118. Eight Week Shots

Disclaimer: I don't own the show, but baby Lilly is mine. I love her dearly. :)

Thanks for the reviews and your continued patience! As always, it means so much to me!

Meredith pressed the up button on the elevator and checked her watch. 1:17. Seventeen minutes late for Lilly's doctor appointment. She impatiently pressed the button again. "Come on, come on," she sighed.

When the doors opened, she stepped inside and pushed the door close button, not waiting for anyone else that may have wanted to go upstairs, too. The lit number 4 switched to 5, and the doors opened again. Meredith practically ran down the hall, around the corner, and into the OB wing. She didn't see Derek with Lilly in the waiting room, so she walked over to the nurses' desk.

"Hi, my husband and daughter, Lilly, should be here. Could you tell me what room they're in, please?" Meredith asked as she caught her breath.

The nurse smiled at her. "Yes, they're in room C. You can go on back, Dr. Grey," she said.

"Thank you," Meredith replied, turning around and heading for the small corridor of exam rooms. She saw Derek and Lilly still waiting in room C, breathing a sigh of relief that Lilly hadn't gotten her shots yet. "Hey."

"Hey," Derek said, Lilly sitting on his lap in nothing but her diaper.

"Sorry I'm late. Surgery ran long," Meredith said, reaching for the baby.

"That's okay. We just got called back a few minutes ago," Derek said as he handed Lilly over. "You didn't miss anything."

Meredith kissed Lilly's forehead and cradled her in her arm. "Hmm, good. I have a feeling she's not going to be too happy about this, and I wanted to be here," she said.

"She's tough. She'll be fine," Derek reassured her. "How's your day been?"

"I've been in surgery since seven this morning, and the guy stroked out just as we were about to close. We tried to bring him back, but we couldn't," Meredith said, sitting down next to Derek on the exam table against the wall.

"I'm sorry," Derek said, rubbing his hand over her thigh.

Meredith kissed his cheek and leaned into him. "Thank you," she whispered. "You really think she'll be okay?"

"Well, it's not going to be a walk in the park; but I think it'll be harder on us than on her. Once it's over and done with, she'll forget all about it," Derek promised.

A nurse practitioner walked in the room with a small bin of vials and syringes, and Meredith felt her heart already speeding up. Even the thought of Lilly in pain was enough to make her cry, much less her baby actually being in pain. She let out a breath and hugged Lilly closer.

"Good afternoon. I'm Erin; I'll be giving Lilly her vaccinations today," she said with a smile. "I'll just be taking her height and weight first to make sure she's where she should be developmentally. Would you mind laying her on the scale for me?"

"Sure," Meredith nodded. She hopped off the table and gently laid Lilly down on the scale, letting her hold onto her finger.

"Nine pounds, eight ounces," Erin said, recording the number in Lilly's chart.

"That's good, right?" Derek asked.

Erin nodded. "Absolutely. By two months, babies usually gain a little over three pounds. Lilly was on the more petite side at birth, so her weight's just fine," she said. She calculated Lilly's height with a tape measure, then recorded that, too. "Twenty and a quarter inches. Up two and a quarter inches since she was born, also completely normal."

"Okay."

"Head circumference is up to sixteen, two inches more than six weeks ago, which is great," Erin said.

Derek grinned. "Full of brains. Clearly, a genius."

"Yes, she is," Erin laughed. "I see in her chart that she had her second dose of Hep-B at four weeks?"

"Yes."

"Okay, so there's four shots today; the fifth one she takes orally," Erin said.

Meredith nearly lost her breath. "Four?"

"I know. I'm sorry," Erin said. "But I'm quick. I'll be done as fast as I can."

"Can we do the oral one first?" Meredith asked.

"The Rota one? Sure. It's in a dropper, so I'll just squeeze it into her mouth. It has a sweet flavor to it, so she shouldn't spit it back out," Erin said, taking the dropper from the bin and filling it with the medication. "Here we go, sweetie. How's that?" Erin asked as she squeezed the dropper into the side of Lilly's mouth.

Lilly puckered her lips in curiosity, but still swallowed it, and Meredith smiled. "Good job, peanut," she praised.

"Okay, for her vaccinations, I'll do two in each thigh. DTap and Hib in the left; IPV and PCV in the right. The thighs hurt less because there's more of a fat cushion than the arm," Erin said, filling up each syringe with the correct dosage from the vials. "It shouldn't take more than thirty seconds to do all four."

Meredith's stomach flip flopped and she swallowed thickly. "Can I hold her when you do it?"

"Sure. Just let her sit on your arm. Dr. Shepherd, if you could hold her feet, that would be great," Erin requested, lining up the syringes on the tray.

"Alright," Derek said. He took a gentle hold of Lilly's feet and kissed her forehead. "It'll only hurt for a few seconds, Princess."

Meredith held Lilly's hand, and she wrapped it around Meredith's finger like she always did. "Okay, we're ready," she said, releasing a deep breath.

"Okay," Erin nodded, taking the first shot and injecting it into Lilly's thigh.

As expected, Lilly didn't take to it well, screaming in protest when she felt the prick of the needle. The sound made Meredith's eyes water, and she bit her lip. "I'm sorry. I know it hurts, Lilly."

Erin injected the second, third, and fourth shots in record time, and by the time she was finished only seconds later, Lilly's wails escalated to a level they'd never heard before, her face bright red, her forehead covered in wrinkles.

"Good girl. All done," Erin said, tossing the syringes into the sharps container. She saw Meredith wiping tears off her own cheeks and smiled in sympathy. "She'll be fine in a few minutes, I promise. This is always harder on the parents than it is on the babies," she said, putting bandaids over each injection site to avoid infections.

"I know," Meredith nodded.

"Don't be worried if she runs a slight fever. It's a completely normal side effect. Infant Tylenol will knock it out. Until then, nursing or a bottle should calm her down," Erin advised. "You guys did well, all three of you."

"Thank you," Derek said.

"Okay, she's all done. Take the room for as long as you need," Erin said politely, gathering up the syringe bin and Lilly's chart. "You did great, honey," she told Lilly with a smile. "Nice seeing you both."

Derek returned the smile. "You, too."

Erin left the room, closing the door behind her, and when they were given some privacy, Derek wrapped his arms around Meredith and Lilly. "All done. That wasn't so bad, right?"

Meredith sniffled, brushing the trails of tears off of Lilly's face with her hand. "She probably hates us."

"No, she doesn't. She's just gonna be fussy for a while," Derek said, handing her a tissue.

She took it from him and dabbed at her eyes. "Fussy? Derek, she's screaming," Meredith said, hugging Lilly to her chest. "I know, peanut. I promise, we didn't do it to hurt you. We just love you."

"How about we put her dress back on, then we can go to my office and you can nurse her?" Derek suggested.

"Yeah, okay," Meredith nodded. She tried to lay Lilly down on the table, but frowned when she realized Lilly was gripping onto her hair, holding it in her tiny fingers as she continued to cry. "She's too upset. Let's just wrap a blanket around her for now. Once she calms down, we can dress her."

Derek pulled a blanket from the diaper bag and draped it over Lilly's back, gently tucking it over her shoulders and around her belly to keep her warm and covered on the walk to his office. He kissed the back of Lilly's head. "If Mommy or Daddy could've done that for you, we would have, Lillybug," he said.

"Do you think she's in pain still?" Meredith asked.

"Nah, she's just startled. One minute, she's happy as a clam, then boom, four needles. I'd cry too if I were her. Like Erin said, the parents cry more than the kids. Once she nurses, she'll relax and forget about it," Derek said, slinging the diaper bag over his shoulder.

"Okay."

They left the exam room, and weaved their way out of the hospital wing toward Derek's office. Others walking around turned their heads when they heard Lilly crying, so Meredith began rubbing her back to soothe her, bouncing on her heels. "We're gonna go have some quiet time, okay, Lilly?"

Once they reached Derek's office, he pulled his keys from his pocket, and unlocked the door. Meredith walked in first with Lilly, making a beeline for the couch under the window. "Make sure you lock it. I have scrubs on, so I'll just take my shirt off."

"Okay," he nodded, turning the lock in place. He walked over to the couch and took Lilly while Meredith got situated. "You're okay. No more needles, I promise," he told her, his heart sinking at the look of upset on Lilly's face.

Meredith took another blanket from Lilly's bag. "I don't have a nursing bra on," she said.

"That's okay. Just take it off. I won't look," Derek said, turning around.

"We made a baby together. Why would I care if you looked?" Meredith snapped. She sighed, draping the blanket over her bare shoulder as she propped a pillow on her lap. "Sorry. I don't mean to be cranky," she said, brushing some hair off her face.

Derek sat down next to her on the couch and handed Lilly to her. "Don't apologize. I get it," he said.

Lilly's crying ceased as soon as she latched on and started to nurse, and they both sighed in collective relief. "Good," Meredith whispered. She looked to Derek and smiled as best she could. "Thank you."

"For what?"

"Letting me yell at you. I'm so tired. I don't mean it," Meredith said. "I didn't think that would be so hard."

"Me either," Derek admitted.

Meredith leaned into him when he wrapped his arm around her shoulders. "I love you," she said.

"I love you, too."

"She already looks more relaxed," Meredith said, brushing her finger over Lilly's tear-stained cheek.

"See? Already forgotten about," Derek said.

"Good, because I don't want her to remember that. You know where the baby Tylenol is, right? Top shelf of the medicine cabinet?" Meredith said. "Just in case she spikes a fever."

"Yeah," Derek nodded. "When do you think you'll be home tonight?"

"I have a surgery at 2:30 with Bailey. I'm hoping to be out by six, home by six thirty, but we'll see," Meredith sighed, checking her watch. "I wish I could just go home and be with her in case she needs me."

Derek gave her shoulders a reassuring squeeze. "She'll probably just sleep. If she feels warm, I'll give her the Tylenol, that's all. And by that time, you'll probably be home, anyway. It'll be fine," he said.

"How do you do that?"

"Do what?" he asked.

"Balance out my irrational mommy fears with rational calmness," Meredith said.

Derek grinned. "It's a gift."

"Yeah, yeah," she sighed playfully.

"Besides the surgery, how's your morning been?" he asked.

"Okay, until our daughter got stuck with four needles," she said. "But I managed to get this weekend off because I switched shifts with Izzie, so that's good."

"Really? How'd you do that?" Derek asked.

"Alex is the chief resident, so he has power over my schedule. And because I let him live in the old house free of charge, he can't really say no to me," she said. "He and Iz want to go on a real honeymoon at some point, so they're both trying to bank hours. I was supposed to work from twelve to twelve on Saturday, but Izzie's going to take that, so she'll get twenty-four."

"Good," Derek said. "I have a surgery scheduled for Saturday, and now that you're off, you'll be home to watch Lilly."

She sighed. "I hate this."

"What?"

"I just feel like I never see you anymore. When you're here, I'm home, and when I'm here, you're home. I don't want Lilly to think that's the way it's supposed to be," Meredith said, watching as Lilly's eyelids fluttered with sleepiness.

"It's not always going to be like this. Just a few more months. It's already the beginning of August. Remember when you were pregnant, and you weren't sure you'd be able to work as much as you wanted to? You worked until you were practically ready to push," Derek chuckled. "You made it through that without a problem, and we can do this, too."

"I know. It's just different now that she's here. Most days, I know we can do it. But today it's just... I don't know. I try really hard to be all strong and tough about all this, but it's not easy sometimes," Meredith admitted, dropping her head onto Derek's shoulder.

He kissed the top of her head. "I know."

Meredith's pager went off, and she quickly pulled it from her hip. "Damn. Bailey. I have to go prep our patient," she said, glancing at Lilly. "I don't care if she yells at me. I'm not leaving until Lilly's done."

"You sure? I packed a bottle," Derek said.

"She's just starting to fall asleep, and she's barely sucking anymore. I'll wait a few minutes until she lets go on her own," Meredith said.

"How'd you get on a general surgery? I thought you were scrubbing in with Nelson today," Derek said.

"Hectic morning in the pit. My neuro surgery was an elective, so it was bumped so Bailey could have the OR," Meredith shrugged. "Shadow Shepherd is used to getting bumped off the OR board. No big deal."

"Dr. Nelson," Derek corrected.

"Calling him Shadow Shepherd is a compliment to you. You should be flattered."

"You're a neurosurgeon in the making. What if someone called you that?" Derek laughed.

"I been living in the shadow of Ellis Grey since the first day of med school. I'm so used to the freaking shadow that I shy away from sunlight," Meredith joked.

Derek smiled. "Just think of what Lilly will have to put up with. Ellis Grey, surgical royalty, as her grandmother; two neurosurgeon parents; all four of my sisters are doctors, then there's Lexie. Eight surgeons in her family. That's quite a legacy to live up to. Thankfully, she's brilliant, so it won't be a problem."

"Well, that's true," Meredith agreed, feeling Lilly unlatch as she finally slipped into sleep. "All done, peanut?"

"See? All happy and relaxed again," Derek said. He watched as Meredith kissed Lilly's forehead, then carefully handed her to him so she could get ready to go back to work.

"I hate that I have to rush off," Meredith said as she hooked her bra then reached for her shirt. "Are you guys going to hang out here?"

"I'll just wait a few minutes to make sure she's really asleep. Once the telltale thumb is in her mouth, we'll go," Derek nodded, gently rubbing Lilly's back.

Meredith pulled her shirt back over her head and brushed her hair into a ponytail. "Okay," she said. She leaned down and kissed Lilly again. "Mommy loves you so much. You did so good today."

"See you at home," Derek said, before Meredith raised her head to kiss him.

"Hmm, yeah," she murmured against his lips. "I'll call as soon as I'm out of surgery. And have me paged if you need me. I don't care if I have to scrub out."

"Okay," he said.

Meredith looked back as she walked toward the door. She put her hand on the knob and regretfully turned it. "Alright, I'll see you later on tonight."

Derek offered her an optimistic smile, hoping to cheer up. "Just think about this weekend. Sex, sleeping in, and lots of Lilly time."

She smiled back at him. "Thank you."

...

By the time Meredith made it downstairs to pre-op, her patient, a little boy, was already partially sedated, and Bailey was counting the dosages of each IV to document them before surgery. Meredith walked into the room and bit her lip, ready for whatever speech Bailey was sure to give her about tardiness.

"On your first day as an intern, what was rule number two, Grey?" Bailey asked.

"Answer every page," Meredith replied.

Bailey looked up, finally making eye contact with her. "And?"

"I know. I'm sorry. Lilly had her eight week shots this afternoon, and she was upset, so Derek and I were trying to calm her down," Meredith immediately apologized.

Bailey smiled slightly in understanding. "I remember that day. Isn't easy..."

"No, it isn't," Meredith agreed.

"She okay?" Bailey asked.

Meredith nodded. "Yeah. I was nursing her when you paged, and I wanted to make sure she was asleep before I left. I'm really sorry," she reiterated, making herself useful by taking the boy's pre-op temperature.

"Hmm, I'll let you off the hook this time," Bailey said.

"Thank you."

Bailey handed her the patient's chart before leaving the room. "Finish prepping him, then meet me in the OR. And don't be late."

Meredith shook her head adamantly. "I won't, I promise."

"Okay, then."

Two hours passed in the OR without a call from Derek or a surgical complication, and Meredith was relieved. Her mind had been on rote, her fingers doing the work for her as she thought about Lilly at home, hoping she was still asleep, or at the very least, feeling better than she was earlier. She had at least another hour and half in the OR, and confident that it would be smooth sailing to the finish line, she brought her focus back to the surgery.

"Here. Take these, and sew the blood vessels back onto the liver," Bailey said, handing her the 5.0 prolene sutures.

Meredith raised her eyes, suspicious of the invitation. "Really?"

"I trust you. Just don't kill him, or this will be the second time I'd have to yell at you today, and I don't like yelling at you," Bailey said.

"You used to," Meredith said as she began to delicately suture the first of the four blood vessels back onto the liver.

"Yeah, well, that was back when all I had to do was look at you all to put the fear of God into you. Now, you're all snazzy fifth year residents, too arrogant for your own good," Bailey said with a hint of levity.

"Oh, we're still scared. Don't worry," Meredith assured her.

Bailey smiled satisfactorily under her mask. "Good."

Meredith's pager went off on the tray table against the wall, and one of the scrub nurses, Mary, quickly went to retrieve it. She called out to the nurses' station, and jotted down a message, all the while, Meredith's mind trying to stay on task. Five sutures down, a hundred more to go.

"Dr. Grey, Dr. Shepherd called for you a few minutes ago," Mary said as she approached the table.

Meredith looked up. "Is everything okay?"

"Would you like me to read the message out loud?" Mary asked.

"Um, yeah, that would be fine," Meredith nodded, relinquishing any semblance of privacy with the urge to know why Derek had called.

"He said that Lilly is running a low grade fever. He gave her the Tylenol, but she's being fussy with a bottle," Mary informed her, reading off the notepad.

"Is she really upset?" Meredith asked.

Mary shook her head apologetically. "That's all his message said."

Meredith swallowed thickly, her mind immediately pulled from the fragile work of her hands inside the patient's body. All she could think about was Lilly, who was at home, and who needed her. And here she was, stuck in surgery. History repeating itself thirty years later. The same thing happened countless times when Meredith was little, and here it was, happening all over again. In that moment, she was pretty sure she could rival Ellis Grey in the crappy mom department.

Her eyes burned with tears, and she stared at the clock on the wall straight ahead as she tried to blink them away. She let out a breath. "Okay, can you tell him I'll be home as soon as I can?"

"Sure," Mary replied, walking back over to the phone.

Bailey saw the tears pooled in Meredith's eyes, and her determination to finish the sutures, despite how obviously distressed she was. She turned to the general fellow next to her, and nodded toward the surgical field. "Take over until I get back," she said. "Grey, scrub room."

Meredith carefully handed the line of suture over to the fellow, and followed Bailey out of the OR. She started apologizing before the automatic doors swooshed shut behind them, trying to soften the brunt of what was sure to be another verbal berating. "I'm sorry. Really, I'm fine. I can finish the surgery," Meredith said.

"Zzzt," Bailey interrupted, raising her hand in a halting motion. "Shut up, scrub out, and go home."

"What?"

"You're no good to me in the OR when you're crying. Go home," Bailey repeated. Meredith stood there, frozen in hesitation, and Bailey's eyes softened. "Look, I know what it's like. When you have a baby, that baby trumps every other thing in this world, even surgery. That's the way it should be. Now, go."

"You're not mad?" Meredith asked.

Bailey shook her head. "I'm mad that we're still talking about this. Now go on; get out of here," she said.

Meredith exhaled, quickly pulling off her gloves. "Thank you, Dr. Bailey."

Bailey stopped on her heel and turned around before going back into the OR. "A lukewarm sponge bath, and a light onesie," she said.

"Excuse me?" Meredith asked.

"For the fever."

"Oh. Thank you," Meredith said, taking off her surgical mask. "I don't know if I've ever said this to you, but you're kind of awesome."

Bailey pushed the automatic door button with her elbow and glanced back at her briefly. "Yeah, well, don't tell anyone."

Meredith just smiled as she untied her surgical gown, then grabbed a new bar of soap to scrub out. She had always appreciated her former resident, but today, she was fairly certain that if given the chance, she'd hug her.

...

As soon as Meredith turned the handle to the front door of the house, she heard Lilly's wails coming from upstairs, and it was enough to break her heart. She kicked off her shoes, tossed her keys onto the table in the foyer, and jogged up the steps, following the sound until she reached Lilly's nursery, where Derek was sitting in the rocking chair, attempting to calm her down but with no luck.

When Derek saw her walk through the doorway, his eyebrows knitted together in confusion. "What're you doing here?" he asked.

"The nurse told me you called, so Bailey let me go," Meredith said. "What's her temp?"

"99.8. She woke up when I took her out of the car seat after we got home, and she started fussing. When I took her temperature and saw she had a fever, I gave her the Tylenol, but it's the infant kind, so it kicks in gradually. I guess it hasn't taken full affect yet," Derek said.

"Okay, I'm going to go change my shirt, then I'll feed her. Can we go into our room?" Meredith asked.

Derek nodded and got up out of the chair, following her into their bedroom. "She never has any problems with the bottle. I think she just wanted boob, and unfortunately, I don't have the right equipment."

"It's okay," Meredith said as she pulled off her shirt and tossed it into the hamper. She rummaged through Derek's closet for a button down, and pulled one from the hanger. "I'll probably just nurse her all weekend, so I may as well wear this."

"Hey, if that's easier, take whatever you want," Derek shrugged, gently patting Lilly's back.

Meredith took her bra off and slung the shirt on. "Remember the days when I valued modesty?"

"Our first date ended with you, naked and wrapped in a blanket, kicking me out of your house. So, no, not really," Derek chuckled.

"I believe being wrapped in a blanket is the modesty part," Meredith said. She crawled back onto the bed and propped a pillow on her lap. "Okay, I'm all ready, Lilly."

Derek sat down next to her, handing a still crying Lilly over. "I'm really sorry, Mer. I know you were in surgery, and honestly, it took about three tries before I actually let the call to the hospital go through. I just didn't know what else to do. She's never had a fever before," Derek said.

"It's okay," Meredith said softly, guiding Lilly to her breast. Lilly latched on and put her hand on top like she always did. Meredith smiled down at her daughter. "I'm glad you called."

"Was Bailey mad?" Derek asked.

"No, actually she was kind of... sweet. I mean, sternly sweet," Meredith said. "She's a mom, too. Sacrifices are part of the game. She gets that. And if I have to sacrifice one, I'd rather it be surgery. Lilly didn't sign up for any of this. I never want her to feel like she's the one being sacrificed for my career. That's how I felt when I was little, and that... really sucked."

"Do you feel like you're sacrificing too much?" Derek asked candidly.

Meredith looked over at him. "What do you mean?"

"It's just... I know you wanted chief resident. You didn't really get the chance to throw your hat in the ring because you were pregnant," Derek explained, putting a pillow behind Meredith's back so she would be more comfortable.

"I used to want it. But given the choice between chief resident and mom, I choose mom," Meredith said, smiling when Lilly stretched her toes. "Work used to be my life. I'd spend three days straight in the hospital without leaving the building. But Lilly is so much more fun than paperwork. Alex deserved it. He works hard, and he's fair. Plus, he's technically Uncle Alex, so if he can help me out once in a while for Lilly's sake, he'll do it."

"I just didn't want you to regret it ten years from now. You work hard, too. You deserve it," Derek said.

"I would've regretted it more if we waited ten years to have kids because we were too busy to have them, and realized we waited too long," Meredith countered. "I know you've been ready for kids for fifteen years."

"You know, I held that against Addison for a long time. We always talked about ifs and whens, but it never went anywhere. And looking back, I couldn't be more grateful that we didn't have any. I mean, I would've loved any kids we had, but I'd feel so..." Derek said, searching for the word he was looking for.

"Stuck?" Meredith supplied.

"Exactly. I mean, who knows where I'd be if Addison slept with Mark, but we had a kid. I couldn't have just packed up and come out here. As much as I would have wanted to just leave, I could never do it. I'd be tethered to a woman who cheated on me for the rest of my life," Derek said. "You know, Addison and Mark sleeping together was the best thing that could've happened. Back when I first moved out here, I was done with relationships. Never thought I'd get married again. Gave up my dream of being a dad. I was done with all of it. I came out here for work, and work was really all I had."

Meredith smiled. "And then you met me?"

"Then I met you," Derek said.

"See? All of the good cancels out all of the crap. We made a person. And I just watch her... the way she scrunches her nose like me or sleeps with her hand on her chest like you. We made her. I think about that sometimes, and it still shocks me. I don't care about some job title or a big, flashy surgery. She's what matters to me. You and her," Meredith said, patting the bed for Charlie to hop up. "You too, buddy." She reached for Derek's hand. "My point is, I don't regret anything. Every time I look at Lilly, I can't imagine our lives without her in it."

"Me either."

"So, we're gonna let Lilly eat, then we're gonna give her a lukewarm bath, put her in a onesie, and wait for the medicine to kick in. Then, we're gonna try to have some semblance of a good weekend. One foot in front of the other," Meredith decided, raising her head to kiss him.

Derek smiled curiously against her lips. "That's very... Bailey of you."

"Yeah, well, I spent most of the day with her. It rubs off on you."