195. Chapter 195

After Poof You're Dead, Yet Once More

By

UCSBdad

Disclaimer: Alakazam! I don't own Castle. Rating: T Time: See above.

Author's note: This is the fourth After Poof You're Dead I've written. I'm beginning to wonder how many I can do.

"It's over."

She hadn't intended to overhear his conversation with Gina, but she had. Things had been going so well. I've found Josh, Castle was back with Gina and all was well. I had found someone solid and dependable, someone I could have a life with. Castle had reconnected with his ex-wife, the kind of smart, sophisticated career woman he deserves. Everything was perfect until this. I know I have feelings for Castle. I know if I ever acted on those feelings, he'd break my heart. I cannot, I will not take that chance. But what do I do?

Castle had accepted her invitation to visit the comfort food truck. When they got in the elevator, she pulled a bouquet of flowers from her sleeve and presented it to him.

He laughed and bowed to her. "Why thank you, Detective Beckett. Or should I call you Becketto the Great? Oooh! Katherine the Great! Perfect name for you."

"Beckett will do just fine Castle." He tells me I'm remarkable. I'm not. I'm just a good cop. He's remarkable, though. He's not a cop, but he's my partner. How much of my success over the past couple of years has been due to having Richard Castle as a partner? I know him now. I know him well. He is definitely not the shallow, self-centered jackass I originally thought he was. He's a lot more than that. He's a man I could easily fall in love with if I let myself. Which I will never do.

They walked to the food truck and bought their dinner. Castle got a somewhat stale hoagie and a soft drink and Beckett got a salad and a bottle of ice tea. They leaned against a nearby wall and ate in silence.

He thanked me for not mentioning the newspaper article or anything to do with his problems with Gina. He doesn't want to talk to me about it. Considering how I've pushed him away and refused to open up myself, it's hardly surprising that he won't open up to me. But, I need to find out. At worst, he'll just tell me to mind my own business. I've told him that enough times.

"Castle?" She began. He looked up from his sandwich. "I'm sorry, but I overheard you on the phone with Gina. I heard you say it was over. Would you like to talk about it?"

Castle chewed slowly to give himself time to think. Sure. Where will I begin? The problem is, Beckett, I went off to the Hamptons with Gina because you wanted to be with Tom Demming. I was feeling lousy and unloved and there was Gina. Gina isn't you, of course, but a nice bouncy blonde can dull the pain of being dumped for a while. Not for very long, though. I knew by the end of the first week that Gina wasn't the one for me. That's she could never be Kate Beckett. Okay, I'm lying to myself. I knew that she wasn't the one for me as I was walking out of the precinct that day with my arm around her, leaving you behind. Maybe if I'd had the brains to come back to you before you met up with Doctor Motorcycle Boy we could have had a chance. Whoa! I lied to myself again! Bad habit to get into. Beckett has made it more than clear that Richard Castle is not, repeat not, her one and done.

Castle swallowed. "Not much to tell. It was a mistake. We were married before, I knew what to expect with Gina and I got what I expected. We're two people who just aren't in love with each other. End of story."

Kate watched him closely. He has a good poker face, but not good enough. He's lying. No, not exactly lying, but he's holding something back. She decided she had to find out. "Castle, I know you. There's something you're not telling me. What is it?"

Castle almost laughed. Something I'm not telling you? There's a whole book of things, a whole library of things, I'm not telling you. And I'm not going to tell you because if I did tell you that I'm in love with you, I'd be out of your life in an instant. "Beckett, can we just drop it? It's my life, okay?"

Normally she would have dropped it, but this was becoming important to her. "Was it about me? Is Gina jealous of me?"

Castle did laugh. If Gina knew how I really feel about you, she'd be a lot more than jealous. She'd explode. "Only indirectly. Gina is my publisher. And if you're a publisher, what do you want? You want your authors to write books for you to publish. Oh, you can expect an author to go on a three day drunk in New Orleans, or sit on a beach on the Sea of Cortez contemplating the state of the Universe, but as long as your author submits a reasonable number of books, you're happy. But if your author persists in hanging out with the NYPD, spending years investigating murders, the publisher is bound to get a bit upset. But that's the extent of your involvement in this, Beckett."

Castle took another bite of his hoagie. I do hope you'll accept that huge lie because the problem is not that I want to investigate murders instead of write, it's that I want to investigate murders with Kate Beckett. "That's not all of it, of course, Beckett. There are other problems, which I really don't want to go into. I don't think I need my personal life dragged out for your inspection. Suffice it to say that if you didn't exist, if the NYPD didn't exist, if murder didn't exist, I'd have still broken up with Gina."

Kate was certain he was lying, but she could hardly tell him that to his face without opening up a lot of areas that she didn't want to discuss with Castle, ever. I'm sure that I have more to do with the break up that what Castle is telling me. Is Gina jealous of me? Does she think Castle and I are sleeping together? Crap! Everyone from Jordan Shaw on has thought Castle and I were a couple. Of course Gina would hear rumors and believe them. And Castle would never let me think I was to blame for his breakup with Gina. Kate smiled at Castle without him seeing it. She felt her heart beat a little faster. He's a good man. He wants to keep me from having my feelings hurt. I have to do something.

The secretary examined Kate's badge. "You want to see Ms. Cowell?"

Kate decided the secretary had been hired for the size of her boobs and her willingness to display them in a low cut top. But, she smiled. "Yes. I'm Detective Kate Beckett. Ms. Cowell and I have a mutual acquaintance, Richard Castle. I'd like to talk to her about him." Although Kate was seemingly in control on the outside, she was having second thoughts and more about this.

"One moment, Ms. Beckley." The secretary got on the office intercom and mumbled into it. "You can go right on it." She pointed to the door helpfully marked, "Gina Cowell, Publisher."

Gina remained seated behind her desk. "May I help you, Detective?"

No pleasantries, just straight to the point. Kate decided she could do the same. "I'm a friend of Rick Castle's. I accidentally overheard him break up with you. There have been rumors that Castle and I have…slept together. They're completely untrue. I've never so much as kissed Castle and I wouldn't…"

Gina cut her off. "Personally, I wish you'd fuck his brains out. He has this fantasy that he's Sherlock Holmes, or Sam Spade, which he isn't. He needs something to get him out of fantasyland and back to reality, but I have no idea what it is. Maybe that would do it."

"My relationship with Mr. Castle is purely professional. I don't care if you sleep with him. I don't care if you don't. All I want him to do is to submit the books he's contracted to write and to submit them in the time frame he's contracted to do. Are you a writer, Detective? Could you help Castle write his damned books faster?"

Kate shook her head.

"In that case, I don't think you can help with my problem. And if you can't, I think this interview is over."

Gina picked up a file and began reading it. Kate left the office feeling very foolish.

Castle put her coffee down on her desk. She smiled at him. "Thanks."

He didn't reply, but just looked at her.

"Is something wrong?"

"You talked to Gina."

"Castle, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have done it. I just thought if she thought we had slept together, I could explain that we hadn't. I probably caused you more problems. I'll do anything you want me to do to help."

No you won't. Castle thought. The only thing you can do to help me is to love me back, and we both know that'll never happen. He shook his head. "Don't worry about it. I've been on the other side of this. Now I know how you feel when I stick my nose into your private life. We're even. Forget it. And, actually, there really isn't a problem. After we were divorced Gina and I managed to have a civil business arrangement, which we have again. So no harm done." Except to my ego, of course. The thought that the woman I love wants to get me back together with my ex-wife is about the worst thing you could have done. But it certainly shows me where I stand with Kate Beckett.

Relieved, Kate smiled at Castle. I wonder if he'll find someone else soon. Having him around me every day, knowing he's available…Will I be able to stand that? I have to be able to stand that!