway, because I could spend twenty-four hours a day in the OR, and I'm still going to fall behind everyone else."

A light bulb blinked on in Derek's mind, and he treaded water lightly, pursing his lips together in thought before he spoke. "Is that why you're upset? Because your friends will be a few weeks ahead in residency? Mer, that's not a big deal. Three of my sisters had kids during their residencies, and they still finished in time," Derek said. "It can be done. I don't want you to worry about that."

She slammed her pudding cup down on the counter in disbelief. "Comparing me to your perfect sisters isn't going to make me feel better."

"What will make you feel better?" he asked. "What can I do?"

"I don't know," Meredith replied, scraping the last bites of pudding from the plastic cup and putting the spoon in her mouth. "I just want to take a shower and go to bed."

"I'm making dinner," Derek said. "Chicken parm., your favorite."

Meredith dropped her spoon into the sink and pudding cup into the trash. "I'm full."

Rather than push the issue, Derek said nothing when she turned around and went upstairs. When Meredith was stressed, she took it out on him. He knew it was just exhaustion and hormones getting the best of her, so he tried to give her space. After she had some downtime from work, he would talk to her. So instead, he made dinner, melting cheese on top of the chicken, and drowning it in sauce the way she liked, then he cooked the spaghetti. Because there was no way in hell that pudding cup was enough.

A few minutes after the shower turned off, Derek set everything in the oven to stay warm, then he went upstairs, bracing himself for more ranting, but hoping for the best. He knocked on the bedroom door. "Mer?"

"You can come in," she called out from the other side.

Derek turned the knob and entered, smiling in relief when he saw that she was watching TV in bed, and not sticking pins in a voodoo doll of Owen Hunt, or even himself. "Hey."

"Hey," Meredith yawned, muting the TV.

"You okay?" he asked. "If you want me to leave you alone, I will. I just... are you okay?"

Meredith patted his side of the bed, and Derek took that as an invitation. As soon as he dropped down next to her, he pulled her close to him. "I'm sorry."

"You don't have anything to apologize for," she whispered, resting her head on his chest.

"I don't want you to ever think you're not good enough. You're an incredible surgeon. And you're going to be an incredible mother. And I promise that you can be both of those things."

"I'm nervous," Meredith admitted softly, looking up at him.

"About what?" he asked.

He reached for his pillow and put it under her belly to make her more comfortable, and she draped her arm over his torso. "I don't know. Everything. I'm thrilled and excited and can't wait to meet her, but I'm scared, too. I'm scared that I'll turn into my mother." Meredith shook her head. "I can't do that to Lilly."

"We'd never do that. She's our baby. The second we saw that plus sign on the pregnancy test, that was it. We committed our lives to her, no questions asked, unconditionally. And that's never going to change. If I need to be a stay at home dad, I'll do it. I'll do anything for her. And you."

She laughed.

"What?"

"Nothing, I'm just picturing you in a frilly, pink apron," Meredith said. "It amuses me."

"Hey, I'd do it. You're on your way to becoming a world class neurosurgeon. I could quit. You could bring home the bacon," Derek chuckled, kissing her temple. He paused. "I mean it though, Mer. We're going to make this work."

Meredith found his hand and squeezed it. "Okay."

"We started planning our lives around her before she even existed. We knew we were going to have kids, and we agreed a long time ago that they would be our number one priorities."

Lilly delivered a swift kick that even Derek could feel with her belly pressed into his side and his eyes went wide in surprise. "Wow, she's powerful," he said. "See? She agrees with me."

"I think she does," Meredith laughed. She hugged her husband close and breathed him in. "I don't mean to be a basket case. You know that, right?"

"I know," Derek said, waving it off. "You can yell at me all you want. I can take it."

"If I were you, I would've lost patience with me months ago," she giggled.

Derek kissed the top of her head and smiled into her hair, which still smelled the same way it did the night he met her. Lavender. Of all the things he associated with his wife, that was one that would always stick with him. "I shared a house with five women for almost twenty years, and four of those women thought their sole purpose on this planet was to drive me crazy. Living with you is a piece of cake."

"Hmm, well, you're pretty easy to live with, too," Meredith returned.

"Let's hope Lilly thinks that," Derek grinned, lifting up his Bowdoin tee shirt she was wearing and kissing her belly.

Meredith closed her eyes and smiled at the feeling of his lips on her skin. "For the first thirteen years, she'll like us. Then she'll roll her eyes at everything we say and call us lame."

"We'll be cool parents," Derek said. "Not 'keg party cool,' but... you know, cool. I always got along with my mom."

"That's because you're a boy. Boys always get along with their moms." Meredith paused. "And girls are usually close with their dads. Which means you'll be the cool one," she said, feigning bitterness. "Meanwhile, I'll be the one she fights with."

"Well, if the next one is a boy, we'll be even," he pointed out.

"Then they'll just fight with each other."

"Good. Then we can just stay out of it." Derek patted her leg. "Wanna go eat? You should probably eat something besides pudding for dinner."

"Shut up," she said, rolling her eyes playfully and reaching out her arms. "And help me up."

Derek pulled her up into a sitting position, smirking at her leopard print panties under the tee shirt. "Nice panties," he complimented.

"They make me feel young and thin and sexy. You know, instead of a tired, crazy, pregnant lady," Meredith said as they got up off the bed.

"You're still young and thin and sexy. Seattle Grace's top rated MILF, remember?" Derek chuckled, reminding her of what Mark had said.

She laughed. "Yeah. I'm still waiting for my trophy."

...

Meredith blinked up at the ceiling, trying to catch her breath as Derek kissed her neck. "Mmm, wow," she purred. "I needed that."

"We're going to be late for surgery," Derek said, though he wasn't making any attempt to get up either.

"Give me a minute. I can't feel my legs yet," Meredith sighed, closing her eyes. Derek trailed his fingers over her the sensitive skin of her breasts and she shivered. "And if you keep doing that, we'll be ready for round two... and we don't have time for a round two."

"Later then," Derek promised, kissing her temple.

"Definitely later," Meredith said, smiling. She took Derek's hand and sat up in their on-call room bed, regretfully reaching for her clothes. "So when we get home I thought we could-" She paused, her hands going to her belly.

"What? Mer, what is it?" he asked, his heart already racing inside his chest. "Are you okay?"

"Yeah, I'm fine. My stomach just feels like it's tightening up or something. It's doesn't hurt, I promise. Probably just Braxton Hicks."

"Want to see if Dr. Halloran can fit us in, just to be safe? I'm sure you're fine, but..."

"Yeah, we can," she nodded, slowly exhaling when the feeling went away. "Can you call her?"

"Yeah." Derek pulled his shirt over his head and hopped back into his boxers in pants in record time, then scrambled to find his cell phone on his desk. Meredith rolled her eyes playfully. "Derek, relax. I'm fine," she assured him as she redressed.

Derek walked over to the bed and kissed her forehead. "Okay," he said softly. "Finish getting dressed; I'll go out in the hall and call her, okay?"

"'Kay," Meredith replied. As soon as the door closed behind Derek, she smiled down at her belly. "In case you haven't noticed, he's a little overprotective when it comes to us. But we're both fine, Lilly. I promise."

Just as she was slipping her shoes on, Derek walked back into the room. "She said she can see us now. There's probably nothing wrong, but she wants to make sure."

"What about the surgery?" Meredith asked.

Derek took her hand and helped her off the bed. "I called down to the nurses' station. They paged Nelson, and he's gonna take care of it."

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah. This is more important."

"Okay," she responded. "Derek, everything's fine. You were married to an OB for eleven years. And you have four sisters. You know the drill."

"I know, but this is you," Derek said.

She smiled and squeezed his hand. "I know."

Within minutes, Meredith was wearing a paper gown in one of the OB exam rooms, Derek by her side. They both knew everything was probably fine, but with Lilly, they could never be too cautious.

"You gave Nelson a really good surgery," Meredith commented, resting her head on Derek's shoulder while they waited for Dr. Halloran to arrive.

Derek laughed. "Baby trumps surgery."

"Of course she does," Meredith agreed with him. "I'm just saying..."

"There'll be more," he said.

She sighed, swinging her feet back and forth. "I know."

Dr. Halloran knocked before entering, and smiled at both of them as soon as she stepped in the room. "How's it going? You think you might be having Braxton Hicks?" she asked as she began washing her hands.

"I think so," Meredith said. "From what I've read about them, that's what it felt like."

"No cramping feelings?"

Meredith shook her head. "No. It was like my muscles tightened up for a few seconds. I'm sure everything's okay, but we didn't want to take any chances."

"It sounds like Braxton Hicks to me, which is normal at this stage. You've probably been having them for a few weeks now, but just never noticed them before. Real labor would be painful and much more intense. I'm sure you're just fine," Dr. Halloran said comfortingly. "But let me just examine you, make sure your cervix is still closed."

"Okay," Meredith said.

"Do you have any idea what could've spurred on the Braxton Hicks?" Dr. Halloran asked as she situated Meredith for the exam.

As if her current position wasn't uncomfortable enough, Meredith felt her cheeks burn and she glanced up at Derek, whose face was the same color hers was. "Oh. I, um. Well, Derek and I were..." she stammered. "We just got done having..."

"Having sex?" Dr. Halloran guessed, laughing it off. "Don't be embarrassed. It's completely normal. And it probably explains the Braxton Hicks," she said as she examined Meredith.

"Is everything okay?" Derek asked, running his fingers over the back of Meredith's hand.

"Everything looks just fine," the doctor nodded. "Your cervix isn't dilating, but it does feel like the baby is laying low."

"When I stand up for a long time, I feel some cervical pressure. But other than that, I'm fine," Meredith answered. "But that's normal, right?"

Dr. Halloran nodded, patting Meredith's knee as a sign that she could sit up. "Absolutely. All of her weight is bearing down on your cervix, so it's only normal to feel pressure. But I assure you, you're not in labor. Everything is completely healthy," she told them.

"Good," Meredith breathed. "Good."

"Just Braxton Hicks, then?" Derek double checked.

"Yep, that's all. There's no way to predict them. You might have one again in an hour, or it might be days. They're uncomfortable, but they shouldn't hurt. If they do, that could be a sign of preterm labor, so make sure to call right away if you start feeling any pain," Dr. Halloran said, pulling off her gloves and tossing them into the trash.

Meredith laced her fingers through Derek's and nodded. "Okay."

"You're thirty-five weeks, right?" Dr. Halloran asked, flipping though Meredith's chart. "And you're scheduled for maternity leave starting next week?"

In the back of her mind, Meredith knew where this conversation was going, and she swallowed thickly. "Yes."

"If you want, I could clear you to start now. Of course, it's up to you. You can work until next week if you choose to. But because you are petite, and you're on your feet most of the day, it might just be more comfortable for you. Less strain on your feet, less pressure on your bladder and your cervix if you're able to sit," Dr. Halloran explained.

"Would that be safer for the baby?" Meredith asked, one hand resting on top of her belly.

Dr. Halloran shook her head. "You and the baby are completely safe if you work. Again, this is just for your benefit. Not because you're in any danger of early delivery or anything. Like I said, your cervix is completely closed, and the baby is in a good position."

"So far, I've been fine. Just the normal aches, swollen feet, always needing to pee. I think I'll be okay for a few more days," Meredith decided. "But if I start to feel like my body is telling me to stop, then I will. I promise."

"Fair enough," Dr. Halloran agreed, smiling. "You've had a great pregnancy, so as long as you feel up to it, I say go for it."

Derek wrapped his arm around Meredith's shoulder and audibly exhaled in relief. "First time parents... we'll be better next time around," he chuckled.

"It's no problem, really. Never hesitate to call," she said.

"Thank you," Meredith said softly, leaning into her husband. "We appreciate it."

...

"Jeez, how many times do you pee a day?" Mark asked, unscrewing the cap to his water bottle as Meredith rejoined him and Derek at the lunch table after a bathroom visit.

Meredith sighed amusedly before taking a bite of her tuna salad. "I don't know. Around the tenth trip, I stop counting."

"Feeling okay?" Derek asked her.

"Yeah. I feel good," Meredith said, smiling at him. "No more Braxton Hicks... yet."

"You've been having Braxton Hicks?" Mark asked.

"Earlier today, I had one right after we -" She stopped herself and shook her head in dismissal. "Yeah, I had one today."

"After you what?" Mark hinted. A grin came over his face in realization and he glanced from him to her. "Aah, after you did the dirty, huh?"

"Yes," Meredith admitted. "Anyway, we saw the doctor just to be sure, and she said everything's fine."

Mark bit into his apple and nodded. "Good. How's the kiddo?"

"She's good. Actually, she's very busy today," Meredith laughed as she felt the baby's feet kicking. "Wanna feel, Mark?"

"Me?"

"Yeah, come on," Derek encouraged. "It's incredible."

"Okay." Mark let his hand hover over Meredith's belly and she guided it to the spot below her ribs where Lilly was busily doing her workout, stretching her legs. When she kicked right into the palm of his hand, his eyes went wide in surprise. "Holy crap."

"Pretty good, right?" Derek said proudly.

"She's feisty," Mark said, keeping his hand in the spot where Meredith put it in case she kicked again. When she did, he laughed, fascinated by the tiny person inside. "Damn it."

"That's your niece," Meredith said, smiling. "She's kind of awesome, isn't she?"

Mark nodded. "Yeah, she is."

"Hey," Cristina said, dropping her tray down on the table. She pulled out a chair for herself and sat. "Where is everybody?"

"Alex, George, and Iz are all scrubbed in somewhere. Why aren't you scrubbed in?" Meredith asked.

Cristina groaned as she peeled back her yogurt lid. "I'm on call for the pit. Nothing's going on down there."

"You just jinxed that one, Yang," Derek said.

"One can only hope," Cristina sighed. "Wait, I thought I saw you two scrubbed in something now on the board."

"We were, but - ouch!" Meredith winced, laughing. "Lilly, what did I say about the rib kicks? We were, but then I started having Braxton Hicks, so I got checked out to make sure everything was okay."

"Braxton Hicks? That means you're like... due soon," Cristina said, as though it was the first time the thought ever crossed her mind. "How's she doing? Ready to pop out yet?"

"No, not yet. Just kicking a lot. And she's pressing against my cervix, just like she should be," Meredith disclosed freely.

"Wow. Good to know nothing is TMI," Mark laughed.

"With Mer? Never," Derek chuckled, eating a spoonful of his Ramen noodles. "Only five weeks to go now."

"Four weeks until my impending nuptials," Mark grinned, but it disappeared when Meredith shot him a playfully annoyed look. "Oh, come on. It'll be fun."

"Oh, yeah," she agreed, her tone sarcastic but playful. "Make sure there's a mop handy in case my water breaks on the dance floor."

"That would be so awesome," Cristina piped up, popping a chip into her mouth.

"No. That would not be awesome," Meredith said.

Derek laughed. "I agree with my wife. Not awesome."

"Look on the bright side... this'll be your last big 'hoorah' until Lilly is born," Mark pointed out. "I say make the most of it."

"I go on maternity leave next week. I'll be climbing the walls in boredom. Believe me, I'm excited," Meredith told him. "Even with swollen feet and needing to pee every ten minutes. Speaking of which..." she used Derek's shoulder for leverage as she got out of her chair. "I need to pee."

"She's starting to waddle a little," Cristina murmured under her breath so Meredith wouldn't be able to hear as she headed for the bathroom.

But Meredith whipped around, a hand on her hip. "Okay, seriously? I heard that..."

...

Derek lazily threaded his fingers through her hair, trailing his hand down her back where it came to rest at the base of her spine. "Hmm, I love you," he said, his lips pressed to hers.

Meredith smiled. "I love you, too," she said, resting her forehead against his as they lay in their bed together. In a few weeks from now, the house would go from peaceful to noisy literally overnight, so they decided to take every available moment to savor the quiet with just the two of them.

"You're so beautiful," he told her before kissing her again.

"What did you say that for?" she giggled.

Derek shrugged. "Because it's true."

"Will it still be true when my boobs are leaking and Lilly's crying and we're both covered in baby poop?" she asked playfully, her fingers toying with the curls on the back of his neck.

"Yes," he chuckled. "Even then."

She felt her abdominal muscles tightening again, another Braxton Hicks contraction coming on, and she rubbed her hand over her belly. When Derek noticed, Meredith saw the fear in his eyes and she smiled at him. "Derek, I'm fine. I promise."

"Okay," he replied, swallowing thickly, pursing his lips together in worry.

Meredith put her palm on his cheek. "You're gonna be a nervous wreck in the delivery room, aren't you?" she giggled.

"Sorry," Derek said, managing a small smile. "I just worry about you and Lilly."

"I know. But I promise you, everything's fine. They don't hurt. And it's already gone. See?" she comforted him, placing his hand over her bump and kissing him. "I have an idea. Why don't you two talk? Just pretend I'm not here," Meredith said, turning on her back and folding her hands under her head.

Derek propped himself up on his elbow and lifted up her shirt, kissing around her belly. He was silent for a few seconds as he contemplated what to say, then he smiled. "Hi, Lilly. It's Daddy," he said softly. "I can't wait to meet you - you know, but not until your due date. Stay inside Mommy a little longer and grow big and strong." He laughed quietly. "For future reference, usually I'm calm and Mommy is the one that worries. This is a little out of character."

"I heard that," Meredith yawned, her eyes closed as she gave them their privacy.

"We love you so much," Derek said. "I still can't believe Mommy and I made you. You know, Mommy is kind of amazing, Lilly. She's smart and she's funny and she's beautiful. And she really loves us. I already know that on the day you're born, she's gonna do such an awesome job. She might yell at me a little and say some not so nice words, but that's okay," he chuckled. "Because the second we see you for the first time, it'll all be worth it. I love you, Lilly."

Derek pressed one more kiss on Meredith's belly, then readjusted her shirt. He could see her belly button popping out underneath and he smiled. As much as he couldn't wait to meet Lilly, Derek knew that he'd miss Meredith being pregnant. Everything about her body fascinated him, from the swell of her breasts to her glowy skin to her cravings, and even the popped belly button that she was slightly freaked out by. He loved all of her, most especially his tiny daughter growing inside, all safe and warm and protected by his wife.

He rested his head next to Meredith's on the pillow and heard the soft hum of her breathing in his ear as she slept. After settling the blanket over both of them, Derek draped his arm over her belly. "Goodnight, Mer," Derek whispered, kissing her cheek. He felt Lilly's foot gently nudge his arm and he smiled. "You too, Lilly."