103. Lilly

Disclaimer: Grey's owns me. Not the other way around.

Derek blinked back the tears in his eyes and cupped her cheeks in his hands. "This is it, Mer," he said before kissing her.

Meredith kissed him back and smiled. "Yeah."

"I'm going to call my mom and let her know," Derek said. "Want me to call anyone? Cristina or…?"

"Yeah, you can call her or Iz. Or Alex. George. Whoever you call, the news will be all over the hospital thirty seconds later," Meredith said as she fixed her hair, pulling it back into a tighter ponytail so it would be out of her way while she pushed.

"True," Derek said, taking his phone off the nightstand. "Which means Mark might be setting up camp outside the door in ten minutes…"

Meredith laughed. "Probably," she said, her smile fading when the pain and pressure of another contraction hit her. She focused on Derek and bit her lip, fighting back the nearly unbearable need to push.

"Only a few more of those left," Derek comforted her. "Pretty soon, we'll be holding her."

"Make the calls before she comes out," Meredith said, letting go of his hand. "Seriously, if I cough, I swear she'll come shooting out of me."

Derek quickly dialed his mother's phone number and held it to his ear. "Calling now."

While Derek contacted his mom on the east coast and their friends scattered around the hospital, Stephanie assisted Dr. Halloran in setting Meredith up for delivery. Meredith watched as they worked, her heart pounding in her chest. It was the most surreal, terrifying, exciting moment of her life, all rolled into one, and the end result would be a tiny baby she and Derek made nine months before.

Tears burned in her eyes before she could stop them, and she wiped them with the back of her hand.

After getting off the phone with Cristina, Derek noticed she was crying and frowned. "Mer, what?" he asked.

"Nothing. I'm just…" Meredith smiled at him. "It's really time."

Derek reached for her hand. "You're gonna do great, Meredith," he said. He kissed her. "I love you, and I'm so proud of you."

"I love you too," Meredith said. "Oh, camera. Can you get it?"

"Yeah," he nodded. "My mom told me to tell you that she loves all three of us, and she's expecting pictures ASAP."

"Okay," Meredith said, her hand over her belly. This was one of the last times she would ever have Lilly inside her, and she wanted to savor those last few moments.

Derek turned the camera on stand-by mode, ready to take pictures as soon as Lilly was out. Meredith watched as he set it next to her pillow. "No vajayjay shots," she reminded him.

"Why are you calling it that?" he chuckled as he raised her bed up to a less reclined position so it would be easier for her to push.

Meredith shrugged. "Bailey said it once. I kinda like it. It's catchy."

"No… vajayjay shots," Derek promised, wincing as the word left his mouth.

Stephanie removed the end of the bed and secured the stirrups in place, and Meredith swallowed. "It's already going to be all "lights, camera, action" down there. We don't need hard copies in the photo album."

"I get it," he said, taking her hand again. "Oh, Cristina said good luck, and she's proud of you."

"She did?" Meredith asked, surprised.

"Yeah? Why?"

"I don't know. It's just… unexpected, I guess." Meredith smiled to herself. "It's nice to know that she's proud, that's all."

"We're all proud, Mer. Me more than anyone."

Meredith swallowed thickly when the tears popped into her eyes again. Even seconds before pushing, her hormones still offered her no mercy, and she knew they wouldn't go away any time soon. "I know."

"It's a beautiful afternoon to have a baby," Derek grinned, kissing the top of her head.

"How long have you been waiting to use that one?" Meredith laughed.

"Since the day I met you."

"Alright, we're all set," Dr. Halloran announced, smiling at both of them. "Meredith, are you ready?"

"Yeah," Meredith nodded, holding on tight to Derek's hand. "I want you to watch," she told him.

"I can see," Derek smiled. "I'll be right here the whole time."

"Would you like a mirror, Meredith?" Stephanie asked.

"Sure, why not?" Meredith replied as she guided her feet into the stirrups. "If everyone else gets to see, I want to, too."

Derek laughed, helping her get into position. "You're freakishly calm right now."

"Awkward and freaky, remember?" Meredith said. She inhaled and exhaled deeply and looked to Dr. Halloran just as another contraction came along. "Now?" she asked.

"Go ahead," Dr. Halloran agreed. "Push for ten seconds, then take a breath. Whenever you're ready…"

Meredith made sure her grip on Derek's hand was firm, then curled over herself, pushing as hard as she could.

"One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten," Derek counted softly. "Good job, Meredith."

"Am I doing it right?" Meredith asked, gathering as much air into her lungs as she could before she had to push again.

"That was great," Dr. Halloran nodded. "Go again whenever you want."

Meredith bore down again for a never-ending ten seconds and tensed at the pressure she felt. "Ow ow ow," she groaned.

"You're an awesome pusher, Mer," Derek said.

Dr. Halloran smiled. "Yes, you are. Baby's head is coming down."

"Probably just a few more minutes," Derek told her.

"I have to push," Meredith said.

"Hold on just a minute until you have another contraction. Take a few breaths," Dr. Halloran said. "I know it's hard not to push, but it'll just be a few more seconds."

Meredith leaned back against the pillows and looked at Derek. "Holy crap," she panted. "This freaking hurts."

Derek kissed her forehead. "Mer, you're doing so good."

"Well, there goes my vagina. Sorry, I know you were fond of it," she told Derek with a sigh.

"I still am, I promise," Derek said when he couldn't think of how else to respond. He wiped the sweat beading on Meredith's hairline.

Meredith felt a contraction welling up inside her, and she looked at the doctor. "Now?"

Dr. Halloran nodded. "Go for it," she said. "Try for two in a row, if you can."

Meredith pushed through the pain, making it through two strong pushes before her contraction ended a minute later. She collapsed back onto the bed and closed her eyes. "I need to stop for a sec," she said.

"You okay?" Derek asked, rubbing the palm of his hand over her bent knee.

"Mhm," she breathed through her nose. "Can you see her yet?"

"Not yet. You're almost there," Derek said.

"You might be able to see the top of her head with the next push," Dr. Halloran encouraged. "Contraction should be coming soon."

Meredith leaned up and let go of Derek's hand. "My hand is sweaty," she said, wiping it on her gown. "So is yours."

Derek laughed, wiping his own hand on the thigh of his pants. "Sorry. Dry now," he said, taking hold of hers again.

"Holy—" Before she could finish the other half of her phrase, Meredith felt her body pushing instinctively, the contractions working in tandem with her.

"One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten," Derek counted.

She moaned out loud at the pain and pressure she felt, wanting nothing more than to get Lilly out. "Ouch. Derek."

"Meredith," Derek said, breathless. "Oh, God, Mer. Look."

"What?" Meredith asked.

"Look in the mirror," he choked out, brushing away the tears under his eyes. "Oh my God."

Meredith looked down and saw the top of Lilly's head. "Oh, God," she gasped. She let the tears fall down her face. "Dark hair. I told you."

"Lots of dark hair," Dr. Halloran echoed. "Small push on the next contraction and her head will be out."

"Okay," Meredith said, focusing on her tiny daughter, and not the unbearable pain going on inside her. When the next contraction came, she held her eyes open and watched as Lilly's little head came out. "Holy crap," she said, both in pain and awe.

Derek exhaled a puff of air and ran a hand through his hair. "She's right there. You can do this, Meredith."

"Oh, God," Meredith whimpered. "She's… I really have to push."

"Take a nice deep breath. On the next contraction, you'll pass the shoulders, then she'll be out, okay?" Dr. Halloran said.

Meredith pushed with all she had, biting down hard on her lip. She felt like screaming but held back, because she wanted Lilly to be born into calmness. That was the plan from the beginning. She watched as the rest of Lilly emerged, gasping when she felt the baby slip out of her.

"3:47 PM," Stephanie said, recording it in Meredith's chart. "Beautiful baby girl. Congratulations."

"Meredith," Derek said, his voice barely above a whisper. "Oh my God, Mer. You did it." He brushed the tears off his face with the back of his hand and kissed her, cupping her cheeks in his palms. "I love you so much."

"I love you," Meredith said, her eyes burning and blurring over with a thick sheen of tears. She blinked and they fell in streams, but she didn't care enough to wipe them off. "Oh, God."

Dr. Halloran gently placed Lilly on Meredith's chest, and Meredith wrapped her arms around the wet, squirmy baby. "Oh, God. You're really here," she sniffled.

"She's so beautiful," Derek said, placing a hand on Lilly's back.

Stephanie suctioned out her nose and throat quickly and carefully, and Dr. Halloran clamped off Lilly's umbilical cord. She handed Derek a pair of scissors. "Want to cut the cord, Dad?" she asked him.

Derek tore his eyes away from his daughter and took the scissors, cutting Lilly's umbilical cord with all the delicate precision of a surgeon. Lilly sucked in her first breath and wailed, her tiny baby cry bouncing off the four walls of the room.

Out in the hall, Meredith and Derek both heard claps and cheers, the happy noises of their friends, who despite being asked otherwise, camped themselves outside the room anyway, waiting for the telltale sign of a crying baby before celebrating.

"Hi, Lilly," Derek said, kissing the top of her head and wrapping the blanket around her to keep her warm.

Meredith offered Lilly her finger and the baby held onto it like a lifeline, her other tiny hand clutching onto the hospital gown Meredith was wearing. "It's okay. You're okay," she said.

Lilly's eyes blinked open and she looked at Meredith, a pair of crystal blue irises staring back at her. Meredith took in a shaky breath. "Hi," she whispered. "It's Mommy."

The baby's crying went down a few octaves and she pressed her cheek into the warmth of Meredith's chest.

"She knows who you are," he said softly, tucking Lilly's feet into the blanket before taking a few pictures. "I'm Daddy," Derek said as he leaned down and kissed Lilly's hand, the one that held Meredith's finger. "We love you so much."

Lilly blinked as she took in her surroundings, her eyes finally landing on Derek's face. She let out a small sob followed by a hiccup, releasing her death grip on Meredith's gown and unclenching her hand to stretch her fingers.

Derek grinned. "She waved to me," he said proudly.

"Uh huh," Meredith giggled through her tears.

"We need to check her out, but we'll bring her right back," Stephanie said.

Meredith swallowed nervously. Not even introduced to her daughter a minute ago, and the mother lion in her was already in full force with the need to keep her safe. "I… okay," she consented.

Meredith shooed Derek off toward Stephanie. "Go, go," she said. "Stay with Lilly."

"You sure?"

"If I can't be over there, you have to be," she said, brushing some flyaway hairs from her face.

Stephanie took Lilly over to the scale and gently set her down on it. Lilly's crying escalated again when the cold air hit her skin, and it took all Meredith had not to jump out of the bed and pick her up.

"Is she okay?" Meredith asked Derek, who stood right next to Stephanie and got more pictures of the baby.

Derek turned around and smiled. "She's perfect, Meredith."

"Six pounds, seven ounces. Eighteen inches long," Stephanie announced happily. "Petite little girl," she said, walking her over to the warmed isolette. "Her name is Lilly?"

"Lilly Grace," Derek replied, letting the baby hold onto his finger while Stephanie took her footprints. "Ten fingers and ten toes," he told Meredith.

Meredith smiled. "Good to know."

While Lilly was getting her prints and checkup done, Meredith delivered the afterbirth, which was a blissful experience compared to pushing out a six pound human, slipped into her third gown, and got resettled into bed.

Derek didn't leave Lilly's side as he called his mom and their friends with all the information, sending as many pictures as he could.

Meredith was amazing. Only a few pushes. 3:47 PM. Six pounds. Seven ounces. Eighteen inches. Dark hair. Blue eyes. Good set of lungs. They're both doing great. Lilly is healthy. Gorgeous. Perfect. Incredible, he said over and over again.

He wiped his tears with his shirtsleeves as he spoke, the euphoria in his voice unlike anything Meredith ever heard before.

Meredith watched as Dr. Halloran gave Lilly her newborn checkup, itching with the need to be with her baby again. After housing her for nine months, even ten minutes without Lilly seemed too long to go without holding her.

"How is she?" Meredith asked.

"We cleaned her up so she's all nice and pretty for you. She passed the APGAR with flying colors," Dr. Halloran said. "We just need to take a small blood sample from her heel and give her the Hep-B shot."

Meredith swallowed. "Wait. Could—Do you have to do that now? I mean, can we wait to do that?" she asked, her eyes burning with more tears at the thought of Lilly feeling any pain.

"It'll only take a second, Mer," Derek said, trying to downplay it even though he was nervous, too. "How about… can I hold her while you do it?"

Dr. Halloran nodded. "Sure; that would be fine."

Derek picked Lilly up and held her close to him, popping her tiny leg and foot free from the blanket. "It's okay, sweetie," he cooed, running his finger over her soft cheek. Dr. Halloran did the test as fast as she could, then gave her the shot in her thigh, and Lilly only cried for a few seconds, but it was enough to make Meredith restless.

"All done, right?" Meredith asked.

"All done," Dr. Halloran echoed. "Newborns tend to get cold easily until their body temps. adjust to the outside world, so be sure to put a diaper on her, or she might pee on you," the doctor smiled. "Did you take lactation classes?"

"We did," Meredith replied, relieved when Derek placed Lilly into her arms.

"Okay, well then you know the basics. She'll probably be hungry soon. Your body might not be producing milk readily yet, but the colostrum is just as important, so make sure you keep at it. The more stimulation, the quicker you'll produce. If you have any problems, feel free to page the nurses' station. We'll send in a lactation consultant for you."

"Okay," Derek replied, taking a fresh diaper from the bassinet next to Meredith's bed.

"She's all yours, and in perfect health. I'll be back in a little while to check on you," Dr. Halloran said, scribbling down a few last notes in Meredith's and now Lilly's chart. She smiled at the two of them. "Congratulations. She's beautiful."

Meredith returned the smile. "Thank you so much."

Both the nurse and the doctor left the room, and Meredith and Derek finally had some alone time with their daughter, who was content to lie in Meredith's arms.

"She's the most beautiful little human I've ever seen," Meredith said, stroking Lilly's pudgy little hand with her finger.

"I can't believe she's out. It's…" Derek exhaled. "It doesn't feel real yet."

"It doesn't," Meredith laughed. She lowered her head and kissed Lilly's forehead, making sure her little pink cap covered her ears.

"My mom is so proud of you, by the way. She can't believe you already had her," Derek said. "And all of our friends are freaking out," he said as his phone signaled another congratulatory message.

Meredith gently set Lilly down on top of her legs so they could put a diaper on her and smiled. "I'm sure balloons will be arriving within the hour."

"And streamers and confetti and flowers," Derek added. Lilly squirmed as Meredith moved her, and she glanced at Derek in disapproval, seeming annoyed at being taken away from the warmth Meredith offered her. "She's making a face," he chuckled. "God, this is…"

"Surreal? Freaky?" Meredith offered. "Aww, it's okay. We just need to put a diaper on you," she said soothingly before gently unwrapping the pink blanket.

"She's so tiny. I thought she would be… bigger," Derek said, leaning over the bed to make sure her hospital bracelets weren't too tight. "One on the ankle and the wrist..."

"The ankle one has an alarm in it," Meredith said. "High security, which is good. All of our bracelets match. Not that you should be worried. You're safe, sweetpea."

Derek kissed the baby's forehead. "I don't even want her out of this room. And if she has to, I'm going with her."

"No, no nursery sleepovers. It's been a stressful day. I want her with us," Meredith agreed. "Alright, diaper time."

"She has skinny little chicken legs."

"I thought she'd be bigger, too," Meredith said. She smiled down at their baby. "You certainly felt bigger when you were coming out of me," she laughed.

"How are you doing?" Derek asked. "Sore?"

Meredith shrugged. "A little, yeah," she said. "Worth it, though. Yes it was," she cooed to Lilly. "Mommy will try to feed you as soon as we get this diaper on."

Meredith lifted up her legs while Derek slid the newborn diaper under her tiny bottom. "Her butt is really cute," Derek laughed.

"It's so tiny," Meredith smiled as Lilly fussed a little at the cold.

"I don't think you like being naked, do you?" Derek asked, sticking the adhesive on one side while Meredith did the other.

Meredith checked the bottom of her foot and her thigh. "Not bleeding," she sighed in relief. "I'm sorry about that, Lilly. It's been a rough few hours, huh?"

Lilly yawned, her mouth opening into a tiny O shape, and they both smiled as they slipped her little body into a slightly oversized onesie. "Are you sleepy?" Derek asked. "We could all use some quiet time."

"I suck at swaddling," Meredith said after several attempts to rewrap Lilly in her blanket.

"I'll teach you." Derek got up from the chair at her bedside and handed the baby to Meredith. "We're new at this, sweetie. Be patient," he chuckled. He flattened the blanket on Meredith's legs and folded down one corner for Lilly's head.

"Alright, here we go," he said, carefully laying the baby down on top. Derek folded all of the sides in and made sure it was loose enough to be comfy, but snug enough to keep Lilly warm and feel secure, like all of the books advised.

Meredith smiled. "You're very good at that."

"I can swaddle and diaper anything," he grinned. "Lots of practice over the years."

"Hmm, sixteenth grandchild; tenth niece," Meredith remembered, cradling Lilly close to her chest. She patted the side of the bed. "Sit."

Derek shook his head. "You're sore. I don't want to jostle you around."

"You won't," Meredith said. When Derek didn't move, Meredith smirked at him. "Okay, I pushed a baby out for you today. You're really in no position to argue with me."

"Okay," Derek laughed, taking the baby from Meredith while she carefully scooted over on the bed.

"Ow," she winced, squeezing her eyes shut. "I think I'll be walking like a cowboy for a while."

Derek smiled at her sympathetically. "You were great today. All day," he said. "From the moment we got up this morning." He gently sat down on the bed next to her, taking extra caution not to bounce or move too much. Once he got settled, he tilted her chin toward him and kissed his wife, their baby between them.

"Thank you," Meredith whispered against his lips.

"Seriously, you've never taken my breath away more than you did today," he said. He went to speak but closed his mouth, unable to come up with something that felt adequate. Tears stung his eyes. "You gave me a daughter today."

Meredith wiped the tears off his stubbly face with her hand and kissed him again. "And I'd do it again. All of it," she said, her voice trailing off as she spoke. She was crying, again, and she didn't care. "We made her, Derek. This perfect little person."

Derek held Lilly out in front of them, and the baby opened her eyes, blinking curiously at both of them. "God, she's perfect," he breathed.

"Your eyes," Meredith said.

"Both of our eyes. There's a little green around her pupils, see?"

Derek handed Lilly to Meredith and she looked into her daughter's eyes. Lilly stared back at her with a contented, trusting look, the kind of look a child has for her parents. Meredith smiled. "There is a little green in her eyes."

"Told you."

"She has your hair and chin. Oh, and feet. Perfectly arched, only a lot smaller."

"Her nose and lips are you. And her tininess," Derek smiled. "I think you're the smallest grandchild."

"Really?"

Derek nodded. "And the cutest, most perfect one, too."

"Derek."

"What? It's true," he said.

"She is kind of perfect," Meredith couldn't help but agree. "And so pretty. Seriously, I don't care if that makes us braggers. She's beautiful."

Derek kissed Meredith's cheek. "She really is."

Lilly let out a small cry and her face scrunched up adorably, her lower lip pouting at them. Derek laughed. "Oh, what's that face for?" he asked.

"Are you hungry?" Meredith asked, unsnapping the shoulder of her gown. "Wanna try eating, Lilly?

Derek put the baby in Meredith's arms once she was ready, and she guided Lilly's mouth to her breast. "Here we go," Meredith whispered. "Just, uh… oh! You did it kind of," she cheered softly.

Seconds after Lilly opened her mouth, she let go of Meredith's nipple and looked up at her with an unsure expression on her tiny face.

"Barely out of the womb for an hour, and she already makes the best faces at us," Derek teased.

Meredith laughed. "I think I confused her when I cheered her on. I'm sorry, peanut. Try again," she cooed, shifting the baby in her arms. She cupped the baby's head in her palm and made sure Lilly's mouth lined up with her nipple, hoping the extra guidance would help make it easier on her.

Instead, Lilly decided to move her head and root around on her own, mashing her lips against Meredith's skin. Meredith smiled. "Lilly, it's right here. You can do it."

"Think you should just do it for her, at least until she gets used to the idea?" Derek asked.

"I guess," Meredith said, frowning when Lilly's lower lip quivered, a telltale sign of a pending wail or sob or full-on cry fest. "She's probably just hungry and frustrated. It's alright, Lilly. I'll help."

Meredith lined Lilly up again in one arm, and with the other hand, placed her nipple into the baby's mouth. Lilly latched on and started sucking. "She's doing it," Meredith whispered excitedly. "Ow. Wow. You're hungry, huh?"

"Hurts?" Derek asked.

"Not really. Just feels… weird," Meredith replied, keeping Lilly's head cradled in her palm and her body in the other arm. "Think she's getting anything?"

"If she wasn't, she probably would've let go by now," Derek said.

Lilly slipped off and let out a soft little cry. "It's okay. I'll fix it," Meredith comforted her. She gently maneuvered Lilly's right arm from the blanket and placed the baby's hand on top of her breast. "There. Now you can hold onto me, okay?" she said.

"Impressive," Derek said proudly. "Where'd you learn that?"

"Oh. I didn't. I just thought it might help her," Meredith shrugged as she helped Lilly latch back on to her breast. Lilly splayed her fingers over Meredith's skin as she ate and Meredith kissed her forehead. "Skin to skin contact. It's comforting."

"Mommy instincts are already in full force," Derek grinned. "Like I said… impressive."

Lilly made little sucking noises with her mouth as she nursed, and Meredith snuggled their daughter close to her chest. Meredith looked at Derek and smiled. "So, we're really parents now?"

Derek exhaled in disbelief, staring down at his daughter. "Hmm, how crazy is that?"

Meredith laughed softly so as not to disturb Lilly. "Very." She rested her head on Derek's shoulder. "She believed in us all along. She knew we would get it right."

"She makes it all worth it. Everything," Derek said.

Meredith tucked Lilly's ear under the cap and smiled down at the baby she made nine months ago with her husband. "She does."