188. Chapter 188

After Anatomy of a Murder, Yet Again

By

UCSBdad

Disclaimer: Search my anatomy and you'll find no Castle that I own. And if you do search my anatomy, my wife will punch you out. Rating: K Time: See above.

I love you.

"How in the hell can I let Castle do that to me?" Kate muttered, sitting on her couch, sipping a glass of wine.

He looked at me with those blue eyes of his and said "I love you." so sincerely that I almost believed it. Hell, just for a split second I did believe it. Why in the hell would I believe that Richard Castle would be in love with me? Madly in lust with me, maybe. But love?

No, that's being unfair to Castle. I'm sure that he wants more from me than just sex. Castle wouldn't stay around for all this time just to have sex with me. Besides, he has Gina now. He had a little spat with Gina over the tickets for Alexis and they kissed and made up. It's all better now. In her mind's eye she had a vision of Rick and his blonde ex-wife in the throes of passion in his loft. That could have been me. Dammit! No! I was lucky Castle took Gina to the Hamptons last summer. I just would have had my heart broken, but even worse than it was.

Sex? If Castle broke up with Gina today, there'd be a line of bimbos around the block waiting for the wealthy and handsome Richard Castle. I won't be in the line, though.

So, Castle is here for several reasons. His research, for one. Secondly, he really does like being a cop. Well, as close to being a cop as Castle can get. Thirdly, we are friends.

Kate suddenly frowned. He's upset about Josh, though. He calls him Motorcycle Boy. I suppose it's a natural male reaction. His ego can't handle any woman not being fascinated with him. My reaction wasn't any better. Josh saved a life today. Castle's saved lives, mine included. Castle's a good man. Just not my good man.

I love you.

Rick Castle sat in his office ignoring the screensaver on his laptop that said You Should be Writing. Damn! I got the funniest feeling when I said "I love you." to Beckett, looking into her eyes like that. It was almost like I meant it. Nice try. I did mean it. I'd like to mean it. I could mean it. I may someday mean it. Yeah, shortly after Satan opens an ice skating rink on the River Styx. I may as well face it. Beckett is my partner at the 12th Precinct. We're even, in an odd way, friends. But more than that? Never going to happen. She might as well be wearing a sign that says, "Richard Castle, Keep Your Hands Off."

It's pretty obvious that he had no trouble being with men she's interested in. First, Sorenson, well he moved off to Boston, not much potential there for a guy who's going to move wherever the FBI sends him. Then Demming. I wonder what happened with Demming? I could ask Beckett. No, there are easier and less painful ways of committing suicide. Maybe someone else knows. Ryan? Esposito? No, Beckett doesn't share her personal life with them. Lanie? Sure, she'd never run right off and tell Beckett. Ask Demming? Sure. He'd tell me the truth. What the hell do I care anyway?

It is odd that she said she'd get me out of prison though. It really doesn't mean anything. I mean Martha said that breaking someone out of prison is a sign of true love, but how many people does Martha know that broke someone out of the joint? And Beckett didn't actually break me out of the big house, she just said she would. She was just kidding. Really? Detective Kate Beckett, Ms. Law and Order, breaking me out of prison? I could see her arresting me and sending me to prison, though. I can see her in court now. "Your Honor, the defendant is a habitual offender. He's absolutely incorrigible. Lock him up and throw away the key."

Of course, I'd break her out of prison. Absolutely. So what does that say about me?

I love you.

Gina sat on her bed and wondered if she'd ever hear those words from Rick again.

The summer in the Hamptons had been good for them, even if it hadn't been as perfect as she had hoped. Part of it was all he trouble she had to take to get Rick to write. If he had just written as he had promised to do, instead of constantly finding reasons to goof off, they would have had plenty of time for long walks on the beach, romantic dinners and friendly talks. Instead she had continually had to push Rick to write and listen to his endless complaints about her pushing him too hard.

It hadn't gotten any better when he got back to the city. I'd hoped he'd gotten that urge to play cop out of his system in the year he spent there. A whole year! What kind of an author needed to waste that amount of time researching a book? But now he was right back there wasting hours and hours when he could be writing, or being with me, on some stupid murder or another.

I don't think he's still interested in that skinny detective, at least. Although with Rick if she's female and not dead, he's interested. Gina sighed. I wish he'd just sleep with her and get her out of his system. A horrible thought occurred to her. Is that what he's doing with me?

I love you.

Alexis Castle repeated those words over and over in her head. She had said them to her dad, to Gram and to her mom. She had heard them from those same people. Will Ashley ever say those words to me? Will I ever say them to him? What is love? I feel it but I can't describe it. I know it's there, I just can't see it. I don't understand it, but I enjoy it. People talk about it, but don't quantify or qualify it.

Why do things have to be so complex?

I love you.

Martha Rodgers thought of all the times she'd heard those three words. Do they mean a damned thing? Oh, they mean something to some people, I suppose. I suppose Gina is all right, just not for Richard. I wonder if he can see that? They'll break each other's hearts. Kate Beckett? She's been good for Richard, but I don't know that he'd be good for her.

But, a glass of wine has never broken my heart.

She headed for the kitchen.

I love you.

Dr. Josh Davidson looked at his reflection in the mirror and repeated those three words.

Yes, I do.