503. Chapter 503

After Till Death Do Us Part

Episode 4.11

By

UCSBdad

Disclaimer: I now pronounce myself Castleless. Rating: K Time: See above

"Kevin, you're a lucky man."

Ryan's teenaged best man had managed to snag a dance with Beckett, but all of the other dances were with Rick Castle. He appreciated that.

Does that mean that I'm not a lucky man? Castle wondered. No. I don't think luck had anything to do with my two failed marriages. I married Meredith because she was fun. I liked fun. Hell, I absolutely loved fun and so did Meredith. Somehow that all changed with Alexis. I thought Alexis was wonderful, exciting, challenging and…fun. Meredith thought a baby was the textbook definition of un-fun. So, does my changing make me the responsible party in the divorce? If we'd been unable to have kids, would I still be happily married to Meredith? Would we still be that fun couple, the Castles? Maybe, maybe not. Fun, I find, in my older years, is helping a certain hot, smart, dedicated detective catch killers. But would I have ever found Beckett if I was still with Meredith? I wouldn't be with Meredith, I know that now. Since the divorce I've heard that Meredith loved fun and didn't want to limit her fun to her husband. At least Meredith is having fun, even if I'm not.

Gina was another story. Fun? Gina? Yeah, the same way a Marine DI is a barrel of laughs. I thought I needed to grow up. Be a responsible father. Set a good example for Alexis. Maybe have more children. Problem? Gina was a driven career woman. Her idea of a roaring good time was an all day long negotiating session where she got every single thing she had wanted in the contract. Being a mom just couldn't compete with that. Actually, I couldn't compete with that. Is that why she didn't want a child? She already had a child who wrote best-selling mysteries for her? I should ask her. No! Wait! Ask her? I may be her favorite author, but I am her least favorite ex-husband. Least favorite man, I think.

Is Beckett the charmed third time? I want to think so. I feel differently about Kate than I did about Kyra, Meredith or Gina. More. That's what she is. More fun, more grown up, just…more. But what is more to Beckett? She has walls. I've known that from early on. I want to tear down those walls. She says she doesn't believe people can change. Does she believe that about herself? Is the person she wants to be, in the kind of relationship she wants, going to be that much different from how she is now? I wish I knew. I wish I knew where I stood with her. We never talk to each other. Yes, I'm guilty of that, too. I'm afraid of pushing too hard and scaring her away. We speak in riddles like some Delphic Oracle. Maybe I should try Greek? Or, just do what I've been doing. Stay with her and hope for the best.

"Kevin, you're a lucky man."

Castle said those words. He meant them as well. But Kevin Ryan being a lucky man doesn't make Castle a lucky man or me a lucky woman, does it? Oh, I suppose I'm lucky to be here with Castle dancing with him. Except for the best man. Castle's the only one I've danced with all night. It's funny, actually. We're not a couple, but for years now, everyone has thought we were together. Everyone here, even people who don't really know Castle and me, treat us like a couple. Why can't we be a couple, dammit? Kate knew very well why they weren't a couple. You don't encourage a man by threatening to break his legs, or reminding him that you carry a gun. You don't become a couple by hiding in a relationship with men you don't love. A thought crossed Kate's mind. Am I doing something like that with Castle? Am I hiding in a relationship with a man I do love to keep myself safe? We do have a relationship. We eat lunch and dinner occasionally, we see movies together, we watch TV together, we talk, tease and joke and … We don't do anything else. It's the perfect non-relationship to hide in. I'm with Castle, but I can't get hurt because we're not together. Oh my god! That is so unfair to Castle. I have to change. I have to be more. I have to open myself up to Castle. The thought of opening herself up to Castle brought some rather pornographic images of herself and Castle to Kate's mind. I need to do that and a lot more. Not just my body but my mind and my soul. She put her arms around Castle's neck and slid closer to him.

"Kevin, you're a lucky man."

Those words stayed in Ryan's mind. He was a lucky man, he knew that. Not just because he had found the love of his life, but because he had the best job ever with the best detective team in all of New York, hell in all the world. There was only one flaw in that team. Castle and Beckett should be as happy and as lucky as Jenny and I are, but they're not even close to being together. I thought that when she came back from the shooting and neither of them were dating anyone else that things would change. They should have changed. Why didn't they? They obviously care for each other and I've never seen Beckett happier than when she's with him. I don't know Castle as well as I know Beckett, but he's nothing like the self- centered asshole he was when he first showed up at the precinct. He used to be on Page Six all the time, but when we went to Atlantic City, he wasn't like that at all. Sure, he flirted with the waitresses and showgirls, but he went to bed by himself. Even all of Javi's talk about a multiple showgirl night didn't do anything for Castle. He just headed for the poker tables. I knew then he wouldn't sleep with anyone but Beckett. So why aren't they together?

"Kevin, you're a lucky man." Lanie said to Jenny. "That's exactly what he said. And he was so right. And you're lucky, too. Kevin is a great guy."

Jenny nodded, so happy at finally being Mrs. Kevin Ryan that she could hardly speak. She shook herself with joy, then settled down a bit. "Someone else should be lucky. You're Kate's best friend, if you don't mind, why aren't she and Castle a couple?"

Lanie rolled her eyes and thought about what to say to answer Jenny's question without invading Kate's privacy. "They got off to a real bad start. You've never seen Rick Castle in full on, fun loving playboy mode. And I know he teased Kate a lot about the character Nikki Heat. He referred to her as slutty, which didn't make Kate happy at all. She didn't like having him around although he proved surprisingly good as a homicide cop. They made a lot of mistakes with each other, and now I think each one is afraid to make the first move for fear the other one doesn't feel the same way."

"How could they not think that the one isn't madly in love with the other?" Jenny asked. "It's so obvious."

"Obvious to you and me, girl, but those two live in another universe."

However, eventually, they would all have occasion to say, "Rick, you're a lucky man." To which he heartily agreed.