588. Chapter 588

After What Lies Beneath

Episode 8.04

By

UCSBdad

Disclaimer: No lie. I don't own Castle. Rating: K Time: See above.

Captain Kate Beckett sat at her desk doing paperwork after talking to Vikram. But her mind was elsewhere, with thoughts rushing through her mind. Finally she realized that she was sick to her stomach, just slightly sick, but nauseous none the less. When Castle gave me that cup of coffee, he said it didn't mean anything and for a little while I was relieved. Now it makes me sick. He used to bring me coffee as a way of telling me, showing me, that he loves me. She thought. Then she shook her head. No, Rick is not telling me that he doesn't love me anymore. He loves me and I love him. We'll get through this. I can and will do this and then I am going to show Rick just how much I love him and how much I need him, and how much I love being his wife. She smiled as a thought occurred to her. We'll go up to his place in the Hamptons for a week. At least a week. I'll handcuff him to the bed and I'll ravish him in every way I can think of. Her smile widened. No, I won't handcuff him to the bed, I'll handcuff myself to the bed. Castle knows that I hate to not have any control. Letting him have complete control over me will show him how much I love him. I remember our first case together. He said he would be happy to let me spank him. I'll ask him to spank me, hard. Kate imagined herself naked and spread eagled on Castle's bed, handcuffed, and face down with Castle spanking her ass until it was bright red. And I'll beg him to spank me harder and longer. Whatever he wants, I'll beg him for more.

Kate took a deep breath to get her emotions back under control. I told Martha that we're not going to get a divorce. I've told Castle that I love him. I told him that I don't want the secret of his coffee that he makes for me because I do need him. God, I need him.

The thought about their first case together brought something else to her mind. The very first case we worked on, the Tisdale murder, he wouldn't stay in the car. When I handcuffed him to my car, thinking that he would have to stay, he didn't. He had a damned handcuff key, got out and went running after an armed murderer with no thought for his own safety. The sickness she felt got worse. The last person on the planet who would give me the space and time I need for this is Rick Castle. He's told me he intends to win me back. He keeps showing up at the murders in my precinct. He won't go away and sooner or later, he just might figure out what I'm doing. And once he figures that out, he'll put himself right in the crosshairs and nothing I'll be able to do or say with get him to move. Kate thought about where that might lead. Should I just accept that Castle won't go away, no matter what, and will sooner or later manage to involve himself in the case? She quickly shook her head. No, I'm screwing up our marriage, but I can fix that, even if it takes years, I will get us back to where we were. Where we should be. As long as Castle is alive I can fix all the damage I've done and I will. But, if something happens…She stopped. Even thinking about losing Castle made her sick. I won't let anything happen to Castle. I will keep him completely out of this and completely safe. But a little voice inside her head was jeering at her. Sure, Beckett. Keep telling yourself that. You're in complete control of Castle. The man who was smart enough to solve all those murders can't possibly figure out what you're up to. Dream on. Kate managed to glare at herself. Okay, the day may come when I'll have to bring Castle into this. And if I do, I'll keep Castle closer than I've ever kept him before. I won't let anything happen to Castle. If I lose Castle, if he dies, I'll have nothing left. No reason to go on, no reason to live.

She looked at the pile of precinct paperwork on her desk and at the files on Bracken and Simmons. She picked up the latter file and began working.

Richard Castle was happy. Not as happy as he wanted to be, but happier than he'd been in a while. It seemed things were working out as he had planned.

Martha had talked to him about her short chat with Beckett. She hadn't treated Martha like an unloved mother-in-law, but as a friend. Family, even. Although Kate had stuck to her story that things were "complicated", she seemed happy to see Martha and had said, quite quickly, that there would be no divorce. Even better, Kate had asked for his help on a case, just like when they had been partners. He had been so happy to sit in front of the murder board with her, and Ryan and Esposito, building theory and finally catching the killer. It was like old times all over again.

The coffee had been good, too. Having to tell her it didn't mean anything had hurt him to say, but he didn't want to push too hard. Nor did he not want to push. Kate didn't want to know the secret ingredient, because then she might not need him anymore. Which meant she needed him. And, in spite of evidence to the contrary, she did love him. She'd said she did and he believed her.

Castle sat back in his office chair and poured another glass of fifty year old Scotch. Things were getting better.

Then he realized that something was wrong. The story. The story doesn't make sense. Beckett hasn't fallen out of love with me. Nothing she's said or done indicates that. She doesn't want out of the marriage and go back to just living together. If she loves me and needs me, why is she gone?

He sat bolt upright in the chair. I need to find the story.

Author's note: I've done up to four stories on each Castle episode all the way through season seven and now I'm up to date on season eight. As some of you know, now that I'm retired, I live half the year in California and half in Arizona. I'm headed for AZ next week, so I won't be writing any Castle After…stories for a while. However, I'm just about done with an AU Castle story and I should post the first chapter the day after this one. I also have COTW type story that I sort of wrote myself into a corner on, but I think I can fix it. Those of you who enjoyed my crossover stories from the universes of Farscape and David Drake's Hammer's Slammers books, I have another crossover in the works taking Farscape's John and Aeryn into Poul Anderson's Terran Empire of Dominic Flandry. And I have a short season eight story idea. I intend to go back and re-watch Castle from season one on, but I'm not sure I can write another eight seasons' worth of After…stories. I will also work on season eight After…stories, but these are not at all easy to write.

Thanks for reading these.