187. Chapter 187

After Punked, Yet Again

By

UCSBdad

Disclaimer: Being dragged behind motorized velocipedes would not make me claim to own Castle. Rating: K Time: See above

Author's note: To better understand this, you might wish to read After Punked, Chapter 84, first.

Lord Richard Castle put two small shovelfuls of coal into the boiler of his newly invented, patent coffee brewer and then started up the dynamo which ran his magnificent invention. In mere minutes he had a perfect cup of coffee to place before his beautiful American bride.

"Here you are, dearest Kate." He murmured in her ear.

"Thank you, Richard." Replied Lady Katherine Houghton Beckett-Castle. "Grande skim latte with two pumps of sugar free vanilla. You are amazing."

Lord Castle glowed with pride at being so complimented by the beautiful American who had won his heart. "Nothing is too good for you, my love. But now I must go and put the finishing touches on my latest invention, the steam powered flying machine. Then we shall be ready for our adventure in Africa. I do believe that Speke and not Burton has the right of it as to where the headwaters of the Nile are. And we shall soon find out."

Lord Castle walked towards his workshop, but as he did he heard an enormous cracking sound followed by the screams of his lovely bride. He returned to the dining room just in time to see brave Kate being hauled through a hole in the ceiling by a giant mechanical hand.

"Be of good heart, my dearest, for I shall not rest until you are rescued." He cried.

"You think?"

Lord Castle ran outside, only to see a large dirigible speeding away over the rooftops of London. "Dash it all! I must follow her!"

He quickly called his gentleman's gentleman, Javier, a former member of the famed Legion Etranger now in the service of Lord Castle. The previous holder of that position, one Demming, was, alas, of such limited intelligence that he had been relegated to the position of paper weight on Lord Castle's desk.

"Javier!" Lord Castle said imperiously. "We must go to the flying machine. We have far more important work to do! We must rescue my beloved Kate."

Before either man could do anything, they were joined by Constable Ryan, an Irish member of the London police and as stout hearted and courageous an Irishman as ever drew a breath. Even if such breaths were sometimes tinged with the aroma of Guinness Stout. "Lord Castle! Whit in hivins name ha' happened. I saw a giant cigar shaped thingy wi' you're lovely lady hanging from it. Oi rushed in, sor, on account of I saw Her Ladyship's unmentionables. Oi apologize fully, sor."

"No time for that, Ryan." Lord Castle cried. "The dastardly villain who absconded with Katherine must have broken some English laws." He looked at his two stalwart companions and declaimed. "I see you stand like greyhounds in the slips, straining upon the start. The game's afoot! Follow your spirit: and upon this charge, cry God for Katherine! England and Saint George!"

"Luckily, Father, I have prepared the flying machine and it awaits us. We should depart."

All three men gazed at that paragon of English beauty, the entrancing Lady Alexis Castle. Then Lord Castle clapped his hands over the eyes of Javier and Ryan. "But…Alexis! You're wearing…trousers! I cannot allow you to proceed wearing such unladylike garments. Please return to your rooms and dress as befits the flower of English womanhood that you are."

Lady Alexis replied in a chastened tone. "Father, if we are to rescue my beloved step-mother, whom I consider to be me own dear sweet mother, I cannot do so. There is no time." She then adjusted the collar of her coat, made by a seamstress in Paris who had once dressed the family of the Russian Czar until an unfortunate anarchist's bomb hidden in a bustle had cause a rapid change of location for her.

However, the stunning Lady Alexis was communicating with her father using a sign language she had perfected. Father! I designed and built the flying machine myself. Remember the last time you were in it? You were unable to operate the doorknobs properly.

"They all turn widdershins." Lord Castle lamented.

"Wat's that, sor?" Ryan asked.

"Um, nothing Ryan. Lady Alexis should go with us. She could use the fresh air. It's good for the complexion. "

"And Father, "Lady Alexis said," you three really should take the magnetic bullet proof waistcoats that you invented." Lady Alexis also adjusted the collar of her blouse, signing the following: You do recall the incident of the giant Sumatran rat, do you not? You are indeed fortunate that I am proficient with all manner of weaponry.

Meanwhile, in a dirigible high above London, the tightly bound Katherine Beckett-Castle was facing her kidnapper. "So! It is you! Doctor Joshua Davidson! I should have known!" She said angrily, but with perfect diction.

Davidson twirled his mustachios, which he had grown especially for the occasion. "At last I have you, Katherine. As soon as I have dispatched your interfering husband, I'll whisk you away to my lair, hidden in a dormant volcano hidden in the vast wastes of the Pacific Ocean where you will rule as my queen."

"That'll be in never going to happen land." The pride of Anglo-American womanhood proudly proclaimed.

"Don't be too sure of that." Said a female voice.

Kate turned her head on its long, slender, aristocratic neck to confront the newcomer. "Meredith!" She said coldly.

The flame haired temptress smiled a predatory smile. "I prefer Lady Meredith Castle, as I soon shall be. As I always should have been!"

Kate laughed. "You! You divorced Richard. What would possess him to take you back?"

Meredith held up a small bottle. "This is the extract of a rare plant that grows high in the Himalayas. When any man partakes of it, he will become hopelessly in love with whatever woman is with him at the time." Meredith laughed evilly.

Davidson held up an identical bottle. "And when you partake of this, my dear Katherine, you will love only me always."

"Always?" Kate laughed. "Don't you mean never."

Davidson flew into a rage and proved that he was no gentleman by striking Kate.

Meanwhile, Lord Castle and his band of adventurers were rapidly overtaking the dirigible, for while the dirigible was the pride of Teutonic engineering, having been stolen by Davidson from Graf Ferdinand von Zeppelin himself, Lord Castle's flying machine was much faster.

Lord Castle stood at the machine's controls, with Lady Alexis by his side. Lady Alexis adjusted her fashionable hat, saying: Father! How many times do I have to tell you? Port is left! You almost hit St. Paul's Cathedral!

Lord Castle lightly touched his cravat, saying: Why does this always have to be so difficult? Can't these machines be taught to navigate like a horse? Just say, "Home, Dobbin." And off you go.

Lady Alexis sighed.

Javier, who had been a tirailleur d'elite in the Legion Etranger brought out his trusty Lebel rifle. "Mi'Lor Castle, we are in range. I can shoot the rapscallion who has so disgraced himself as to kidnap your loving wife, but first, if I could have a glass of vin ordinaire? "

"I fear, my dear fellow, that we left before we could completely load all of our supplies. We have no alcohol at all."

"Zut alors!" Cried Javier, then gave an expressive Gallic shrug. "As they say in the Legion, "Nothing's too good for the troops, and nothing's what they get."

Javier took careful aim, but just as he did, wind blew the flying machine slightly off course. The bullet missed Davidson, but took out his helmsman. Seeing her opportunity, Lady Katherine, who had noted that Davidson's skill at knot tying was as inferior as his other skills, slipped her surly bonds, and struck. A wicked right cross knocked Meredith out of the dirigible and a left uppercut sent Davidson out the other side.

Luckily for the two villains, their fall was broken by a convenient pig sty. However, the bottle that Meredith had clutched in her hand was broken, and the contents were quickly drunk by one Cicero, a male pig. Dr. Davidson fell near Meredith and his bottle also fractured and was imbibed by Petunia, a female pig. What happened next we will not describe for our gentle readers, but suffice it to say, that the human pair were happy to be arrested by Scotland Yard. The pigs, however, were heart broken.

Lady Katherine, as intelligent as she was beautiful, easily gained control of the dirigible and landed in Hyde Park. Lord Castle landed his flying machine and raced to the love of his life's side, kissing her passionately.

And they lived happily ever after.