101. Chapter 101

AU After To Love and Die in LA

By

UCSBdad

Disclaimer: I'd love to own Castle, but I don't. Rating: M Time: See above and below.

Author's note: Okay, it really isn't After to Love and Die in LA, but during. But this is what we all wanted, right?

Kate knew she had made a mistake before the door closed behind her. She quickly reached behind her and kept the door from closing, then turned around and went back to the living room. Castle had just stood up and was turning towards his bedroom.

"Castle." she said, quietly.

He turned toward her. She stopped in front of him. She knew that she had to say something, but the words wouldn't come. She dropped her gaze to the floor and just stood there, feeling foolish and embarrassed, but still knowing she had to say something. "I'm terrified of you." She whispered.

Of all the things that Castle had thought she might say, that was probably the last thing he had expected to ever hear from Kate Beckett. His mind suddenly froze as he tried to think of a reply. She's terrified of me? How? Why? What did I do? What did I not do? Does it involve Royce? Her Mom's case? Some other case? Something I did outside of the NYPD? Was it the books? How do I respond to that? I can't think of a damned thing to say, but I have to say something. I can't just let it lie there between us. She'll think I don't care that she's terrified of me. What the hell do I say to that? How can she be terrified of me?

Kate grimaced as soon as the words came out of her mouth. NO! I did not say that! I did not! Now he thinks I hate him. That I want him gone. He does terrify me, that's true. I'm terrified of what life would be like with no Richard Castle. If he were to break my heart again like he did when he went to the Hamptons with Gina instead of me. How could I have said something so stupid? How can I fix this? How?

Without thinking, Kate took a half a step forward so that she could rest her forehead on Castle's chest. Without her shoes on, her head rested comfortably.

"Castle…" She began.

"Beckett…" He said at the same time. They both stopped, each hoping that the other would speak.

Seconds passed as Castle tried to process what was going on. She stepped toward me and has her head resting on my chest. That means…His mind worked furiously, trying to understand what Beckett had meant and what she wanted him to do or say. That means that she want me to fix whatever it was I did, or didn't do, or whatever, to terrify her. That means I can fix this. I have to fix this.

He gently put one hand on her shoulder. He felt her lean against him a little more, then she pressed her body against his. He relaxed a bit, but not too much. "Kate, I don't know what I did, or didn't do, or what you thought I did, but whatever it was, I didn't mean it."

She put an arm around his waist. "Yes, you did. You meant it."

Castle was stunned. What did I do? What is she talking about? She's put her arm around me? "I'll stop doing it. I'll never do it again. I'll never even think about doing it again. I promise."

She put her other arm around him. "No, you'll never stop doing it. You can't stop doing it. And you'll only do it more and more in the future."

"I can change." Castle was starting to panic. This was turning into a disaster. He could feel that he was losing Kate Beckett, the woman he loved, and he was helpless. Really! Both arms around me and she's terrified?

"No, you'll never change. You can't change what has happened."

Castle put his other hand on her head and gently stroked her hair. "Kate, please tell me what it is. There has to be something I can do. What is it?"

"You made me fall in love with you."

Castle was able to suppress the shout of joy that he felt. I made her fall in love with me and she's terrified? That makes no sense. I have to say something. "We're even then, because I love you and you're terrifying me right now."

"You love me?" She asked, feeling enormous relief.

"Of course I do. I've been in love with you for…forever."

"Good. I love you too, Castle."

"And this is terrifying to you because?"

She ran her hands over his broad back. "From the time I was nineteen until you showed up, my life was all about being a cop. I would have taken another run at my mother's murder one day, but in the meantime I honored her by solving other murders. I love you and I can't make the man that I love the second most important thing in my life. But if I put you and a home and a family first, do I just forget about justice for my mom? I can't do that either."

"You don't have to." He said quietly. "We've worked on your Mom's case. With Coonan. With Lockwood. We're better as a team. We can find your Mom's killer."

"You think?"

"I know it." He nuzzled the top of her head, almost touching it with his lips. "Is that it? Is that what terrifies you?"

"There's more. There's something else you did."

"I can undo it. I can change it. Please, what was it?" he pulled her closer to him and felt her start to move her body against his.

"You broke my heart."

He kissed the top of her head. "I…I did? When? How? Kate, I'll make it up to you. I'd never hurt you. I never will hurt you again. I'm sorry. What did I do?"

"Do you remember inviting me to the Hamptons?" She leaned up and kissed the small patch of skin below his neck where his shirt was open.

"You were going someplace with Demming, so you couldn't go." Oh crap! I think I know what happened. How could I have done that to her?

She sighed happily. "I broke up with Demming so that I could be with you. I was going to tell you, but then Gina walked in and you left. And you didn't call me when you got back to the city. I was afraid that you'd forgotten all about me. That you were with Gina."

He hugged her tightly. "I couldn't forget about you. Never. Even when I was with Gina, I was thinking about you. I always thing about you. I'll never think about anyone else but you. I promise."

She kissed him softly on the lips. "I was so afraid that you didn't love me. That you didn't love me as much as I love you. That you'd stop loving me. That you'd break my heart again."

"Never. You and me. Always. I love you, Kate. I've been falling in love with you from the first day we met. I love you."

Kate rubbed her boobs against his chest, feeling her nipples stiffen. She began to get wet. "I want you so badly." She whispered. She took his hand and slid it under her blouse, pushing the cup of her bra up so he could stoke her bare breast. "Do you like that?" She teased.

"I love it."

She reached down and pushed her hand down his pants, grasping his erection. "I believe you." She giggled. "I want you now." She started pushing him towards his bedroom.

"Kate…" He stopped, unsure of how to say this. "Um, what about…Josh?"

"Josh who?" She asked, pushing him to the door, but he wouldn't move.

"When I found out that Meredith cheated on me, I was devastated. I just…" He couldn't go on.

Kate stroked him. "I don't love Josh. I love you. I'll hate it, but if you feel that you just can't…"

He kissed her. "Kate, I'm worried, but I'm not crazy." He picked her up and carried her to the bedroom and put her down gently on the bed. By the time he had kicked his shoes off and joined her, she had shed her blouse and bra. He began kissing her as she used one hand to try to take off his shirt and the other to take her pants off. This was complicated when he moved his head down to suck her left nipple into his mouth, stroke her other boob and squeeze her ass.

After a minute of struggling, the broke apart, laughing. "Okay," he said, "I'll take my clothes off, you take yours off. The loser…"

He didn't get to finish. Kate stuck her legs in the air, and pushed her pants and panties off in one swift move. She dropped her legs back and smiled at her soon to be lover. "Slow poke." She said.

Rick quickly tore his own clothes off and kissed her gently. "I want to make love to you."

She shook her head. "I've waited too long for this. I want you inside me now. I want you to fuck me. I want you to fuck my brains out. I want you to fuck me until I'm bowlegged. I need you so badly, Rick."

She grasped his erection and pulled him towards her.

Rick entered her at once. Jesus! She's unbelievably hot, tight and wet.

Kate threw her arms around Rick and wrapped her legs around his and thrust herself against him as hard as she could.

"Kate, honey, you've got to slow down. I won't last long like this."

She shook her head wildly. "No, I won't slow down. I'm almost there, Rick. Oh God! Rick! I love you, Rick! I do! I love you so much! Yes!" Kate's orgasm crashed over her faster and more intense than she had ever felt before. Seconds later, she felt Rick come inside of her. She kissed Rick, who then slid off of her.

"That was the best ever." He said after a few seconds.

"That was only the best so far." She giggled. "The next one will be better." She reached between his legs and stroked him. "Do you think I can get you hard again?"

"I think you could get a mummy hard."

Much later, Kate lay in her lover's arms, tired, sore and extremely happy.

"Are you still terrified of me?" He asked gently.

"I think I'll always be terrified of losing you."

"I guess I'll just have to spend the rest of my life convincing you that I'm not leaving."

She snuggled up next to Rick and thought about Royce's last letter to her. I don't have to worry about an "if only".