397. Chapter 397

After The Fast and the Furriest

Episode 5.20

By

UCSBdad

Disclaimer: Big, hairy deal. I don't own Castle. Rating: K Time: See above.

"How do you want to handle the interrogation?" Castle asked.

Kate stopped, counted to ten, then turned around to face him. "With. Out. You." She said, very coldly.

"Honey, I said I was sorry. And I really am."

Kate took a breath. "Castle, I love you. I love you so much that I married you. And I love you even after you…you…"

"Screwed up?" He finished for her.

"Rick, what did the people at the university tell us? What did they say was on that ancient… thing in forty six separate ancient languages?"

"Um, do not open?"

She nodded. "What else?"

"Do not touch?"

"And?"

"Extreme danger."

"And what did you do?" She hissed at him.

"I opened it."

"You opened a portal to…to...No one knows what, and now we, and most importantly, I, have to deal with the consequences. Therefore, you will not be going into the interrogation with me." She turned to the officer next to her. "Ready, Officer Bigfoot?"

The furry, seven foot tall anthropoid nodded. As he walked by Castle he muttered, "Sorry, bro."

"You're not Espo, so don't try to copy him." Castle muttered back.

Officer Bigfoot nodded, fiddled with his tie and followed Kate into Interrogation One.

"Mr. Unicorn?" Kate said briskly.

"I know my rights. I ain't saying a word until my lawyer gets here. " The unicorn said.

"Oh, is that how you want to play this?" Kate said, glaring at the suspect.

The glare worked on the unicorn, and even on Officer Bigfoot.

"Look," said the perp, "I'm a unicorn. I've got needs. There's things I gotta do."

"Are you setting the groundwork for an insanity defense?" Kate scoffed.

"Not one more word!" Cried a small furry being in a three piece suit who burst dramatically through the door.

"Who are you?" Kate demanded.

"R. Weasel, Esquire, Attorney-at-Law. I represent this poor, downtrodden being."

"Downtrodden?" Kate snorted. "He broke into a grade school."

"In the middle of the day, when it was filled with kids. If he had any felonious intent, he'd have broken in at night."

"So, he was just trying for a little show and tell?" Officer Bigfoot said sarcastically.

"My client is a wild unicorn. Do you know how unicorns have been tamed in legend?"

Suddenly, Kate wished she had Castle with her. She was sure he'd know. "Tell me."

"In order to become a productive member of society and enjoy the rights that this great country, built, I might add, by immigrants, whose blood and sweat has..."

"Get to the point." Kate snapped.

"Unicorns can only be tamed by a virgin. Do you have any idea how hard it is to find a virgin in twenty first century New York? My client went to that school to get help for his problem. For medical treatment, so to speak."

"And to quit having to live in the damned Adirondack Mountains with the rest of the wild unicorns. It's cold out there, you have to get your own food and the TV reception is lousy." The perp said sullenly.

Kate exchanged a glance with Officer Bigfoot. "I think we might be able to make a deal." She said.

After agreeing to a plea bargain with the unicorn, Kate went looking for her husband. "Ryan, have you seen Castle?"

Ryan looked around. "He was here a minute ago, but I got distracted by a new body drop. Hit and run. Two mice driving a very large pumpkin."

Kate shook her head. "Try the Wicked Stepmother's 12 Step Program and get out an APB on the Ugly Step Sisters."

"Got it." Ryan said.

"Castle is with Lanie." Espo spoke up. "They have a problem with the latest victim."

As soon as Kate got to the floor the morgue was on, she smelled smoke. "Castle?" She said, hurrying to the morgue.

Happily, Castle and Lanie were there, talking to a large bird. "Are you okay, lover?" She asked, putting her arm around him.

"Sure. It's just that our victim is now alive."

"Alive? How…?" She began.

"Sorry." Said the bird. "I'm a phoenix bird. When we die, we catch fire and rise from the ashes, alive again." He shrugged. "Sorry about the mess."

"You're not Han Solo, bub." Lanie said. "Someone has to pay for the damage to my office."

"No problem. I have a great gig as the new mascot for a baseball team in Arizona. Can I put it on my credit card?"

"I guess." Lanie turned to Rick and Kate. "I can't believe these things keep happening."

"You've had more phoenix birds in here?" Kate asked, surprised.

"No, yesterday was weird. In spite of having an Acme safe dropped on him, being shot into a cliff face while riding a rocket and being hit by a boulder from a catapult, the vic was fine. We never did figure out what the beef was about. All we could get the presumed perp to say was, "Beep, beep."

Walking back into the bullpen, Rick and Kate had to move out of the way for a group of men with horses' legs, with their hands cuffed behind them. "What are they here for, LT?" Kate asked.

"Drunk and disorderly in Central Park." The big uniform replied. "I've heard the old officers talk about the 60s, but hippy satyrs beat them."

"Far freaking out, man." One satyr mumbled. When he saw Kate, his eyes lit up. "Mamacita, looking go-o-o-o-d! You wanna go get naked?"

"Put them in holding." Kate said sharply.

Captain Gates stuck her head out of her office. "The Transit Authority says that the IRT Broadway is down. A bunch of centaurs panicked and jammed the doors of a car open. It'll take while to get them out."

Castle began to hum "I Love New York" softly, getting a glare from both Gates and Kate.

Suddenly, Gates looked past the two. "Kate, you'd better handle this one."

Kate turned around to see five large, leather clad and very top heavy women being led in. "Oh, no. The Amazons Motorcycle Club."

She took the five women over from Karpowski and she and Rick took their leader into interrogation.

The woman sat and glared at Rick and Kate. "The name's Queen Hippolyta. "She snarled. "And this bust is totally bogus."

Rick took a quick look at her cleavage. "I'd say the bust is righteous." He smirked.

The Amazon smiled, then leaned back and pushed her boobs out. "Say, you're kind of cute. What do you say we have some fun after I wipe the floor with Miss Flat Chested here?"

Kate kicked the chair out from under Hippolyta and quickly had her knee in the woman's throat. "One, you aren't wiping the floor with anyone and two, he's my husband."

"By Zeus!" Hippolyta said, getting back up. "And I thought the Spartans had no sense of humor. Look, check our alibis. When that guy got turned into stone, we were all the way across town at the Greek Cultural Festival. We were teaching archery to some young chicks. Turning dudes to stone, that's Medusa's MO."

"Yeah, sure." Kate said. "Someone's now stone. It's Medusa. It's always Medusa. Well, she's in the joint, turning big rocks into little rocks."

Castle peeked again at her boobs. "Is it true that you cut one off so it doesn't interfere with the draw of a bow?"

She opened her leather vest. "What do you think?" She said, smiling.

Once the Amazons' alibi had been checked and Queen Hippolyta booked for public indecency, Kate and Rick went back to her desk. Rick checked his watch. "We should head for home. Want to take a chariot?"

"I'll drive." Kate said, smiling.

As they got on their coats, Gates came out of her office again. "Everybody stay put. There's a giant wooden horse in Central Park. Homeland Security thinks it may be a terrorist attack."

"The Trojans?" Someone said.

"Your guess is as good as mine." Gates replied. "Someone call the Minotaur. We could use him."

"He got lost in New Jersey again."

Rick and Kate took their coats off.

"It looks like a long night."

Kate smiled. "As long as we're together."

"Always."