169. Surgery Date & Dessert

Disclaimer: Maybe one day.

Thank you for your patience! Enjoy the update!

Meredith wasn't sure what time it was, or how long she had been standing in the room next to Lilly's nursery when Derek found her, his eyes full of equal parts confusion and sleep. "Hey, what're you doing up? It's three in the morning," he said with a yawn.

"Jellybean is using my bladder as a pillow, so I've been up twice an hour to pee. After my sixth trip to the bathroom, I was wide awake, so I came in here to think about the nursery and how we're going to shuffle rooms around once the baby is born," Meredith said, reaching into her box of all marshmallow Lucky Charms for another small handful.

Derek blinked as he tried to find a way to convince her to come back to bed, but knew he would be more successful if he could help her tackle the crisis that he assumed couldn't wait until daylight was upon them.

"Any luck?"

"Yeah. I'm thinking since Lilly's nursery is a little smaller than the other bedrooms, we should just keep her in there until she's old enough for this room and her big girl bed. And since the baby will be with us in our room for a while after he or she is born, we could get both of their rooms ready during those few months," Meredith suggested.

"I like that. Makes sense," Derek agreed, admittedly impressed, even as he tried not to fall asleep leaning against the wall.

"Okay, good. And then, instead of wasting the nursery space, we could make that into an upstairs playroom for them. If the baby is a girl, we can just keep the pink paint in there already. If it's a boy, we can repaint it something more neutral for both of them. I was thinking yellow. That's cheerful, right?" Meredith said.

Derek smiled at her enthusiasm and nodded in solidarity. "Yeah, yellow is a good neutral color. I vote yellow if we end up repainting it."

"So, you're on board with all that?" Meredith asked.

"I am. You'll probably need to give me a recap in the morning when I'm more coherent, but yes, hundred percent on board," Derek echoed. He wrapped an arm around her shoulders and hugged her to him. "Now that that's settled, how about we try to get some sleep before the alarm goes off in four hours?"

"Fine, but you need to get the baby to sleep first. Your fly fishing story usually does the trick," Meredith requested.

Derek chuckled as he turned out the bedroom light. "Are you saying my fly fishing story calms the baby to sleep, or bores the baby to sleep?" he asked.

"Maybe a little of both. Either way, it works," Meredith shrugged, peeking in on Lilly as they walked down the hall toward their own bedroom. "She's such a good sleeper. I hope we get that lucky again with Jellybean, who seems to be nocturnal at the moment."

After they made it back to their own room and crawled back under the covers, careful not to disturb Charlie who lay at the foot of the bed, Derek rested his hand over Meredith's ever-expanding belly. "Hey, you. I know it's been twenty-eight weeks of squishy, cozy darkness in there, and you're probably counting down the minutes until you get to come out and meet us. We are, too. Just a little while longer, okay?" he said softly.

The wiggles and kicks grew more infrequent as Derek spoke, and Meredith smiled. "Keep talking; it's working," she said, putting her hand next to his on her belly.

"Let's try to get some rest now. I'll give you a minute to get settled and start sucking your thumb," Derek said, waiting a few moments before he continued. "All set? Okay, good. So, the first time I went fly fishing, I was nine years old. It was just me and my Dad. We went in November, a week or so before Thanksgiving. We'd been planning it for weeks, so when the day finally came, I was up before the alarm..."

The smooth hum of Derek's voice lulled Meredith as much as it did the baby, because she was fast asleep by the time nine year old Derek was eating the toast and egg breakfast his Mom made them the morning of the trip.

Unfortunately, the soothing tone of Derek's voice was replaced with the nagging beep of the alarm clock mere hours later, and Meredith pulled a pillow over her head. "No no no," she mumbled.

"I know," Derek sighed as he reached over her to turn it off.

"Too comfy to move. Can't go to work," Meredith decided.

Derek peeled back the pillow slightly, enough to kiss her forehead. "We have that VNS surgery today. Well, you do. I'm just going to stand there and admire your work."

Despite Meredith's longing to stay under the covers and sleep, the incentive of surgery was enough to get her to at least open her eyes. "Fine. Quickie first?"

"Always have time for a quickie," Derek said as she rolled on top of him.

"Good, because if I can't have coffee, I need an orgasm. It's the next best thing," she teased, unable to keep from laughing at the stung expression on his face. "Kidding. Your penis will always win that battle."

Derek smiled, groaning when she began rocking her hips against him. "I hope that's what you write in my Valentine this year. Very romantic."

...

Lilly stepped off of the fourth floor elevator with her baby doll, her parents following behind her. She turned left toward the nurses' station before they even told her which way to go, and her easy confidence made Derek grin in pride.

"I worked here for a month before I stopped getting lost every day. She's still in diapers, and knows this place like the back of her hand," he said, adjusting Lilly's travel bag on his shoulder.

"I still wouldn't know that billing is in the basement if we hadn't snuck down there to have sex all those years ago," Meredith admitted.

"That was a night on call well spent. We need to do that again," Derek proposed.

"We do."

When Lilly spotted George waiting for them at the nurses' station, her tiny legs picked up the pace and she ran to him, arms outstretched. "Gogo!"

"Hey, you," George said as he knelt down to hug her. "I know I just saw you last week, but you got bigger. Are you getting bigger?" he asked.

"I big," Lilly agreed.

"She's very excited to spend the day with Uncle Gogo. The only thing she talked about this morning was how she's going to watch you today," Meredith shared.

George laughed, lifting Lilly up onto the counter. "You're going to watch me? Okay, then. I'll make sure to behave."

"Thanks again for this, O'Malley. We appreciate it," Derek said.

"Of course, yeah. I was thinking I would—" George said when Lilly reached for a pen next to him. "Oh, here you go. I was thinking I'd take her across the street to my place for a while until Iz is finished in surgery. We wanted to take her to that bakery around the corner. I mean, if that's okay with you."

"Lilly would love that. Thank you, George," Meredith said.

"So, what's it like being neighbors with Yang now? Hell on earth?" Derek asked as Cristina dropped down into a chair at the nurses' station.

Cristina looked up from her computer screen, throwing a pencil eraser at him. "I'm very neighborly."

"Except you steal milk from me every morning and never replace it," George countered.

Cristina shrugged. "I steal your milk. You steal my WiFi. Live and let live."

"Oh, and you always throw your laundry into the wash with mine to save fifty cents," George added.

"It's called water conservation. I'm helping the environment," Cristina defended. "Besides, isn't having a shared wall with me an upgrade from sleeping down the hall from the headboard-breaking porn duo you once lived with," she said, gesturing to Meredith and Derek.

Derek's face blushed in embarrassment, and he ran a hand through his hair. "Really, Yang? In front of my daughter?"

"Okay, we only broke one headboard," Meredith said, crossing her arms over her belly. "And I take that porn duo thing as a compliment, so thank you."

As a way to stifle any further conversation about his sex life, Derek handed George the list Meredith had written out concerning Lilly's schedule. "Everything on here is pretty self-explanatory. Mer always goes a little overboard with the details, which is why it's three pages."

"Well, God help him if Lilly's lunch is thirty seconds late. There's extra clothes and diapers in her bag. I packed a few books, too. She loves the big sister ones," Meredith said.

"I sissy!" Lilly said, pointing to herself.

"Yeah, you're gonna be the best big sister ever, Princess," Derek said, kissing her cheek. "You have lots of fun with Uncle George."

Meredith smiled as she did the same. "We love you, Lillybug. We'll see you in a little while, okay?"

"Lub," Lilly said, returning kisses to both of them.

"We should only be a few hours, so I'll call you when we're finished. If you have any problems, call either of us. Not that you will. I just mean, you know, if you do..." Meredith rambled.

"No rush. We'll be fine," George assured her.

"Thanks; we owe you. Bye, baby girl," Meredith said, blowing Lilly a kiss as she and Derek walked down the hall.

Cristina smiled at Lilly, who was laughing as George stuck their fingers together with scotch tape. "They totally broke more than one headboard," she said.

George nodded. "At least three, yeah."

...

Fully prepped with the chart under her arm, Meredith rounded the corner to their patient's room. Her hand rested in its usual place, her belly. Derek couldn't help but smile at her as they walked, and she narrowed her eyes at him in curiosity. "What?" she asked.

"Nothing. Just you in the dark blue scrubs, baby in your belly, kicking surgical ass. It makes me wanna marry you again right now," Derek said.

Meredith bumped his hip with hers. "I haven't kicked surgical ass yet. Don't jinx me."

"Oh, come on. You've got this in the bag. And maybe after, we could... celebrate your victory," Derek hinted.

"Mhm. You mean like splitting a granola bar in the elevator?" she asked.

"As romantic as that would be, I was thinking something slightly pornier on the couch in my office," he suggested.

"Very subtle, Dr. Shepherd," Meredith laughed, knocking twice on the door to their patient's room before entering. "Good morning, Mr. and Mrs. Pearson. It's nice to finally meet you in person."

Derek extended his hand to the couple. "Dr. Shepherd. Nice to meet you," he greeted. "Is this Mr. Graham? He's a handsome, little guy."

"Yeah, he turned three months old yesterday," Mrs. Pearson nodded, her tiny son cradled in her arm. "Thank you again for agreeing to see us. It's been a struggle to find a doctor back home who was familiar with Graham's condition, so when we heard about you, we knew it was a godsend."

"We're happy to help," Meredith said, smiling at the baby who was intently sucking his green pacifier. "So, what did your pediatrician tell you about Sturge-Weber syndrome?"

"At first, we were told it was a port wine stain birthmark on the right side of his forehead and his eyelid. Our doctor said it wasn't dangerous, and that it would probably even fade a little by the time he was two. I mean, he's perfect the way he is, but we figured that if it bothered him when he was older, we could look into cosmetic surgery or something," Mrs. Pearson shared.

"Then a few weeks ago, he had his first seizure. We went straight to ER, and they did a CT scan. That's when we were told something was going on in his brain, and that it wasn't a birthmark," Mr. Pearson said.

Derek nodded in understanding, putting the CT scan on the light box. "Right. See this white spot here, Graham has an excess of tiny blood vessels that are compressing the trigeminal nerves in his brain. Those nerves are responsible for facial sensation and some of the motor function," Derek said, stepping aside so Meredith could explain further.

"The blood vessels compressing the nerves are sitting on the surface of Graham's brain, and that's what's causing the seizures. And because those extra vessels are feeding on blood the brain is supposed to get, it can eventually cause the brain tissue to die from the lack of blood flow. The good news is that it was caught in time, which means we're able to prevent all of that," Meredith assured them.

"That's what the device is going to do, right?" asked Mrs. Pearson, who was nervously playing with the button on her son's shirt.

"Yes, it is. We're going to insert what's called a vagus nerve stimulator into Graham's chest. It's basically a pacemaker for his brain, about the size of a half dollar. It works by sending small electrical impulses to the vagus nerve in Graham's neck, which sends them to the brain. Because the device sends the signals continuously, it prevents the seizures before they start," Meredith said.

"So, no brain surgery at all?" Mr. Pearson clarified.

Derek shook his head. "No brain surgery."

"I'm going to make an incision on the outer side of Graham's chest just under the clavicle, which is where the device, itself, will be implanted. The device has a wire attached, which I'll then thread into the lower portion of Graham's neck where the vagus nerve is located. The wire is what lets the electric signals travel from Point A to Point B," Meredith said.

She noticed the apprehension on both of the parents' faces, and she smiled at them in calm reassurance. "I know it sounds scary. If it were my child, I'd be scared, too. The upside is that it's a minimally invasive surgery. If all goes well, you can even take your son home tomorrow."

"I've worked with Dr. Grey for six years now. She's the best of the best. You couldn't ask for a better surgeon to take care of your little guy," Derek said genuinely.

"As soon as we're finished, we'll call down to the NICU, so you can be there with him when he wakes up," Meredith said.

Mrs. Pearson nodded in relief, hugging her son to her chest. "Thank you both so much."

"Of course. And if you have any questions at all, don't hesitate to ask us," Derek said, shaking Graham's tiny hand. "We'll see you in a little bit, okay, buddy?"

Once they left the room, giving the Pearsons privacy before their son's surgery, Derek wrapped an arm around Meredith's shoulder and squeezed. "Dream team."

Meredith smiled, leaning into him. "Dream team."

...

Across the street at George's apartment, Lilly was in her glory, eating vanilla frosting off her cupcake. "Mmm, Gogo," she told George.

"Well, good. I'm glad you like them," George said as he took a bite of his own cupcake. He glanced over at Izzie, who sat with her laptop on the couch. "Aren't you gonna eats yours?"

"I will. I just want to order these favors for Meredith's sprinkle first," Izzie said. "Their baby is due in two months, and I have nothing to work with. No gender. No name. No color palette."

Before George could offer a solution, Cristina opened the door to the apartment, coffee mug in hand. "I know, I'm a milk thief. But I'm too tired to go to the store," she greeted, walking over to the fridge.

"I thought you were working today," Izzie said.

"I was supposed to be in surgery now, but my idiot intern forgot to write the NPO order, so my patient had breakfast this morning. We had to postpone until tomorrow," Cristina said as she poured milk into her coffee.

"Okay, well, since you're both here, I need your input. Pink, blue, and what other color for Mer's sprinkle?" Izzie asked.

Cristina answered with a sigh. "You're still throwing her that party?"

"Yes. And before you ask, yes, you have to come," Izzie responded. "It's February 21st at my place, so save the date. I sent out the invites this morning."

"Does Meredith know about this?" George asked.

"I texted her last night. Then I texted Derek to make sure that if she tried to get out of it, he could still get her there," Izzie said wisely. "Now, do I go with yellow or green for my third color?"

"Yellow is good. It works for a boy or a girl," George said.

"Okay. Pink, blue, and yellow favors have officially been ordered. If she hates yellow, it's your fault," Izzie said. She took her notepad off the table, crossing party favors off the long to-do list, along with the cake she'd ordered at the bakery earlier.

"You really think they haven't opened that envelope with the gender reveal picture? Or Meredith secretly hasn't?" Cristina asked in suspicion.

George shook his head, wiping some frosting off Lilly's face with his thumb. "I don't think so. Do you?"

"I would say yes, except when I gave her the ultrasound last month, Meredith all but threatened to kill me if I even hinted at what it was. Not that I saw, anyway. And believe me, I tried," Izzie upheld.

"Well, let's ask the source. If anyone has insider scoop, it's Lilly," Cristina pointed out, slinking off the couch and sitting next to Lilly on the floor. "Is Jellybean a boy or a girl?"

"Bean baby," Lilly answered.

"Okay, try this. Lilly, are you getting a baby brother or a baby sister?" George amended.

Lilly smiled, licking sprinkles off her hand. "Bubba sissy," she echoed.

"Damn. Either they really don't know, or Lilly is messing with us for fun," Cristina said.

"Lilly, what's the baby's name?" Izzie asked.

"Bean."

"Okay, it's official. Our only source of intel knows no more than we do," Izzie frowned.

"Gender aside, those Shepherd sisters are texting Mer every day, asking if they've picked a name yet. If that's not driving her crazy enough to pick one soon, nothing will," Cristina said.

Izzie bit into her cupcake, taking that tidbit of information as her silver lining. "That makes me strangely happy."

"Dada boy," Lilly told the group.

Cristina nodded, swiping some frosting off Lilly's cupcake with her finger. "Yeah. With his truckload of sisters and nieces, none of us know how that Y chromosome beat out the X. Still one of biology's greatest mysteries."

...

"What about Anna? That's always been a favorite of mine," Derek suggested, watching as Meredith effortlessly threaded the VNS wires into Graham's neck. No matter how many hours he spent with her in the OR, seeing her surgical talent in action gave him as much of a high as if he were holding the scalpel himself.

"That's pretty. I like it. Remind me to add it to the list," Meredith smiled under her mask. "A list which has, like, zero boy names on it, by the way. We should probably add some of those."

Derek chuckled as he gently suctioned the area around the wires. "I think we have one or two on there."

"I guess that's progress, then," Meredith said. "Oh, what about Nicholas? Classic, handsome..." she pondered aloud, checking the baby's vitals on the monitor.

"Another good one. We're on a roll today, Dr. Grey," Derek said.

"Good, we need to be. When I was twenty-eight weeks pregnant with Lilly, we had her first and middle names picked and Izzie had it embroidered on a hundred things. Jellybean doesn't have a name or anything embroidered. Just the comforts of living inside me," Meredith said.

Derek was about to remind her how enjoyable it was being inside of her, but decided to censor himself for the sake of the nearby scrub nurses and anesthesiologist. "She'll have a name by the time she's born. Or he will. We added two to the list just now. That's practically a record."

"True," Meredith agreed. "Karen, what's his pulse ox?" she asked the scrub nurse.

"Ninety-nine percent. All vitals are stable," Karen said.

"Looking good. The device was placed perfectly. Wires are threaded in place," Derek said as he glanced at the fluoroscope. "Just need a few sutures on each incision site, and we can call it a day. At least in the OR. I have a feeling Lilly is sugared up and bouncing off the walls."

Meredith laughed. "Bouncing off the walls, probably covered in cupcake frosting. We should make George and Izzie bathe her before they give her back."

"We should."

"I know Izzie's over there planning my sparkle, too," Meredith said.

"You mean sprinkle?" Derek asked.

"Sprinkle, whatever. Do I really have to have one of those? Because I'm half convinced she's making the whole thing up," Meredith said, suturing one of Graham's incision sites while Derek sutured the other.

Derek nodded. "Kathleen had one, I think. Just the usual stuff. Cake, balloons, gifts. Not as big as the baby shower we had for Lilly."

"You're gonna go with me, right? I mean, we did make the baby together. It's only fair that you endure the onesie decorating and bootie-shaped pastries, too," Meredith pointed out.

"I will go with you. And don't worry, I already told Izzie no onesie decorating station," Derek promised.

Meredith looked up from her suture, smiling under her mask in gratitude. "You did?"

"I did."

"Thank you," she said, raising her eyebrows in a way that told him she would properly thank him later.

"Dr. Grey, a text just came through on your phone. Would you like me to check who it's from?" asked Carol, the circulating nurse.

Meredith nodded. "Yeah, if you wouldn't mind. Thanks, Carol."

"It's from Dr. Stevens. She wrote 'I need to go to Target for your sprinkle decorations. Can Lilly tag along? George and I wanted to ask first. Meet you in the lobby at four if that's okay. Also made you chicken parm. for dinner.' Then there's a smiley face at the end," Carol relayed.

Realizing they now had an extra hour of free time after surgery, Meredith didn't even need to look at Derek to know what his answer would be. "Tell her that would be great. Thank you," she said.

And once Graham's surgery was complete, and he was safely in the care of the NICU with his very grateful parents, they wasted no time in going upstairs to Derek's office to nakedly celebrate their victory. As Derek was unlocking the door, Mark walked out of the attending lounge with a cup of coffee.

He stopped in his tracks when he sensed what they were up to, and he sighed. "Oh, come on. I was just getting ready to start my grant proposal on the expansion for the burn center. Do you two really need to bang one out right now?"

"We have free time. A whole hour to ourselves. Given the choice between splitting a sandwich in the cafeteria or having sex, which would you choose?" Meredith asked.

"Fine. I'll take my laptop across the hall, so I don't have to hear the pull-out couch banging against the wall," Mark resigned.

"Probably a good idea," Derek agreed, putting his hand on the small of Meredith's back as they went into his office.

When the door shut behind them, Derek tossed the couch cushions on the floor to pull out the bed. "Remind me to thank O'Malley and Stevens for letting me spend the day with my wife. Surgery date, sex, dinner already made for us..."

"It would be a shame to end such a great day with no dessert," Meredith said, wiggling out of her pants.

Derek easily scooped her up and gently set her on the bed before lying down next to her, his breath catching in his throat when her hands traveled under his waistband. "Hmm, definitely need dessert."

...

After her long day of eating cupcakes, going on a shopping spree, and being everyone's center of attention, Lilly lay sleeping in the middle of her parents' bed, wearing her new Hello Kitty pajamas from said shopping spree.

Meredith sat next to her, laptop perched on what was left of her very pregnant lap, as she sorted through the bag of Target treasures George and Izzie bought for her daughter. "A purple dress with cats on it, polka dot rain boots, flowery hair bows, more bath toys, a sing-a-long CD, and a multi-pack of cereal puffs. Your sister is spoiled, Charlie," she told the dog, who lay in his usual place at the bottom of the bed.

"Hey," Derek said softly as he entered the room. "I just got off the phone with the NICU. Graham is doing great. Vitals are stable, he woke up with a smile, and best of all, no seizures."

"We did it," Meredith said, high fiving him once he got into bed on the other side of Lilly.

"Yes, we did. The Pearsons said thank you again, and to expect more hugs when we go back to check on Graham again tomorrow," Derek chuckled, looking at all the new purchases sprawled out on the bed. "What's all this?"

"Stuff Izzie and George bought Lilly. Every time our friends watch her, she comes home with bags of stuff. At this rate, she's going to need two bedrooms to fit it all," Meredith joked.

Derek smiled at Lilly, whose light brown curls fanned out over his pillow. "She's too cute for her own good," he said. "I thought Izzie was only going there to buy baby shower stuff."

"Izzie and Target are a dangerous mix, especially with Lilly in tow," Meredith reminded him. "Her Target obsession is the reason we got to have hot sex though, so it's all good."

"That was fun today. I vote for hot sex after every surgery," Derek grinned.

"Me, too," Meredith said, setting the laptop on the bed. She turned toward him and began gently combing her fingers through Lilly's hair. "So, uh, I talked to your mom yesterday."

"Yeah? About what?" he asked.

"Well, she called because she wanted to know what size coat Lilly wears. She saw these red pea coats at the mall, and she's buying one for her. Anyway, we started talking about the baby, and somehow, we ended up talking about home birth. She said Kathleen had a home birth with Morgan, and she loved it. Then of course, Kathleen sends me a three page email with all the details and... I don't know. It got me thinking, I guess," Meredith said, biting her lip as she awaited his reaction.

Derek smiled in surprised curiosity, unsure of how he should respond. "You want to have a home birth?"

"I don't know. Ever since your mom and Kathleen told me about it, I can't stop thinking that maybe we could," she admitted.

"Yeah?"

"I loved every second of Lilly's birth. Even with the pain and the pushing, I wouldn't change anything about that experience. And that got me thinking, what if this is our last baby? I'm not saying we're ruling out a third somewhere down the line, but... if this is our last, I don't want to regret not doing something just because we were afraid," Meredith shrugged.

Derek nodded, understanding her apprehension, because he felt it, too. "Well, there's definitely risks. Complications during labor or delivery, or if something were to happen to you or the baby. We're not exactly around the corner from the hospital if there were any emergencies. Even if there's a million to one chance of something going wrong, that still scares me."

"I know. That scares me, too. I'm not saying we need to do it. We're doctors that think like doctors. Of course we're going to anticipate the worst case scenario. That's what we're trained to do," Meredith sighed.

"Meredith, this is about you. We made Jellybean together, but you're the one that goes through the labor and the birth. You're in charge. If this is something you're serious about, we can talk about it. I don't want fear to keep you from getting the birth experience you're entitled to. We could make it work," Derek promised.

"So, you'd be on board with it?" Meredith asked.

"Of course I would. I just never knew you would want to do it," Derek said.

"I didn't think I would, either. But now, I can't stop thinking about it, how great it could be. We could keep Lilly nearby the whole time, which we really couldn't do if we were at the hospital, because she's still so little. We'd be in our own house. Or own bed, our own shower, our own pace, you know?" Meredith said.

Derek smiled as he thought about it, and he reached over Lilly to squeeze Meredith's hand. "I get it. And it would be great."

"And after the baby is born, we could spend that time together right here, just the four of us. More than anything, I just want Lilly to be there. She's my motivation to get through the pain and the pushing. Last time I went through that, we got her. And she's..." Meredith said, staring down at her daughter. "She's my heart outside my body, Derek. I need her."

"Me, too," Derek said as he kissed Lilly's small hand.

"So, I want all three of us there when we add the fourth person to the family," she decided.

"So do I."

"I know it's already January, and we have a lot of logistics to figure out, but Dr. Halloran and Izzie are both certified in home birth. I'm not saying I want Izzie all up in my hoo-hoo, because I think our friendship is close enough as it is, but I know she'd be more than willing to be here, even just as back-up," Meredith replied.

Derek laughed. "I'll leave the hoo-hoo decisions up to you. But as far as being prepared goes, we'd definitely have to call the hospital as soon as you go into labor. That way, OB and the ER can be on stand-by all day. If we need to reserve the hospital helicopter or rent our own just in case, that's what we'll do. I'm serious. We could do this, Meredith."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah. We built this house to make memories in, right? I can't think of a better memory to make than having our second, perfect baby in it," Derek said sincerely, laying his hand over Meredith's belly.

"So, we're really gonna do this?"

"If you're in, I'm in," Derek nodded.

Meredith let out a breath and smiled at him. "I'm in."