112. Lilly's Baptism

Disclaimer: I don't own the show, but I met Patrick last weekend. That has to count for something, right? ;)

Lilly laid in her boppy seat on her parents' bed, contentedly watching them while they got ready for her baptism. Her big blue eyes followed them as they moved about the bedroom, tiny thumb in its usual place in her mouth. She looked at Derek when he spoke.

"Blue shirt or white?" he asked Meredith, holding up both options on separate hangers.

"Blue. Always blue. It brings out your eyes," Meredith smiled at him. She turned around so Derek could zip the back of her turquoise sundress, something she bought right before she'd gotten pregnant, and had been waiting to wear for months. "Is it weird that we have a daughter, but we're both wearing blue to her baptism?"

Derek chuckled as he easily zipped her dress. "Well, it would be kinda tacky if we both wore pink," he said. "We can wear pink to our future son's baptism."

"That would be even tackier," Meredith said.

"Which tie? Gray or navy and white?" Derek asked, putting one against his shirt, then the other.

"Navy and white. And since when am I your fashion adviser?" she laughed as she sat on the bed to put on her heels.

"You have good fashion sense. I trust your word," he replied. "You picked Lilly's dress and she looks gorgeous."

"Of course she—" Meredith paused when she looked at Lilly sitting next to her. "Oh, crap."

Derek turned around. "What?"

"Lilly's making her poop face, and she's already dressed. If she gets poop on her white dress, we're screwed," Meredith said, reaching for the baby. "I'll pick her up, and you pull the dress over her head."

"Okay," Derek said. He gently pulled the little, white sundress over Lilly's head, leaving her in her diaper and lacy bloomers. He pulled the bloomers off, too, and set her clothes on the bed. "Sorry, princess. We can't risk a poop emergency, not on baptism day," he said, kissing her forehead.

Meredith kissed her, too, then laid her back down. "Sorry to disturb you. Carry on, Lilly."

Lilly looked at her with scrunched eyebrows, and balled up her tiny fists, and Meredith giggled. "I can't tell if that's her grumpy face, or her poop face."

Derek smiled at his daughter. "A little of both."

"Do you think she'll cry when they pour water on her? Should we bring a towel?" Meredith asked.

"It's only a little water. She can just wipe it on Mark's suit if it's bothering her," Derek joked as he put on his black dress shoes. "Besides, she loves the tub. She'll be fine."

"Yeah, I guess she'll be okay," Meredith agreed, rolling on some colored lip gloss, then tossing it into her purse. She noticed Lilly was back to sucking her thumb, a relaxed expression on her face. "All done?"

"You wanna change her, or do you want me to?" Derek asked.

"I'll do it. I don't mind," Meredith shrugged. "Can you hand me her diaper stuff?"

He grabbed a fresh diaper, wipes, cream, and powder from under Lilly's bassinet, and set it on the bed. "Want me to pack her bag?"

"I packed it last night. We just need to grab a spare outfit just in case she—" Meredith stopped mid-sentence as she was changing Lilly's diaper. "Oh, Lilly, no no. Stay still, peanut," she said, trying to hold the baby's legs still to keep her from wriggling.

"Doing your leg stretches?" Derek laughed, reaching for Lilly's legs. "Hang on. Let's let Mommy change you. She looks very pretty, and doesn't need poop on her dress."

Meredith cleaned Lilly and put a new diaper under her bottom, then Derek gently put her legs down. "Thank you," Meredith smiled at him, peeling back the tabs and fastening the diaper together.

"Teamwork," Derek said, pulling the white dress over Lilly's head while Meredith held her up. After she shimmied the bloomers up her legs, he picked her up.

"Oh, her headband." Meredith took it from her dresser, and gently put it in Lilly's hair. "There. All done."

"Beautiful," Derek grinned. "We should probably get going if we want to get pictures. My mom is waiting downstairs."

"I'm done. All we need is the extra change of clothes," Meredith said. She leaned in and kissed Lilly's cheek, then Derek. "We don't need any surprises in church."

"Once we're there, Mark and Cristina are officially on-duty godparents, which means they handle any diaper emergencies," Derek pointed out as they walked down the hall and into Lilly's bedroom.

Meredith laughed. "Cristina may be a godmother, but I'm pretty sure that duty would be passed to Mark," she said, pulling a back-up yellow sundress from Lilly's closet.

"Did you intend that pun, or was that just a happy coincidence?" Derek couldn't help but smirk.

"What pun?" she asked, before putting the pieces together. "Oh, duty? Like the other kind? Seriously, are you twelve, Derek?" Meredith laughed.

"I'm just saying, that was very clever," Derek defended. "Mommy is funny, Lilly."

...

Both Meredith and Derek held their breaths when the priest, Bridget's brother, poured the water over Lilly's head while Cristina held her. When her lower lip quivered, Meredith winced a little. "Crap."

"She's okay," Derek whispered, wrapping his arm around her as they sat in the pew.

Lilly only fussed slightly, but it was enough to make Meredith antsy. She bobbed her foot up and down, resisting the urge to jump out of her seat and take her baby. But when Cristina gently started bouncing Lilly in her arm, Meredith sighed in relief. Lilly's little sobs quieted, and she found her thumb, her way of self-soothing.

"Okay, good," Meredith said.

After Mark and Cristina recited their promise to take care of Lilly, and Lilly was blessed, the small ceremony was over. Derek, Meredith, and Linda walked up to Bridget's brother, who was standing with Mark and Cristina. Derek reached out and shook the man's hand. "Thank you again for doing this on such short notice. We really appreciate it, Father O'Hannon."

"Oh, I was happy to do it. It's so nice to finally meet you. Bridget's my sister, and she's married to Mark, so you're practically my family," he chuckled, shaking Meredith's hand, too. "And please, call me Tim. By the way, your daughter is beautiful. I've baptized hundreds of babies, but I think Lilly wins."

"Heart breaker, right?" Mark agreed, handing Lilly back to Meredith. "Makes me want to start trying for a baby, but Bridget said no babies for at least a year."

"For now, we can just enjoy Lilly and spoil the crap out of her," Bridget said, smiling at Lilly whose chin was resting on Meredith's shoulder.

Derek laughed. "Yeah, that's something they do very well."

Lilly started fussing and Meredith subtly peeked into her diaper. "I'm going to go change her. I'll be right back."

"I'll come with you," Cristina said.

Meredith grabbed the diaper bag, then looked incredulously at her friend. "Seriously?"

"It's not like I'm going to be changing the diaper," Cristina shrugged. "I just didn't feel like making small talk," she said as they walked to the bathroom in the back of the small church.

"Here. Hold her while I lay down her changing pad," Meredith said, handing Lilly to Cristina.

Lilly looked up at Cristina curiously, and Cristina cautiously held her at arm's length. "Please don't spew anything at me."

"She won't," Meredith said, rolling her eyes amusedly as she unfolded the changing pad. "Okay, lay her down."

Cristina carefully placed Lilly on the cushioned pad, then stepped aside so Meredith could change her diaper. She held out her finger, and Lilly took hold of it. When Meredith noticed the gesture, she smiled. "Admit it, you love my daughter," she said, lifting Lilly's dress.

"Well, obviously I love her. She's my person's baby. But just because I love her doesn't mean I want one for myself."

"Uh huh..." Meredith said, a smirk on her face. She took the dirty diaper from under Lilly's bottom after wiping her, folded it up, and handed it to Cristina. "Can you toss this in the trash, please?"

"Eww," Cristina said, reluctantly taking it from her. "Wow, this is heavy. Does she really pee this much?"

"She's practically attached to my boobs. In one end, out the other," Meredith said, holding up Lilly's legs while she slid a new diaper underneath her. After securing it around her waist, Meredith adjusted the strap of Lilly's little, white sandal.

"So, you really enjoy all this? Cleaning poop and getting spit up on and never sleeping through the night anymore?" Cristina asked.

Meredith smiled at Lilly. "Yeah, I do."

"What's it gonna be like when you go back to work?"

"Honestly, I don't know. I know I have to go back in a few weeks, but I can't imagine leaving her. Derek and I really don't want her in daycare, and we don't want a nanny, either. She's our baby. We don't want some stranger with a child psychology degree raising her," Meredith said, combing her fingers through Lilly's still damp hair, then putting her headband back on.

"What about Derek's mom?" Cristina asked.

"I know if we asked, she would stay as long as we wanted her to; but we can't expect her to do that. She has fifteen grandchildren on the east coast that need her, too," Meredith said, picking Lilly up and kissing her forehead.

Without being asked, Cristina folded up the changing mat and tossed it back into the diaper bag, then slung it over her shoulder. "You really can't take time off from work, though, can you?"

Meredith sighed. "I'm actually considering taking a few months off. I know if I do, I'll be way off track for finishing my residency on time, but I don't know what else we're going to do. I just refuse to do to Lilly what my mother did to me," she said as Cristina opened the bathroom door for them to exit.

"Does Derek know this?" Cristina asked.

"No," she replied. "I don't know how to tell him. He would feel so guilty, and I don't want him to feel that way. We always said we'd figure something out when we had kids, but now that we actually have one, even the thought of leaving her upsets me."

Owen walked up to them in the corridor, and kissed Cristina's cheek, his keys jangling in his hand. "I have to get going. My ER shift starts in twenty minutes," he said. He put his hand on Meredith's shoulder, and kissed the top of Lilly's head. "It was great to see both of you. I swear, Lilly looks more like you every day."

"Thanks for coming," Meredith replied. "It means a lot to Derek and me."

"Of course. I just wish I was going to the after party for all the food, too," he laughed.

"I'll send Cristina home with some," Meredith promised.

"Are you sure you don't need any help? The ER can be a bloodbath on the weekends..." Cristina said, her not-so-subtle attempt at escaping the small get-together they were having back at the house.

"I think I can manage. Today you're a godmother. You can be a surgeon tomorrow," Owen said, waving at the three of them before leaving the church.

Lilly looked up at Meredith, her eyebrows scrunched together, and Meredith laughed. "Lilly does not approve of you trying to bail on her party," she said.

"No, she's pissed that you're depriving her godmother of possible bloody surgeries," Cristina argued.

"We have alcohol at home," Meredith said.

Cristina groaned. "Hmm, fine."

...

They all sat around the table on the backyard patio. Meredith had insisted on a small non-party party, just something to celebrate Lilly's day, so she and Derek compromised on a barbecue, the happy medium between fine china and ordering takeout. Meredith watched as Derek held a spatula, manning the grill. There was something about Derek handling meat that made her hot for him, but for now, she decided watching from a few feet away would suffice, at least until she could get him alone later on in the day.

"So, we're having a party for Lilly, and she's not even here," Cristina commented before taking a sip of her beer.

Meredith laughed. "She was tired. Derek's mom offered to hold her while she naps."

"Aww, you hold her while she naps?" Lexie asked, scooping some dip onto her chip.

"Sometimes, but only for napping. She's a light sleeper like Derek, so if she wakes up, it's easier just to rock her back to sleep. Plus, she likes being held. She's very cuddly," Meredith smiled. "At night, she sleeps in the bed with us."

"Like, actually in the bed?" George asked.

"Yeah. In that baby sleeper thing," Meredith said. "She likes to be close to us. We'd rather have her there than in the bassinet just yet."

"If you and Derek wanted to have a sex-filled anniversary night, the offer still stands. Alex and I would be happy to watch her overnight," Izzie reminded her as she reached for a tortilla chip.

Alex shrugged. "As long as Iz changes the crap diapers, I don't mind."

"Oh god, I would throw up," Cristina said, nearly gagging at the thought.

"If it were any other baby, I probably would, too. But diaper changing doesn't even faze me anymore. I'm immune to all that baby grossness," Meredith said.

"Clearly. You're too busy staring at Derek's ass," Lexie accused.

Meredith scoffed. "I am not."

"Oh, you so are," Izzie agreed, laughing.

"Well, you'd be staring, too, if you weren't allowed to have sex for six weeks," Meredith defended as she leaned back in her chair.

"I'm shocked you even want sex. I delivered a baby in the backseat of a car yesterday while I was working in the ER. Even seeing that hurts..." Cristina said with a cringe.

"That's how I felt for a few days. But believe me, it goes away. Now, I have to keep myself from tearing his clothes off and having my way with him," Meredith said.

Derek passed by the table, catching the tail-end of Meredith's sentence, and he smiled. "I really hope you're talking about me."

She smiled back at him. "In fact, I am."

"Hmm, good. I'm gonna go check on Lilly and my mom. I'll be right back," he said, kissing the top of her head.

"Shepherd, where's my cheeseburger? I'm starving," Cristina told him, showing him her empty plate.

"As always, I appreciate your patience, Cristina," he shot back.

"Let me know if Lilly is fussy. I can go feed her," Meredith said.

Derek nodded as he walked into the house. "Got it."

"How is it having Derek's mom here?" Lexie asked.

"She's amazing. Yesterday, she made me take a nap. I slept for three hours straight. I love her," Meredith said. "Seriously, I won the mother-in-law lottery."

"Mrs. Shepherd's the best, isn't she?" Mark chimed in. "Derek is one lucky bastard."

"Who made the spinach dip?" Alex interjected before scooping a large portion onto a slice of bread.

"Derek's mom," Meredith answered.

Alex nodded. "Yeah, okay, Shepherd is a lucky bastard."

Meredith smiled. "He's so good with Lilly. I don't know what I'm going to do when he goes back to work next week," she said.

"Come up to the hospital. Hang out with us," Izzie said.

"I'll probably be bored out of my mind. I'm sure you'll see me," Meredith laughed, swatting away a gnat that was flying near her face.

"Bored? I think I'd be frazzled out of my mind," Bridget countered.

"Lilly is such an easy baby. She's laid back, like Derek. And she enjoys sleeping, like me. We're pretty lucky," Meredith said, smiling again when she thought of her daughter.

"You know that means the next kid will be the complete opposite, right?" Lexie said as she reached over her chair to grab another beer from the cooler.

"You think so?" Meredith asked.

Lexie nodded. "Oh, yeah. That's how it was with Molly and me. I'm the orderly, well behaved one. Molly is messy and loud and out of control. Well, at least until she met Eric. I'm telling you, the second child is the wild child."

"Kinda like you, Mer," Alex grinned, raising his beer in a toast to her.

"Oh, crap," Meredith said, running a hand through her hair. She shrugged it off. "Well, we're not having another baby for a few years, so we have time to prepare. For now, we'll just enjoy our well behaved firstborn."

Derek slid open the back door leading out to the patio, stopping to kiss the top of Meredith's head again. "Lilly's sound asleep. And her thumb is in her mouth, so she should be out for a while."

"Damn, she loves that thumb of hers, huh?" Mark laughed.

"That's how I was. I sucked my thumb until I was in grade school," Meredith said.

"When her thumb is in her mouth, we know she's in a deep sleep. She won't even take a pacifier. Whenever we offer it to her, she just sucks on it for a second, then spits it back out. It's adorable," Derek grinned.

"So now, she has a whole drawer full of unused pacifiers. Maybe future fictitious baby number two will like them," Meredith said. "I don't even know if she'll take a bottle when the time comes."

"I think I'd choose boob over bottle, too," Mark pointed out.

Bridget nudged him with her elbow. "Her boobs happen to serve a greater purpose than just gawking at them," she said.

"While you're all discussing my multi-talented rack, I'm going to use the bathroom," Meredith said, standing up from her chair.

"Food's gonna be done in about ten minutes," Derek said as he resumed his place in front of the grill.

Meredith nodded, opening the back door. "Okay, I'll tell your mom to come out."

"Okay."

...

After using the bathroom, Meredith walked down the hall and into Lilly's nursery, where Derek's mother was sitting in the rocking chair, holding the baby while she slept. Meredith stood in the doorway and smiled. "How is she?"

"Still sound asleep," Linda said softly, smiling at Lilly. "You know, I can't get over how much she looks like Derek. I've been staring at her for the past half hour and I feel like it's forty years ago and I'm rocking Derek to sleep."

"Yeah?" Meredith asked, sitting on the ottoman at the foot of the rocking chair.

Linda kissed the top of Lilly's head, breathing in her baby scent. "Time goes so fast. Some days, I wake up and I wonder how all five of my kids are grown up and have given me sixteen grandkids. One day, I'm making Halloween costumes and packing school lunches. I can still see the five lunch boxes lined up on the kitchen counter. Four girly ones, and then Derek's, smack in the middle with Spider Man or race cars," she said. "He was the sweetest little boy. I never thought he'd grow up so quickly. And now, I'm holding my son's daughter."

"He's such a good dad," Meredith said, twirling her wedding ring subconsciously around her finger.

"You know, when my kids were growing up, the mother was supposed to take care of the cooking and cleaning and raising the family, but Jim was always there to help. He changed diapers and did laundry and went to the grocery store. He coached soccer teams, and never missed a dance recital. I couldn't have been blessed with a better husband. And I see all of those things in Derek."

"Derek's told me so much about him. I know it's hard for him not having his dad around. When Lilly was born, Derek kept saying how much he wished he could've been here to meet her," Meredith said.

Linda nodded somberly. "It's hard. Jim passed away when the kids were young. He never got to interrogate the boyfriends that the girls brought home, or walk them down the aisle at their weddings. Derek took over that role."

"Derek walked the girls down the aisle?" Meredith asked.

"All four of them. He always tried to be strong for all of us. I remember when Amy brought her first boyfriend over to the house. She was about thirteen. Derek and Mark gave the poor kid such a hard time. Oh, Amy was so mad at them," Linda laughed. "When those two were around, there was never a dull moment in the house."

Meredith smiled. "So, Mark was around a lot?"

"Oh, all the time. His parents weren't home that often, so Jim and I did our best to include him in everything. He always took both boys fishing or to baseball games, even little camp-outs in the backyard. I think Derek really leaned on Mark after Jim died. Whatever Derek didn't want to talk to me about, he had Mark," Linda said. "He didn't have his father, but he had a brother. I was grateful to have Mark around. He practically lived with us after Jim passed. That's why I'm glad that even after everything that's happened, they're still close."

"Me, too," Meredith said. "You know, in some weird way, it all worked out. I mean, I hate that Derek had to go through all of that, but if he hadn't..."

"I know. I think that every day. I knew Seattle would be a fresh start for him, but I had no idea it would be the best decision he's ever made. I've never seen him so happy," Linda said.

"Me either, especially since Lilly was born. He's happy every day. I was telling everyone that I don't know what it's going to be like when he goes back to work. I'm probably going to have to push him out the front door every morning," Meredith said.

"How do you think you'll handle going back?" Linda asked, admiring Lilly's tiny fingers.

Meredith shrugged. "I don't know. Maybe it's just the hormones, but I don't know if I'll be able to leave her. It sounds silly, I know. It's just that my mother did that to me. I barely ever saw her, and by the time I was in first grade, I didn't really care. I was so used to her not being around that when she was, it was weird. That's not how I plan on raising Lilly. I know that Derek and I would never let that happen, but it still scares me, I guess," she confessed, leaning forward and rubbing Lilly's bare foot with her finger.

"Of course it would. You're a mom now. It's only natural that you would have that fear. I'd be feeling the same thing if I were you. You want to do things differently," Linda nodded in support.

"And if I had any other job, that would be fine. But the surgical program is already so competitive, and even if I took a few extra weeks off, it would put me behind—not that I mind. Obviously, Lilly comes first. I just don't know if my job will be waiting for me if I decide to take extended leave," Meredith continued on.

Linda took hold of Meredith's hand. "Do you want me to stay? You know I would be happy to stay and help. I'd even rent a house and live here until Lilly was in school, if you needed me to."

"We know you would, but we're not going to ask you to do that. Derek and I will figure something out," she said.

"I take it you haven't shared any of this with him?" Linda assumed.

"No, only Cristina knows. It's not definite. I'm still scheduled to go back in a few weeks. I've just been thinking about it a lot lately, especially because Derek goes back to work soon," Meredith said.

"Well, whatever you do, I know it'll be the best decision for Lilly," Linda said.

Meredith laughed softly. "I'm sorry. I swear, I didn't mean to use you as a therapist. You're just so easy to talk to."

"You can always talk to me, even if I'm not here. Call me whenever you want. Believe me, I raised five doctors. I've heard it all," Linda chuckled. "And besides, I consider you my fifth daughter. I'll always be there for you, sweetheart."

"Thank you," Meredith smiled. "That's... I really appreciate that."

Lilly opened her eyes and yawned widely, releasing her thumb from its hold in her mouth. Linda tickled her belly with her finger. "Look who's up."

"I thought you'd sleep longer," Meredith said, leaning in and kissing the baby's forehead. "I guess our talking woke her up. Lilly got the light sleeper gene from Derek."

"He's been like that since he was born. Jim and I always joked that he was more high maintenance than the girls. Every nap time was a production. Making sure he was fully asleep, tiptoeing out of the room, and holding the knob in so the door didn't click when it shut."

"Uh oh," Meredith said, laughing in spite of herself, and wondering what her and Derek's sex life would be like from now on, if Lilly was stirred by simple conversation. Hushed tones were nothing compared to the acoustics that bounced off the walls of their own bedroom. "We've used the music box you gave us at practically every nap time. She goes right to sleep."

"Oh, good," Linda said happily. "That's been in the family for years. Derek's grandmother hand-painted two when she was pregnant, one for Jim and on for his brother, David—Jim was a twin. Anyway, Jim kept it and gave it to Derek when he was born. It was always meant for his kids. And the circus painting works for either a boy or a girl."

"It's adorable," Meredith said. "We really do love it."

"One day, you can give it to your kids, Lilly," Linda said, holding Lilly to her chest and kissing her cheek. She smiled at Meredith. "You and Derek make beautiful, little babies."

Meredith laughed. "Thank you," she said. "I think so, too."

Linda got up from the rocking chair and she and Meredith started to walk out of the nursery. "Just talk to him about work. You two will figure something out. And if you decide you'd like me to help you out, just say the word. I'd be on the first plane out here."

"We know you would," Meredith said. "And I'll talk to him. We'll work it out." Lilly gave Meredith an unintentional thumbs up on its way to her mouth, and Meredith smiled at her daughter. "We always do."

Derek walked up the steps just as they reached the landing, smiling at all three of them. "I was just coming up here to get you. Food's ready," he said.

"We're coming, sweetheart," Linda said, descending the stairs ahead of them, holding Lilly.

He looked over at Meredith and smirked at her. "Now's our chance. Five minutes of naked time while everyone is outside?" he joked, out of earshot of his mother.

Meredith rolled her eyes, taking his hand, then following Linda back downstairs. "Really, Derek? On baptism day?"

Derek grinned at her. "Worth a try."