402. Chapter 402

After Watershed

Episode 5.24

By

UCSBdad

Disclaimer: How much of Castle do you think I don't own? Rating: K Time: See above.

The first thing that Kate Beckett saw when she woke up was the ring on her left hand. Normally, she didn't wear her jewelry to bed, but last night she just couldn't force herself to take it off. I'm engaged. I'm going to get married. I'm going to be Mrs. Castle.

She rolled over and saw her…fiancé looking at her.

"You're adorable when you're asleep, you know." He said with a smile, then kissed her.

"It's creepy to watch me while I sleep."

"Is it my fault you're so adorable when you sleep? Not that you're not adorable when you're awake as well."

"Flattery will get you everywhere with me this morning, Castle." She looked over at the alarm clock by their bed. "How come you're up so early?"

"I have a nine o'clock meeting with Black Pawn. I need to get up and get moving."

"Are you going to tell Gina about us?"

"That we're engaged? Sure. We can't really keep this a deep, dark secret any more. Too many people know." Castle stopped and frowned. "Unless there's some reason she shouldn't know."

Kate quickly shook her head. "No. Not at all. I just hope this doesn't cause a problem in your relationship with Black Pawn."

"One, Gina knows we're never going to be a couple again. And, two, if it bothers her, who cares?"

Kate pulled herself to him. "And if you don't care, you can be a little late to that meeting." She kissed him and ran her hands under his boxers.

Much later, after Castle and Martha had left, Kate got up, and got ready for a lazy day. Dressed in sweat pants and an oversized tee shirt, she made breakfast and coffee, then went to Castle's office and pulled out a legal sized note pad and a pen. She thought for a minute or so and then began to write.

Dear Mom,

I haven't written to you like this for years and years and I'm not sure why I'm writing again now. I'm not convinced that there's really any sort of after life, but I just really want to tell you all about my life like I did just after you died.

I'm still a cop, a homicide detective now. The first thing I have to tell you I that I've met our favorite author, Rick Castle. I know you're probably all excited about that, but I was anything but excited when I first met him. I asked him for help on a case where a murderer was copying murders from Castle's books. I was all prepared for the second coming of Sherlock Holmes and what I got was an over-aged frat boy. He was rude, self-centered, immature, and made it clear from the first time we met that he wanted to get me in bed. Worse, he told me that I had arrested the wrong man and then proceeded to prove another man was the killer. Castle even chased the real killer down and captured him. With my help, of course.

I thought, happily, that that was the last I'd see of Rick Castle. I was so wrong. He decided to base a character on me for a new series of books, and had to follow me around for "research". The character was a NYPD homicide cop named Nikki Heat. Yes, I know. It's a stripper's name. But Nikki is a good cop. A remarkable cop. Actually, Castle says I'm remarkable, but I don't really believe him. But, there are four Nikki Heat books out now with another on the way. As far as I'm concerned, they're the best things that he's ever written. And I'm not just saying that because I'm Castle's muse.

Gradually, Castle became more than a tag along writer, he became my partner. As much a partner as any cop ever was. And then he did the worst thing and the best thing anyone has ever done for me. I gave up on solving your case, Mom. I hated myself for that, but I wouldn't let anyone even talk to me about it. It just hurt too much. Castle looked into your murder. He found new evidence I never found. I really hated him for dragging me back to the whole endless horror that your case was to me. And he was 100% right. He's dead, Mom. The man who killed you was called Dick Coonan and I shot and killed him. But he was a hired killer and I now know that the man who ordered the hit is Senator William Bracken. Bracken was a dirty ADA and is now a dirty politician. A Senator. We haven't gotten him, but we will. Sooner or later he'll screw up and then we'll get him.

Yes, we'll get him. Being with Castle made me realize how much fun I was missing in my life. I was all work and no play and I was miserable. I thought I deserved to be miserable since I had given up on your case, which was why I became a cop in the first place. I started dating again. At first it was just because I was so damned lonely and miserable, I just wanted to be with someone. I wanted to have some fun in my life. And I did, but I really wanted more.

I can admit it now. What I wanted was Rick Castle. But, he was this rich playboy with two failed marriages behind him and a slew of supermodels or starlets on his arm on Page Six. I knew he'd just break my heart. And he did. He invited me to his place in the Hamptons for Memorial Day weekend a couple of years ago. I told him no, that I had plans with my boyfriend. I broke up with that boyfriend and was going to accept Castle's invitation. I had waited too long. He showed up at the precinct with a blonde in tow. I was miserable the whole summer. But I was determined that I had learned my lesson. Castle would be my partner and I'd never give him the chance to break my heart again.

I started dating another guy, and I thought if I tried hard enough, I could make it work. I thought I could feel the way about him the way I felt about Castle. Yes, Mom, I know. I should have risked my heart again, but I didn't. Of course it didn't work and we broke up.

Bracken knew I was on to him and sent a man after me and I almost died. That's when I realized that all I wanted and all I needed in my life was Rick Castle. I went to him and told him that. He loves me. He must really love me to put up with everything I've put him through the past years. Not that I'm entirely at fault. There are some things that he did like….Well, that's not important now. What's important was that we were finally a couple. We should have been for years and years, but at least we finally made it.

So, I have two big pieces of really big news for you. I have a job with the Federal Task Force. We work directly for the Attorney General and handle really important cases. Unfortunately, I screwed up by not telling Castle about it. He found out about it by accident and got very mad. I knew that he hated me and that I had caused that. Why didn't I just talk to him about it? Maybe I was afraid he'd use the move to DC as an excuse to dump me. I really have trouble believing that Castle is going to stay with some broken, obsessed, insecure cop.

I was wrong and that's the second piece of news. I am engaged. Yes! Rick Castle asked me to marry him. We were sitting there and I knew he was going to dump me and he proposed! I seriously underestimated Castle. But then, I've been doing that since the beginning. He surprised me on our very first case together and he's been surprising me ever since.

Oh, Mom! I wish I could tell you everything about him. How smart he is, how kind, how generous, how sweet, how…infuriating at times. But I do love him and I know he loves me. Oh, and I love his family. His Mom and his daughter.

I've been alone and making all my decisions on my own for years now. That has to stop. I have to remember that I'm in a partnership now. A partnership for life! I have to get up every day and look in the mirror and say to myself, "You love Richard Castle and he loves you and you have to act like it! You have to be like your mom was with your dad!" If I can just be like you, I know we can make it.

Mom, I love you and I miss you so much, but a great deal of the hole in my heart has been filled now with love.

Love,

Katie.