sixty-four

Of course, if anyone ever knew that, they would have cherished the moment more, say all the things that need to be said, share one last hug, one last everything. You believe you have forever to spend the time with the ones you love, but sometimes life doesn't work that way, the worst goodbyes are the ones that we know we will never be able to say hello again.

Meredith Grey stared at her husband's body hooked up to ventilators and other machines—he's gone, brain dead. Meredith Grey believed she had forever with Derek Shepherd, to grow old together just like he promised. Derek got his forever with her, but she didn't get forever with him. Forever is a saying, a word and sometimes forever just doesn't exist.

Meredith knew what had to be done, but saying goodbye to the love of your life was the toughest and scariest thing she had to do—she survived a bombing, drowning, gun shooting, plane crash but none of that compares to the numb feeling she felt in that moment.

***

Owen walked inside the attending lounge as he began to put on his white lab coat and called out for Callie, who turned around to face him, "I need help on a hip disarticulation today. You want in?"

Callie hummed, "Oou, maybe."

Maggie lifted herself up from her seat and walked over to Callie, "You have to finish your story. So, you actually had to break his knee?"

"No." Callie shook her head, "So, I had to shove the rod back in there even harder, and it wound up cracking the tibial plateau." She turned to look at Alex, "Can I help you?"

"You're hogging the pot." Alex answered, eager to drink his coffee.

Meredith slowly walked inside, the numb feeling she felt earlier still lingering inside her. Everything felt different already.

"Maybe ask nicely." Maggie suggested, "Like a civilized human being. Callie?"

Callie turned to face Maggie, "Hmm?"

"May I have the carafe, please?" Maggie asked the orthopedic surgeon. Callie hummed and nodded handing the carafe over to Maggie as Alex observed, a scoff escaping his lips, "You see? It's quite easy actually."

Alex rolled his eyes, "I need coffee."

"Me too." Jackson spoke, walking inside the room and made his way to grab a cup.

"Hey." Maggie greeted Meredith, noticing her half-sister in the room, "I heard there was weather near Dulles. Derek's flight got delayed, didn't it?" Maggie continued on but Meredith just heard her distorted voice, "I hate that airport."

"Pierce." Webber walked inside the room, "My gallbladder guy's pacemaker keeps misfiring, you think you can take a look at it?"

"Yeah." Maggie nodded, "I could do it right now."

"Derek is dead." Meredith said, although it wasn't loud enough for anyone to hear her clearly. Meredith took notice of this and she spoke up again, "Derek is dead."

Callie pulled out her phone and looked at it, "What was that?"

"Derek..." Meredith announced again, everyone's attention on her, "...Is dead."

***

Derek Shepherd thought about how he would die because the staff wasn't properly trained to treat his injuries. He thought about his wife, kids—his family. He thought about how he wished he had spent more time with them, Amelia and Allison included.

Jackson waited for his wife to finish her surgery before telling her the news. Allison Avery had lost her parents at a young age, being raised by her aunt alongside her cousins. She lost her friend, George in a bus accident, she lost Lexi and Mark in the plane crash she was in with the rest of her friends—but they managed to survive. Lastly, she lost her baby boy who had a low percentage of surviving with no brain. Jackson knew she wasn't ready to lose anyone else, especially not Derek Shepherd, her best friend, her mentor, her person.

Webber approached Jackson, who hesitated walking inside the scrub room. He knew that the news would hit Allison as hard as Meredith and Amelia, after all the two were inseparable—they were the Neuro dream team.

"Have you told her yet?" Webber asked him.

"Not yet." Jackson sighed, shaking his head, "I-I—She's suffered a lot this year, we lost our son and now she just lost her best friend, I—"

Jackson didn't finish, he didn't know what to say. Webber glanced down at him, "I can tell her, take it off your hands."

Jackson shook his head, "I have to do it."

Webber nodded, assuring him once more before walking away. Jackson took a deep breath and opened the door. Allison glanced his way and smiled, before greeting him with a kiss.

"Hey, how does lasagna sound for dinner?" The seriousness on her husband's face caused her smile to drop as she observed him, "What—What happened?" The look Jackson had was the same look that she had seen before on people's faces—it's always the same face. She cleared her throat, "Who died?"

"There was an M.V.C. accident, he wanted to help." Jackson briefly explained, his eyes didn't leave hers.

"Jackson." Allison looked at him.

"Derek." Jackson said, "It was Derek. Derek died."

Allison chuckled, she felt the tears beginning to form but she just continued laughing hoping it was some sick joke her husband was telling her. "Derek is not dead."

"I'm sorry." Jackson began. Allison stopped laughing—this was reality, she knew Jackson wouldn't joke about that. Her face fell, and she shook the tears that wanted to fall, she backed away from her husband.

Until she heard a sob escape her lips, her vision began to blur. She couldn't process the information she just received. Allison fell to the ground, no longer being able to stand as she felt Jackson catch her. She buried her face in his neck and held to his body like her life depended on it as she cried over Derek.

You never know when the last time is the last time and she didn't expect her last time with her best friend would be the two of them on a ferry boat ride before they parted ways for a day. If she knew it was the last time, she would have appreciated him more.

***

Joe's bar, the one bar doctors go after their hospital shift. Allison discovered it a day prior her first day as an intern at Seattle Grace. Moving to Seattle from Boston was hard enough especially when she had denied the opportunity to do her residency at Seattle, luckily Chief Webber gave her another chance.