186. Chapter 186

After Under the Gun, Again

By

UCSBdad

Disclaimer: Put a gun to my head, but I won't claim to own Castle. Rating: K Time: See above.

Kate Beckett finished the paperwork for the case. The last paperwork she did was for Mike Royce. She hated doing it, but she knew she would have hated herself more if she had asked anyone else to complete the paperwork. She put her report aside on her desk, ready to go the DA's office tomorrow.

I should go home. She thought. Instead, her feet took her to holding and Mike Royce.

He was lying on a cot, facing the wall when she got there. "Why?" She said.

Royce rolled off the cot and onto his feet. "How are you, kid?"

"That's enough, Royce. I'm Detective Beckett to you now. But tell me, why? Why the hell did you throw everything away?"

He shrugged. "Thirty million reasons, I guess. I was always a street cop. I liked being out on the street, kicking ass and taking names. I knew I didn't really have what it took to be a detective, much less to go to One PP and sit behind a desk. But I didn't mind. Being a street cop and having people like you around me was what I wanted. And then I retired. I became a bounty hunter. It was my old life all over again. Out on the streets, dragging the bad guys in."

"That still doesn't tell me why." She said coldly.

"I got old. Eight months ago I got into a fight with a punk I would have torn apart when you knew me. Now, he's faster than I was and he hit harder. I started looking around at some of the guys I knew. Some are drunks, some are still doing some kind of police work. Hey, you remember Johnny Shumate, he's a …"

"Cop in some little town in Maine." Kate finished for him. "I really don't give a shit about Johnny Shumate."

He shrugged. "You always went right to the point, kid. Always."

Kate wanted to remind him that she was Detective Beckett to him and not kid, but she couldn't do it.

"Anyway, I had my twenty year pension. No wife, no kids, no girlfriend, no real possibilities along that line. I started wondering what was I going to do with my life? Sit in some one bedroom dump in Brooklyn and drink beer? Go to cop bars and talk about the good old days with the other old cops? Sit there and wait to die?"

"There are all kinds of things you could have done, damn it!"

"Maybe. But I wanted options. I wanted…" Royce stopped and looked away.

"You wanted what?" Kate demanded.

Royce looked at her. "Someone like you. A comfortable life. Some fun. Something instead of chasing guys down alleys, drinking in cop bars and waking up with someone who looked better after twelve beers than she does in the cold, grey light of dawn. I wanted more."

Kate blushed. "You won't get more now. And you won't get me or someone like me.

He nodded slowly. "You're right about that. But you've got a chance for a lot more. Don't blow it, kid."

Kate frowned. "If you think I'm going to start stealing, you damned well don't know me at all!"

Royce shook his head. "That's not what I meant, kid. The chance you have is with Castle. He's a good man. He'll be good for you. He'll be there for you."

Kate shook her head disgustedly. Why the hell does everyone think Castle and I are together? Nothing could be further from the truth. "This after seeing us for a few hours, Royce? You are getting old. You used to be smarter than that. There's nothing between Castle and me. He's a multimillionaire author who's been shadowing me for his books. He helps me out sometimes. That's all."

"Maybe that's all you see, or all you want to tell me, but that isn't all, kid."

"Royce, you don't know Castle, and I don't think you know me anymore."

"Castle came to the cemetery with you. You two had to know that someone with a gun would likely show up. And Castle came with you, unarmed. You really think he did that just to get a little local color for his books? You're not that dumb, kid."

"Maybe Castle is. He could have gotten killed." She started to walk away from Royce.

"And you let him go with you. You wanted him there with you, kid."

Beckett kept walking.

The next morning Castle put her coffee down on her desk and sat down in his chair. She smiled at him and sipped the coffee.

"You okay?" He asked.

"Why wouldn't I be okay?"

"Royce."

She shrugged. "He made a mistake and he'll pay for it. I arrested him. That's what I do, Castle. You know that."

"Yeah, but you were…close to him."

Kate glared at the writer. "Castle I was not in love with Mike Royce. I had a case of her worship, but that's all. I'm a big girl. I can handle Mike Royce being a crook, thank you." Hero worship. Maybe if I tell myself that enough, I'll believe it. I did love Royce in an odd way. He was the only person I had back then that understood what drove me. He was the only one who told me not to give up. Even my dad didn't understand. And, in spite of everything, Royce broke my heart.

And I found someone else now who understands why my mom's murder drives me so. Castle knew I needed to investigate it even when I didn't want to. He understood me better than I did. And what did Castle do? He broke my heart, too. He went off to the Hamptons with his ex.

I shouldn't have been surprised. I picked Demming over him. I told him that I was with Tom and I didn't want him to feel awkward. He didn't. Not one damned bit.

Gina will be good for him, I guess. They're the same kind of people. Rich, successful, happy…

Why can't I find someone? What's wrong with me?

Castle stared at Beckett. I know Beckett. The thing with Royce hurt her badly. I wish to hell that I could do something for her. But, she doesn't want my help. It's kind of funny though. When she was interrogating me for Maya Santori's murder, she asked me if I was in a relationship and I said I was. She asked me with whom and I told her that she knew who I was in a relationship with. She assumed I meant Gina, but I'm in a relationship with Beckett. An odd, bizarre and sometimes painful relationship that'll never go anywhere, but one that I can't and won't get out of willingly.