196. Chapter 196

AU After Knockdown

By

UCSBdad

Disclaimer: You can knock me down with a feather if I said I owned Castle. Rating: M Time: See above.

"Come on, Castle. I'll give you a ride home."

Kate led her partner away from the ambulance and to her Crown Vic. He took shotgun as usual and she drove. They weren't more than a few blocks from the crime scene when she pulled to the side of the road and killed the lights. They had stopped in a deep pool of shadow.

"What is it?" Castle said, his head on a swivel, eyes darting around. "Did you see something?"

"No. it's just that we need to talk." Having said that, Kate just sat there. We need to talk, except I know what the answer to my question to him will be. I know what I should say, and I also know what I want to say. This conversation will determine a lot of what my future will be. I hate to do this and I desperately need to do this.

"That kiss didn't mean anything, you know that, don't you? I'm with Josh." That was not what she had intended to say, she had just blurted it out. God! How stupid can I be, starting off with that?

Castle nodded. It was hard to read his expression in the dark. "Sure. It was just a ruse, something to distract the guard's attention so we could get inside. It didn't mean a thing. I felt nothing."

The last sentence upset Kate a bit, and she knew he was lying. "Nothing? I could have sworn you were enjoying yourself, Castle."

She heard Castle's sharp intake of breath. "Fine. Kissing women is pleasurable. Is that a problem?"

"Just kissing a random woman is pleasurable, or is kissing me pleasurable?"

"What the hell difference does it make?"

She could tell Castle was getting angry. She had gone too far. "I just want some information, Castle. Will you please answer my question?" She said softly.

"Yes. Kissing you is more pleasurable than kissing some random woman. Okay?"

"You said the word "amazing." I'm pretty sure you didn't mean the way I knocked out the guard. You were referring to the kiss, weren't you?"

She was sure Castle was glaring at her, although she couldn't see him. "Yes!" He growled. "The kiss was amazing. I enjoyed kissing you, Beckett. I'm very sorry I kissed you. I'm sorry I enjoyed it. I apologize, but we did have a problem getting to Ryan and Esposito. I promise I will never kiss you again. I'll even write a thousand times on the murder board, "I will not kiss Kate Beckett again", just like Bart Simpson."

"I'm curious, Castle. On a scale of one to ten, how would you rate kissing me as opposed to kissing some random woman?"

"Beckett, you're angry with me for kissing you. I get that." He snapped at her. "I over stepped your bounds. I made a mistake, but please remember that I was trying to save Ryan and Esposito, not make a move on you. Believe me, no one knows better than me that you go around with a "No Trespassing! This Means You, Castle "sign around your neck. Now if you want to chew me out, do it. I've had a long, difficult night and I'd like to get home and get some sleep."

"You didn't answer my question."

"Jesus Fucking Christ! You really want to know, kissing you versus kissing some random woman, on a scale of one to ten?"

"Yes."

"Okay. Some random woman, zero. Kate Beckett, a billion. Happy now?"

She had expected that she'd score better than the random woman, but the number as well as Castle's vehemence surprised her. She smiled, although she doubted Castle could see it in the dark.

"Thank you, Castle. Now I have another question for you."

"No!" He said, angrily. "I've had enough. Either you take me home or I walk."

"Castle, I'm sorry." She said softly. "But there is a point to this. You appointed yourself as my partner on this case. A case involving highly trained snipers, false identities, lots of money and…I don't know what else. You are my partner. You have been for some time now. I don't mind telling you that you're the best partner I ever had. Only Royce comes close, and he didn't have your talent as a detective. We're going up against someone powerful. Powerful enough to scare McAllister a lot more than prison. I need to know some things, okay?"

"Okay." He waited for a second and added. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have spoken like I did."

"No apology is needed, Castle. But I need to know. You were about to tell me something in the diner when you said that you thought I'd been shot because of the blood on me. You were going to say something in my place when you said you were my partner. I need to know what you were going to say."

"Beckett, can't we just leave it at what I did say? I'm your partner. That's all you need to know." And I know damned well that if I tell you the truth, we're over. Maybe not tonight, but soon. I just can't stand to lose you, Kate.

She shook her head. "No, that's not all I need to know. I'm risking my life in this. I'm risking your life. The life of Alexis' father and Martha's son. I'm risking Ryan and Esposito's lives. Maybe Captain Montgomery's life. The lives of other people in the 12th, people I don't know. Now. Tell me. What were you going to say?"

He sat there for a long time saying nothing. She began to think he'd never answer her, but she had to know.

Finally, he spoke. "Kate, I love you."

Kate was on him in a split second, mashing her lips against his, pushing her tongue against his teeth, demanding entrance. Running her hands through his hair, rubbing her boobs against his chest. He opened his mouth and her tongue shot into his mouth, twisting and exploring him. Tasting him and enjoying him. She pulled away and looked into his eyes.

"That was…" he began

"Amazing." She finished for him and smiled, then kissed him softly once more.

"I love you." He said again.

"I know." She said simply.

"You do? How?"

She giggled, something he'd never heard before. "I'm a detective, Castle. It's my job to figure things out. And I strongly recommend that you never go into a life of crime. You left clues all over the place. A rookie, an Academy cadet even, could have figured out that you love me."

He laughed. "I guess I did. The coffee every day was a dead giveaway, right?"

"Among other things."

There was something he had to ask. "What about Josh?"

"I'll have to break up with him." She said simply. "That won't be a problem."

"And us?"

She moved up so that she was sitting on his lap. She kissed him again. "Rick, I've spent the last twelve years obsessed with my mom's murder, in one way or another. It's driven me, defined me, made me what and who I am. I can't let that go." She took a deep breath. "Rick, I've been falling in love with you for about a year. I admit that I fought loving you. If I let myself love you as I want to love you, as you deserve to be loved, you would have to be the first priority in my life. I can't do that. Finding my mom's killer has to be my first priority. My only priority. If this changes how you feel about me, or how you feel about…"

She found his lips on hers, silencing her. And answering her question. "I love you, Kate."

She kissed him back. She took his hand and put onto her boob. She moved his hand back and forth, exciting both of them. "I love you, too."

"So all we have to do is track down some vast, shadowy, well-funded and very violent conspiracy, break it up, and we can be together?"

"That's one way to put it."

He took his hand off of her boob. "How about you take me home so I can get a good night's sleep and start conspiracy hunting tomorrow?"

She drove him to the loft and stopped out front. She took his hand in hers. "Tomorrow?"

"Always."