297. Chapter 297
Alex still hates the whole meeting thing.
She doesn’t talk on the way, and she doesn’t talk there, and she doesn’t say much on the way back, either.
But every single day – sometimes twice a day, those days when J’onn practically forces her downstairs to one of the agent meetings because Jeremiah, because Eliza, because Kara got hurt, because Maggie got hurt, because Winn got hurt, because James got hurt, because J’onn himself got hurt – she makes herself go.
Every single day, sometimes twice a day, Kara drops her off. And every single day, sometimes twice a day, Kara picks her up.
And every single day, sometimes twice a day, Maggie’s waiting there with Kara after.
It becomes a routine.
“How was it?” Kara will ask.
“I want a drink,” is all Alex will say, and Kara will pale as she holds her hand, but Maggie will grin softly, sadly, knowingly.
“You gonna have one, Danvers?” she’ll ask, and Kara will always be awestruck at how gentle, at how loving, at how adoring, the steel-edged detective’s voice gets around Alex.
And that’s where the response varies, and that’s where sister and girlfriend can gauge how Alex is doing.
On the nights that are going to be full of raging and full of misdirected anger and full of begging, she’ll start by answering Maggie with a, “why not, it’s all I’ve been doing for the past few years anyway,” and Kara and Maggie will exchange a soft glance and Kara will take one side and Maggie will take the other and they’ll take her home and they’ll listen and they’ll validate and they’ll hold her when she breaks and they’ll soothe her while she drifts into restless sleep.
On the nights that are going to be full of Kara going home alone because Alex is going to fuck Maggie senseless, is going to fuck Maggie hard, is going to fuck Maggie rough, is going to fill Maggie up with her fingers, fill her own lips with Maggie’s wetness so she doesn’t fill them with bourbon, she’ll start by answering Maggie with a, “not if I can have you instead,” and Maggie will gulp and blush and lick her lips and Kara will groan and adjust her glasses and speed away muttering about some emergency or other.
And on the nights that are going to be full of soft touches and easy laughter and old musicals and prank calling Winn as he’s out on a date with Lyra, she’ll start by answering Maggie with a, “no. No, I’m not. You can be proud of me now,” and Maggie will kiss her softly and Kara will blush and Alex will swoon and they’ll debate which movie to start the evening with the entire way home.
She doesn’t slip up, even though she wants to.
She doesn’t give in, even though she’s burning for it.
She doesn’t let go, except when she’s in Maggie’s arms and nothing can hurt her.
“You know I’m proud of you, Ally,” Maggie whispers one night, a few weeks into Alex’s sobriety, a couple weeks into her program; a couple weeks into what makes DEO training seem easy in retrospect.
“For making you cum five times in as many minutes?” Alex counters, her voice thick with sex and her own orgasms, thick with love and her own release.
Maggie chuckles and splutters, and decides not to point out – not right now, anyway – that Alex is the only woman who’s ever made her splutter. “I didn’t – it wasn’t five min – “
“It kinda was, Sawyer.”
“You timing me, Danvers?”
“I mean – “
“Alex. Seriously. I’m proud of you.”
Alex sighs and turns – Maggie had been holding her, had been kissing the nape of her neck, but she wants to see her eyes, now, wants to watch her face, now – and waits for Maggie to elaborate.
“You’re so gorgeous, Alex,” she whispers, and Alex’s entire being melts. “I…” She strokes Alex’s hair and she kisses her nose and she surprises herself to realize she’s almost crying. “You know, everyone thinks you’re tough because you scare the shit out of Winn and can defeat a team of hit men with a pool stick, and they think you’re strong because you single-handedly blew up an entire Cadmus facility and all that. And they’re right. But you… to me? Those aren’t the reasons you’re strong, Alex. Not the only ones, anyway.”
Alex nearly chokes on her own breath and her eyes widen and her pulse quickens.
“What are the reasons? To you?” she asks, and Maggie hasn’t heard her voice this small since Jeremiah, since ‘babe ride or die includes AA meetings, okay, it’s okay, I’m not going anywhere, you’re perfect, it’s okay.’
Maggie kisses her nose and she kisses her eyes and she stares at her like she’s never seen anything quite as beautiful, because she hasn’t.
“You didn’t have a drink today. And you didn’t have one yesterday, or the day before that, or the day before that. And you’re not going to have one tomorrow, or the day after that, or the day after that. But you know what, Alex? If you did? You’d just fight harder, because that’s how strong you are, and you’d get back here all over again. Because you’re that powerful. Because you let Kara take care of you. Because you let me take care of you, and J’onn and James and Winn. Those things are the strong ones, Alex. Not just you being what everyone else needs. You letting people be what you need. That’s… you’re amazing, Alex. You’re amazing, and I’m so proud of you, I… I’m so proud to be yours.”
Alex blinks out tears and quirks out a soft grin and kisses Maggie’s still slightly swollen lips gently.
“Mine, huh?”
“It’s called being cherished, get used to it, Danvers.”