84. Chapter 84

After Punked, Again

By

UCSBdad

Disclaimer: I do not own Castle, or Jules Verne, H. Rider Haggard, P.C. Wren, or a lot of other things. Rating: K Time: Indeterminate.

"Richard, "Said Lady Martha, "the postman has brought the mail. The dirigible has brought the latest newspapers from the Continent. I thought that you might with to read the reports of Professor Challenger's expedition to Africa. They're in the Berliner Zeitung. It seems he defeated a Mahdist army using that electromagnetic device you helped him with."

The ruggedly handsome Lord Castle smiled. "I should like to read that, Mother dearest. But how can the Prussians get such news before our English journals?"

"The new Aether telegraph, I fear." She replied.

"Dash it all!' Grumped Lord Castle.

"Richard!" Lady Martha, said scandalized. "Please. Your language!"

Lord Castle was about to fulsomely apologize to his mother, but was interrupted by a fierce pounding at his door. In a few moments, Demming, Lord Castle's burly but somewhat intellectually challenged manservant entered the drawing room. "Beg pardon M'lord, but there's a constable to see you."

"I shall go at once." Lord Castle strode off to find Constable Ryan, a pleasant Irishman, waiting by the doorway with a shabbily dressed person who was obviously foreign.

"Constable Ryan, how may I again assist Scotland Yard?" Asked Lord Castle.

Ryan tugged at his forelock. "Top o' the mornin' to ye, Sor. This 'ere foreign gennleman saw a lady o' quality being dragged off. 'E tried to stop the rogue, but 'e got scuppered."

"And the…gentleman is?" Asked Lord Castle.

Ryan frowned. "Oi din't esk him, Sor."

Lord Castle stared for a moment at the foreign gentleman. "Aside from the fact that he's a left handed former pugilist, recently returned from the French expedition to Lake Chad where he served with a bataillon de march of the Legion Etrangere, as a marksman, I can tell you nothing about him. Oh, yes, the dragon tattoo on his right arm indicates service in the Orient, most likely in Tonkin."

"Name of a name!" Expostulated the foreigner. "What they have said of Lord Castle is correct. You are a magician, sir. "He sprang to attention and saluted Lord Castle, who returned the salute. Lord Castle had served with the Guards Camel Regiment at Saukin, after all.

"Allow me to introduce! I am Caporal Javier Esposito, Legion Etranger and everything you have said is true. How could you know these things?"

Lord Castle smiled modestly. "I have my ways. It's nothing, really."

" 'Is Lordship is bloody amazin'. "Ryan said proudly. "Even Johnny Foreigner 'ere knows it." Before the stout hearted Irishman could further describe Lord Castle's many attributes, they were interrupted by the flower of English womanhood. A halo of red hair surrounded her perfect face and two startlingly blue eyes looked out upon the word with amusement, but also with great intelligence. Her complexion was the perfect peaches and cream that all English women aspired to and that all women elsewhere envied. Her figure, shown off by the finest of French fashions was slender, but entrancing. Both Constable Ryan and Caporal Esposito noted that her dress daringly showed of a trim ankle. Both men averted their eyes from this uncommon sight.

"Alexis, my dear." Lord Castle said, bowing slightly to his daughter. The Constable tipped his cap and Caporal Esposito did the same.

"Father, did I hear that some gentlewoman was accosted near us? This is terrible. We must act at once." She turned to the two other men. "My father is quite advanced in his thinking, you know. I am at Oxford and Father sometimes allows me to accompany him on his adventures. Those suitable for a lady of my breeding, of course." She smiled at the two men, which melted their hearts. "Perhaps you could go to the kitchen for a cup of tea? Victoria, our cook, will surely have a pot by now." The two men hastened off.

Lady Alexis turned to her father. "Father, you almost misread my sign language. It is fortunate that I was able to inform you that Caporal Esposito was a pugilist and not a poltergeist. Do try to be more careful in future. We wouldn't want our little secret to be found out, would we?"

"Certainly not. But how do you do that, Alexis? Dashed difficult. I can't make head nor tails out of these people."

Alexis rolled her eyes in a ladylike way. "Just follow my lead, as always, Father." She said gently.

In no time the three men and Lady Alexis were out in front of stately Castle Manor, looking for clues. Lord Castle examined the ground, hoping to find something. Then he noticed Alexis, seemingly adjusting her parasol.

"I say, lads." Lord Castle said. "Here's something. Footprints." Lord Castle shot a glance at Lady Alexis, wondering what the footprints meant. Lady Alexis calmly adjusted her fashionable hat. "Aha! Just as I expected!" Said Lord Castle. "The depth of the impressions means that this fellow was carrying something. A lady of quality, I'll wager." Lord Castle assumed an indomitable expression and pointed down the road. "I see you stand like greyhounds in the slips, straining upon the start. The game's a foot!"

Lord Castle strode down the road with Constable Ryan, Caporal Esposito and Lady Alexis behind him.

At the next cross street, Lord Castle stopped and surreptitiously looked at Lady Alexis. Then he spoke. "The rogue turned left here. Obviously still carrying a heavy boat."

"Un bateau?" Caporal Esposito said, frowning.

Lady Alexis furiously adjusted her parasol.

"Um, a heavy load, that is." Lord Castle said.

"Quelle magnifique!" Said the caporal.

As Lord Castle strode manfully down the street, he commented. "Oh, nothing to it, old boy. I recall chasing a wounded lion across the veldt with Quartermain. We tracked that beast for five days, all the time I had to carry a wounded Zulu. We ran out of ammunition for our rifles, but luckily I still had my pocketknife and was able to dispatch the brute. The lion, not the Zulu, of course."

Lady Alexis, recalling what had really happened, sniffed loudly.

They came to a large square and Lord Castle stopped. He casually looked back at Lady Alexis who was peering into a milliner's shop and adjusting her hat. Lord Castle smiled confidently and said, "I need a new bloody hat, especially if I have to do all the work around here."

"Un chapeau?" The caporal said, marveling at the complex mind of the English milord.

Lady Alexis turned around and glared at her father, then pointed to the right.

"Right, lads. This way."

Just past the square they came to a livery stable. Over the stable was the sign, Livery Stable, R. Montgomery, prop. At Lady Alexis' nod, Lord Castle turned into the stable. The proprietor, obviously of Moorish decent, approached them.

" 'Ow may I 'elp Your Lordship?"

"You rent horses and carriages?" Asked Lord Castle.

"That I do, sir. But I do 'ope to have some motor cars soon. Some of those electric ones, doncha know?"

The ruggedly handsome Lord nodded. "My friend from America, Mr. Thomas Swift, is a wizard with electricity. Invented an electric grandmother to replace one that he accidentally misplaced on the Great Plains. Something about some people named Cluster and Sue, as I recall? Lovely old thing, she was. Her biscuits, they call them cookies in America, you know, always tasted of oil. The replacement, of course. I have no idea how the original grannies biscuits tasted."

Lord Castle noticed that Lady Alexis was adjusting her fashionable purse and pointing to the rear of the establishment.

"Did a gentleman come through here carrying something large and heavy?" He asked.

"So 'e did, sir. Just a few moments ago. " 'E 'ad a carpet all rolled up."

"I should like to follow him."

Mr. Montgomery turned around. "Lockwood! Maddox! Bracken! Stop mucking out the stables and open the back door for the gennleman!"

Three shabby looking men ran out of the stable stalls and opened the back door. Lord Castle thanked Mr. Montgomery, threw a copper to each of the three men and walked through the door, followed by his daughter and his two companions.

Just down the alleyway Lady Alexis stopped and adjusted her hat.

"Look!" Lord Castle cried excitedly. "This building looks abandoned, but I see that the lock is new. This is the rogue's lair."

Much to everyone's surprise, when the ruggedly handsome Lord turned the handle, the door swung open.

"Dear me." Lady Alexis said. "What kind of a villain puts an excellent lock on the door to his lair, but doesn't use it?"

Her question was answered in less than a heartbeat and a tall man in a cape strode out to confront Lord Castle. "I do, of course, Castle. As you see, I have lured you to my lair."

Lord Castle smiled grimly. "Professor Tyson! My arch-nemesis! We meet again."

"For the last time." Tyson said, drawing his saber.

Lord Castle had fortunately brought his walking stick with him. He grasped the handle and pulled out the concealed sword. "Stand back everyone, this is between Professor Tyson and me."

"Begorrah!" Cried the Irish constable. "Tis the Napoleon of crime, himself."

"Eh, bien." Said Caporal Esposito. "Perhaps it will end as it did with Milor' Wellington."

The lovely Lady Alexis reflected that it was fortunate that if Tyson was the Napoleon of crime, he was at least the Napoleon III of crime. Muttering, "Male egos," under her breath, she retrieved from her purse a highly developed version of the slingshot. Taking out a cast cement sphere, she took careful aim and let fly.

With a pronounced THUNK, Tyson fell to the floor. "Oh, look, Father!" Cried Lady Alexis. "A street urchin threw a stone at Professor Tyson and ran away."

While Constable Ryan and Caporal Esposito bound Tyson, Lord Castle looked about him, catching from the corner of his eye, Lady Alexis fiddling with her purse. "The lady must be in that room." He said, striding forth to rescue her. He flung open the door and announced, "You may come out now. It is safe."

From the darkness within a very strong, but very feminine hand reached out and grasped Lord Castle's ear. Lord Castle screamed.

"Oh, I'm quite sorry." Said the gorgeous chestnut haired woman who walked out of the room after releasing Lord Castle's ear. "As you see, I was able to free myself and was ready to pounce on that evil doer when he came for me."

"By God!" Cried Lord Castle. "You're an American!"

She held out her hand, which Castle took. "Katherine Beckett, from New York." Suddenly, Katherine looked over Lord Castle's shoulder. "Aha! There is my friend, Doctor Joshua with our motorized velocipedes. Thanks much. Ta-ta!" And off she went.

Lord Castle stared after her. "What a remarkable woman!" He exclaimed.

Awakening suddenly, Kate Beckett sat straight up in bed. "What was that all about?"